kelly,
i waited and thought a day or so after reading this to respond. in that time i think i realized something: your situation, i don't think, is really that specific to CF. (i don't mean this in a bad way! let me explain...)
i think that people in our society, or people in general, tend to act very shallow with strangers or acquaintences. you walk by someone (this happens to me all the time walking the dogs) and say "hello" "hi" [end] or "hey, how are you?" "hello. good, thanks." [end] sound familiar? when does anyone EVER say they're doing anyway except for good. it's just a script that society follows.
same thing when you call your buddy and say "what's up?" they will answer "nothing" because that question has changed from being a truthful question to simply an expression. only after this "formality" will they really tell you how they are or what they're up to. but i've digressed...
we all have a line we draw for ourselves about how much we want to share what we are really feeling at any given time with this disease. for me, i usually totally edit myself with people i don't know very well. for those i'm close to, i do edit also, but in a different way...it is more that i feel out how comfortable they are with talking about the not-so-good things about CF. same thing with my significant other, except there are times to dive into serious subjects even if it is difficult. with my family i am the most open, which is how i want it to be.
i agree with whoever said that people will look to you for clues how to handle what you tell them. but this is dangerous too, because, at least for me, it has led me to feel like i need to be strong all the time. or that i need to carry the burden and protect others from knowing the pain i really feel inside sometimes. i still need to learn to let my guard down with people who i trust, because i know that those people want to help me, and be there to support me...they don't see it as trouble, like i think they might. well, not think, but feel. it feels like if you put all that on someone that they will run away... i don't know. it's hard.
i waited and thought a day or so after reading this to respond. in that time i think i realized something: your situation, i don't think, is really that specific to CF. (i don't mean this in a bad way! let me explain...)
i think that people in our society, or people in general, tend to act very shallow with strangers or acquaintences. you walk by someone (this happens to me all the time walking the dogs) and say "hello" "hi" [end] or "hey, how are you?" "hello. good, thanks." [end] sound familiar? when does anyone EVER say they're doing anyway except for good. it's just a script that society follows.
same thing when you call your buddy and say "what's up?" they will answer "nothing" because that question has changed from being a truthful question to simply an expression. only after this "formality" will they really tell you how they are or what they're up to. but i've digressed...
we all have a line we draw for ourselves about how much we want to share what we are really feeling at any given time with this disease. for me, i usually totally edit myself with people i don't know very well. for those i'm close to, i do edit also, but in a different way...it is more that i feel out how comfortable they are with talking about the not-so-good things about CF. same thing with my significant other, except there are times to dive into serious subjects even if it is difficult. with my family i am the most open, which is how i want it to be.
i agree with whoever said that people will look to you for clues how to handle what you tell them. but this is dangerous too, because, at least for me, it has led me to feel like i need to be strong all the time. or that i need to carry the burden and protect others from knowing the pain i really feel inside sometimes. i still need to learn to let my guard down with people who i trust, because i know that those people want to help me, and be there to support me...they don't see it as trouble, like i think they might. well, not think, but feel. it feels like if you put all that on someone that they will run away... i don't know. it's hard.