Daughter in hospital

BabyBeauty · Nov 13, 2010

So my daughter is in the hospital for a tune up. She has been in for 4 days. My husband are at each others throats. We are so annoyed with each other. I am here by myself all day and he comes after work and then drives home (which is 1hr away). Is this pretty typical for parents to be while in the hospital?

BabyBeauty · Nov 13, 2010

So my daughter is in the hospital for a tune up. She has been in for 4 days. My husband are at each others throats. We are so annoyed with each other. I am here by myself all day and he comes after work and then drives home (which is 1hr away). Is this pretty typical for parents to be while in the hospital?

BabyBeauty · Nov 13, 2010

So my daughter is in the hospital for a tune up. She has been in for 4 days. My husband are at each others throats. We are so annoyed with each other. I am here by myself all day and he comes after work and then drives home (which is 1hr away). Is this pretty typical for parents to be while in the hospital?

martysmom · Nov 13, 2010

Stress can reak havoc on any relationship. I am so sorry you are in the hospital. I think it is very typical. We are also in the hospital for a tune up right now and this stay has been much better than others. My husband and I actually went to counseling to find better ways to help each other during these stressful times. We also try to understand how scary it may be for the other person and how everyone handles things differently. It is better for all of us when we can understand how the other one feels. I like to talk about things and my husband likes to shut down and work through it quietly. It creates a lot of barriers between us. Hand in there. Once we went to counseling things have been 1000 times better. Our life is always full of stress and as CF parents there is fear as well. The best thing we have is each other and it can take work. Hope your little one is feeling better and that you are getting enough rest!!

martysmom · Nov 13, 2010

Stress can reak havoc on any relationship. I am so sorry you are in the hospital. I think it is very typical. We are also in the hospital for a tune up right now and this stay has been much better than others. My husband and I actually went to counseling to find better ways to help each other during these stressful times. We also try to understand how scary it may be for the other person and how everyone handles things differently. It is better for all of us when we can understand how the other one feels. I like to talk about things and my husband likes to shut down and work through it quietly. It creates a lot of barriers between us. Hand in there. Once we went to counseling things have been 1000 times better. Our life is always full of stress and as CF parents there is fear as well. The best thing we have is each other and it can take work. Hope your little one is feeling better and that you are getting enough rest!!

martysmom · Nov 13, 2010

Stress can reak havoc on any relationship. I am so sorry you are in the hospital. I think it is very typical. We are also in the hospital for a tune up right now and this stay has been much better than others. My husband and I actually went to counseling to find better ways to help each other during these stressful times. We also try to understand how scary it may be for the other person and how everyone handles things differently. It is better for all of us when we can understand how the other one feels. I like to talk about things and my husband likes to shut down and work through it quietly. It creates a lot of barriers between us. Hand in there. Once we went to counseling things have been 1000 times better. Our life is always full of stress and as CF parents there is fear as well. The best thing we have is each other and it can take work. Hope your little one is feeling better and that you are getting enough rest!!

ktsmom · Nov 13, 2010

We don't have experience yet with being in for a tune-up. However we have had other medical concerns/emergencies with DD and yes, tensions can run high. You are both trying to cope, and are too strained to have the emotional energy to prop each other up.

I can just picture it - you have been managing her and her care all day, and then he comes in and you need to unload on all that has gone on. When he arrives, there is no way he can process your day's experience in 5 minutes. However he acts and whatever he says is probably a no-win situation for him. Understandably, YOU are DONE and just need some relief and he has his own feelings to deal with.

I am really sorry, and I hope your daughter gets better and out soon! Hang in there, all of you.

ktsmom · Nov 13, 2010

We don't have experience yet with being in for a tune-up. However we have had other medical concerns/emergencies with DD and yes, tensions can run high. You are both trying to cope, and are too strained to have the emotional energy to prop each other up.

I can just picture it - you have been managing her and her care all day, and then he comes in and you need to unload on all that has gone on. When he arrives, there is no way he can process your day's experience in 5 minutes. However he acts and whatever he says is probably a no-win situation for him. Understandably, YOU are DONE and just need some relief and he has his own feelings to deal with.

I am really sorry, and I hope your daughter gets better and out soon! Hang in there, all of you.

ktsmom · Nov 13, 2010

We don't have experience yet with being in for a tune-up. However we have had other medical concerns/emergencies with DD and yes, tensions can run high. You are both trying to cope, and are too strained to have the emotional energy to prop each other up.
 
 I can just picture it - you have been managing her and her care all day, and then he comes in and you need to unload on all that has gone on. When he arrives, there is no way he can process your day's experience in 5 minutes. However he acts and whatever he says is probably a no-win situation for him. Understandably, YOU are DONE and just need some relief and he has his own feelings to deal with.
 
 I am really sorry, and I hope your daughter gets better and out soon! Hang in there, all of you.

mamaScarlett · Nov 13, 2010

Well in our family, I (the mom) am the one with Cf and when I've been in the hospital, you'd like to think that hubby and I are closer than ever and bonded, but no!-We are usually arguing, I'm irritated bc of this and that, etc. Disagreeing about how LO is being cared for, bc he is sooo forgetful. All the typical marriage/parent stuff.
Now thats with me being the sick one-if it was my daughter oh my goodness I'm sure that emotions would be SO much higher, obviously.
I wouldn't feel bad. With what you are dealing with right now-there are all types of ranges of emotions and I'd think that anything is 'normal' behavior. Cut yourself some slack.
I'd love to hear what parents of kids w Cf have to say.

mamaScarlett · Nov 13, 2010

Well in our family, I (the mom) am the one with Cf and when I've been in the hospital, you'd like to think that hubby and I are closer than ever and bonded, but no!-We are usually arguing, I'm irritated bc of this and that, etc. Disagreeing about how LO is being cared for, bc he is sooo forgetful. All the typical marriage/parent stuff.
Now thats with me being the sick one-if it was my daughter oh my goodness I'm sure that emotions would be SO much higher, obviously.
I wouldn't feel bad. With what you are dealing with right now-there are all types of ranges of emotions and I'd think that anything is 'normal' behavior. Cut yourself some slack.
I'd love to hear what parents of kids w Cf have to say.

mamaScarlett · Nov 13, 2010

Well in our family, I (the mom) am the one with Cf and when I've been in the hospital, you'd like to think that hubby and I are closer than ever and bonded, but no!-We are usually arguing, I'm irritated bc of this and that, etc. Disagreeing about how LO is being cared for, bc he is sooo forgetful. All the typical marriage/parent stuff.
 Now thats with me being the sick one-if it was my daughter oh my goodness I'm sure that emotions would be SO much higher, obviously.
 I wouldn't feel bad. With what you are dealing with right now-there are all types of ranges of emotions and I'd think that anything is 'normal' behavior. Cut yourself some slack.
 I'd love to hear what parents of kids w Cf have to say.

Liza · Nov 14, 2010

Here's my reply but I am sure lots of you arent gonna like it.

Yes, it is stressful sitting at the hospital all day by yourself. But your husband drives an hour every day after working all day to visit, then drives that hour back home. Every day you said. Only to get up and do it all over again. You have to consider, what happens if he misses work? Can his job potentially be at risk if he takes the time off?

It's just been 4 days. Yes, I understand you have been cooped up in the hospital for 4 days. Hopefully, not in your daughters room the whole time. No matter the age of your daughter, you should be able to get downstairs to the cafeteria, giftshop or just wander around the floors of the hospital while she is sleeping if she is an infant, napping if she is of age where she still naps. If she's school age, then she is old enough to be left to the nurses for 30 minutes or an hour during school lessons with the hospital tutor/teacher, a child life activity or just watching a movie.

Have you discussed with your husband what the plan will be come the weekend/ his days off? If you haven't, you need to. He should be able to switch out with you, ask him to sleep over Friday & Saturday night. Let him know you need a few hours in the day on Saturday and Sunday before you go in for a visit. Then, you return on Sunday afternoon hopefully a little rested. If he's not willing to do this, then forget everthing I just said because he's being ridiculous.

It is difficult, I know. I have been doing this for 20 yrs with two CF daughters. Sometimes by myself. My husband was in the Air Force. He left for Desert Shield/Storm in Aug.90 just 6 weeks after the birth of our second daughter and 7 weeks after our oldest was diagnosed w/CF. As hard as it is sometimes, you just have to do it. We've been through it all, hospitalizations, waiting for transplant, transplant, and now waiting again for another transplant. We were never near family to help us out until 5 yrs ago when my husband retired from the AF.

Hang in there. Be creative with your time in the hospital. I've made halloween costumes, Christmas presents and birthday presents while passing the time in the hospital. Read books that I'd otherwise never get to read.

Liza · Nov 14, 2010

Here's my reply but I am sure lots of you arent gonna like it.

Yes, it is stressful sitting at the hospital all day by yourself. But your husband drives an hour every day after working all day to visit, then drives that hour back home. Every day you said. Only to get up and do it all over again. You have to consider, what happens if he misses work? Can his job potentially be at risk if he takes the time off?

It's just been 4 days. Yes, I understand you have been cooped up in the hospital for 4 days. Hopefully, not in your daughters room the whole time. No matter the age of your daughter, you should be able to get downstairs to the cafeteria, giftshop or just wander around the floors of the hospital while she is sleeping if she is an infant, napping if she is of age where she still naps. If she's school age, then she is old enough to be left to the nurses for 30 minutes or an hour during school lessons with the hospital tutor/teacher, a child life activity or just watching a movie.

Have you discussed with your husband what the plan will be come the weekend/ his days off? If you haven't, you need to. He should be able to switch out with you, ask him to sleep over Friday & Saturday night. Let him know you need a few hours in the day on Saturday and Sunday before you go in for a visit. Then, you return on Sunday afternoon hopefully a little rested. If he's not willing to do this, then forget everthing I just said because he's being ridiculous.

It is difficult, I know. I have been doing this for 20 yrs with two CF daughters. Sometimes by myself. My husband was in the Air Force. He left for Desert Shield/Storm in Aug.90 just 6 weeks after the birth of our second daughter and 7 weeks after our oldest was diagnosed w/CF. As hard as it is sometimes, you just have to do it. We've been through it all, hospitalizations, waiting for transplant, transplant, and now waiting again for another transplant. We were never near family to help us out until 5 yrs ago when my husband retired from the AF.

Hang in there. Be creative with your time in the hospital. I've made halloween costumes, Christmas presents and birthday presents while passing the time in the hospital. Read books that I'd otherwise never get to read.

Liza · Nov 14, 2010

Here's my reply but I am sure lots of you arent gonna like it.
 
 Yes, it is stressful sitting at the hospital all day by yourself. But your husband drives an hour every day after working all day to visit, then drives that hour back home. Every day you said. Only to get up and do it all over again. You have to consider, what happens if he misses work? Can his job potentially be at risk if he takes the time off?
 
 It's just been 4 days. Yes, I understand you have been cooped up in the hospital for 4 days. Hopefully, not in your daughters room the whole time. No matter the age of your daughter, you should be able to get downstairs to the cafeteria, giftshop or just wander around the floors of the hospital while she is sleeping if she is an infant, napping if she is of age where she still naps. If she's school age, then she is old enough to be left to the nurses for 30 minutes or an hour during school lessons with the hospital tutor/teacher, a child life activity or just watching a movie.
 
 Have you discussed with your husband what the plan will be come the weekend/ his days off? If you haven't, you need to. He should be able to switch out with you, ask him to sleep over Friday & Saturday night. Let him know you need a few hours in the day on Saturday and Sunday before you go in for a visit. Then, you return on Sunday afternoon hopefully a little rested. If he's not willing to do this, then forget everthing I just said because he's being ridiculous.
 
 It is difficult, I know. I have been doing this for 20 yrs with two CF daughters. Sometimes by myself. My husband was in the Air Force. He left for Desert Shield/Storm in Aug.90 just 6 weeks after the birth of our second daughter and 7 weeks after our oldest was diagnosed w/CF. As hard as it is sometimes, you just have to do it. We've been through it all, hospitalizations, waiting for transplant, transplant, and now waiting again for another transplant. We were never near family to help us out until 5 yrs ago when my husband retired from the AF.
 
 Hang in there. Be creative with your time in the hospital. I've made halloween costumes, Christmas presents and birthday presents while passing the time in the hospital. Read books that I'd otherwise never get to read.

hmw · Nov 14, 2010

Time in the hospital IS stressful and doesn't tend to bring out the best in each other, unfortunately. When Emily was in for 12 days over the summer, I was there the entire time. The hospital is over an hour from home and farther than that if my dh were to come straight from work. We also have two other children so that complicates the picture. Between my dh and my parents someone was up most days to visit. We had some days on our own though and that was lonely... however, logistics being what they were- there was no way around it. The rest of the family had things that needed to get done.

I completely agree with Liza above on a few points... It's so important to find ways OUT of that room. Do whatever you need to do so you can get out and walk, hopefully outside, make sure you are eating... if they have any 'parent breakfasts' or anything like that, try to do it (our hospital does that 2 mornings a week.) Ask the nurses for a break when you need one. And yeah, you may have more time for some quiet activity during your enforced 'down' time than you ever would have at home.

I was able to get a little perspective on the cf stays after a hospital stay with my non-cf son in September. We were 3+ hours from home, so had NO visits from family for the entire 7 days we were there. My son missed his dad and sibs so much he was in tears every night by the last few days. And Tim was tied to his bed with eeg and cardiac leads the entire time 24/7- and could not be left unsupervised. Which meant I was stuck, in that room with him, for 7 days. I couldn't even run down the hall to the parent kitchen for a cup of coffee without getting a nurse to come sit with him... I was lucky to get out of that room twice a day for a fast dash for food while a nurse pulled a chair in to do paperwork and babysit him. It was hard and overwhelming but you just do what you have to do... I mean, I had no other choice and none of the rest of us do either... over time I think we all learn what works for us and probably learn better coping skills and better ways to communicate our needs w/the rest of the family.

Hang in there~ I hope Avery is able to get out soon! <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

hmw · Nov 14, 2010

Time in the hospital IS stressful and doesn't tend to bring out the best in each other, unfortunately. When Emily was in for 12 days over the summer, I was there the entire time. The hospital is over an hour from home and farther than that if my dh were to come straight from work. We also have two other children so that complicates the picture. Between my dh and my parents someone was up most days to visit. We had some days on our own though and that was lonely... however, logistics being what they were- there was no way around it. The rest of the family had things that needed to get done.

I completely agree with Liza above on a few points... It's so important to find ways OUT of that room. Do whatever you need to do so you can get out and walk, hopefully outside, make sure you are eating... if they have any 'parent breakfasts' or anything like that, try to do it (our hospital does that 2 mornings a week.) Ask the nurses for a break when you need one. And yeah, you may have more time for some quiet activity during your enforced 'down' time than you ever would have at home.

I was able to get a little perspective on the cf stays after a hospital stay with my non-cf son in September. We were 3+ hours from home, so had NO visits from family for the entire 7 days we were there. My son missed his dad and sibs so much he was in tears every night by the last few days. And Tim was tied to his bed with eeg and cardiac leads the entire time 24/7- and could not be left unsupervised. Which meant I was stuck, in that room with him, for 7 days. I couldn't even run down the hall to the parent kitchen for a cup of coffee without getting a nurse to come sit with him... I was lucky to get out of that room twice a day for a fast dash for food while a nurse pulled a chair in to do paperwork and babysit him. It was hard and overwhelming but you just do what you have to do... I mean, I had no other choice and none of the rest of us do either... over time I think we all learn what works for us and probably learn better coping skills and better ways to communicate our needs w/the rest of the family.

Hang in there~ I hope Avery is able to get out soon! <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

hmw · Nov 14, 2010

Time in the hospital IS stressful and doesn't tend to bring out the best in each other, unfortunately. When Emily was in for 12 days over the summer, I was there the entire time. The hospital is over an hour from home and farther than that if my dh were to come straight from work. We also have two other children so that complicates the picture. Between my dh and my parents someone was up most days to visit. We had some days on our own though and that was lonely... however, logistics being what they were- there was no way around it. The rest of the family had things that needed to get done.
 
 I completely agree with Liza above on a few points... It's so important to find ways OUT of that room. Do whatever you need to do so you can get out and walk, hopefully outside, make sure you are eating... if they have any 'parent breakfasts' or anything like that, try to do it (our hospital does that 2 mornings a week.) Ask the nurses for a break when you need one. And yeah, you may have more time for some quiet activity during your enforced 'down' time than you ever would have at home.
 
 I was able to get a little perspective on the cf stays after a hospital stay with my non-cf son in September. We were 3+ hours from home, so had NO visits from family for the entire 7 days we were there. My son missed his dad and sibs so much he was in tears every night by the last few days. And Tim was tied to his bed with eeg and cardiac leads the entire time 24/7- and could not be left unsupervised. Which meant I was stuck, in that room with him, for 7 days. I couldn't even run down the hall to the parent kitchen for a cup of coffee without getting a nurse to come sit with him... I was lucky to get out of that room twice a day for a fast dash for food while a nurse pulled a chair in to do paperwork and babysit him. It was hard and overwhelming but you just do what you have to do... I mean, I had no other choice and none of the rest of us do either... over time I think we all learn what works for us and probably learn better coping skills and better ways to communicate our needs w/the rest of the family.
 
 Hang in there~ I hope Avery is able to get out soon! <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

Ratatosk · Nov 14, 2010

DS' last stay for a bowel obstruction was 3 weeks long and we were both able to be there for that time, but if he wouldn've had to stay any longer we were making arrangements for one of us to stay for a couple days while the other went back to work and to switch off.

DS only wanted his daddy to rub his tummy all night long, so DH was short on sleep and a couple times he snapped at me, I got teary -- close quarters.

When DS was a newborn he spent 2 weeks at the local hospital and I was supposed to spend the night, but the nurses were AWFUL, but didn't pull that kind of cr@# with DH, so he spent the night and I spent days. Was very stressful.

Do they have any volunteers? I know they did at the hospital in the City. They'd play games with DS so we could run and get some fresh air, run to Target for essentials....

Ratatosk · Nov 14, 2010

DS' last stay for a bowel obstruction was 3 weeks long and we were both able to be there for that time, but if he wouldn've had to stay any longer we were making arrangements for one of us to stay for a couple days while the other went back to work and to switch off.

DS only wanted his daddy to rub his tummy all night long, so DH was short on sleep and a couple times he snapped at me, I got teary -- close quarters.

When DS was a newborn he spent 2 weeks at the local hospital and I was supposed to spend the night, but the nurses were AWFUL, but didn't pull that kind of cr@# with DH, so he spent the night and I spent days. Was very stressful.

Do they have any volunteers? I know they did at the hospital in the City. They'd play games with DS so we could run and get some fresh air, run to Target for essentials....

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