do you have another baby????

[anonymous]

quite amusing to see the same stuff still goes on even though ive stopped posting on this site [this post to be an exception], i only browse a few times to see how/what some folks are doing. stick by your guns dave. dont let a selected few on here dictate to you what THEY think your life is like and what you are feeling, as which was done to me. as emily said 'dave knows what dave really feels'. i dont give a stuff about 99% of people on this forum [this thread is a prime example to why] but you have been here for quite some time and i consider you to be in that 1% [same with emily, coll] and it annoys me that you are getting the same presumptuous treatment i got. i found none of your replies to be rude.

kylie - im watching!!!

 

[anonymous]

I am a cf mom, my child does not have it . I was not diagnosed until i became very ill during my pregancy. I had been sick all my life. But got much worse when i became pregant. I now have been declining more in my health. I have severe cystic fibrosis. It is a decision that only you can make. But i would carefully consider the cost of caring for someone ill and what there furture holds. There are alot of issues in life that everyone has to face but having cf does make everyday more challenging. For me i decided not to have another child. I couldn't take the risk of having a sick child and more personally for me i couldn't risk leaving two children without there mom. I believe in god and have great faith in what he can do. For me i made the right decision.

 

[anonymous]

Hello everyone. I am 34 and have severe cf. Forgive me it has been years since i have talked on the web. I do not know any of you. But i just wanted to commit that i logged on for advice and support and to be able to talk to other people who have the same health problems i do. I think everyone is entilted to the own oppion and believes. I find it sad that instead of us being understand of each other. That everyone is just aruging back and fourth. To he mother that asked the question Untimately it is your decision and no matter what you decide, you will find those who agree and those who dissagree. And to the rest of us if we were making that decision no matter what we dicided we would want support and kindness. Although in life we all share some comman things we never know what it is like to walk in someone's shoes. So we all have the right to offer our opoin, but in the end the decision can only be made by the person making it .

 

[anonymous]

i believe its actually very brave and good of dave to bring up the idea will you be able to forgive yourself if the child gets very ill or worse. of course its a horrible thing to think about, but isnt it better to think about it before hand rather than when it's too late?

if i knowingly had a child with cf, it would make it a lot harder for me to watch them when they were sick and in pain, knowing i could have prevented that. some people may feel differently, thats fine. but some people may just not have considered that in which case it is a valid point to raise. regret and guilt are very painful things and i think its positive to bring up potentially painful things that may prevent future guilt.

dont forget we arent talking about killing people with cf because they arent perfect, we are talking about the idea of preventing pain. of course everyone is entitled to their opinion, and just because dave or other people's ideas may touch a nerve with some people, we are still all entitled to say what we believe. as long as it isnt a personal attack.

 

[anonymous]

I am glad that Dave has the balls to play the devil's advocate. I am not sure how many
others would be brave enough to say what Dave has said. He is not attacking anyone.
Instead, he is giving us yet another way to look at the situation.

 

[anonymous]

I appreciate all the people who are sticking up for me, you seem to be the only people who understand what I was doing by posing that question earlier.

Dave 30 w/cf

 

[anonymous]

Julie,

Say whatever you wan't to about me, but there was no reason for you to bring my parents into this you do not know them or the things they have done for me. I am glad that my mother does not read these boards and saw those comments.

Dave 30 w/cf

 

[anonymous]

Dave,
Nothing of what I said was meant to attack you or your mother, it was intended to shed light on how you make others feel sometimes. As I stated in my posts earlier, sometimes you make good points so share as much as you feel you need to share, but also keep in mind that a lot of times people feel personally attacked by you. And there is a difference between "playing devils advocate" (as someone put it) or being honest, and attacking people and tearing them down with your comments. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, and I am not saying you shouldn't state the truth-but I think you should respect those who ask for no personal comments from you and make sure your intentions behind writing your comments are to help someone, not to hurt them.

All Sharon was doing was asking that you please not give her any comments directly, she was not asking you not to post at all. An adult would have respected those boundaries.

Julie

 

[anonymous]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>Dear anonymous



You have 1 child with cf so you know that you and your partner are both carriers and that if you have another child there is a 25% chance that the child will have CF. The decision to have another child is entirely up to you, don't let anybody tell you what to do.



Now that you know that you and your partner are carriers there is one tough question that you need to ask yourself. Will you be able to live with yourself if you have another child with CF when you knew that you were both carriers?



Dave 29 w/cf<hr></blockquote>

 

[anonymous]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br><blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i>
Dear anonymous







You have 1 child with cf so you know that you and your partner are both carriers and that if you have another child there is a 25% chance that the child will have CF. The decision to have another child is entirely up to you, don't let anybody tell you what to do.







Now that you know that you and your partner are carriers there is one tough question that you need to ask yourself. Will you be able to live with yourself if you have another child with CF when you knew that you were both carriers?







Dave 29 w/cf<hr></blockquote><hr></blockquote>


Hi everyone,

I'm reposting Dave's original reply to the original poster - the woman who is considering having a 2nd child (her 1st child has CF). I'm sorry but I personally don't interpret anything in his post that is rude/hostile. She asked for advice and he suggested she imagine how she might feel in the future in addition to how she feels today - which is reasonable advice.

As someone who was in a similar position years ago (while pregnant w/1st child) and who now watches that child deal with increasing health problems related to CF, I know that how I felt years ago is very different than how I now feel. Does that mean I regret any decisions I made? Of course not; my child is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. HOWEVER, if there were some way for me to go back and take measures to ensure that my child would NOT have CF - I can tell you with absolute certainty that I would.

I believe all of us cope with varying combinations of optimism and realism in dealing with CF. Some are a mixture of both, while others are extraordinarily optimistic or very realistic. I suspect that many of us initially start out very optimistic when first dealing with the disease (when it's more mild), and then over the years temper that optimism with some realism as the disease progresses. Clearly Dave is more of a realist in this regard, and his answer shows that - I fail to see where he was rude however!

We're not all going to be in agreement here on certain topics (and this is one that really stirs up emotions) but the original poster did ask for our opinions.

Happy Birthday Dave and may all of us have a Happy & Healthy 2005!


<i>considering</i><img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Nail on the head!!!!!

Dave did NOT attack anyone & was not rude. I am actually pretty annoyed at the gal who
is saying that Dave attacked her personally. Umm hello, he addressed the post to the
original poster, not to you. He was giving her his opinion, which is what she asked for.

He is just looking at things from a different angle than most are willing to look at.

I pray that the original poster is able to find peace with her final decision.

 

[anonymous]

Hi everyone,

I told myself that I would not reply any longer to this post, as it has gotten very heated. However, I think people are getting confused. The last post refers to "the gal who is saying that Dave attacked her personally." Who is this gal? I know that Sharon asked Dave not to comment on her personal choice to have a second child. She never said that he attacked her personally. Their exchange was over long ago and was by no means this ugly.

I know that I said that I thought his comment made the choice of having another child rely solely on whether or not the child has CF. Unfortunately, those of us who have had to grapple with that decision know that many other factors and emotions also play a part.

I also stated that the way he phrased the question can lead some would be parents to blame themselves if the child did end up with CF. I have to admit that my perception of Dave's intent comes from his comments on the past debate about this. In that debate, Dave stated that he would not be able to forgive himself if he had a child with CF. I don't think anyone would find that statement offensive. It is his personal feeling and opinion. But when he commented to others saying, "Why would you tempt fate?" And, "We could keep this argument going for months and add pages and pages to this thread, for what. We can't stop you from having other kids, and potentially having more kids with CF," that becomes passing judgement.

I believe that's what Julie has been referring to in her discussion with Dave. I didn't agree with how Julie initially went about addressing this with Dave (two wrongs don't make a right). And I don't know if I agree that his past statements are rude. But, they are quite strong and didn't leave me with any question about his stance on this matter.

I just think that ALL of us (parents and those with CF) have SO much to deal with as it is. We should be able to help each other and voice our opinions in a manner that does not put someone on the defensive - or make someone feel like their personal choice is wrong.

Maria (mother of three daughters, the youngest, Samantha w/cf)

 

[anonymous]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>Dave everything you have ever said on this site (or almost everything) leaves most people to believe that you hate your life and you are looking to blame someone for your CF. If that is not the intention that you have and that is not the way you feel, then you might want to re-examine your attitude. It is true and you are right, I don't know you, but everytime I read something you have posted on this site you are depressing, negative and sometimes downright rude-to the very people who need SUPPORT not PERSONAL ATTACKS. That is NOT what people come here for. There is a way to get your point across and tell the truth without constantaly offending people.



And you might believe me to be ignorant, but in my last post I just gave you a taste of your own medicine-doesn't make you too happy does it? If you CAN'T take it, then don't dish it out to others.



Julie<hr></blockquote>

Here is the "personal attack" quote.

 

[anonymous]

Maria,
You are right on in your last three paraghraphs about the message I was trying to relay but obviously did not do a good job at. It just frustrates me that while most of us who come to this site are struggling, having a hard time, need advice...whatever-There are some of us that are struggling MUCH more and that is apparent by the persons posting. And what happens, that person gets torn apart the most. While I have no problem with anybody being honest about their feelings and opinions, I think there comes a point when what someone says is meant to hurt the one it is addressed to. You can be honest and sometimes honesty hurts, but it's different than personally attacking/criticizing someone.

I am sorry this has caused such a big deal and to the origional poster, everybody has their stance on what should and should be done, and hoepfully from what everybody has posted you can weigh the pros and cons of some different options. But ultimately-just as everyone else has said-This is a very personal decision and I personally feel that if anybody judges you because of a decision you make either way, they probably aren't worth being around anyways. In life we all make different decisions, and even those who are in simlar situations handel, deal with and decide things differently. Shame on anybody who judges you because of your choice. Chances are they don't know who you are, where you have been and what your dreams are. And I think God never gives someone more than they can handel. I know some people don't agree with this, but I feel it is so true. Even though this is such an awful thing, I look at my husband (who has CF) and then my husbands brother and know that he didn't end up with it because he wouldn't have been able to handel it. It's not that I am ok with the fact that he has it, but I know that he is a stronger, bigger man than his brother will EVER be.

Best of luck with your decision and whatever choice you make, it's meant to be.

Julie

 

[anonymous]

Julie

Well said.

 

[EmilysMom]

Kylie,
I wondered where you had gone........................?<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

My husband and I struggled with the decision about having more children from the moment our son was dx. It took us 2 years to decide. We contemplated adoption but decided to put fate into God's hands. We got pregnant and had a CVS done when i was 10 weeks pregnant, to determine if the fetus had CF. We both wanted to find out earlier on in the pregnancy so we could do our "grieving" before the baby was born. Well, the test showed that our daughter WAS NOT affected with CF . . . she was just a carrier of the cf gene. We were ecstatic to say the least!! Unfortunately, we ended up losing her during the 18th week of pregnancy from an infection i got during the CVS procedure. Talk about complee devestation!! We kept asking why do these things have to happen to us. I know this may sound like a cliche, but i truly believe it has made us stronger people. and like i have said in several other posts, everything happens for a reason in life. So, after we lost our daughter, we began the adoption process, because for us, we couldn't risk it again, knowing that we were just pregnant with a healthy baby. It has only been about 4 months since we began the adoption process, and we received a call on 12/15, saying that we have been chosen by the birth parents to be the adoptive parents of a boy who is to be born the first part of April. This confirms my belief that everything happens for a reason. My advice to you is go with your heart. No one will have to live with the decision but you and your hubby. Don't let others try to persuade you. Good luck!

Jodi, Mom to tucker w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

I believe this is the post julie was referring to when she told dave that he needn't be hostile, especially when someone specifically asks not for a personal response.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous

Posts: 9267
Joined: Sep 2001
Thursday December 30, 2004 10:50 AM


My husband and I wanted a large family, maybe four kids. We did not stress over the decision to have another child after our first born was diagnosed with cf at six weeks of age. We knew that it is up to God to choose the path for our children and we would be blessed regardless of cf. Our second child was also diagnosed with cf while I was still pregnant by a routine ultrasound that showed meconium illeus. Our second child’s diagnosis was much more difficult for us to accept than the original diagnosis of our first child. Of course, we knew the 25% chance, but for us to realize that both of our children would have cf was a bit overwhelming. If we could go back, we wouldn't change the decision we made. Both of children bring us so much joy and they are living a wonderful life. Yes, we know be difficult at times in the future but none of us are promised a perfect life. We just accept God's perfect plan for both of them and we are honored that he choose us to be their parents.
Sharon, mom to Sophia, 3 and Jack, 16 months both with cf

-----Dave, please do not give a commentary on our decision to have another child. You have made your position clear in your postings this past year. -----
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I believe in this specific case Julie was referring to Sharon's last sentence, not about dave posting his opinion period. She has a point.

 

[anonymous]

I have a 3 yrs old with cf and he was diagnosed when he was 3 mo. old. I am now 6 mo. pregnant with our second one. I was devastated at first but the one thing that the doctors said was to never give up hope. So for anyone who is thinking should I try to have another baby, I think its a decision that you will have to make but when I think about it I think ok you have the 1 in 4 chance of the baby being born with cf but even if it is born with cf I think that the baby will have someone to talk to about there cf when he gets older and the sibling will understand and possibly will bring them closer together as siblings. Also they can very well find a cure for cf and we want have to worry about it. I am not a real religious person but I believe that god would not give us more than we can handle. I also think of all the other things that could be worse than cf like cancer or being blind, deaf or any other terrible thing. We just don't know what fate holds for us so I say live for today and take tomorrow as a blessing.

 

[Emily65Roses]

This is kind of irrelevant, but I hate when people say being Deaf is so horrible. This is the general hearing population's opinion, but generally it's untrue. The majority of the Deaf community would certainly tell you otherwise. Furthermore, most Deaf people are happy and proud to be Deaf. If anyone has any curiosity as to why I would say this, ask me. I'm an American Sign Language major. <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">