What Would You Do?

[just1more]

Well, I may be different but I think I'm going to side with your daughter.

Regardless of his 'reasons', your son is a grown man. If he can't bring himself to be there for his sister, then he needs to except she is not going to be happy.

I doubt she is going to shun him for life, but having a child with CF is a life-changing event. If she chooses to surround herself with people who chose to be supportive, this is her call.

I agree it may cause some family conflict, but frankly, IMHO his behavior regarding graycie & his SISTER should be already.

At the end of the day, you may have to sit this one out and let things happen as there is no way you can be in the middle w/o it getting messy.

 

[just1more]

Well, I may be different but I think I'm going to side with your daughter.

Regardless of his 'reasons', your son is a grown man. If he can't bring himself to be there for his sister, then he needs to except she is not going to be happy.

I doubt she is going to shun him for life, but having a child with CF is a life-changing event. If she chooses to surround herself with people who chose to be supportive, this is her call.

I agree it may cause some family conflict, but frankly, IMHO his behavior regarding graycie & his SISTER should be already.

At the end of the day, you may have to sit this one out and let things happen as there is no way you can be in the middle w/o it getting messy.

 

[just1more]

Well, I may be different but I think I'm going to side with your daughter.

Regardless of his 'reasons', your son is a grown man. If he can't bring himself to be there for his sister, then he needs to except she is not going to be happy.

I doubt she is going to shun him for life, but having a child with CF is a life-changing event. If she chooses to surround herself with people who chose to be supportive, this is her call.

I agree it may cause some family conflict, but frankly, IMHO his behavior regarding graycie & his SISTER should be already.

At the end of the day, you may have to sit this one out and let things happen as there is no way you can be in the middle w/o it getting messy.

 

[just1more]

Well, I may be different but I think I'm going to side with your daughter.

Regardless of his 'reasons', your son is a grown man. If he can't bring himself to be there for his sister, then he needs to except she is not going to be happy.

I doubt she is going to shun him for life, but having a child with CF is a life-changing event. If she chooses to surround herself with people who chose to be supportive, this is her call.

I agree it may cause some family conflict, but frankly, IMHO his behavior regarding graycie & his SISTER should be already.

At the end of the day, you may have to sit this one out and let things happen as there is no way you can be in the middle w/o it getting messy.

 

[just1more]

Well, I may be different but I think I'm going to side with your daughter.
<br />
<br />Regardless of his 'reasons', your son is a grown man. If he can't bring himself to be there for his sister, then he needs to except she is not going to be happy.
<br />
<br />I doubt she is going to shun him for life, but having a child with CF is a life-changing event. If she chooses to surround herself with people who chose to be supportive, this is her call.
<br />
<br />I agree it may cause some family conflict, but frankly, IMHO his behavior regarding graycie & his SISTER should be already.
<br />
<br />At the end of the day, you may have to sit this one out and let things happen as there is no way you can be in the middle w/o it getting messy.

 

[Ratatosk]

We had this issue with a very close friend of DH, who was a little upset since other friends were supportive. I just assumed it was because he wasn't from a very close-knit family or that he didn't like hospitals. His wife visited frequently. And after DS came home, I witnessed him in DS's room, watching him sleep and crying. I slipped away quietly before I was seen. Not sure it's because for some reason they don't have kids (maybe they're not able to)... I haven't asked and nowdays they visit often, dote on DS.

Now my sister... I last saw her when I was 5 months pregnant. DS is 5. And she's never met DS. Granted she lives out of state, but I've offered to buy her a plane ticket numerous times. Plus, she's been in the area -- a couple hours away visiting friends and when her husband had some job interviews. She's also managed to take several vacations to visit her biological sister. There hasn't been a disagreement. She's just very self centered and spoiled.

The excuse my parents give is that she's a busy working mom, which REALLY annoyed me. My husband doesn't have the time of day for her and gets after me for sending her three kids birthday and xmas presents. Prior to their moving away we were all very close and we'd babysit frequently. She's just "too busy" to even call or read her emails. I really can't let it get to me, because if I dwell on it, it's heartbreaking. So, it is what it is...


IMO, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Could be he's afraid of hospitals or has some extra things going on in his life. Why cause extra stress by possibly causing a rift in the family.

 

[Ratatosk]

We had this issue with a very close friend of DH, who was a little upset since other friends were supportive. I just assumed it was because he wasn't from a very close-knit family or that he didn't like hospitals. His wife visited frequently. And after DS came home, I witnessed him in DS's room, watching him sleep and crying. I slipped away quietly before I was seen. Not sure it's because for some reason they don't have kids (maybe they're not able to)... I haven't asked and nowdays they visit often, dote on DS.

Now my sister... I last saw her when I was 5 months pregnant. DS is 5. And she's never met DS. Granted she lives out of state, but I've offered to buy her a plane ticket numerous times. Plus, she's been in the area -- a couple hours away visiting friends and when her husband had some job interviews. She's also managed to take several vacations to visit her biological sister. There hasn't been a disagreement. She's just very self centered and spoiled.

The excuse my parents give is that she's a busy working mom, which REALLY annoyed me. My husband doesn't have the time of day for her and gets after me for sending her three kids birthday and xmas presents. Prior to their moving away we were all very close and we'd babysit frequently. She's just "too busy" to even call or read her emails. I really can't let it get to me, because if I dwell on it, it's heartbreaking. So, it is what it is...


IMO, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Could be he's afraid of hospitals or has some extra things going on in his life. Why cause extra stress by possibly causing a rift in the family.

 

[Ratatosk]

We had this issue with a very close friend of DH, who was a little upset since other friends were supportive. I just assumed it was because he wasn't from a very close-knit family or that he didn't like hospitals. His wife visited frequently. And after DS came home, I witnessed him in DS's room, watching him sleep and crying. I slipped away quietly before I was seen. Not sure it's because for some reason they don't have kids (maybe they're not able to)... I haven't asked and nowdays they visit often, dote on DS.

Now my sister... I last saw her when I was 5 months pregnant. DS is 5. And she's never met DS. Granted she lives out of state, but I've offered to buy her a plane ticket numerous times. Plus, she's been in the area -- a couple hours away visiting friends and when her husband had some job interviews. She's also managed to take several vacations to visit her biological sister. There hasn't been a disagreement. She's just very self centered and spoiled.

The excuse my parents give is that she's a busy working mom, which REALLY annoyed me. My husband doesn't have the time of day for her and gets after me for sending her three kids birthday and xmas presents. Prior to their moving away we were all very close and we'd babysit frequently. She's just "too busy" to even call or read her emails. I really can't let it get to me, because if I dwell on it, it's heartbreaking. So, it is what it is...


IMO, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Could be he's afraid of hospitals or has some extra things going on in his life. Why cause extra stress by possibly causing a rift in the family.

 

[Ratatosk]

We had this issue with a very close friend of DH, who was a little upset since other friends were supportive. I just assumed it was because he wasn't from a very close-knit family or that he didn't like hospitals. His wife visited frequently. And after DS came home, I witnessed him in DS's room, watching him sleep and crying. I slipped away quietly before I was seen. Not sure it's because for some reason they don't have kids (maybe they're not able to)... I haven't asked and nowdays they visit often, dote on DS.

Now my sister... I last saw her when I was 5 months pregnant. DS is 5. And she's never met DS. Granted she lives out of state, but I've offered to buy her a plane ticket numerous times. Plus, she's been in the area -- a couple hours away visiting friends and when her husband had some job interviews. She's also managed to take several vacations to visit her biological sister. There hasn't been a disagreement. She's just very self centered and spoiled.

The excuse my parents give is that she's a busy working mom, which REALLY annoyed me. My husband doesn't have the time of day for her and gets after me for sending her three kids birthday and xmas presents. Prior to their moving away we were all very close and we'd babysit frequently. She's just "too busy" to even call or read her emails. I really can't let it get to me, because if I dwell on it, it's heartbreaking. So, it is what it is...


IMO, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Could be he's afraid of hospitals or has some extra things going on in his life. Why cause extra stress by possibly causing a rift in the family.

 

[Ratatosk]

We had this issue with a very close friend of DH, who was a little upset since other friends were supportive. I just assumed it was because he wasn't from a very close-knit family or that he didn't like hospitals. His wife visited frequently. And after DS came home, I witnessed him in DS's room, watching him sleep and crying. I slipped away quietly before I was seen. Not sure it's because for some reason they don't have kids (maybe they're not able to)... I haven't asked and nowdays they visit often, dote on DS.
<br />
<br />Now my sister... I last saw her when I was 5 months pregnant. DS is 5. And she's never met DS. Granted she lives out of state, but I've offered to buy her a plane ticket numerous times. Plus, she's been in the area -- a couple hours away visiting friends and when her husband had some job interviews. She's also managed to take several vacations to visit her biological sister. There hasn't been a disagreement. She's just very self centered and spoiled.
<br />
<br />The excuse my parents give is that she's a busy working mom, which REALLY annoyed me. My husband doesn't have the time of day for her and gets after me for sending her three kids birthday and xmas presents. Prior to their moving away we were all very close and we'd babysit frequently. She's just "too busy" to even call or read her emails. I really can't let it get to me, because if I dwell on it, it's heartbreaking. So, it is what it is...
<br />
<br />
<br />IMO, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Could be he's afraid of hospitals or has some extra things going on in his life. Why cause extra stress by possibly causing a rift in the family.

 

[NanaOf8Girls]

He is my oldest son and i think that he is in denial. Like if you don't talk about it then it really isn't happening. My husband is sick with Lou Gehrigs and he did the same thing. Not talking about it. I wonder if since both my son's and my daughter had daughters at practically the same time that he may just be scared. Like it could happen to his child. My youngest son totally got on the internet and investigated CF, he is getting a test to see if he is a carrier so that his children know. But my oldest is afraid????He has always had a soft heart.Is there a book or movie i can get for him. I don't want to scare him, but i want him to know what his sister is going thru and she needs him. We all are really close and love each other, this is just making me so sad.

 

[NanaOf8Girls]

He is my oldest son and i think that he is in denial. Like if you don't talk about it then it really isn't happening. My husband is sick with Lou Gehrigs and he did the same thing. Not talking about it. I wonder if since both my son's and my daughter had daughters at practically the same time that he may just be scared. Like it could happen to his child. My youngest son totally got on the internet and investigated CF, he is getting a test to see if he is a carrier so that his children know. But my oldest is afraid????He has always had a soft heart.Is there a book or movie i can get for him. I don't want to scare him, but i want him to know what his sister is going thru and she needs him. We all are really close and love each other, this is just making me so sad.

 

[NanaOf8Girls]

He is my oldest son and i think that he is in denial. Like if you don't talk about it then it really isn't happening. My husband is sick with Lou Gehrigs and he did the same thing. Not talking about it. I wonder if since both my son's and my daughter had daughters at practically the same time that he may just be scared. Like it could happen to his child. My youngest son totally got on the internet and investigated CF, he is getting a test to see if he is a carrier so that his children know. But my oldest is afraid????He has always had a soft heart.Is there a book or movie i can get for him. I don't want to scare him, but i want him to know what his sister is going thru and she needs him. We all are really close and love each other, this is just making me so sad.

 

[NanaOf8Girls]

He is my oldest son and i think that he is in denial. Like if you don't talk about it then it really isn't happening. My husband is sick with Lou Gehrigs and he did the same thing. Not talking about it. I wonder if since both my son's and my daughter had daughters at practically the same time that he may just be scared. Like it could happen to his child. My youngest son totally got on the internet and investigated CF, he is getting a test to see if he is a carrier so that his children know. But my oldest is afraid????He has always had a soft heart.Is there a book or movie i can get for him. I don't want to scare him, but i want him to know what his sister is going thru and she needs him. We all are really close and love each other, this is just making me so sad.

 

[NanaOf8Girls]

He is my oldest son and i think that he is in denial. Like if you don't talk about it then it really isn't happening. My husband is sick with Lou Gehrigs and he did the same thing. Not talking about it. I wonder if since both my son's and my daughter had daughters at practically the same time that he may just be scared. Like it could happen to his child. My youngest son totally got on the internet and investigated CF, he is getting a test to see if he is a carrier so that his children know. But my oldest is afraid????He has always had a soft heart.Is there a book or movie i can get for him. I don't want to scare him, but i want him to know what his sister is going thru and she needs him. We all are really close and love each other, this is just making me so sad.
<br />

 

[beccasmom]

My sister and I have chldren born 6 weeks apart. My sister's son is healthy and my daughter has CF. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital her whole life so fare (she is 2), she is on oxygen and has lots of other CF related issues. Our closest CF care center is 3 hours from our house but only 20 minutes form my sisters house. My daughter was hospitalized 16 tims her first 18 months and my sister never came to visit her, and never called. The first time she came to visit was when my daughter was 19 months and was in the ICU on a ventilator. The doctor was not sure she would survive. My sister came and visited for the first time. I asked her why she had never come before and she said it was because she felt guilty. I asked her what she felt guilty about and she said she felt guilty for feeling happy it was me with a sick child and not her. She said she could not even think about Becca's CF without being overwhelmed with guilt.

Interestingly, since that day she has been the most supportive of all my family. It took her awhile to realize why she was avoiding the situation, but when she was able to come to grips with it her own way it all worked out perfectly.

My dad can not deal with Becca's CF diagnosis at all. He has never come to visit even once when she is sick. He does not call ever when she is in the hospital. He is a great grandpa and loves her when she is well, but it hurts him to much when he is sick. He was exactly the same way when my mom had cancer. I have learned that he means well but just can not cope with the emotions. And I love him anyway.

 

[beccasmom]

My sister and I have chldren born 6 weeks apart. My sister's son is healthy and my daughter has CF. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital her whole life so fare (she is 2), she is on oxygen and has lots of other CF related issues. Our closest CF care center is 3 hours from our house but only 20 minutes form my sisters house. My daughter was hospitalized 16 tims her first 18 months and my sister never came to visit her, and never called. The first time she came to visit was when my daughter was 19 months and was in the ICU on a ventilator. The doctor was not sure she would survive. My sister came and visited for the first time. I asked her why she had never come before and she said it was because she felt guilty. I asked her what she felt guilty about and she said she felt guilty for feeling happy it was me with a sick child and not her. She said she could not even think about Becca's CF without being overwhelmed with guilt.

Interestingly, since that day she has been the most supportive of all my family. It took her awhile to realize why she was avoiding the situation, but when she was able to come to grips with it her own way it all worked out perfectly.

My dad can not deal with Becca's CF diagnosis at all. He has never come to visit even once when she is sick. He does not call ever when she is in the hospital. He is a great grandpa and loves her when she is well, but it hurts him to much when he is sick. He was exactly the same way when my mom had cancer. I have learned that he means well but just can not cope with the emotions. And I love him anyway.

 

[beccasmom]

My sister and I have chldren born 6 weeks apart. My sister's son is healthy and my daughter has CF. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital her whole life so fare (she is 2), she is on oxygen and has lots of other CF related issues. Our closest CF care center is 3 hours from our house but only 20 minutes form my sisters house. My daughter was hospitalized 16 tims her first 18 months and my sister never came to visit her, and never called. The first time she came to visit was when my daughter was 19 months and was in the ICU on a ventilator. The doctor was not sure she would survive. My sister came and visited for the first time. I asked her why she had never come before and she said it was because she felt guilty. I asked her what she felt guilty about and she said she felt guilty for feeling happy it was me with a sick child and not her. She said she could not even think about Becca's CF without being overwhelmed with guilt.

Interestingly, since that day she has been the most supportive of all my family. It took her awhile to realize why she was avoiding the situation, but when she was able to come to grips with it her own way it all worked out perfectly.

My dad can not deal with Becca's CF diagnosis at all. He has never come to visit even once when she is sick. He does not call ever when she is in the hospital. He is a great grandpa and loves her when she is well, but it hurts him to much when he is sick. He was exactly the same way when my mom had cancer. I have learned that he means well but just can not cope with the emotions. And I love him anyway.

 

[beccasmom]

My sister and I have chldren born 6 weeks apart. My sister's son is healthy and my daughter has CF. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital her whole life so fare (she is 2), she is on oxygen and has lots of other CF related issues. Our closest CF care center is 3 hours from our house but only 20 minutes form my sisters house. My daughter was hospitalized 16 tims her first 18 months and my sister never came to visit her, and never called. The first time she came to visit was when my daughter was 19 months and was in the ICU on a ventilator. The doctor was not sure she would survive. My sister came and visited for the first time. I asked her why she had never come before and she said it was because she felt guilty. I asked her what she felt guilty about and she said she felt guilty for feeling happy it was me with a sick child and not her. She said she could not even think about Becca's CF without being overwhelmed with guilt.

Interestingly, since that day she has been the most supportive of all my family. It took her awhile to realize why she was avoiding the situation, but when she was able to come to grips with it her own way it all worked out perfectly.

My dad can not deal with Becca's CF diagnosis at all. He has never come to visit even once when she is sick. He does not call ever when she is in the hospital. He is a great grandpa and loves her when she is well, but it hurts him to much when he is sick. He was exactly the same way when my mom had cancer. I have learned that he means well but just can not cope with the emotions. And I love him anyway.

 

[beccasmom]

My sister and I have chldren born 6 weeks apart. My sister's son is healthy and my daughter has CF. My daughter has been in and out of the hospital her whole life so fare (she is 2), she is on oxygen and has lots of other CF related issues. Our closest CF care center is 3 hours from our house but only 20 minutes form my sisters house. My daughter was hospitalized 16 tims her first 18 months and my sister never came to visit her, and never called. The first time she came to visit was when my daughter was 19 months and was in the ICU on a ventilator. The doctor was not sure she would survive. My sister came and visited for the first time. I asked her why she had never come before and she said it was because she felt guilty. I asked her what she felt guilty about and she said she felt guilty for feeling happy it was me with a sick child and not her. She said she could not even think about Becca's CF without being overwhelmed with guilt.
<br />
<br />Interestingly, since that day she has been the most supportive of all my family. It took her awhile to realize why she was avoiding the situation, but when she was able to come to grips with it her own way it all worked out perfectly.
<br />
<br />My dad can not deal with Becca's CF diagnosis at all. He has never come to visit even once when she is sick. He does not call ever when she is in the hospital. He is a great grandpa and loves her when she is well, but it hurts him to much when he is sick. He was exactly the same way when my mom had cancer. I have learned that he means well but just can not cope with the emotions. And I love him anyway.