Having a hard time...

[lmattaway]

Two things:
1) As to your original question about "did anyone else feel this way" I think Kristen answered well, from a stand point of someone who can feel your pain. It seems as if your resentment towards your parents isn't about them passing CF onto you, but about their inability to deal with it properly and effectively communicate with you about it. I can't even comprehend not having supportive parents. I confess I have no idea what that must feel like and how hard it must be to cope with that.

2) For the parents who might read this: I don't think your kids will most likely resent you because, let's be honest, those of us who have been blessed to have great parents (like Kelly) rarely think about blaming them for our CF (this is just a hunch). But I think this thread is a good reminder to parents that how you approach CF and how you choose to deal with it greatly impacts your children and how they view their CF.

I hope I said that all with as much care and tact as possible.

 

[lmattaway]

Two things:
1) As to your original question about "did anyone else feel this way" I think Kristen answered well, from a stand point of someone who can feel your pain. It seems as if your resentment towards your parents isn't about them passing CF onto you, but about their inability to deal with it properly and effectively communicate with you about it. I can't even comprehend not having supportive parents. I confess I have no idea what that must feel like and how hard it must be to cope with that.

2) For the parents who might read this: I don't think your kids will most likely resent you because, let's be honest, those of us who have been blessed to have great parents (like Kelly) rarely think about blaming them for our CF (this is just a hunch). But I think this thread is a good reminder to parents that how you approach CF and how you choose to deal with it greatly impacts your children and how they view their CF.

I hope I said that all with as much care and tact as possible.

 

[lmattaway]

Two things:
1) As to your original question about "did anyone else feel this way" I think Kristen answered well, from a stand point of someone who can feel your pain. It seems as if your resentment towards your parents isn't about them passing CF onto you, but about their inability to deal with it properly and effectively communicate with you about it. I can't even comprehend not having supportive parents. I confess I have no idea what that must feel like and how hard it must be to cope with that.

2) For the parents who might read this: I don't think your kids will most likely resent you because, let's be honest, those of us who have been blessed to have great parents (like Kelly) rarely think about blaming them for our CF (this is just a hunch). But I think this thread is a good reminder to parents that how you approach CF and how you choose to deal with it greatly impacts your children and how they view their CF.

I hope I said that all with as much care and tact as possible.

 

[lmattaway]

Two things:
1) As to your original question about "did anyone else feel this way" I think Kristen answered well, from a stand point of someone who can feel your pain. It seems as if your resentment towards your parents isn't about them passing CF onto you, but about their inability to deal with it properly and effectively communicate with you about it. I can't even comprehend not having supportive parents. I confess I have no idea what that must feel like and how hard it must be to cope with that.

2) For the parents who might read this: I don't think your kids will most likely resent you because, let's be honest, those of us who have been blessed to have great parents (like Kelly) rarely think about blaming them for our CF (this is just a hunch). But I think this thread is a good reminder to parents that how you approach CF and how you choose to deal with it greatly impacts your children and how they view their CF.

I hope I said that all with as much care and tact as possible.

 

[lmattaway]

Two things:
<br />1) As to your original question about "did anyone else feel this way" I think Kristen answered well, from a stand point of someone who can feel your pain. It seems as if your resentment towards your parents isn't about them passing CF onto you, but about their inability to deal with it properly and effectively communicate with you about it. I can't even comprehend not having supportive parents. I confess I have no idea what that must feel like and how hard it must be to cope with that.
<br />
<br />2) For the parents who might read this: I don't think your kids will most likely resent you because, let's be honest, those of us who have been blessed to have great parents (like Kelly) rarely think about blaming them for our CF (this is just a hunch). But I think this thread is a good reminder to parents that how you approach CF and how you choose to deal with it greatly impacts your children and how they view their CF.
<br />
<br />I hope I said that all with as much care and tact as possible.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JenDiS</b></i>

I am having a really hard time not placing the blame for me having CF on my parents.



Lately all i've been doing is coughing and thinking and I am finding it more and more hard everyday not to have extreme anger towards my parents. I am still living with them until my fiance and I can move out.



Anyone else feel this way? I would try and talk to them calmly but they aren't the type to understand why I feel this way and <b>my dad would just tell me to suck it up </b>and I feel that this is much more harder to suck up.



Any advice would be great.</end quote></div>

In psychology, there is an idea of "the presenting problem". It is whatever issue has brought someone to therapy. It may not be the issue that really needs to be worked on. It may just be the tip of the iceberg. The remark I bolded (above), about how your dad would respond to such feelings, suggests to me that you do have legitimate issues with your parents and maybe "having CF" is kind of a catch-all for those negative feelings.

I will also say that in so far as your parents supplied your genes, they are absolutely "at fault"/responsible for the fact that you have CF. So I can understand feeling blame towards them.

My son wcf hasn't been on antibiotics in over 10 years. My sons and I have gone to real extremes to get me and them healthy. So he has no anger towards me for his genes because I have done so much to make sure he was taken care of and as healthy as possible. Your remarks make me wonder if you feel like your parents didn't really do their level best in that regard. Of course, doctors always blame negative health outcomes for a person with CF on "their genes" rather than their environment. So it makes sense to me that if you feel on some level like maybe your parents didn't do all they could do, you would be inclined to phrase it the way doctors phrase it and blame your suffering on the genes they gave you rather than on some kind of neglect of their duty.

With CF, even relatively minor forms of neglect can have very serious consequences. It's extremely hard to prove to people that if X person had been a tad more considerate, you might be a ton healthier. But I also think it's hard to not be aware on some level if something like that is going on and then try to find voice for it in some manner.

Peace.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JenDiS</b></i>

I am having a really hard time not placing the blame for me having CF on my parents.



Lately all i've been doing is coughing and thinking and I am finding it more and more hard everyday not to have extreme anger towards my parents. I am still living with them until my fiance and I can move out.



Anyone else feel this way? I would try and talk to them calmly but they aren't the type to understand why I feel this way and <b>my dad would just tell me to suck it up </b>and I feel that this is much more harder to suck up.



Any advice would be great.</end quote></div>

In psychology, there is an idea of "the presenting problem". It is whatever issue has brought someone to therapy. It may not be the issue that really needs to be worked on. It may just be the tip of the iceberg. The remark I bolded (above), about how your dad would respond to such feelings, suggests to me that you do have legitimate issues with your parents and maybe "having CF" is kind of a catch-all for those negative feelings.

I will also say that in so far as your parents supplied your genes, they are absolutely "at fault"/responsible for the fact that you have CF. So I can understand feeling blame towards them.

My son wcf hasn't been on antibiotics in over 10 years. My sons and I have gone to real extremes to get me and them healthy. So he has no anger towards me for his genes because I have done so much to make sure he was taken care of and as healthy as possible. Your remarks make me wonder if you feel like your parents didn't really do their level best in that regard. Of course, doctors always blame negative health outcomes for a person with CF on "their genes" rather than their environment. So it makes sense to me that if you feel on some level like maybe your parents didn't do all they could do, you would be inclined to phrase it the way doctors phrase it and blame your suffering on the genes they gave you rather than on some kind of neglect of their duty.

With CF, even relatively minor forms of neglect can have very serious consequences. It's extremely hard to prove to people that if X person had been a tad more considerate, you might be a ton healthier. But I also think it's hard to not be aware on some level if something like that is going on and then try to find voice for it in some manner.

Peace.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JenDiS</b></i>

I am having a really hard time not placing the blame for me having CF on my parents.



Lately all i've been doing is coughing and thinking and I am finding it more and more hard everyday not to have extreme anger towards my parents. I am still living with them until my fiance and I can move out.



Anyone else feel this way? I would try and talk to them calmly but they aren't the type to understand why I feel this way and <b>my dad would just tell me to suck it up </b>and I feel that this is much more harder to suck up.



Any advice would be great.</end quote></div>

In psychology, there is an idea of "the presenting problem". It is whatever issue has brought someone to therapy. It may not be the issue that really needs to be worked on. It may just be the tip of the iceberg. The remark I bolded (above), about how your dad would respond to such feelings, suggests to me that you do have legitimate issues with your parents and maybe "having CF" is kind of a catch-all for those negative feelings.

I will also say that in so far as your parents supplied your genes, they are absolutely "at fault"/responsible for the fact that you have CF. So I can understand feeling blame towards them.

My son wcf hasn't been on antibiotics in over 10 years. My sons and I have gone to real extremes to get me and them healthy. So he has no anger towards me for his genes because I have done so much to make sure he was taken care of and as healthy as possible. Your remarks make me wonder if you feel like your parents didn't really do their level best in that regard. Of course, doctors always blame negative health outcomes for a person with CF on "their genes" rather than their environment. So it makes sense to me that if you feel on some level like maybe your parents didn't do all they could do, you would be inclined to phrase it the way doctors phrase it and blame your suffering on the genes they gave you rather than on some kind of neglect of their duty.

With CF, even relatively minor forms of neglect can have very serious consequences. It's extremely hard to prove to people that if X person had been a tad more considerate, you might be a ton healthier. But I also think it's hard to not be aware on some level if something like that is going on and then try to find voice for it in some manner.

Peace.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JenDiS</b></i>

I am having a really hard time not placing the blame for me having CF on my parents.



Lately all i've been doing is coughing and thinking and I am finding it more and more hard everyday not to have extreme anger towards my parents. I am still living with them until my fiance and I can move out.



Anyone else feel this way? I would try and talk to them calmly but they aren't the type to understand why I feel this way and <b>my dad would just tell me to suck it up </b>and I feel that this is much more harder to suck up.



Any advice would be great.</end quote>

In psychology, there is an idea of "the presenting problem". It is whatever issue has brought someone to therapy. It may not be the issue that really needs to be worked on. It may just be the tip of the iceberg. The remark I bolded (above), about how your dad would respond to such feelings, suggests to me that you do have legitimate issues with your parents and maybe "having CF" is kind of a catch-all for those negative feelings.

I will also say that in so far as your parents supplied your genes, they are absolutely "at fault"/responsible for the fact that you have CF. So I can understand feeling blame towards them.

My son wcf hasn't been on antibiotics in over 10 years. My sons and I have gone to real extremes to get me and them healthy. So he has no anger towards me for his genes because I have done so much to make sure he was taken care of and as healthy as possible. Your remarks make me wonder if you feel like your parents didn't really do their level best in that regard. Of course, doctors always blame negative health outcomes for a person with CF on "their genes" rather than their environment. So it makes sense to me that if you feel on some level like maybe your parents didn't do all they could do, you would be inclined to phrase it the way doctors phrase it and blame your suffering on the genes they gave you rather than on some kind of neglect of their duty.

With CF, even relatively minor forms of neglect can have very serious consequences. It's extremely hard to prove to people that if X person had been a tad more considerate, you might be a ton healthier. But I also think it's hard to not be aware on some level if something like that is going on and then try to find voice for it in some manner.

Peace.

 

[MicheleGazelle]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JenDiS</b></i>
<br />
<br />I am having a really hard time not placing the blame for me having CF on my parents.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lately all i've been doing is coughing and thinking and I am finding it more and more hard everyday not to have extreme anger towards my parents. I am still living with them until my fiance and I can move out.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anyone else feel this way? I would try and talk to them calmly but they aren't the type to understand why I feel this way and <b>my dad would just tell me to suck it up </b>and I feel that this is much more harder to suck up.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Any advice would be great.</end quote>
<br />
<br />In psychology, there is an idea of "the presenting problem". It is whatever issue has brought someone to therapy. It may not be the issue that really needs to be worked on. It may just be the tip of the iceberg. The remark I bolded (above), about how your dad would respond to such feelings, suggests to me that you do have legitimate issues with your parents and maybe "having CF" is kind of a catch-all for those negative feelings.
<br />
<br />I will also say that in so far as your parents supplied your genes, they are absolutely "at fault"/responsible for the fact that you have CF. So I can understand feeling blame towards them.
<br />
<br />My son wcf hasn't been on antibiotics in over 10 years. My sons and I have gone to real extremes to get me and them healthy. So he has no anger towards me for his genes because I have done so much to make sure he was taken care of and as healthy as possible. Your remarks make me wonder if you feel like your parents didn't really do their level best in that regard. Of course, doctors always blame negative health outcomes for a person with CF on "their genes" rather than their environment. So it makes sense to me that if you feel on some level like maybe your parents didn't do all they could do, you would be inclined to phrase it the way doctors phrase it and blame your suffering on the genes they gave you rather than on some kind of neglect of their duty.
<br />
<br />With CF, even relatively minor forms of neglect can have very serious consequences. It's extremely hard to prove to people that if X person had been a tad more considerate, you might be a ton healthier. But I also think it's hard to not be aware on some level if something like that is going on and then try to find voice for it in some manner.
<br />
<br />Peace.
<br />

 

[flynnycat]

i can't imagine what it would be like to have parents who i felt did not care about me, whether i had cf or not.

 

[flynnycat]

i can't imagine what it would be like to have parents who i felt did not care about me, whether i had cf or not.

 

[flynnycat]

i can't imagine what it would be like to have parents who i felt did not care about me, whether i had cf or not.

 

[flynnycat]

i can't imagine what it would be like to have parents who i felt did not care about me, whether i had cf or not.

 

[flynnycat]

i can't imagine what it would be like to have parents who i felt did not care about me, whether i had cf or not.

 

[Mockingbird]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Sadly the ONE THING I did ask which was "did anyone else feel this way and if so any advice as to how to deal with it?" Meaning THOSE WITH CF, was never answered.</end quote></div>

I think what a lot of people have been saying (at least, this is what I was trying to get at) is to change your perspective about your parents. We're not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, but changing your perspective is a way to deal with it so it isn't a problem anymore. You can't change your parents, but you can change yourself.

My parents weren't perfect. My dad has has gotten upset with me for being sick, too, and it resulted in a lot of irrational anger and outbursts. For example, sometimes when doing chest therapy (this is when it had to be done by hand), he'd get mad and start actually hitting me. I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen, and my Dad told me I was never going to make it on my own.

I could choose to focus on those things, or I could chosse to focus on how much they've given so I could survive and be healthy.

 

[Mockingbird]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Sadly the ONE THING I did ask which was "did anyone else feel this way and if so any advice as to how to deal with it?" Meaning THOSE WITH CF, was never answered.</end quote></div>

I think what a lot of people have been saying (at least, this is what I was trying to get at) is to change your perspective about your parents. We're not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, but changing your perspective is a way to deal with it so it isn't a problem anymore. You can't change your parents, but you can change yourself.

My parents weren't perfect. My dad has has gotten upset with me for being sick, too, and it resulted in a lot of irrational anger and outbursts. For example, sometimes when doing chest therapy (this is when it had to be done by hand), he'd get mad and start actually hitting me. I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen, and my Dad told me I was never going to make it on my own.

I could choose to focus on those things, or I could chosse to focus on how much they've given so I could survive and be healthy.

 

[Mockingbird]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Sadly the ONE THING I did ask which was "did anyone else feel this way and if so any advice as to how to deal with it?" Meaning THOSE WITH CF, was never answered.</end quote></div>

I think what a lot of people have been saying (at least, this is what I was trying to get at) is to change your perspective about your parents. We're not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, but changing your perspective is a way to deal with it so it isn't a problem anymore. You can't change your parents, but you can change yourself.

My parents weren't perfect. My dad has has gotten upset with me for being sick, too, and it resulted in a lot of irrational anger and outbursts. For example, sometimes when doing chest therapy (this is when it had to be done by hand), he'd get mad and start actually hitting me. I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen, and my Dad told me I was never going to make it on my own.

I could choose to focus on those things, or I could chosse to focus on how much they've given so I could survive and be healthy.

 

[Mockingbird]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Sadly the ONE THING I did ask which was "did anyone else feel this way and if so any advice as to how to deal with it?" Meaning THOSE WITH CF, was never answered.</end quote>

I think what a lot of people have been saying (at least, this is what I was trying to get at) is to change your perspective about your parents. We're not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, but changing your perspective is a way to deal with it so it isn't a problem anymore. You can't change your parents, but you can change yourself.

My parents weren't perfect. My dad has has gotten upset with me for being sick, too, and it resulted in a lot of irrational anger and outbursts. For example, sometimes when doing chest therapy (this is when it had to be done by hand), he'd get mad and start actually hitting me. I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen, and my Dad told me I was never going to make it on my own.

I could choose to focus on those things, or I could chosse to focus on how much they've given so I could survive and be healthy.

 

[Mockingbird]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Sadly the ONE THING I did ask which was "did anyone else feel this way and if so any advice as to how to deal with it?" Meaning THOSE WITH CF, was never answered.</end quote>
<br />
<br />I think what a lot of people have been saying (at least, this is what I was trying to get at) is to change your perspective about your parents. We're not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, but changing your perspective is a way to deal with it so it isn't a problem anymore. You can't change your parents, but you can change yourself.
<br />
<br />My parents weren't perfect. My dad has has gotten upset with me for being sick, too, and it resulted in a lot of irrational anger and outbursts. For example, sometimes when doing chest therapy (this is when it had to be done by hand), he'd get mad and start actually hitting me. I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen, and my Dad told me I was never going to make it on my own.
<br />
<br />I could choose to focus on those things, or I could chosse to focus on how much they've given so I could survive and be healthy.