Can't vs. Shouldn't

L

lightNlife

New member
I was never told that I couldn't do something. Despite being told by doctors that I might not live to see my 10th birthday, my parents never discouraged me from doing things based solely on what "might" happen because of cystic fibrosis. At the same time, they encouraged and guided me in the process of learning to make good decisions. In doing so, they taught me that although cystic fibrosis has a decidedly prominent place in my life, it does not define who I am.

CF does not define me, but it certainly shapes me. Almost every major decision I have made and will make in the future are greatly influenced by the fact that I have CF. At first glance this may appear to force me into a frustrating and limited set of choices, but it doesn't. Because I know my body exceptionally well, I know the range of my capabilities. I have endless options, and I have a great sense of empowerment and freedom in knowing that I am the one who has outlined those options for myself.

Because I have CF I know that there are certain things or experiences in life that, although I can do them, may not be the best option for me. A lot of my peers in the CF community seem to do things merely because they can. Perhaps they feel that since CF limits them in so many ways, they should "swing for the fence" as it were, even if it means tearing a metaphorical rotator cuff in the process. I don't understand this attitude. My personal approach is not to just "swing away" but rather point to the outfield like the Great Bambino and return the pitch right where I want it to go.

For example, for most of my life I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian. I entered college thinking that I was going to end up being a dairy vet. No one ever told me I couldn't. However, as time went on and I matured in my attitude about how cystic fibrosis affected me, I discovered that being a vet was something I shouldn't do. My allergies and asthma would have been a constant source of misery for me if I were around dairies all the time. For me, no job or experience could possibly be so rewarding that it is worth compromising my health on a day to day basis. Could I have been a vet? Yes, I think so. Should I have been a vet? Absolutely not.


As CFers like myself are living longer, we have to learn to think long-term. Decision making, especially those "big life decisions" like marriage, parenting, career, and so forth, are that much more difficult when life as we know it doesn't look the same for us as it does for our healthy peers. I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan. I know of others who eagerly attempt to get pregnant regardless of whether their partner will stay around long-term. When I see these things or hear of them, I wish I had a greater amount of insight into what goes on in these people's minds as they make decisions.

Some people hear the words "should not" and take them to mean "cannot." They refuse to even find an option that fits them well. They develop a "why bother" defeatist attitude. Others see the phrase as a challenge. In response they make impulsive decisions that may not be the healthiest or wisest decision in the long-term. It is my personal opinion that there are things that are simply unsuitable for people with CF. This is a topic that is rarely addressed in the CF community, mostly because it can strike such a deeply personal and sometimes painful chord.

The social ramifications of cystic fibrosis are no less difficult to understand than the genetic mutations we carry. I know more than a few CFers are wise beyond their years as a result of being forced to grow up quickly (at least emotionally) in order to cope with this challenging disease. However, I believe that there are far more who have been socially stunted by their inability to distinguish between "cannot" and "should not".

--
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://livingwellwithCF.blogspot.com">Breathing Deeply: My Life with CF</a>
 
L

lightNlife

New member
I was never told that I couldn't do something. Despite being told by doctors that I might not live to see my 10th birthday, my parents never discouraged me from doing things based solely on what "might" happen because of cystic fibrosis. At the same time, they encouraged and guided me in the process of learning to make good decisions. In doing so, they taught me that although cystic fibrosis has a decidedly prominent place in my life, it does not define who I am.

CF does not define me, but it certainly shapes me. Almost every major decision I have made and will make in the future are greatly influenced by the fact that I have CF. At first glance this may appear to force me into a frustrating and limited set of choices, but it doesn't. Because I know my body exceptionally well, I know the range of my capabilities. I have endless options, and I have a great sense of empowerment and freedom in knowing that I am the one who has outlined those options for myself.

Because I have CF I know that there are certain things or experiences in life that, although I can do them, may not be the best option for me. A lot of my peers in the CF community seem to do things merely because they can. Perhaps they feel that since CF limits them in so many ways, they should "swing for the fence" as it were, even if it means tearing a metaphorical rotator cuff in the process. I don't understand this attitude. My personal approach is not to just "swing away" but rather point to the outfield like the Great Bambino and return the pitch right where I want it to go.

For example, for most of my life I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian. I entered college thinking that I was going to end up being a dairy vet. No one ever told me I couldn't. However, as time went on and I matured in my attitude about how cystic fibrosis affected me, I discovered that being a vet was something I shouldn't do. My allergies and asthma would have been a constant source of misery for me if I were around dairies all the time. For me, no job or experience could possibly be so rewarding that it is worth compromising my health on a day to day basis. Could I have been a vet? Yes, I think so. Should I have been a vet? Absolutely not.


As CFers like myself are living longer, we have to learn to think long-term. Decision making, especially those "big life decisions" like marriage, parenting, career, and so forth, are that much more difficult when life as we know it doesn't look the same for us as it does for our healthy peers. I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan. I know of others who eagerly attempt to get pregnant regardless of whether their partner will stay around long-term. When I see these things or hear of them, I wish I had a greater amount of insight into what goes on in these people's minds as they make decisions.

Some people hear the words "should not" and take them to mean "cannot." They refuse to even find an option that fits them well. They develop a "why bother" defeatist attitude. Others see the phrase as a challenge. In response they make impulsive decisions that may not be the healthiest or wisest decision in the long-term. It is my personal opinion that there are things that are simply unsuitable for people with CF. This is a topic that is rarely addressed in the CF community, mostly because it can strike such a deeply personal and sometimes painful chord.

The social ramifications of cystic fibrosis are no less difficult to understand than the genetic mutations we carry. I know more than a few CFers are wise beyond their years as a result of being forced to grow up quickly (at least emotionally) in order to cope with this challenging disease. However, I believe that there are far more who have been socially stunted by their inability to distinguish between "cannot" and "should not".

--
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://livingwellwithCF.blogspot.com">Breathing Deeply: My Life with CF</a>
 
L

lightNlife

New member
I was never told that I couldn't do something. Despite being told by doctors that I might not live to see my 10th birthday, my parents never discouraged me from doing things based solely on what "might" happen because of cystic fibrosis. At the same time, they encouraged and guided me in the process of learning to make good decisions. In doing so, they taught me that although cystic fibrosis has a decidedly prominent place in my life, it does not define who I am.

CF does not define me, but it certainly shapes me. Almost every major decision I have made and will make in the future are greatly influenced by the fact that I have CF. At first glance this may appear to force me into a frustrating and limited set of choices, but it doesn't. Because I know my body exceptionally well, I know the range of my capabilities. I have endless options, and I have a great sense of empowerment and freedom in knowing that I am the one who has outlined those options for myself.

Because I have CF I know that there are certain things or experiences in life that, although I can do them, may not be the best option for me. A lot of my peers in the CF community seem to do things merely because they can. Perhaps they feel that since CF limits them in so many ways, they should "swing for the fence" as it were, even if it means tearing a metaphorical rotator cuff in the process. I don't understand this attitude. My personal approach is not to just "swing away" but rather point to the outfield like the Great Bambino and return the pitch right where I want it to go.

For example, for most of my life I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian. I entered college thinking that I was going to end up being a dairy vet. No one ever told me I couldn't. However, as time went on and I matured in my attitude about how cystic fibrosis affected me, I discovered that being a vet was something I shouldn't do. My allergies and asthma would have been a constant source of misery for me if I were around dairies all the time. For me, no job or experience could possibly be so rewarding that it is worth compromising my health on a day to day basis. Could I have been a vet? Yes, I think so. Should I have been a vet? Absolutely not.


As CFers like myself are living longer, we have to learn to think long-term. Decision making, especially those "big life decisions" like marriage, parenting, career, and so forth, are that much more difficult when life as we know it doesn't look the same for us as it does for our healthy peers. I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan. I know of others who eagerly attempt to get pregnant regardless of whether their partner will stay around long-term. When I see these things or hear of them, I wish I had a greater amount of insight into what goes on in these people's minds as they make decisions.

Some people hear the words "should not" and take them to mean "cannot." They refuse to even find an option that fits them well. They develop a "why bother" defeatist attitude. Others see the phrase as a challenge. In response they make impulsive decisions that may not be the healthiest or wisest decision in the long-term. It is my personal opinion that there are things that are simply unsuitable for people with CF. This is a topic that is rarely addressed in the CF community, mostly because it can strike such a deeply personal and sometimes painful chord.

The social ramifications of cystic fibrosis are no less difficult to understand than the genetic mutations we carry. I know more than a few CFers are wise beyond their years as a result of being forced to grow up quickly (at least emotionally) in order to cope with this challenging disease. However, I believe that there are far more who have been socially stunted by their inability to distinguish between "cannot" and "should not".

--
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://livingwellwithCF.blogspot.com">Breathing Deeply: My Life with CF</a>
 
W

wanderlost

New member
Very well put - but I must ask you, how old are you? I hope that you wll tell me that you are a mere 18 and very wise for your age. But, if you are like me, it has taken me nearly 30 years to come to terms with the "should nots" of Cf and I have stumbled many-a time along the way. It is so hard to tell someone, fro example, your dream of veterinary school, that perhaps this is NOT the best choice for you. Many of us will make that choice anyway - and I think that sometimes that is what we have to do. Yes, we are living longer, but many of us not long enough to do all the things we planned...so sometimes maybe "should not" needs to be cast to the wayside. Not everytime, of course, but I think Cf presents the challenge of "what to keep in, what to leave out" (thanks, Bob Seger!)
 
W

wanderlost

New member
Very well put - but I must ask you, how old are you? I hope that you wll tell me that you are a mere 18 and very wise for your age. But, if you are like me, it has taken me nearly 30 years to come to terms with the "should nots" of Cf and I have stumbled many-a time along the way. It is so hard to tell someone, fro example, your dream of veterinary school, that perhaps this is NOT the best choice for you. Many of us will make that choice anyway - and I think that sometimes that is what we have to do. Yes, we are living longer, but many of us not long enough to do all the things we planned...so sometimes maybe "should not" needs to be cast to the wayside. Not everytime, of course, but I think Cf presents the challenge of "what to keep in, what to leave out" (thanks, Bob Seger!)
 
W

wanderlost

New member
Very well put - but I must ask you, how old are you? I hope that you wll tell me that you are a mere 18 and very wise for your age. But, if you are like me, it has taken me nearly 30 years to come to terms with the "should nots" of Cf and I have stumbled many-a time along the way. It is so hard to tell someone, fro example, your dream of veterinary school, that perhaps this is NOT the best choice for you. Many of us will make that choice anyway - and I think that sometimes that is what we have to do. Yes, we are living longer, but many of us not long enough to do all the things we planned...so sometimes maybe "should not" needs to be cast to the wayside. Not everytime, of course, but I think Cf presents the challenge of "what to keep in, what to leave out" (thanks, Bob Seger!)
 
M

MCGrad2006

Guest
I can see where your coming from and I understand what you are saying. I cant say that I always agree though. Yes it makes sense that we shouldnt do certain things, but should we really limit ourselves. If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure--if that ever comes? Shouldnt we be able to learn from our mistakes as any healthy person does? I have always been told to strive for the best, be a part of the field hockey team...do my best in student teaching. I used to work in a daycare, which was not the best thing to do for someone with CF...but I learned that from mistakes. You may not think there is a difference between daycare (which was ages 8 weeks to five) and elementary school (ages 6- 12 or so), but there is. Whille I was studnet teaching last semester I was only sick once...at the daycare i was sick so much more than that, even in the summer. I met some of the nicest people there, and my boss really cared about me (she wont let me go backk to work there bc I was getting sick all the time). I have always wanted to be a teacher and maybe it wont be the best thing for me, but I'm going to do it anyway, not because I shouldnt...but because I can (at this moment in time). I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.
 
M

MCGrad2006

Guest
I can see where your coming from and I understand what you are saying. I cant say that I always agree though. Yes it makes sense that we shouldnt do certain things, but should we really limit ourselves. If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure--if that ever comes? Shouldnt we be able to learn from our mistakes as any healthy person does? I have always been told to strive for the best, be a part of the field hockey team...do my best in student teaching. I used to work in a daycare, which was not the best thing to do for someone with CF...but I learned that from mistakes. You may not think there is a difference between daycare (which was ages 8 weeks to five) and elementary school (ages 6- 12 or so), but there is. Whille I was studnet teaching last semester I was only sick once...at the daycare i was sick so much more than that, even in the summer. I met some of the nicest people there, and my boss really cared about me (she wont let me go backk to work there bc I was getting sick all the time). I have always wanted to be a teacher and maybe it wont be the best thing for me, but I'm going to do it anyway, not because I shouldnt...but because I can (at this moment in time). I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.
 
M

MCGrad2006

Guest
I can see where your coming from and I understand what you are saying. I cant say that I always agree though. Yes it makes sense that we shouldnt do certain things, but should we really limit ourselves. If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure--if that ever comes? Shouldnt we be able to learn from our mistakes as any healthy person does? I have always been told to strive for the best, be a part of the field hockey team...do my best in student teaching. I used to work in a daycare, which was not the best thing to do for someone with CF...but I learned that from mistakes. You may not think there is a difference between daycare (which was ages 8 weeks to five) and elementary school (ages 6- 12 or so), but there is. Whille I was studnet teaching last semester I was only sick once...at the daycare i was sick so much more than that, even in the summer. I met some of the nicest people there, and my boss really cared about me (she wont let me go backk to work there bc I was getting sick all the time). I have always wanted to be a teacher and maybe it wont be the best thing for me, but I'm going to do it anyway, not because I shouldnt...but because I can (at this moment in time). I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MCGrad2006</b></i>

If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure...I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.</end quote></div>

Your phrasing of that question is interesting, especially since I'm in the process of writing a speech on the topic of setting high goals. Attaining higher goals, as you put it brings to mind the image of a high jumper or pole vaulter. They start with something that can be achieved easily and work their way up. I on the other hand prefer a more "top down" approach. I was brought up to set my goals one or two notches above what I believe I can reach. This way, even if I don't leap over that highest point, I am still achieving something great because I'm up so high anyway.

As far as what you wonder about it being our duty to live a healthy, strong life...well, I cannot control the health aspect. I can be diligent with my treatments and take good care of myself, but the genetics will always trump my best efforts. With that in mind I strive to live a meaningful life--and I do. I very nearly died in December, and that would have been okay with me because I have lived a full and meaningful life. I've done everything I've ever wanted to, and then some.


---
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/114160">Fullfilled and Content</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/111388">Happiness is an Added Bonus</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/112450">Waves</a>
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MCGrad2006</b></i>

If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure...I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.</end quote></div>

Your phrasing of that question is interesting, especially since I'm in the process of writing a speech on the topic of setting high goals. Attaining higher goals, as you put it brings to mind the image of a high jumper or pole vaulter. They start with something that can be achieved easily and work their way up. I on the other hand prefer a more "top down" approach. I was brought up to set my goals one or two notches above what I believe I can reach. This way, even if I don't leap over that highest point, I am still achieving something great because I'm up so high anyway.

As far as what you wonder about it being our duty to live a healthy, strong life...well, I cannot control the health aspect. I can be diligent with my treatments and take good care of myself, but the genetics will always trump my best efforts. With that in mind I strive to live a meaningful life--and I do. I very nearly died in December, and that would have been okay with me because I have lived a full and meaningful life. I've done everything I've ever wanted to, and then some.


---
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/114160">Fullfilled and Content</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/111388">Happiness is an Added Bonus</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/112450">Waves</a>
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MCGrad2006</b></i>

If we can strive for more and attain higher goals...shouldnt we be doing that. Isnt it our duty to live a healthy strong life, so that we can be part of the cure...I want to live my life to fullest while I still can.</end quote></div>

Your phrasing of that question is interesting, especially since I'm in the process of writing a speech on the topic of setting high goals. Attaining higher goals, as you put it brings to mind the image of a high jumper or pole vaulter. They start with something that can be achieved easily and work their way up. I on the other hand prefer a more "top down" approach. I was brought up to set my goals one or two notches above what I believe I can reach. This way, even if I don't leap over that highest point, I am still achieving something great because I'm up so high anyway.

As far as what you wonder about it being our duty to live a healthy, strong life...well, I cannot control the health aspect. I can be diligent with my treatments and take good care of myself, but the genetics will always trump my best efforts. With that in mind I strive to live a meaningful life--and I do. I very nearly died in December, and that would have been okay with me because I have lived a full and meaningful life. I've done everything I've ever wanted to, and then some.


---
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/114160">Fullfilled and Content</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/111388">Happiness is an Added Bonus</a>
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.helium.com/tm/112450">Waves</a>
 
W

wallflower

New member
While we all share the bond of having CF, we grow up in different environments - parenting, peers, doctors...that affect how we determine what choices we make in our lives. We may use CF to help alter those choices, but it is difficult to say that a should not for one, is not for another.

Growing up, I only knew about CF as it pertained to me. I knew that some were sicker than me, but in general, I thought we all were in the same boat. I didn't know there were other common medications others took, or that some didn't need enzymes. I didn't know about feeding tubes, IV antibotics, PICC, Ports. These are all things I only learned about as they either happened to me, or through this site.

While I feel great now, it scares me that I have no control over how great I will feel in the years to come. More and more, CF plays a bigger part in how I will live my life, and my mind starts to think that should nots will become cannots.

It is not uncommon for women to want to get married and have a family. In general, I believe that women should go out in the world and be independent first and discover themselves (regardless of CF or not). But if a women chooses to hurry the process because of her disease so that she can see her kid graduate high school, how can I argue with that?

And then there is me, who would have loved to have a child, but not outside of marriage with a man who I could depend on, love and be a great father. Here I am at 34 (almost 35), and while I have found a great companion, I have stopped my clock. While pregnacy risks increase with age, I have to wonder how much sense it makes to have a child now, when there is a possibility I may not make it through the pregnancy, or what if I end up having to be on IVs for the rest of my life - that's not my image of what a mother should be. So having children has become a Cannot for me.

I have seen many people on this site who are doing things they should not be, and I have seen many people give up and decided they cannot, when I know they can. It is tough, but I cannot judge when I have a hard enough time trying to determine what it is I should be (or should not be) doing.

Hopefully, people will learn from each other on this site and take from it what ever it is they need to make their life as happy as possible.
 
W

wallflower

New member
While we all share the bond of having CF, we grow up in different environments - parenting, peers, doctors...that affect how we determine what choices we make in our lives. We may use CF to help alter those choices, but it is difficult to say that a should not for one, is not for another.

Growing up, I only knew about CF as it pertained to me. I knew that some were sicker than me, but in general, I thought we all were in the same boat. I didn't know there were other common medications others took, or that some didn't need enzymes. I didn't know about feeding tubes, IV antibotics, PICC, Ports. These are all things I only learned about as they either happened to me, or through this site.

While I feel great now, it scares me that I have no control over how great I will feel in the years to come. More and more, CF plays a bigger part in how I will live my life, and my mind starts to think that should nots will become cannots.

It is not uncommon for women to want to get married and have a family. In general, I believe that women should go out in the world and be independent first and discover themselves (regardless of CF or not). But if a women chooses to hurry the process because of her disease so that she can see her kid graduate high school, how can I argue with that?

And then there is me, who would have loved to have a child, but not outside of marriage with a man who I could depend on, love and be a great father. Here I am at 34 (almost 35), and while I have found a great companion, I have stopped my clock. While pregnacy risks increase with age, I have to wonder how much sense it makes to have a child now, when there is a possibility I may not make it through the pregnancy, or what if I end up having to be on IVs for the rest of my life - that's not my image of what a mother should be. So having children has become a Cannot for me.

I have seen many people on this site who are doing things they should not be, and I have seen many people give up and decided they cannot, when I know they can. It is tough, but I cannot judge when I have a hard enough time trying to determine what it is I should be (or should not be) doing.

Hopefully, people will learn from each other on this site and take from it what ever it is they need to make their life as happy as possible.
 
W

wallflower

New member
While we all share the bond of having CF, we grow up in different environments - parenting, peers, doctors...that affect how we determine what choices we make in our lives. We may use CF to help alter those choices, but it is difficult to say that a should not for one, is not for another.

Growing up, I only knew about CF as it pertained to me. I knew that some were sicker than me, but in general, I thought we all were in the same boat. I didn't know there were other common medications others took, or that some didn't need enzymes. I didn't know about feeding tubes, IV antibotics, PICC, Ports. These are all things I only learned about as they either happened to me, or through this site.

While I feel great now, it scares me that I have no control over how great I will feel in the years to come. More and more, CF plays a bigger part in how I will live my life, and my mind starts to think that should nots will become cannots.

It is not uncommon for women to want to get married and have a family. In general, I believe that women should go out in the world and be independent first and discover themselves (regardless of CF or not). But if a women chooses to hurry the process because of her disease so that she can see her kid graduate high school, how can I argue with that?

And then there is me, who would have loved to have a child, but not outside of marriage with a man who I could depend on, love and be a great father. Here I am at 34 (almost 35), and while I have found a great companion, I have stopped my clock. While pregnacy risks increase with age, I have to wonder how much sense it makes to have a child now, when there is a possibility I may not make it through the pregnancy, or what if I end up having to be on IVs for the rest of my life - that's not my image of what a mother should be. So having children has become a Cannot for me.

I have seen many people on this site who are doing things they should not be, and I have seen many people give up and decided they cannot, when I know they can. It is tough, but I cannot judge when I have a hard enough time trying to determine what it is I should be (or should not be) doing.

Hopefully, people will learn from each other on this site and take from it what ever it is they need to make their life as happy as possible.
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry wanted to get his degree in theatre and music and go to New York City to be on or off Broadway, depending on how luck hit him. He could have, he was talented and had been doing it since he was a little kid. But, like you said, he had to be an adult about it, unfortunately, and he knew that making a career choice involving a lot of stamina wasn't the wisest thing to do.


I'm interested in marriage and society anyhow, but especially as it pertains to CF. And this: <div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan.</end quote></div> is something I see a lot of. Settling for "okay" so they can be married, and ending up in a bad or tepid marriage. That unsettles me. It's my experience that love doesn't really begin to fall into place until you let go of the idea of needing to be married. It didn't for me until I let the idea go.

The can't vs shouldn't also goes for spouses, I think. I could have, technically, gone on to get my PHd like I planned, and told him to wait until I was finished with school. But should I have? I don't think so. Sometimes Cf involves a change of plans.
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry wanted to get his degree in theatre and music and go to New York City to be on or off Broadway, depending on how luck hit him. He could have, he was talented and had been doing it since he was a little kid. But, like you said, he had to be an adult about it, unfortunately, and he knew that making a career choice involving a lot of stamina wasn't the wisest thing to do.


I'm interested in marriage and society anyhow, but especially as it pertains to CF. And this: <div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan.</end quote></div> is something I see a lot of. Settling for "okay" so they can be married, and ending up in a bad or tepid marriage. That unsettles me. It's my experience that love doesn't really begin to fall into place until you let go of the idea of needing to be married. It didn't for me until I let the idea go.

The can't vs shouldn't also goes for spouses, I think. I could have, technically, gone on to get my PHd like I planned, and told him to wait until I was finished with school. But should I have? I don't think so. Sometimes Cf involves a change of plans.
 
A

Allie

New member
Ry wanted to get his degree in theatre and music and go to New York City to be on or off Broadway, depending on how luck hit him. He could have, he was talented and had been doing it since he was a little kid. But, like you said, he had to be an adult about it, unfortunately, and he knew that making a career choice involving a lot of stamina wasn't the wisest thing to do.


I'm interested in marriage and society anyhow, but especially as it pertains to CF. And this: <div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I have seen CFers rush into marriage because they felt like they had to beat the clock before the time ran out on their lifespan.</end quote></div> is something I see a lot of. Settling for "okay" so they can be married, and ending up in a bad or tepid marriage. That unsettles me. It's my experience that love doesn't really begin to fall into place until you let go of the idea of needing to be married. It didn't for me until I let the idea go.

The can't vs shouldn't also goes for spouses, I think. I could have, technically, gone on to get my PHd like I planned, and told him to wait until I was finished with school. But should I have? I don't think so. Sometimes Cf involves a change of plans.
 
M

MCGrad2006

Guest
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I have seen many people on this site who are doing things they should not be, and I have seen many people give up and decided they cannot, when I know they can. It is tough, but I cannot judge when I have a hard enough time trying to determine what it is I should be (or should not be) doing.</end quote></div>

I completely agree with you Barb. So many people grow up diferent ways and with the completely different progressions of CF its totally a different story for everyone. I hope that I didnt offend anyone in my previous post <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0"> , thats just a culmination of how I grew up and how my disease has progressed. I have always felt that I should do more and push myself harder to attain my goals. And like I said I need to do it while I still can. Thank you for your insight Lightnlife, I appreciate it. I hope that we can all work together to support each other on here. CF is so different among all of us, and we need to be able to be there for each other. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
M

MCGrad2006

Guest
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>I have seen many people on this site who are doing things they should not be, and I have seen many people give up and decided they cannot, when I know they can. It is tough, but I cannot judge when I have a hard enough time trying to determine what it is I should be (or should not be) doing.</end quote></div>

I completely agree with you Barb. So many people grow up diferent ways and with the completely different progressions of CF its totally a different story for everyone. I hope that I didnt offend anyone in my previous post <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0"> , thats just a culmination of how I grew up and how my disease has progressed. I have always felt that I should do more and push myself harder to attain my goals. And like I said I need to do it while I still can. Thank you for your insight Lightnlife, I appreciate it. I hope that we can all work together to support each other on here. CF is so different among all of us, and we need to be able to be there for each other. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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