Frame of mind and CF condition

[Faust]

Ok. Nothing very scientific, and I don't want to go off on another associated tangent (intention) like I have in the past, and upset some people here (one really). But I was curious. How do you feel your current frame of mind has a relation to your subsequent (following) health level?


Here is a quick example. I recently had that great job offer given to me (posted about it on here a while ago). I thought it was something (previously when applying for it) that it was not, and what it turned out to be was something I did not want to lose everything to an unknown for. Yes I still question myself two weeks down the road if I did the right thing, but by now i'm cool with knowing I made the right call at the time.

During that time, I had my first and only panic attack. I broke out in hives. I couldn't sleep, and I nearly broke out in tears. This huge lump of emotional chaos took place from Thursday, to the following Monday. I literally had raised ultra itchy bumps on me that I was scratching until I bled...All because of the whole "Give up everything you have now, for the possibility of something else, and if it sucks you are stuck there" scenario.

Anyways, I ended up saying no to what previously was my dream job (or shall I say, PERCEIVED dream job). But it was absolutely amazing how stark these mental stressors manifested themselves with me physically. I have zero real alergies. I never get scratchy skin to the point that I am bleeding from scratching.

During this time period, I could not scratch enough. I was scratching myself to the point of blood running down me from multiple areas. I looked like a hardcore meth addict. I had like 4-5 actual bloody scratch wounds on each hand, and then 3-5 of the same thing on my foot/ankle area.

All I kept geting from my fiancee and mom was "OMG stop scratching you are bleeding like a stuck pig" (and various similar levels that represent that).

I would apply a very good anti itch cream to my arms/legs/feet/hands truck of my body. It helped some...But you know when I had the biggest relief? It was when I called my captain and told them I would not take the position.

I was still very stressed about NOT taking the position. But a few minutes after breaking off relations, I could literally feel my nerves calm down. My scratching massively went away. I had no desire to tear at my flesh anymore...


My point is, the mind is a VERY powerful thing. Either via stress or perception of your stress in various perspectives, how do you physically feel in comparison to how you mentally feel at any given time. I don't want to sit here and get way too specific, because we are all different. But i'm just curious how it relates to our disease, and how we felt, and how we acted in turn.


As it is right now for me, as close to "stress free" is the most important thing to me besides making my love of my life happy. Do you guys find yourselves 100% healthy and content during any period of time, or do you actually feel a physical manifestation of life going on around you?

 

[Faust]

Ok. Nothing very scientific, and I don't want to go off on another associated tangent (intention) like I have in the past, and upset some people here (one really). But I was curious. How do you feel your current frame of mind has a relation to your subsequent (following) health level?


Here is a quick example. I recently had that great job offer given to me (posted about it on here a while ago). I thought it was something (previously when applying for it) that it was not, and what it turned out to be was something I did not want to lose everything to an unknown for. Yes I still question myself two weeks down the road if I did the right thing, but by now i'm cool with knowing I made the right call at the time.

During that time, I had my first and only panic attack. I broke out in hives. I couldn't sleep, and I nearly broke out in tears. This huge lump of emotional chaos took place from Thursday, to the following Monday. I literally had raised ultra itchy bumps on me that I was scratching until I bled...All because of the whole "Give up everything you have now, for the possibility of something else, and if it sucks you are stuck there" scenario.

Anyways, I ended up saying no to what previously was my dream job (or shall I say, PERCEIVED dream job). But it was absolutely amazing how stark these mental stressors manifested themselves with me physically. I have zero real alergies. I never get scratchy skin to the point that I am bleeding from scratching.

During this time period, I could not scratch enough. I was scratching myself to the point of blood running down me from multiple areas. I looked like a hardcore meth addict. I had like 4-5 actual bloody scratch wounds on each hand, and then 3-5 of the same thing on my foot/ankle area.

All I kept geting from my fiancee and mom was "OMG stop scratching you are bleeding like a stuck pig" (and various similar levels that represent that).

I would apply a very good anti itch cream to my arms/legs/feet/hands truck of my body. It helped some...But you know when I had the biggest relief? It was when I called my captain and told them I would not take the position.

I was still very stressed about NOT taking the position. But a few minutes after breaking off relations, I could literally feel my nerves calm down. My scratching massively went away. I had no desire to tear at my flesh anymore...


My point is, the mind is a VERY powerful thing. Either via stress or perception of your stress in various perspectives, how do you physically feel in comparison to how you mentally feel at any given time. I don't want to sit here and get way too specific, because we are all different. But i'm just curious how it relates to our disease, and how we felt, and how we acted in turn.


As it is right now for me, as close to "stress free" is the most important thing to me besides making my love of my life happy. Do you guys find yourselves 100% healthy and content during any period of time, or do you actually feel a physical manifestation of life going on around you?

 

[Faust]

Ok. Nothing very scientific, and I don't want to go off on another associated tangent (intention) like I have in the past, and upset some people here (one really). But I was curious. How do you feel your current frame of mind has a relation to your subsequent (following) health level?


Here is a quick example. I recently had that great job offer given to me (posted about it on here a while ago). I thought it was something (previously when applying for it) that it was not, and what it turned out to be was something I did not want to lose everything to an unknown for. Yes I still question myself two weeks down the road if I did the right thing, but by now i'm cool with knowing I made the right call at the time.

During that time, I had my first and only panic attack. I broke out in hives. I couldn't sleep, and I nearly broke out in tears. This huge lump of emotional chaos took place from Thursday, to the following Monday. I literally had raised ultra itchy bumps on me that I was scratching until I bled...All because of the whole "Give up everything you have now, for the possibility of something else, and if it sucks you are stuck there" scenario.

Anyways, I ended up saying no to what previously was my dream job (or shall I say, PERCEIVED dream job). But it was absolutely amazing how stark these mental stressors manifested themselves with me physically. I have zero real alergies. I never get scratchy skin to the point that I am bleeding from scratching.

During this time period, I could not scratch enough. I was scratching myself to the point of blood running down me from multiple areas. I looked like a hardcore meth addict. I had like 4-5 actual bloody scratch wounds on each hand, and then 3-5 of the same thing on my foot/ankle area.

All I kept geting from my fiancee and mom was "OMG stop scratching you are bleeding like a stuck pig" (and various similar levels that represent that).

I would apply a very good anti itch cream to my arms/legs/feet/hands truck of my body. It helped some...But you know when I had the biggest relief? It was when I called my captain and told them I would not take the position.

I was still very stressed about NOT taking the position. But a few minutes after breaking off relations, I could literally feel my nerves calm down. My scratching massively went away. I had no desire to tear at my flesh anymore...


My point is, the mind is a VERY powerful thing. Either via stress or perception of your stress in various perspectives, how do you physically feel in comparison to how you mentally feel at any given time. I don't want to sit here and get way too specific, because we are all different. But i'm just curious how it relates to our disease, and how we felt, and how we acted in turn.


As it is right now for me, as close to "stress free" is the most important thing to me besides making my love of my life happy. Do you guys find yourselves 100% healthy and content during any period of time, or do you actually feel a physical manifestation of life going on around you?

 

[Faust]

Ok. Nothing very scientific, and I don't want to go off on another associated tangent (intention) like I have in the past, and upset some people here (one really). But I was curious. How do you feel your current frame of mind has a relation to your subsequent (following) health level?


Here is a quick example. I recently had that great job offer given to me (posted about it on here a while ago). I thought it was something (previously when applying for it) that it was not, and what it turned out to be was something I did not want to lose everything to an unknown for. Yes I still question myself two weeks down the road if I did the right thing, but by now i'm cool with knowing I made the right call at the time.

During that time, I had my first and only panic attack. I broke out in hives. I couldn't sleep, and I nearly broke out in tears. This huge lump of emotional chaos took place from Thursday, to the following Monday. I literally had raised ultra itchy bumps on me that I was scratching until I bled...All because of the whole "Give up everything you have now, for the possibility of something else, and if it sucks you are stuck there" scenario.

Anyways, I ended up saying no to what previously was my dream job (or shall I say, PERCEIVED dream job). But it was absolutely amazing how stark these mental stressors manifested themselves with me physically. I have zero real alergies. I never get scratchy skin to the point that I am bleeding from scratching.

During this time period, I could not scratch enough. I was scratching myself to the point of blood running down me from multiple areas. I looked like a hardcore meth addict. I had like 4-5 actual bloody scratch wounds on each hand, and then 3-5 of the same thing on my foot/ankle area.

All I kept geting from my fiancee and mom was "OMG stop scratching you are bleeding like a stuck pig" (and various similar levels that represent that).

I would apply a very good anti itch cream to my arms/legs/feet/hands truck of my body. It helped some...But you know when I had the biggest relief? It was when I called my captain and told them I would not take the position.

I was still very stressed about NOT taking the position. But a few minutes after breaking off relations, I could literally feel my nerves calm down. My scratching massively went away. I had no desire to tear at my flesh anymore...


My point is, the mind is a VERY powerful thing. Either via stress or perception of your stress in various perspectives, how do you physically feel in comparison to how you mentally feel at any given time. I don't want to sit here and get way too specific, because we are all different. But i'm just curious how it relates to our disease, and how we felt, and how we acted in turn.


As it is right now for me, as close to "stress free" is the most important thing to me besides making my love of my life happy. Do you guys find yourselves 100% healthy and content during any period of time, or do you actually feel a physical manifestation of life going on around you?

 

[Faust]

Ok. Nothing very scientific, and I don't want to go off on another associated tangent (intention) like I have in the past, and upset some people here (one really). But I was curious. How do you feel your current frame of mind has a relation to your subsequent (following) health level?
<br />
<br />
<br />Here is a quick example. I recently had that great job offer given to me (posted about it on here a while ago). I thought it was something (previously when applying for it) that it was not, and what it turned out to be was something I did not want to lose everything to an unknown for. Yes I still question myself two weeks down the road if I did the right thing, but by now i'm cool with knowing I made the right call at the time.
<br />
<br />During that time, I had my first and only panic attack. I broke out in hives. I couldn't sleep, and I nearly broke out in tears. This huge lump of emotional chaos took place from Thursday, to the following Monday. I literally had raised ultra itchy bumps on me that I was scratching until I bled...All because of the whole "Give up everything you have now, for the possibility of something else, and if it sucks you are stuck there" scenario.
<br />
<br />Anyways, I ended up saying no to what previously was my dream job (or shall I say, PERCEIVED dream job). But it was absolutely amazing how stark these mental stressors manifested themselves with me physically. I have zero real alergies. I never get scratchy skin to the point that I am bleeding from scratching.
<br />
<br />During this time period, I could not scratch enough. I was scratching myself to the point of blood running down me from multiple areas. I looked like a hardcore meth addict. I had like 4-5 actual bloody scratch wounds on each hand, and then 3-5 of the same thing on my foot/ankle area.
<br />
<br />All I kept geting from my fiancee and mom was "OMG stop scratching you are bleeding like a stuck pig" (and various similar levels that represent that).
<br />
<br />I would apply a very good anti itch cream to my arms/legs/feet/hands truck of my body. It helped some...But you know when I had the biggest relief? It was when I called my captain and told them I would not take the position.
<br />
<br />I was still very stressed about NOT taking the position. But a few minutes after breaking off relations, I could literally feel my nerves calm down. My scratching massively went away. I had no desire to tear at my flesh anymore...
<br />
<br />
<br />My point is, the mind is a VERY powerful thing. Either via stress or perception of your stress in various perspectives, how do you physically feel in comparison to how you mentally feel at any given time. I don't want to sit here and get way too specific, because we are all different. But i'm just curious how it relates to our disease, and how we felt, and how we acted in turn.
<br />
<br />
<br />As it is right now for me, as close to "stress free" is the most important thing to me besides making my love of my life happy. Do you guys find yourselves 100% healthy and content during any period of time, or do you actually feel a physical manifestation of life going on around you?
<br />
<br />

 

[Wheezie]

I think mental health is very powerful indeed, particularly as it relates to physical health. I can't say that I've ever had a physical reaction as you described, but in times of high stress or profound unhappiness, I get physically run down a lot faster (and a lot more often) - it seems to begin a perpetual cycle of destruction: the more unhappy I am, the lousier I feel (physically), the less I feel motivated to do my nebs and vest and blahblahblah.

Conversely, in times of profound happiness, I find myself much more able to beat off a potential infection, I have more energy, and I am generally more compliant with my CF care (which means I get fewer exacerbations, too).

Happy mind = happy body (usually, <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> )

 

[Wheezie]

I think mental health is very powerful indeed, particularly as it relates to physical health. I can't say that I've ever had a physical reaction as you described, but in times of high stress or profound unhappiness, I get physically run down a lot faster (and a lot more often) - it seems to begin a perpetual cycle of destruction: the more unhappy I am, the lousier I feel (physically), the less I feel motivated to do my nebs and vest and blahblahblah.

Conversely, in times of profound happiness, I find myself much more able to beat off a potential infection, I have more energy, and I am generally more compliant with my CF care (which means I get fewer exacerbations, too).

Happy mind = happy body (usually, <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> )

 

[Wheezie]

I think mental health is very powerful indeed, particularly as it relates to physical health. I can't say that I've ever had a physical reaction as you described, but in times of high stress or profound unhappiness, I get physically run down a lot faster (and a lot more often) - it seems to begin a perpetual cycle of destruction: the more unhappy I am, the lousier I feel (physically), the less I feel motivated to do my nebs and vest and blahblahblah.

Conversely, in times of profound happiness, I find myself much more able to beat off a potential infection, I have more energy, and I am generally more compliant with my CF care (which means I get fewer exacerbations, too).

Happy mind = happy body (usually, <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> )

 

[Wheezie]

I think mental health is very powerful indeed, particularly as it relates to physical health. I can't say that I've ever had a physical reaction as you described, but in times of high stress or profound unhappiness, I get physically run down a lot faster (and a lot more often) - it seems to begin a perpetual cycle of destruction: the more unhappy I am, the lousier I feel (physically), the less I feel motivated to do my nebs and vest and blahblahblah.

Conversely, in times of profound happiness, I find myself much more able to beat off a potential infection, I have more energy, and I am generally more compliant with my CF care (which means I get fewer exacerbations, too).

Happy mind = happy body (usually, <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> )

 

[Wheezie]

I think mental health is very powerful indeed, particularly as it relates to physical health. I can't say that I've ever had a physical reaction as you described, but in times of high stress or profound unhappiness, I get physically run down a lot faster (and a lot more often) - it seems to begin a perpetual cycle of destruction: the more unhappy I am, the lousier I feel (physically), the less I feel motivated to do my nebs and vest and blahblahblah.
<br />
<br />Conversely, in times of profound happiness, I find myself much more able to beat off a potential infection, I have more energy, and I am generally more compliant with my CF care (which means I get fewer exacerbations, too).
<br />
<br />Happy mind = happy body (usually, <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> )

 

[Faust]

Yep. And that is the opinion I share. I have *NEVER* met another human being, be them chronic disease sufferers like us or completely "normal" people, who would say "When I am very depressed and hate everything, I feel the best physically". It/they just do not exist. Even when I get violent the previous evening, and I come down from y anger/negative frame of mind (and yes violence = negative frame of mind), the absolute last thing I want to do is more of the same. It to me is equivalent to going out and drinking a ton of rum one night, getting blasted out of your mind, and then the next night/week drinking more rum.

It seems the body has a tolerance for negativity...And if it gets more than it can hold, it manifests much of that into a physical symptom.


Something as simple as showing a VERY basic mathematical problem (the actual representation was something like 2+2=6), over a large group showed could influence a blood pressure by several points. Just something as simple as showing the brain something it knows is not correct does cause a more than negligible fluctuation. Now if something that simple can create real physical manifestations of stress, why couldn't problems much larger present much larger manifestations?

I had never had that much serious stress come down on me at once. It was all very important. It was my life, and future life. I was at a dead end, and nothing anyone could do/say would help me. That is why I struggled so bad, and manifested real physical issues at that time.

What cracks me up the most is, there are people out there (some of which are us, with our needs) who go about their day, talk to their docs, express their needs and concerns, and never realize that doctors use the power of their patients minds to treat and manipulate their well being. Doctors use the placebo effect more often than drug companies employ it via stage testing. It really makes me laugh when I see these hardcore people that put all their faith in our docs and their treatments, and yet they have no idea that these same people use our own powers of the mind to greatly influence outcomes in our health.

 

[Faust]

Yep. And that is the opinion I share. I have *NEVER* met another human being, be them chronic disease sufferers like us or completely "normal" people, who would say "When I am very depressed and hate everything, I feel the best physically". It/they just do not exist. Even when I get violent the previous evening, and I come down from y anger/negative frame of mind (and yes violence = negative frame of mind), the absolute last thing I want to do is more of the same. It to me is equivalent to going out and drinking a ton of rum one night, getting blasted out of your mind, and then the next night/week drinking more rum.

It seems the body has a tolerance for negativity...And if it gets more than it can hold, it manifests much of that into a physical symptom.


Something as simple as showing a VERY basic mathematical problem (the actual representation was something like 2+2=6), over a large group showed could influence a blood pressure by several points. Just something as simple as showing the brain something it knows is not correct does cause a more than negligible fluctuation. Now if something that simple can create real physical manifestations of stress, why couldn't problems much larger present much larger manifestations?

I had never had that much serious stress come down on me at once. It was all very important. It was my life, and future life. I was at a dead end, and nothing anyone could do/say would help me. That is why I struggled so bad, and manifested real physical issues at that time.

What cracks me up the most is, there are people out there (some of which are us, with our needs) who go about their day, talk to their docs, express their needs and concerns, and never realize that doctors use the power of their patients minds to treat and manipulate their well being. Doctors use the placebo effect more often than drug companies employ it via stage testing. It really makes me laugh when I see these hardcore people that put all their faith in our docs and their treatments, and yet they have no idea that these same people use our own powers of the mind to greatly influence outcomes in our health.

 

[Faust]

Yep. And that is the opinion I share. I have *NEVER* met another human being, be them chronic disease sufferers like us or completely "normal" people, who would say "When I am very depressed and hate everything, I feel the best physically". It/they just do not exist. Even when I get violent the previous evening, and I come down from y anger/negative frame of mind (and yes violence = negative frame of mind), the absolute last thing I want to do is more of the same. It to me is equivalent to going out and drinking a ton of rum one night, getting blasted out of your mind, and then the next night/week drinking more rum.

It seems the body has a tolerance for negativity...And if it gets more than it can hold, it manifests much of that into a physical symptom.


Something as simple as showing a VERY basic mathematical problem (the actual representation was something like 2+2=6), over a large group showed could influence a blood pressure by several points. Just something as simple as showing the brain something it knows is not correct does cause a more than negligible fluctuation. Now if something that simple can create real physical manifestations of stress, why couldn't problems much larger present much larger manifestations?

I had never had that much serious stress come down on me at once. It was all very important. It was my life, and future life. I was at a dead end, and nothing anyone could do/say would help me. That is why I struggled so bad, and manifested real physical issues at that time.

What cracks me up the most is, there are people out there (some of which are us, with our needs) who go about their day, talk to their docs, express their needs and concerns, and never realize that doctors use the power of their patients minds to treat and manipulate their well being. Doctors use the placebo effect more often than drug companies employ it via stage testing. It really makes me laugh when I see these hardcore people that put all their faith in our docs and their treatments, and yet they have no idea that these same people use our own powers of the mind to greatly influence outcomes in our health.

 

[Faust]

Yep. And that is the opinion I share. I have *NEVER* met another human being, be them chronic disease sufferers like us or completely "normal" people, who would say "When I am very depressed and hate everything, I feel the best physically". It/they just do not exist. Even when I get violent the previous evening, and I come down from y anger/negative frame of mind (and yes violence = negative frame of mind), the absolute last thing I want to do is more of the same. It to me is equivalent to going out and drinking a ton of rum one night, getting blasted out of your mind, and then the next night/week drinking more rum.

It seems the body has a tolerance for negativity...And if it gets more than it can hold, it manifests much of that into a physical symptom.


Something as simple as showing a VERY basic mathematical problem (the actual representation was something like 2+2=6), over a large group showed could influence a blood pressure by several points. Just something as simple as showing the brain something it knows is not correct does cause a more than negligible fluctuation. Now if something that simple can create real physical manifestations of stress, why couldn't problems much larger present much larger manifestations?

I had never had that much serious stress come down on me at once. It was all very important. It was my life, and future life. I was at a dead end, and nothing anyone could do/say would help me. That is why I struggled so bad, and manifested real physical issues at that time.

What cracks me up the most is, there are people out there (some of which are us, with our needs) who go about their day, talk to their docs, express their needs and concerns, and never realize that doctors use the power of their patients minds to treat and manipulate their well being. Doctors use the placebo effect more often than drug companies employ it via stage testing. It really makes me laugh when I see these hardcore people that put all their faith in our docs and their treatments, and yet they have no idea that these same people use our own powers of the mind to greatly influence outcomes in our health.

 

[Faust]

Yep. And that is the opinion I share. I have *NEVER* met another human being, be them chronic disease sufferers like us or completely "normal" people, who would say "When I am very depressed and hate everything, I feel the best physically". It/they just do not exist. Even when I get violent the previous evening, and I come down from y anger/negative frame of mind (and yes violence = negative frame of mind), the absolute last thing I want to do is more of the same. It to me is equivalent to going out and drinking a ton of rum one night, getting blasted out of your mind, and then the next night/week drinking more rum.
<br />
<br />It seems the body has a tolerance for negativity...And if it gets more than it can hold, it manifests much of that into a physical symptom.
<br />
<br />
<br />Something as simple as showing a VERY basic mathematical problem (the actual representation was something like 2+2=6), over a large group showed could influence a blood pressure by several points. Just something as simple as showing the brain something it knows is not correct does cause a more than negligible fluctuation. Now if something that simple can create real physical manifestations of stress, why couldn't problems much larger present much larger manifestations?
<br />
<br />I had never had that much serious stress come down on me at once. It was all very important. It was my life, and future life. I was at a dead end, and nothing anyone could do/say would help me. That is why I struggled so bad, and manifested real physical issues at that time.
<br />
<br />What cracks me up the most is, there are people out there (some of which are us, with our needs) who go about their day, talk to their docs, express their needs and concerns, and never realize that doctors use the power of their patients minds to treat and manipulate their well being. Doctors use the placebo effect more often than drug companies employ it via stage testing. It really makes me laugh when I see these hardcore people that put all their faith in our docs and their treatments, and yet they have no idea that these same people use our own powers of the mind to greatly influence outcomes in our health.
<br />
<br />

 

[lightNlife]

I'm currently in one of the worst depressions I've had in a number of years. Part of that I'm sure stems from the utter frustration I'm having that we can't seem to get this exacerbation under control. There are truly no medical options available for me to try right now other than just stay the course with what we're doing.

I'm struggling mightily with the side effects of the medications, and I wonder with each subsequent infusion whether this is all really worth it. I'm at the point where I can't really tell which came first, the depression or the decline in my health. Very much a chicken and egg experience.

 

[lightNlife]

I'm currently in one of the worst depressions I've had in a number of years. Part of that I'm sure stems from the utter frustration I'm having that we can't seem to get this exacerbation under control. There are truly no medical options available for me to try right now other than just stay the course with what we're doing.

I'm struggling mightily with the side effects of the medications, and I wonder with each subsequent infusion whether this is all really worth it. I'm at the point where I can't really tell which came first, the depression or the decline in my health. Very much a chicken and egg experience.

 

[lightNlife]

I'm currently in one of the worst depressions I've had in a number of years. Part of that I'm sure stems from the utter frustration I'm having that we can't seem to get this exacerbation under control. There are truly no medical options available for me to try right now other than just stay the course with what we're doing.

I'm struggling mightily with the side effects of the medications, and I wonder with each subsequent infusion whether this is all really worth it. I'm at the point where I can't really tell which came first, the depression or the decline in my health. Very much a chicken and egg experience.

 

[lightNlife]

I'm currently in one of the worst depressions I've had in a number of years. Part of that I'm sure stems from the utter frustration I'm having that we can't seem to get this exacerbation under control. There are truly no medical options available for me to try right now other than just stay the course with what we're doing.

I'm struggling mightily with the side effects of the medications, and I wonder with each subsequent infusion whether this is all really worth it. I'm at the point where I can't really tell which came first, the depression or the decline in my health. Very much a chicken and egg experience.

 

[lightNlife]

I'm currently in one of the worst depressions I've had in a number of years. Part of that I'm sure stems from the utter frustration I'm having that we can't seem to get this exacerbation under control. There are truly no medical options available for me to try right now other than just stay the course with what we're doing.
<br />
<br />I'm struggling mightily with the side effects of the medications, and I wonder with each subsequent infusion whether this is all really worth it. I'm at the point where I can't really tell which came first, the depression or the decline in my health. Very much a chicken and egg experience.