A CF comment towards me....

[2perfectboys]

I was thinking the same way as Nicole, maybe she is just repeating what her mom has been telling her when they are not around u. 8 years old is way too young to be acting and talking this way. This needs to be stopped or if not avoid them for your own sanity.

Lori

 

[Kelli]

Thank you ALL for your comments. I'm sitting here agreeing with all of you. I do think she needs to know that it is NOT ok to talk to others this way (as none of us would <b>ever</b> talk like that to her).

I just don't know what is going on in her little mind. Like Pat said, is it that she is trying to figure things out on her own and that is the conclusion she comes up with. Yes, I will die. I might die of CF. I might die tomorrow, I KNOW I will die when God wants me to & I'm perfectly ok with that.

So I really feel like choking her when she talks like this.

She typically says really hurtful things to me. Petty little things but rude non the less. I just can't stand her when she acts like a brat.

When we found out that she also had CF I thought I'd be great to be a mentor for her since I have been thru the things that she will probably face. But she has this way of turning herself away from me. And there I am always doing stuff to get on her good side (yes, an 8 year old!).

I am constantly doing nice things for her and her family. They have a lot of kids and I babysit and help out in other ways on a weekly basis, I cook for them, I run errands for them, I do basically anything they need. Yet she cannot see the good in people, she just is jealous (of I don't know what) and has to be a brat. I REALLY can't stand to be around her when she acts this way.

I know I can keep my distance and just visit with my sister when my niece is in school, that would help things I'm sure. I hate to turn my back on her but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not exactly sure how my sister would feel about 'addressing' this situation. I know she is protective of her daughters feelings but at the same time, it is common sense to be nice to others. If she has questions about death (her parents used to be morticians and funeral directors...so she has a pretty good idea about things) my sister can address those in kid friendly terms. I just don't really know how to bring this up without causing a rift between the 2 of us.

Well thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate it and it does help me to realize what I need to do.

Thanks a million!
~Kelli

ps. when I said there is competition between us...it's how she acts, I'm am in no competition with an 8 year old, that was the only comparison I could come up with when I was typing. Didn't make the best sense when I looked back over it. I'm sure you catch my drift though. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Kelli]

Thank you ALL for your comments. I'm sitting here agreeing with all of you. I do think she needs to know that it is NOT ok to talk to others this way (as none of us would <b>ever</b> talk like that to her).

I just don't know what is going on in her little mind. Like Pat said, is it that she is trying to figure things out on her own and that is the conclusion she comes up with. Yes, I will die. I might die of CF. I might die tomorrow, I KNOW I will die when God wants me to & I'm perfectly ok with that.

So I really feel like choking her when she talks like this.

She typically says really hurtful things to me. Petty little things but rude non the less. I just can't stand her when she acts like a brat.

When we found out that she also had CF I thought I'd be great to be a mentor for her since I have been thru the things that she will probably face. But she has this way of turning herself away from me. And there I am always doing stuff to get on her good side (yes, an 8 year old!).

I am constantly doing nice things for her and her family. They have a lot of kids and I babysit and help out in other ways on a weekly basis, I cook for them, I run errands for them, I do basically anything they need. Yet she cannot see the good in people, she just is jealous (of I don't know what) and has to be a brat. I REALLY can't stand to be around her when she acts this way.

I know I can keep my distance and just visit with my sister when my niece is in school, that would help things I'm sure. I hate to turn my back on her but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not exactly sure how my sister would feel about 'addressing' this situation. I know she is protective of her daughters feelings but at the same time, it is common sense to be nice to others. If she has questions about death (her parents used to be morticians and funeral directors...so she has a pretty good idea about things) my sister can address those in kid friendly terms. I just don't really know how to bring this up without causing a rift between the 2 of us.

Well thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate it and it does help me to realize what I need to do.

Thanks a million!
~Kelli

ps. when I said there is competition between us...it's how she acts, I'm am in no competition with an 8 year old, that was the only comparison I could come up with when I was typing. Didn't make the best sense when I looked back over it. I'm sure you catch my drift though. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Kelli]

Thank you ALL for your comments. I'm sitting here agreeing with all of you. I do think she needs to know that it is NOT ok to talk to others this way (as none of us would <b>ever</b> talk like that to her).

I just don't know what is going on in her little mind. Like Pat said, is it that she is trying to figure things out on her own and that is the conclusion she comes up with. Yes, I will die. I might die of CF. I might die tomorrow, I KNOW I will die when God wants me to & I'm perfectly ok with that.

So I really feel like choking her when she talks like this.

She typically says really hurtful things to me. Petty little things but rude non the less. I just can't stand her when she acts like a brat.

When we found out that she also had CF I thought I'd be great to be a mentor for her since I have been thru the things that she will probably face. But she has this way of turning herself away from me. And there I am always doing stuff to get on her good side (yes, an 8 year old!).

I am constantly doing nice things for her and her family. They have a lot of kids and I babysit and help out in other ways on a weekly basis, I cook for them, I run errands for them, I do basically anything they need. Yet she cannot see the good in people, she just is jealous (of I don't know what) and has to be a brat. I REALLY can't stand to be around her when she acts this way.

I know I can keep my distance and just visit with my sister when my niece is in school, that would help things I'm sure. I hate to turn my back on her but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not exactly sure how my sister would feel about 'addressing' this situation. I know she is protective of her daughters feelings but at the same time, it is common sense to be nice to others. If she has questions about death (her parents used to be morticians and funeral directors...so she has a pretty good idea about things) my sister can address those in kid friendly terms. I just don't really know how to bring this up without causing a rift between the 2 of us.

Well thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate it and it does help me to realize what I need to do.

Thanks a million!
~Kelli

ps. when I said there is competition between us...it's how she acts, I'm am in no competition with an 8 year old, that was the only comparison I could come up with when I was typing. Didn't make the best sense when I looked back over it. I'm sure you catch my drift though. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[nicolaj]

lets us no how you get on Kelli, good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[nicolaj]

lets us no how you get on Kelli, good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[nicolaj]

lets us no how you get on Kelli, good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[sue35]

This is a hard one because the fact is, an eight year old isn't going to see the good in people. She isn't going to see everything you do for the family and appreciate it because she is too young. Also, I don't think an 8 year old really grasps what death is. When I was that age I always talked to my aunt telling her that when she dies I get all her stuff (we have the same name) not very nice!

I agree with Pat that she probably says it to make herself feel better. She wants more attention because she is 8 and every 8 year old wants attention. Also, it might make her feel better to say that you are going to die first.

I would talk to the mom first before the daughter and see if you can find the root of why she is being mean. Is she naturally mean or is it just with CF?

Good luck!

 

[sue35]

This is a hard one because the fact is, an eight year old isn't going to see the good in people. She isn't going to see everything you do for the family and appreciate it because she is too young. Also, I don't think an 8 year old really grasps what death is. When I was that age I always talked to my aunt telling her that when she dies I get all her stuff (we have the same name) not very nice!

I agree with Pat that she probably says it to make herself feel better. She wants more attention because she is 8 and every 8 year old wants attention. Also, it might make her feel better to say that you are going to die first.

I would talk to the mom first before the daughter and see if you can find the root of why she is being mean. Is she naturally mean or is it just with CF?

Good luck!

 

[sue35]

This is a hard one because the fact is, an eight year old isn't going to see the good in people. She isn't going to see everything you do for the family and appreciate it because she is too young. Also, I don't think an 8 year old really grasps what death is. When I was that age I always talked to my aunt telling her that when she dies I get all her stuff (we have the same name) not very nice!

I agree with Pat that she probably says it to make herself feel better. She wants more attention because she is 8 and every 8 year old wants attention. Also, it might make her feel better to say that you are going to die first.

I would talk to the mom first before the daughter and see if you can find the root of why she is being mean. Is she naturally mean or is it just with CF?

Good luck!

 

[blindhearted]

I have not dealt with a younger CFer in my family. I am the only one w/ CF right now. However, your niece is being very rude. She might not grasp the total concept but at 8, IMHO, she knows something like that would hurt someone. I do believe she needs talking to. You and your sister/her mom should talk first then sit down and talk to her together...that way, she doesnt think it is just you who see's her behavior as rude. If she gets away with talking to you like this, then she will continue to disrespect, not only you, but other ppl as well. "Give someone and inch, they'll take a mile". As far as a rift between you and your sister, it's a chance you have to take, she should understand that these comments hurt you, reguardless if a 8 yr old says them.

Good luck in getting this matter resolved.

 

[blindhearted]

I have not dealt with a younger CFer in my family. I am the only one w/ CF right now. However, your niece is being very rude. She might not grasp the total concept but at 8, IMHO, she knows something like that would hurt someone. I do believe she needs talking to. You and your sister/her mom should talk first then sit down and talk to her together...that way, she doesnt think it is just you who see's her behavior as rude. If she gets away with talking to you like this, then she will continue to disrespect, not only you, but other ppl as well. "Give someone and inch, they'll take a mile". As far as a rift between you and your sister, it's a chance you have to take, she should understand that these comments hurt you, reguardless if a 8 yr old says them.

Good luck in getting this matter resolved.

 

[blindhearted]

I have not dealt with a younger CFer in my family. I am the only one w/ CF right now. However, your niece is being very rude. She might not grasp the total concept but at 8, IMHO, she knows something like that would hurt someone. I do believe she needs talking to. You and your sister/her mom should talk first then sit down and talk to her together...that way, she doesnt think it is just you who see's her behavior as rude. If she gets away with talking to you like this, then she will continue to disrespect, not only you, but other ppl as well. "Give someone and inch, they'll take a mile". As far as a rift between you and your sister, it's a chance you have to take, she should understand that these comments hurt you, reguardless if a 8 yr old says them.

Good luck in getting this matter resolved.

 

[LouLou]

I would say something to her in front of her mother. Saying it sooner than later so it's not a bigger deal than what it is. We all need to help bring up the children of today and I think this whole issue of being worried of 'stepping on someones toes' has totally gotten out of control in our society. It will take some balls to say it but you should. Something like, "Sally, that's no way to talk to someone especially someone you love. Do you realize you hurt my feelings when you say something like _________. This isn't the first time you've said something like this. Remember you said ___________. That hurt my feelings too. Why are you saying things like this?" Then let her her talk. If she gets silent. Persist until she speaks her mind. You could ask her if she would ever say something like that to her granddad/mom since it really is the same. Then give her a hug (or however you give her affection since you probably shouldn'/t be hugging eachother) and carry on like nothing ever happened. Forgive and forget. If your sis gives you a hard time remind her that things aren't always going to be easy. She's made a big decision to bring a child into this world with cf when she knew it ran in the family. I'm assuming you were genotyped when I say this.

 

[LouLou]

I would say something to her in front of her mother. Saying it sooner than later so it's not a bigger deal than what it is. We all need to help bring up the children of today and I think this whole issue of being worried of 'stepping on someones toes' has totally gotten out of control in our society. It will take some balls to say it but you should. Something like, "Sally, that's no way to talk to someone especially someone you love. Do you realize you hurt my feelings when you say something like _________. This isn't the first time you've said something like this. Remember you said ___________. That hurt my feelings too. Why are you saying things like this?" Then let her her talk. If she gets silent. Persist until she speaks her mind. You could ask her if she would ever say something like that to her granddad/mom since it really is the same. Then give her a hug (or however you give her affection since you probably shouldn'/t be hugging eachother) and carry on like nothing ever happened. Forgive and forget. If your sis gives you a hard time remind her that things aren't always going to be easy. She's made a big decision to bring a child into this world with cf when she knew it ran in the family. I'm assuming you were genotyped when I say this.

 

[LouLou]

I would say something to her in front of her mother. Saying it sooner than later so it's not a bigger deal than what it is. We all need to help bring up the children of today and I think this whole issue of being worried of 'stepping on someones toes' has totally gotten out of control in our society. It will take some balls to say it but you should. Something like, "Sally, that's no way to talk to someone especially someone you love. Do you realize you hurt my feelings when you say something like _________. This isn't the first time you've said something like this. Remember you said ___________. That hurt my feelings too. Why are you saying things like this?" Then let her her talk. If she gets silent. Persist until she speaks her mind. You could ask her if she would ever say something like that to her granddad/mom since it really is the same. Then give her a hug (or however you give her affection since you probably shouldn'/t be hugging eachother) and carry on like nothing ever happened. Forgive and forget. If your sis gives you a hard time remind her that things aren't always going to be easy. She's made a big decision to bring a child into this world with cf when she knew it ran in the family. I'm assuming you were genotyped when I say this.

 

[ladybug]

This is really a bummer thing to say to someone! I was immediately reminded of a time in high school when I was in sewing class and a classmate (guy) who had always been pretty nice to me said something (very snidely ... kinda like it sounds like your niece did) about "Well, you're lucky you're still alive right? I mean you only really have a few years to live anyway..."..... I can't remember the exact words he used, but I was stunned as no one had EVER said anything like this to me... ever... Nor have they ever made such comments again. I remember this event and the sadness I felt the instant he said it. It is something that will always stay with me, cause I wonder if that is how many others see me, but just don't say it. I also remember the fact that while I'm going on with my life and living to the fullest, someone has to come along and remind me of the demon I am carrying around. It was all I could do to not cry.

I also find myself wondering why he'd say something so rude. I immediately thought of your niece turning to someone and saying something snotty like this in the future and how absolutely disrespectful it sounds (no matter WHAT it is stemming from)... I have no idea why this boy would say it to me.... He didn't appear jealous or anything and I rarely even brought up my CF in high school, so what gives?! I wonder why certain people make remarks and whether they have any idea that it really hurts those they spew them at.

Regarding an 8 year old.... I would deffinitely think she knows NOT to say such things I agree with many on here that it may be a way of hiding her own fears, but still she knows NOT to say such a thing. The fact that she is saying it the way she is and using it as a sort of "leverage" should be good indication that she knows EXACTLY what she is saying and how she intends to use it to her advantage. Yes, many children do not grasp the seriousness of things they say, but children as young as toddler age are instructed "not to stare" at people, and many of them grow up with this ethic, so obviously "not to say unkind, hurtful things" could also be learned before one is 8. Yikes.

Please do keep us posted. I'm sure you're very hurt by such comments as I was hurt 11 years ago when someone said something similar to me...

 

[ladybug]

This is really a bummer thing to say to someone! I was immediately reminded of a time in high school when I was in sewing class and a classmate (guy) who had always been pretty nice to me said something (very snidely ... kinda like it sounds like your niece did) about "Well, you're lucky you're still alive right? I mean you only really have a few years to live anyway..."..... I can't remember the exact words he used, but I was stunned as no one had EVER said anything like this to me... ever... Nor have they ever made such comments again. I remember this event and the sadness I felt the instant he said it. It is something that will always stay with me, cause I wonder if that is how many others see me, but just don't say it. I also remember the fact that while I'm going on with my life and living to the fullest, someone has to come along and remind me of the demon I am carrying around. It was all I could do to not cry.

I also find myself wondering why he'd say something so rude. I immediately thought of your niece turning to someone and saying something snotty like this in the future and how absolutely disrespectful it sounds (no matter WHAT it is stemming from)... I have no idea why this boy would say it to me.... He didn't appear jealous or anything and I rarely even brought up my CF in high school, so what gives?! I wonder why certain people make remarks and whether they have any idea that it really hurts those they spew them at.

Regarding an 8 year old.... I would deffinitely think she knows NOT to say such things I agree with many on here that it may be a way of hiding her own fears, but still she knows NOT to say such a thing. The fact that she is saying it the way she is and using it as a sort of "leverage" should be good indication that she knows EXACTLY what she is saying and how she intends to use it to her advantage. Yes, many children do not grasp the seriousness of things they say, but children as young as toddler age are instructed "not to stare" at people, and many of them grow up with this ethic, so obviously "not to say unkind, hurtful things" could also be learned before one is 8. Yikes.

Please do keep us posted. I'm sure you're very hurt by such comments as I was hurt 11 years ago when someone said something similar to me...

 

[ladybug]

This is really a bummer thing to say to someone! I was immediately reminded of a time in high school when I was in sewing class and a classmate (guy) who had always been pretty nice to me said something (very snidely ... kinda like it sounds like your niece did) about "Well, you're lucky you're still alive right? I mean you only really have a few years to live anyway..."..... I can't remember the exact words he used, but I was stunned as no one had EVER said anything like this to me... ever... Nor have they ever made such comments again. I remember this event and the sadness I felt the instant he said it. It is something that will always stay with me, cause I wonder if that is how many others see me, but just don't say it. I also remember the fact that while I'm going on with my life and living to the fullest, someone has to come along and remind me of the demon I am carrying around. It was all I could do to not cry.

I also find myself wondering why he'd say something so rude. I immediately thought of your niece turning to someone and saying something snotty like this in the future and how absolutely disrespectful it sounds (no matter WHAT it is stemming from)... I have no idea why this boy would say it to me.... He didn't appear jealous or anything and I rarely even brought up my CF in high school, so what gives?! I wonder why certain people make remarks and whether they have any idea that it really hurts those they spew them at.

Regarding an 8 year old.... I would deffinitely think she knows NOT to say such things I agree with many on here that it may be a way of hiding her own fears, but still she knows NOT to say such a thing. The fact that she is saying it the way she is and using it as a sort of "leverage" should be good indication that she knows EXACTLY what she is saying and how she intends to use it to her advantage. Yes, many children do not grasp the seriousness of things they say, but children as young as toddler age are instructed "not to stare" at people, and many of them grow up with this ethic, so obviously "not to say unkind, hurtful things" could also be learned before one is 8. Yikes.

Please do keep us posted. I'm sure you're very hurt by such comments as I was hurt 11 years ago when someone said something similar to me...

 

[AnD]

She may be doing this for attention- she may be scared that you are going to die soon, and therefore, so will she, and is looking for reassurance that this is not going to happen really soon, but in a very childish way. She probably knows that it gets your attention just by the look on your face or your body language, whatever the reason she has for doing it. Perhaps she has expressed fear to her mother (perhaps about when you are sick) and she has reassured her that she isn't as "sick" as you (because her lungs are fine), and this has been embarrassingly translated into these outbursts, and her mother is too stunned/embarrassed to know what to do. Just my thoughts, of course <img src=""> .

She should know better, and probably does; I am presently going through the stage with my 3 year old that "we don't point out (in a loud voice) that that man (who works at Walmart) only has hair on the sides of his head, you can tell mommy about it, but very quietly- it hurts some people's feelings", and once I point that out, she is sheepish and embarrassed, no matter how sweetly I tell her.

Perhaps if you sit down right after one of these outbursts and talk to her about it, they will cease. Tell her that it hurts your feelings, that she isn't "as sick" as you, and that since she is younger, she will probably have better medicines than you did anyways, just to do everything her mom and doctor tell her, if that is her fear <img src=""> . And it might not hurt for her mom to hear you say this, so she has an opening to step in and talk to her if she gets rude about it again. She may be waiting for you to say something, and take the lead, if you haven't talked about it . <img src="">

On the other hand, if she is just doing this for attention, she may need a stern talking to, and I would talk to her mother about this if it continues. It would then almost be like a toddler yelling a cuss word in the middle of a crowded resturant- it gets everybody's attention focused on her immediately, and if she did learn that info from her mother, she also has embarrassed her parent, who in turn does nothing. That is also a power trip. That may require disipline from her parents, not just an explanation and heart to heart from you. If she continues to be this way, you may just have to tell her that you won't be coming around if she is going to treat you that way, and when she is ready to apologize and treat you the way you treat her, to give you a call. Even my 3 year old understands that I am not going to play with her if she is going to be ugly. Good luck.