Help me am i making the right decision?

[littledebbie]

I'm with Amy and Kylie...it wasn't an outlandish suggestion, along with information about shelters and programs and housing information I think it is perfectly logical to also include the idea of putting the baby up for adoption. And I would like to add that putting a child up for adoption doesnt make someone a bad person or unfit to be a mother or anything that I think a lot of young women often immediately think of when they think of giving their child up for adoption. Giving a child up for adoption in my opinion is couragous, selfless and maybe one of the finest acts of love. So please Vampy don't take it as an insult that this option was brought up.

Also, I don't think anyone should criticize the comments if you haven't been following Vampy's posts. I for one have been following Vampy's posts and agree that this was pretty easy to see coming and the maturity level at work here has had me concerned. even postiing a decision like this in the form of a question on a web site makes me question sound judgement...why would anyone base any part of this important decision on what any of us- total strangers- say?

But hey take me with a grain of salt PLEASE...I dont know you or your life so don't base anything life changing on anything I say!

 

[littledebbie]

I'm with Amy and Kylie...it wasn't an outlandish suggestion, along with information about shelters and programs and housing information I think it is perfectly logical to also include the idea of putting the baby up for adoption. And I would like to add that putting a child up for adoption doesnt make someone a bad person or unfit to be a mother or anything that I think a lot of young women often immediately think of when they think of giving their child up for adoption. Giving a child up for adoption in my opinion is couragous, selfless and maybe one of the finest acts of love. So please Vampy don't take it as an insult that this option was brought up.

Also, I don't think anyone should criticize the comments if you haven't been following Vampy's posts. I for one have been following Vampy's posts and agree that this was pretty easy to see coming and the maturity level at work here has had me concerned. even postiing a decision like this in the form of a question on a web site makes me question sound judgement...why would anyone base any part of this important decision on what any of us- total strangers- say?

But hey take me with a grain of salt PLEASE...I dont know you or your life so don't base anything life changing on anything I say!

 

[littledebbie]

I'm with Amy and Kylie...it wasn't an outlandish suggestion, along with information about shelters and programs and housing information I think it is perfectly logical to also include the idea of putting the baby up for adoption. And I would like to add that putting a child up for adoption doesnt make someone a bad person or unfit to be a mother or anything that I think a lot of young women often immediately think of when they think of giving their child up for adoption. Giving a child up for adoption in my opinion is couragous, selfless and maybe one of the finest acts of love. So please Vampy don't take it as an insult that this option was brought up.

Also, I don't think anyone should criticize the comments if you haven't been following Vampy's posts. I for one have been following Vampy's posts and agree that this was pretty easy to see coming and the maturity level at work here has had me concerned. even postiing a decision like this in the form of a question on a web site makes me question sound judgement...why would anyone base any part of this important decision on what any of us- total strangers- say?

But hey take me with a grain of salt PLEASE...I dont know you or your life so don't base anything life changing on anything I say!

 

[mom2lillian]

one point being overlooked is no matter how good a 'fit' adoption is the father would have to sign away his rights and since most controlling men are going to use whatever they can to get their way i.e. a child I highly doubt that is an option.

On the issue of asking this kind of advice via internet also consider the counterpoint to this. These types situations can really limit the contact someone has with the 'real' worled, i.e. a controlling husband. Additionally, sometimes when we are in a situation we are embaressed about it is easier to confide in and seek brutally honest advice from those that do not have a vested interest in our life or those involved in the situation. I think that was achieved here as she got some very honest advice that those who knew her might not have wanted to come out and give right away.

Vampy - you shoudl qualify for legal aid which can help you get a divorce and if your husband is not motivated and does not also seek counsel things might go your way for custody though I dont know the status of your health at this time.

Is moving in with your mother an option in the interim instead of getting an apartment? I know that the 2 month old stage isnt too hard if you have a good sleeper on your hands but it gets harder and perhaps while you are adjusting to the demands of a baby you could use some support so you are keeping your health maintained?

Just to additionally mention my CF clinic here ahs a social worker/therapist assigned to everyoen perhaps your clinic has this even if you dont know about it. THey might be a wonderful resource at helping you utilize programs available to you.

 

[mom2lillian]

one point being overlooked is no matter how good a 'fit' adoption is the father would have to sign away his rights and since most controlling men are going to use whatever they can to get their way i.e. a child I highly doubt that is an option.

On the issue of asking this kind of advice via internet also consider the counterpoint to this. These types situations can really limit the contact someone has with the 'real' worled, i.e. a controlling husband. Additionally, sometimes when we are in a situation we are embaressed about it is easier to confide in and seek brutally honest advice from those that do not have a vested interest in our life or those involved in the situation. I think that was achieved here as she got some very honest advice that those who knew her might not have wanted to come out and give right away.

Vampy - you shoudl qualify for legal aid which can help you get a divorce and if your husband is not motivated and does not also seek counsel things might go your way for custody though I dont know the status of your health at this time.

Is moving in with your mother an option in the interim instead of getting an apartment? I know that the 2 month old stage isnt too hard if you have a good sleeper on your hands but it gets harder and perhaps while you are adjusting to the demands of a baby you could use some support so you are keeping your health maintained?

Just to additionally mention my CF clinic here ahs a social worker/therapist assigned to everyoen perhaps your clinic has this even if you dont know about it. THey might be a wonderful resource at helping you utilize programs available to you.

 

[mom2lillian]

one point being overlooked is no matter how good a 'fit' adoption is the father would have to sign away his rights and since most controlling men are going to use whatever they can to get their way i.e. a child I highly doubt that is an option.

On the issue of asking this kind of advice via internet also consider the counterpoint to this. These types situations can really limit the contact someone has with the 'real' worled, i.e. a controlling husband. Additionally, sometimes when we are in a situation we are embaressed about it is easier to confide in and seek brutally honest advice from those that do not have a vested interest in our life or those involved in the situation. I think that was achieved here as she got some very honest advice that those who knew her might not have wanted to come out and give right away.

Vampy - you shoudl qualify for legal aid which can help you get a divorce and if your husband is not motivated and does not also seek counsel things might go your way for custody though I dont know the status of your health at this time.

Is moving in with your mother an option in the interim instead of getting an apartment? I know that the 2 month old stage isnt too hard if you have a good sleeper on your hands but it gets harder and perhaps while you are adjusting to the demands of a baby you could use some support so you are keeping your health maintained?

Just to additionally mention my CF clinic here ahs a social worker/therapist assigned to everyoen perhaps your clinic has this even if you dont know about it. THey might be a wonderful resource at helping you utilize programs available to you.

 

[Shoshanna]

Guys,
Give Vampy a break. A lot of people post things on this site, asking for advice on VERY personal matters, reaching out for the support and suggestions of strangers. She's not the only one.

I don't know if any of the people that supported the adoption idea have children? As a mother I can tell you that it can be the most horrifying thought. Many of us CF moms sacrifice our lives/health to have a child. They are our little miracles. It's a subject that is exteremly delicate and even though at times it may be in the child's best interest, you can't blame a mother for being shocked and saddened and defensive about the idea.

Vampy: my only advice is from this point forward, find and surround yourself with educated and resourceful people that can help you to make the best decisions. You need a counselor who can assist you with financial issues/housing/any free medical care/clothes/food for the baby. Choose a place to live that is safe and healthy for you and Lucas, be it that rental or a family /friend. Call Lucas's pediatrician for resources, contact the social worker at your CF center. She can help you with community services such as free meals and other assistance for those with illnesses. Anything to make your life easier.

Hang in there.

 

[Shoshanna]

Guys,
Give Vampy a break. A lot of people post things on this site, asking for advice on VERY personal matters, reaching out for the support and suggestions of strangers. She's not the only one.

I don't know if any of the people that supported the adoption idea have children? As a mother I can tell you that it can be the most horrifying thought. Many of us CF moms sacrifice our lives/health to have a child. They are our little miracles. It's a subject that is exteremly delicate and even though at times it may be in the child's best interest, you can't blame a mother for being shocked and saddened and defensive about the idea.

Vampy: my only advice is from this point forward, find and surround yourself with educated and resourceful people that can help you to make the best decisions. You need a counselor who can assist you with financial issues/housing/any free medical care/clothes/food for the baby. Choose a place to live that is safe and healthy for you and Lucas, be it that rental or a family /friend. Call Lucas's pediatrician for resources, contact the social worker at your CF center. She can help you with community services such as free meals and other assistance for those with illnesses. Anything to make your life easier.

Hang in there.

 

[Shoshanna]

Guys,
Give Vampy a break. A lot of people post things on this site, asking for advice on VERY personal matters, reaching out for the support and suggestions of strangers. She's not the only one.

I don't know if any of the people that supported the adoption idea have children? As a mother I can tell you that it can be the most horrifying thought. Many of us CF moms sacrifice our lives/health to have a child. They are our little miracles. It's a subject that is exteremly delicate and even though at times it may be in the child's best interest, you can't blame a mother for being shocked and saddened and defensive about the idea.

Vampy: my only advice is from this point forward, find and surround yourself with educated and resourceful people that can help you to make the best decisions. You need a counselor who can assist you with financial issues/housing/any free medical care/clothes/food for the baby. Choose a place to live that is safe and healthy for you and Lucas, be it that rental or a family /friend. Call Lucas's pediatrician for resources, contact the social worker at your CF center. She can help you with community services such as free meals and other assistance for those with illnesses. Anything to make your life easier.

Hang in there.

 

[JazzysMom]

I do have something else to add to the mix. As you sort out your housing, divorce proceedings etc. You need to also think about Lucas' future. If you dont feel that your husband can/will take proper care of Lucas when you are gone or when you are no longer able to then you need to discuss this with your Mom or whoever you want to be his Guardian. This must also be addressed thru the courts since your husband has every right & unless he is proven unfit or chooses not to do it, he will get custody of him. It will be difficult for you and I do worry about your health so its not something that can really go on the back burner. This is something that should be addressed during the divorce efforts which would include support, visitation etc. BTW the adoption thing wasnt meant to be hurtful to you. Everyone is just worried about the best interest of Lucas as well as you. Its difficult to grasp the whole picture until the paintint is complete. HUGS & Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

I do have something else to add to the mix. As you sort out your housing, divorce proceedings etc. You need to also think about Lucas' future. If you dont feel that your husband can/will take proper care of Lucas when you are gone or when you are no longer able to then you need to discuss this with your Mom or whoever you want to be his Guardian. This must also be addressed thru the courts since your husband has every right & unless he is proven unfit or chooses not to do it, he will get custody of him. It will be difficult for you and I do worry about your health so its not something that can really go on the back burner. This is something that should be addressed during the divorce efforts which would include support, visitation etc. BTW the adoption thing wasnt meant to be hurtful to you. Everyone is just worried about the best interest of Lucas as well as you. Its difficult to grasp the whole picture until the paintint is complete. HUGS & Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

I do have something else to add to the mix. As you sort out your housing, divorce proceedings etc. You need to also think about Lucas' future. If you dont feel that your husband can/will take proper care of Lucas when you are gone or when you are no longer able to then you need to discuss this with your Mom or whoever you want to be his Guardian. This must also be addressed thru the courts since your husband has every right & unless he is proven unfit or chooses not to do it, he will get custody of him. It will be difficult for you and I do worry about your health so its not something that can really go on the back burner. This is something that should be addressed during the divorce efforts which would include support, visitation etc. BTW the adoption thing wasnt meant to be hurtful to you. Everyone is just worried about the best interest of Lucas as well as you. Its difficult to grasp the whole picture until the paintint is complete. HUGS & Good Luck!

 

[welshgirl]

i have to say i'm a little taken aback that anyone would suggest adoption due to the breakdown of a relationship!!!! i can only assume that those who suggested it and those who think it a worthy thing to do DON'T have children of their own.
if everyone with a health problem or were seperating from their partner adopted their children out there would be an awful lot of children being seperated from their mothers.( millions !!!!!!)
i wish you well vampy and hope that you can sort through the problems in your life . good luck!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[welshgirl]

i have to say i'm a little taken aback that anyone would suggest adoption due to the breakdown of a relationship!!!! i can only assume that those who suggested it and those who think it a worthy thing to do DON'T have children of their own.
if everyone with a health problem or were seperating from their partner adopted their children out there would be an awful lot of children being seperated from their mothers.( millions !!!!!!)
i wish you well vampy and hope that you can sort through the problems in your life . good luck!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[welshgirl]

i have to say i'm a little taken aback that anyone would suggest adoption due to the breakdown of a relationship!!!! i can only assume that those who suggested it and those who think it a worthy thing to do DON'T have children of their own.
if everyone with a health problem or were seperating from their partner adopted their children out there would be an awful lot of children being seperated from their mothers.( millions !!!!!!)
i wish you well vampy and hope that you can sort through the problems in your life . good luck!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Momtana]

Vampy, some men can become violent towards the woman or child when she begins to talk about leaving. Please be careful and find the support you will need.

 

[Momtana]

Vampy, some men can become violent towards the woman or child when she begins to talk about leaving. Please be careful and find the support you will need.

 

[Momtana]

Vampy, some men can become violent towards the woman or child when she begins to talk about leaving. Please be careful and find the support you will need.

 

[littledebbie]

Mom2lillian you make good points about why someone would post this question on the internet. I concede. I apologize for critizing that.

 

[littledebbie]

Mom2lillian you make good points about why someone would post this question on the internet. I concede. I apologize for critizing that.