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The Russian Wrestler A Russian and a redneck wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the redneck's trainer came to him and said "don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this pretzel hold he has...

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How do these people survive? Survival of the fittest is apparently no longer applicable. How do these people survive? ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half...

ONLY IN AMERICA... --Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. --Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

A man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spirituality...

My Brother turned 59 today 8/27 He dosen't come on here , but I thought I would just post it he says he feels like an old man. lol.....better than not feeling at all. We still call him Mikey : ) ofcourse every one outside of the Family calls him Mike, he is a big fellow. He does okay...

Zen Sarcasm ¬ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. ¬ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. ¬ It's always...

This Should Make You Feel Smarter! (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) >Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? > >Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not >live forever, because if we were supposed to live...

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so...

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat." "Is the man of the house home?", they asked. "No", she...

Shoes I showered and shaved............... I adjusted my tie. I got there and sat.......... In a pew just in time. Bowing my head in prayer......... As I closed my eyes. I saw the shoe of the man next to me..... Touching my own. I sighed. With plenty of room on either side...... I thought, "Why...

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The...

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - pay me a compliment". The husband replies, "your eyesight's perfect".

Happy Thursday all... A group of retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. But no one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so...

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a...

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says...

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence..Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings," The proctologist called ...they found your head.. Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date...

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half, but accidentally sends her the bottom half of the...

When My Son started preschool and could already read the school wanted to test him. He was reading a 6th grade level at that time, Two of the questions will follow..... I will come back later with the anwsers, Remember this was a 8 year old taking this test... 1. How Long is a piece...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * * * Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has...