Addressing the Family......(VENT ALERT)

Z

zoe4life

New member
Jenn-

Feels good to vent sometimes doesn't it?

There are a multitude of reasons that people won't give. As you have noticed, society as a whole today, simply looks out for number one...... period. The ugly part of this is that sometimes relatives and friends will distance themselves from you and your family. We have personally experienced this many times. Don't let it get to you. Unfortunately, for the last 30 years or so, people have been programmed this way via various mediums and influences. We have become a society lacking morals, values, selflessness, and genuine love and concern for people. Most people today want, want, want, but are never willing to give. Look at your great uncle who contributed the $ 100.00.... I would bet that that he grew up with a different mindset and an entirely different set of moral values. There is no doubt that he values how special a "family" is, has a lot of love in his heart, and is willing to make the sacrafice.... no matter what. Don't get me wrong.... all of this does NOT apply to everyone. There are so many variables involved and they are constantly changing.

I am sorry for what you have experienced. It is hard. What Jada and I do is become even more committed. More committed to the fight .... more committed and resolved to doing whatever it takes.... no matter what, to promote awareness and find different ways to fund-raise for our daughter's life..... to include Great Strides. A lot of letter writing is trial and error. You'll have to see what works best for you. We certainly are not the best letter writers, but when you examine the ideas contained within other people's letters, you can generally get some pretty good ideas and then eventually fine tune it to your situation. It takes work. Hang in there!

I feel I speak for a lot of people here when I say that we all take a lot of no's for every yes we get. Jada and I love this site, are very grateful for it, and get a lot of really great ideas here.

Don't let others get you down! Jada and I feel that we must always center our goals around (1) staying focused on Zoe's present condition and sticking to the routine.... stay with the meds, the breathing treatments, the cpt etc. and be vigilant about it, maintaining her health is paramount, and (2) then we concentrate on the awareness and fund-raising. As far as number (2) goes .... this comes with time. Sometimes it takes awhile to find out what is effective for you. Often times people are extremely afraid to step outside their comfort zones when fund-raising... I know that I am. But sometimes we have to do this.

It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and mom. Look to them for support, lean on each other, and continue to visit here.....there is a lot of love and a lot of understanding here.

Keep your head up and fight on! You're doing a great job!!
 
Z

zoe4life

New member
Jenn-

Feels good to vent sometimes doesn't it?

There are a multitude of reasons that people won't give. As you have noticed, society as a whole today, simply looks out for number one...... period. The ugly part of this is that sometimes relatives and friends will distance themselves from you and your family. We have personally experienced this many times. Don't let it get to you. Unfortunately, for the last 30 years or so, people have been programmed this way via various mediums and influences. We have become a society lacking morals, values, selflessness, and genuine love and concern for people. Most people today want, want, want, but are never willing to give. Look at your great uncle who contributed the $ 100.00.... I would bet that that he grew up with a different mindset and an entirely different set of moral values. There is no doubt that he values how special a "family" is, has a lot of love in his heart, and is willing to make the sacrafice.... no matter what. Don't get me wrong.... all of this does NOT apply to everyone. There are so many variables involved and they are constantly changing.

I am sorry for what you have experienced. It is hard. What Jada and I do is become even more committed. More committed to the fight .... more committed and resolved to doing whatever it takes.... no matter what, to promote awareness and find different ways to fund-raise for our daughter's life..... to include Great Strides. A lot of letter writing is trial and error. You'll have to see what works best for you. We certainly are not the best letter writers, but when you examine the ideas contained within other people's letters, you can generally get some pretty good ideas and then eventually fine tune it to your situation. It takes work. Hang in there!

I feel I speak for a lot of people here when I say that we all take a lot of no's for every yes we get. Jada and I love this site, are very grateful for it, and get a lot of really great ideas here.

Don't let others get you down! Jada and I feel that we must always center our goals around (1) staying focused on Zoe's present condition and sticking to the routine.... stay with the meds, the breathing treatments, the cpt etc. and be vigilant about it, maintaining her health is paramount, and (2) then we concentrate on the awareness and fund-raising. As far as number (2) goes .... this comes with time. Sometimes it takes awhile to find out what is effective for you. Often times people are extremely afraid to step outside their comfort zones when fund-raising... I know that I am. But sometimes we have to do this.

It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and mom. Look to them for support, lean on each other, and continue to visit here.....there is a lot of love and a lot of understanding here.

Keep your head up and fight on! You're doing a great job!!
 
Z

zoe4life

New member
Jenn-

Feels good to vent sometimes doesn't it?

There are a multitude of reasons that people won't give. As you have noticed, society as a whole today, simply looks out for number one...... period. The ugly part of this is that sometimes relatives and friends will distance themselves from you and your family. We have personally experienced this many times. Don't let it get to you. Unfortunately, for the last 30 years or so, people have been programmed this way via various mediums and influences. We have become a society lacking morals, values, selflessness, and genuine love and concern for people. Most people today want, want, want, but are never willing to give. Look at your great uncle who contributed the $ 100.00.... I would bet that that he grew up with a different mindset and an entirely different set of moral values. There is no doubt that he values how special a "family" is, has a lot of love in his heart, and is willing to make the sacrafice.... no matter what. Don't get me wrong.... all of this does NOT apply to everyone. There are so many variables involved and they are constantly changing.

I am sorry for what you have experienced. It is hard. What Jada and I do is become even more committed. More committed to the fight .... more committed and resolved to doing whatever it takes.... no matter what, to promote awareness and find different ways to fund-raise for our daughter's life..... to include Great Strides. A lot of letter writing is trial and error. You'll have to see what works best for you. We certainly are not the best letter writers, but when you examine the ideas contained within other people's letters, you can generally get some pretty good ideas and then eventually fine tune it to your situation. It takes work. Hang in there!

I feel I speak for a lot of people here when I say that we all take a lot of no's for every yes we get. Jada and I love this site, are very grateful for it, and get a lot of really great ideas here.

Don't let others get you down! Jada and I feel that we must always center our goals around (1) staying focused on Zoe's present condition and sticking to the routine.... stay with the meds, the breathing treatments, the cpt etc. and be vigilant about it, maintaining her health is paramount, and (2) then we concentrate on the awareness and fund-raising. As far as number (2) goes .... this comes with time. Sometimes it takes awhile to find out what is effective for you. Often times people are extremely afraid to step outside their comfort zones when fund-raising... I know that I am. But sometimes we have to do this.

It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and mom. Look to them for support, lean on each other, and continue to visit here.....there is a lot of love and a lot of understanding here.

Keep your head up and fight on! You're doing a great job!!
 
L

LisaV

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
Personally I'd rather have someone I'm an aquaintance of or loosely related to asking for money than a complete stranger on the street, by phone, or by mail ask me for money. I would much rather support a cause for someone I know even if it's not that well.</end quote></div>

You misunderstood my reply. I was saying that if I understood the original post correctly, she had asked 100 relatives (including distant relatives whom she had never met or whom she hardly knew) for monies. I was saying that I would find it offputting to have a distant relative connect/reconnect with me by starting with a request for money.

I too would rather support causes that impact people I know.... and do.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
I don't want my $$$ used for overhead either but not all charities are run that way and I make it a point to find out which ones don't. If you don't do the research and assume that too much of your money is being used on overhead then what charities do you support? Educational events? Certainly an event like Great Strides and others are an opportunity to educate as well as raise money.</end quote></div>

I do my homework. That is my point. I do it at tax time (yet once again). Great Strides actually has more overhead than a direct contribution to CFF.
You say it is educational. Yes, to some extent because it might get a small newspaper piece. But so does every other walk for every other cause (again they are once a week in Boston.) There are many more effective ways of educating the public.

FYI 93.7% of the monies colleected by the Boomer Esiason charity go to program expenses. Only 85.2% of the monies CFF raises go to program expenses.
 
L

LisaV

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
Personally I'd rather have someone I'm an aquaintance of or loosely related to asking for money than a complete stranger on the street, by phone, or by mail ask me for money. I would much rather support a cause for someone I know even if it's not that well.</end quote></div>

You misunderstood my reply. I was saying that if I understood the original post correctly, she had asked 100 relatives (including distant relatives whom she had never met or whom she hardly knew) for monies. I was saying that I would find it offputting to have a distant relative connect/reconnect with me by starting with a request for money.

I too would rather support causes that impact people I know.... and do.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
I don't want my $$$ used for overhead either but not all charities are run that way and I make it a point to find out which ones don't. If you don't do the research and assume that too much of your money is being used on overhead then what charities do you support? Educational events? Certainly an event like Great Strides and others are an opportunity to educate as well as raise money.</end quote></div>

I do my homework. That is my point. I do it at tax time (yet once again). Great Strides actually has more overhead than a direct contribution to CFF.
You say it is educational. Yes, to some extent because it might get a small newspaper piece. But so does every other walk for every other cause (again they are once a week in Boston.) There are many more effective ways of educating the public.

FYI 93.7% of the monies colleected by the Boomer Esiason charity go to program expenses. Only 85.2% of the monies CFF raises go to program expenses.
 
L

LisaV

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
Personally I'd rather have someone I'm an aquaintance of or loosely related to asking for money than a complete stranger on the street, by phone, or by mail ask me for money. I would much rather support a cause for someone I know even if it's not that well.</end quote></div>

You misunderstood my reply. I was saying that if I understood the original post correctly, she had asked 100 relatives (including distant relatives whom she had never met or whom she hardly knew) for monies. I was saying that I would find it offputting to have a distant relative connect/reconnect with me by starting with a request for money.

I too would rather support causes that impact people I know.... and do.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>CFHockeyMom</b></i>
I don't want my $$$ used for overhead either but not all charities are run that way and I make it a point to find out which ones don't. If you don't do the research and assume that too much of your money is being used on overhead then what charities do you support? Educational events? Certainly an event like Great Strides and others are an opportunity to educate as well as raise money.</end quote></div>

I do my homework. That is my point. I do it at tax time (yet once again). Great Strides actually has more overhead than a direct contribution to CFF.
You say it is educational. Yes, to some extent because it might get a small newspaper piece. But so does every other walk for every other cause (again they are once a week in Boston.) There are many more effective ways of educating the public.

FYI 93.7% of the monies colleected by the Boomer Esiason charity go to program expenses. Only 85.2% of the monies CFF raises go to program expenses.
 
G

GriffinsMama

New member
Hi Scott, Jada, and Zoe. My name is Dee Dee. I was surprised to see that my 20 mo. old son Griffin has the same mutations as Zoe. DF508 and 1717 1G~A.

Nice to meet you,

Dee Dee
GriffinsMama, 20 mos wcf:

sun;
 
G

GriffinsMama

New member
Hi Scott, Jada, and Zoe. My name is Dee Dee. I was surprised to see that my 20 mo. old son Griffin has the same mutations as Zoe. DF508 and 1717 1G~A.

Nice to meet you,

Dee Dee
GriffinsMama, 20 mos wcf:

sun;
 
G

GriffinsMama

New member
Hi Scott, Jada, and Zoe. My name is Dee Dee. I was surprised to see that my 20 mo. old son Griffin has the same mutations as Zoe. DF508 and 1717 1G~A.

Nice to meet you,

Dee Dee
GriffinsMama, 20 mos wcf:

sun;
 
K

kybert

New member
bye jennifer. the only person who has ruined things for you is yourself. if you act this way over a bunch of nobodies, how on earth are you going to react over real cf issues? if you want unconditional molly coddling support go start up a private topic.
 
K

kybert

New member
bye jennifer. the only person who has ruined things for you is yourself. if you act this way over a bunch of nobodies, how on earth are you going to react over real cf issues? if you want unconditional molly coddling support go start up a private topic.
 
K

kybert

New member
bye jennifer. the only person who has ruined things for you is yourself. if you act this way over a bunch of nobodies, how on earth are you going to react over real cf issues? if you want unconditional molly coddling support go start up a private topic.
 
J

jena

New member
Jennifer,
I know you said you won't be checking, but on the off chance that you do.....
I can completely empathize with what you are going through. I posted about a week ago when I hit a wall emotionally with my fundraising. I decided to reach out and post myself under "Fundraising Blues". Seemed like a great place to vent my frustrations and I really needed to let some of those emotions out. But I've been to this website a few times and I know how ugly things can turn (as seen in this post). Sometimes things get taken the wrong way or someone even decides to tell you that what you are feeling is wrong... and thats the last thing someone wants to hear when they are trying to cope with these feelings. One thing I've learned when reading these posts (I've seen several of them turn ugly like this), is really just to ignore the posts that rub you the wrong way and focus on the ones that are appropriate for your situation. Some people will basically tell you to "get over it", some people will pick apart what you say and criticize, while others will share their experiences with you in a nonconfrontational manner. Sometimes we need a good kick in the butt, and other times we just want a shoulder to cry on.
In the spirit of what this message was supposed to be about I will continue!
I know how you feel. It can be really hurtful. The truth is, some people I understand and don't lose sleep over when they don't donate. It may hurt my feelings at first, but as the days pass I understand that some people simply forget, some people are tight with their money, some people contribute in other ways (like they give chunks of their paycheck to the United Way, which offer some money to CFF), some people don't feel that close to me, and some people have other charities they focus on. I can live with that, and I know the truth is: Some people don't donate, but they still care. Some people donate, but don't really care. Some people donate, and care. And some people don't donate and could care less. Out of about 100 people who don't donate, there are about 10 that eat at me. I try not to let it bother me, but eventually it catches up with me. No matter how hard I try to focus on the great people who do contribute time or money, I have a difficult time letting go of the anger and pain from those 10 people. It really helped me when I came online and vented last week (unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be working too well in your case). The venting and letting a few days pass really helped me out. I am finally back on focus.
I will tell you that from my experience, the first year of fundraising is the worst. You feel the most vulnerable. You put something personal out there and it's scary. Then, to be faced with what you see as apathy... well it's just plain hurtful. And then on top of that, you have a handful of people (like the godparents) that give absolutely nothing. I can give you a few points of advice. Send the letters out again next year (I have a 2 letter limit - if no donations the second year, they don't get another). It's possible that many meant to donate, but got caught up in life. When you send the letter out, have a donation slip with options (you may have already done this) of amounts $5, $20, $50, $100, and other. I think some people are afraid to send too little (like a $5 donation would be embarrassing), and they find it less embarrassing to just send nothing at all. I would also take a close look at how you handled your letter writing campaign. Did you provide people with a return envelope? How about setting up an online fundraising account (done through cff.org when you follow the great strides links) and giving people the website address in your letter so that people have the option of donating online.
OK - that's all for now. I don't even know if you want to read this. If you want to trade fundraising frustrations, go to my topic "Fundraising Blues". I have more that I can add, and I may later. Fortunately, I've been in a really good mood and haven't felt like posting more on that topic. But if anyone needs to hear them, let me know! Boy can I relate!
Good Luck!
Jena
6 yr old son with cf
3 yr old daughter no cf
 
J

jena

New member
Jennifer,
I know you said you won't be checking, but on the off chance that you do.....
I can completely empathize with what you are going through. I posted about a week ago when I hit a wall emotionally with my fundraising. I decided to reach out and post myself under "Fundraising Blues". Seemed like a great place to vent my frustrations and I really needed to let some of those emotions out. But I've been to this website a few times and I know how ugly things can turn (as seen in this post). Sometimes things get taken the wrong way or someone even decides to tell you that what you are feeling is wrong... and thats the last thing someone wants to hear when they are trying to cope with these feelings. One thing I've learned when reading these posts (I've seen several of them turn ugly like this), is really just to ignore the posts that rub you the wrong way and focus on the ones that are appropriate for your situation. Some people will basically tell you to "get over it", some people will pick apart what you say and criticize, while others will share their experiences with you in a nonconfrontational manner. Sometimes we need a good kick in the butt, and other times we just want a shoulder to cry on.
In the spirit of what this message was supposed to be about I will continue!
I know how you feel. It can be really hurtful. The truth is, some people I understand and don't lose sleep over when they don't donate. It may hurt my feelings at first, but as the days pass I understand that some people simply forget, some people are tight with their money, some people contribute in other ways (like they give chunks of their paycheck to the United Way, which offer some money to CFF), some people don't feel that close to me, and some people have other charities they focus on. I can live with that, and I know the truth is: Some people don't donate, but they still care. Some people donate, but don't really care. Some people donate, and care. And some people don't donate and could care less. Out of about 100 people who don't donate, there are about 10 that eat at me. I try not to let it bother me, but eventually it catches up with me. No matter how hard I try to focus on the great people who do contribute time or money, I have a difficult time letting go of the anger and pain from those 10 people. It really helped me when I came online and vented last week (unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be working too well in your case). The venting and letting a few days pass really helped me out. I am finally back on focus.
I will tell you that from my experience, the first year of fundraising is the worst. You feel the most vulnerable. You put something personal out there and it's scary. Then, to be faced with what you see as apathy... well it's just plain hurtful. And then on top of that, you have a handful of people (like the godparents) that give absolutely nothing. I can give you a few points of advice. Send the letters out again next year (I have a 2 letter limit - if no donations the second year, they don't get another). It's possible that many meant to donate, but got caught up in life. When you send the letter out, have a donation slip with options (you may have already done this) of amounts $5, $20, $50, $100, and other. I think some people are afraid to send too little (like a $5 donation would be embarrassing), and they find it less embarrassing to just send nothing at all. I would also take a close look at how you handled your letter writing campaign. Did you provide people with a return envelope? How about setting up an online fundraising account (done through cff.org when you follow the great strides links) and giving people the website address in your letter so that people have the option of donating online.
OK - that's all for now. I don't even know if you want to read this. If you want to trade fundraising frustrations, go to my topic "Fundraising Blues". I have more that I can add, and I may later. Fortunately, I've been in a really good mood and haven't felt like posting more on that topic. But if anyone needs to hear them, let me know! Boy can I relate!
Good Luck!
Jena
6 yr old son with cf
3 yr old daughter no cf
 
J

jena

New member
Jennifer,
I know you said you won't be checking, but on the off chance that you do.....
I can completely empathize with what you are going through. I posted about a week ago when I hit a wall emotionally with my fundraising. I decided to reach out and post myself under "Fundraising Blues". Seemed like a great place to vent my frustrations and I really needed to let some of those emotions out. But I've been to this website a few times and I know how ugly things can turn (as seen in this post). Sometimes things get taken the wrong way or someone even decides to tell you that what you are feeling is wrong... and thats the last thing someone wants to hear when they are trying to cope with these feelings. One thing I've learned when reading these posts (I've seen several of them turn ugly like this), is really just to ignore the posts that rub you the wrong way and focus on the ones that are appropriate for your situation. Some people will basically tell you to "get over it", some people will pick apart what you say and criticize, while others will share their experiences with you in a nonconfrontational manner. Sometimes we need a good kick in the butt, and other times we just want a shoulder to cry on.
In the spirit of what this message was supposed to be about I will continue!
I know how you feel. It can be really hurtful. The truth is, some people I understand and don't lose sleep over when they don't donate. It may hurt my feelings at first, but as the days pass I understand that some people simply forget, some people are tight with their money, some people contribute in other ways (like they give chunks of their paycheck to the United Way, which offer some money to CFF), some people don't feel that close to me, and some people have other charities they focus on. I can live with that, and I know the truth is: Some people don't donate, but they still care. Some people donate, but don't really care. Some people donate, and care. And some people don't donate and could care less. Out of about 100 people who don't donate, there are about 10 that eat at me. I try not to let it bother me, but eventually it catches up with me. No matter how hard I try to focus on the great people who do contribute time or money, I have a difficult time letting go of the anger and pain from those 10 people. It really helped me when I came online and vented last week (unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be working too well in your case). The venting and letting a few days pass really helped me out. I am finally back on focus.
I will tell you that from my experience, the first year of fundraising is the worst. You feel the most vulnerable. You put something personal out there and it's scary. Then, to be faced with what you see as apathy... well it's just plain hurtful. And then on top of that, you have a handful of people (like the godparents) that give absolutely nothing. I can give you a few points of advice. Send the letters out again next year (I have a 2 letter limit - if no donations the second year, they don't get another). It's possible that many meant to donate, but got caught up in life. When you send the letter out, have a donation slip with options (you may have already done this) of amounts $5, $20, $50, $100, and other. I think some people are afraid to send too little (like a $5 donation would be embarrassing), and they find it less embarrassing to just send nothing at all. I would also take a close look at how you handled your letter writing campaign. Did you provide people with a return envelope? How about setting up an online fundraising account (done through cff.org when you follow the great strides links) and giving people the website address in your letter so that people have the option of donating online.
OK - that's all for now. I don't even know if you want to read this. If you want to trade fundraising frustrations, go to my topic "Fundraising Blues". I have more that I can add, and I may later. Fortunately, I've been in a really good mood and haven't felt like posting more on that topic. But if anyone needs to hear them, let me know! Boy can I relate!
Good Luck!
Jena
6 yr old son with cf
3 yr old daughter no cf
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have a large extended family too. I don't even know where some of my cousins are living, and only met the youngest 3 cousins at my own wedding! I notice that you said that you have never met some of your family. Are you aware of their financial situations? I have one aunt and uncle with six kids and they just cannot afford to donate. Also, how much detail about CF did you get into in your letter? Maybe they just didnt understand how serious it is. Don't get angry about it without knowing what the situation is.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I have a large extended family too. I don't even know where some of my cousins are living, and only met the youngest 3 cousins at my own wedding! I notice that you said that you have never met some of your family. Are you aware of their financial situations? I have one aunt and uncle with six kids and they just cannot afford to donate. Also, how much detail about CF did you get into in your letter? Maybe they just didnt understand how serious it is. Don't get angry about it without knowing what the situation is.
 
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