I am so sorry to hear of the official outcome. I want to share a story with you. I dont know if it will help you handle things better, but I find it an "ironic" storie. I had a Supervisor when I was still working who was pregnant & due 5 months after me. She was a sweet, church going christian. She was 39 when she got pregnant so choice to go thru amnio. Before she got the results she told me that if the results came back showing any defects that she would probably terminate because she couldnt handled a caring for a special needs child. This amazed me coming from a Christian, but I realize that was the human in her coming out instead of what people usually would say. Anyway the results came back fine, she had a beautiful baby boy & things were fine. Then she tried to breastfeed for the first time. From there on things went down hill. Not exactly knowing what happened in full detail the summary is that the baby stopped breathing, was rush to our closest trauma center which is over 2 hours away. They were told he wouldnt live thru the nite. Here we are 7 years later & he has CP. He has had his esophagus (sp?) tied (dont know the name of procedure) to avoid acid reflux, has had hip surgery, has a feeding tube, chronic infections of which they use Tobi & CPT along with Cipro & others because he has cultured pseudomonas. They tested him for Cf because of all the similiarities. He cant talk, but most certainly can communicate in other ways. My point is that she stated she couldnt handle a special needs child & she was still given one. He is their pride & joy. Its a lot of work, but they refuse to put him in a "home". In the meantime they had another baby so now Daniel has a baby sister. She is her brothers sunshine. The responses given by him when she is around is amazing. Of course to understand what he wants takes time & patience, but its obvious when he wants to get his point across. Is it what they wanted their son to be like....hell no. Do they still love him....hell yes. Would they trade him....hell no. He offers his own flare &m positive aspects to their lives. Many people see it as a shame or a waste & even tho they didnt think they would....they see him as a blessing! I hope this gives you a little encouragement to deal with the future. I dont want it to see like it will be an easy road, but I do want you to realize that you still have a blessing whatever happens!