Search results

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________." Bubba was stumped. He had...

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood... 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique up on it. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They take the psycho path. 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You boil the hell out...

The man whispered, "God, speak to me" and a meadowlark sang. But, the man did not hear. So the man yelled, "God, speak to me" and the thunder rolled across the sky. But, the man did not listen. The man looked around and said, "God let me see you." And a star shined brightly...

I thought it was only fair after all my blonde jokes : ) One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on...

Wal-Mart Greeter A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. She's dressed in dirty jeans, a greasy t-shirt with holes in it and wearing flip-flops exposing her cracked and filthy...

Value To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple. To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate. To realize The value of one year...

A man's wife, who was blonde, came running up to him in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but he thought, what the heck -- and he started jumping up and down along with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for...

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED * 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? * 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are * 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas * 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me * 5. Manic - Deck the...

For 2007.... If you have any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2007. THE LIST!!! 1) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W...

Christmas Fireman In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick...

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu." Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita. Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love...

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her > eighties and had never been married. She was admired > for her sweetness and kindness to all. > > One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she > showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited > him to have a seat while she prepared...

******* = a s s h*le When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and...

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on...

The Pink Dress There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said...

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first >day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she >looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, >that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, >was a...

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't...

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the...

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she...

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary. Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my...