Making the difficult decision not to have children

[serendipity730]

Hi all,

Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.

I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).

Thanks!

 

[serendipity730]

Hi all,

Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.

I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).

Thanks!

 

[serendipity730]

Hi all,
<br />
<br />Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.
<br />
<br />I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).
<br />
<br />Thanks!

 

[starstellar]

Hi Mary,
I am a 26 yr old CF patient with a 19 month old girl. I got pregnant by accident and had a tough pregnancy due to weight gain but had a healthy baby. Some days it is hard to keep up with her but with support of family and friends I have been able to take care of myself and her. But as far as being able to be a mom and have cf I say yes you are more then capable to handle both. It's all about balance with your med schedule and your child.

 

[starstellar]

Hi Mary,
I am a 26 yr old CF patient with a 19 month old girl. I got pregnant by accident and had a tough pregnancy due to weight gain but had a healthy baby. Some days it is hard to keep up with her but with support of family and friends I have been able to take care of myself and her. But as far as being able to be a mom and have cf I say yes you are more then capable to handle both. It's all about balance with your med schedule and your child.

 

[starstellar]

Hi Mary,
<br />I am a 26 yr old CF patient with a 19 month old girl. I got pregnant by accident and had a tough pregnancy due to weight gain but had a healthy baby. Some days it is hard to keep up with her but with support of family and friends I have been able to take care of myself and her. But as far as being able to be a mom and have cf I say yes you are more then capable to handle both. It's all about balance with your med schedule and your child.

 

[missT]

Hi Mary, I am too having the same thoughts and struggles. I am so afraid to bring a child into this world if I am not going to be here, do not have the strength to keep up, support my child if I have to quit my job. I did not do it while I was young and healthy and I did not have a partner then. Now I do and we discuss it every day. I would not be able to give birth myself because of my decline. I think your decision to foster a child is amazing. I hope you get the phone call for the child that needs a loving home. Best of luck!

 

[missT]

Hi Mary, I am too having the same thoughts and struggles. I am so afraid to bring a child into this world if I am not going to be here, do not have the strength to keep up, support my child if I have to quit my job. I did not do it while I was young and healthy and I did not have a partner then. Now I do and we discuss it every day. I would not be able to give birth myself because of my decline. I think your decision to foster a child is amazing. I hope you get the phone call for the child that needs a loving home. Best of luck!

 

[missT]

Hi Mary, I am too having the same thoughts and struggles. I am so afraid to bring a child into this world if I am not going to be here, do not have the strength to keep up, support my child if I have to quit my job. I did not do it while I was young and healthy and I did not have a partner then. Now I do and we discuss it every day. I would not be able to give birth myself because of my decline. I think your decision to foster a child is amazing. I hope you get the phone call for the child that needs a loving home. Best of luck!

 

[mamaScarlett]

First off I applaud you for truly considering this situation in a mature way and not rushing into something emotionally. I do know the struggle you are going through and the very real and very intense desire to have a child.
I have a 3.5 yr old and am currently pregnant with my 2nd. When my daughter was conceived and born I was at the top of my health. After I delivered her, it all went so perfectly and smoothly I was ready to have the 2nd right away. When she was a year old I got suddenly and seriously ill-it was the worst time of our lives and very scary.
It was then that my doctor said I had to come to terms that I may not ever have another child and begin to accept it.
I went through the stages of grief, denial, anger, depression. And I began to slowly accept that it would not ever happen.
But, like cf so often does-my health changed. It improved, I got stronger, I worked hard and I got back to my pre-pregnancy level of health.
My only regret-even if I still hadn't been able to have another baby-is that I wasted alot of time being extremely bitter and angry. Even if I was only to have my daughter and never any more-I wasted several years wallowing in sadness and especially in hopelessness.
My point is that you make your happiness. That may be no children for some people, that may be one child, or several for someone else. You have to make the BEST out of your circumstances. And #1-things change. You may not be or not be feeling healthy enough to have a family right now. But that can change. Your level of health can change, a new drug could come out to help you, your economic status could change.
I feel for you bc I know how real the desire to have kids is. Its not a fake emotional whim, its very real.
Whatever happens-I wish you the best.
Feel free to pm me anytime. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[mamaScarlett]

First off I applaud you for truly considering this situation in a mature way and not rushing into something emotionally. I do know the struggle you are going through and the very real and very intense desire to have a child.
I have a 3.5 yr old and am currently pregnant with my 2nd. When my daughter was conceived and born I was at the top of my health. After I delivered her, it all went so perfectly and smoothly I was ready to have the 2nd right away. When she was a year old I got suddenly and seriously ill-it was the worst time of our lives and very scary.
It was then that my doctor said I had to come to terms that I may not ever have another child and begin to accept it.
I went through the stages of grief, denial, anger, depression. And I began to slowly accept that it would not ever happen.
But, like cf so often does-my health changed. It improved, I got stronger, I worked hard and I got back to my pre-pregnancy level of health.
My only regret-even if I still hadn't been able to have another baby-is that I wasted alot of time being extremely bitter and angry. Even if I was only to have my daughter and never any more-I wasted several years wallowing in sadness and especially in hopelessness.
My point is that you make your happiness. That may be no children for some people, that may be one child, or several for someone else. You have to make the BEST out of your circumstances. And #1-things change. You may not be or not be feeling healthy enough to have a family right now. But that can change. Your level of health can change, a new drug could come out to help you, your economic status could change.
I feel for you bc I know how real the desire to have kids is. Its not a fake emotional whim, its very real.
Whatever happens-I wish you the best.
Feel free to pm me anytime. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[mamaScarlett]

First off I applaud you for truly considering this situation in a mature way and not rushing into something emotionally. I do know the struggle you are going through and the very real and very intense desire to have a child.
<br />I have a 3.5 yr old and am currently pregnant with my 2nd. When my daughter was conceived and born I was at the top of my health. After I delivered her, it all went so perfectly and smoothly I was ready to have the 2nd right away. When she was a year old I got suddenly and seriously ill-it was the worst time of our lives and very scary.
<br />It was then that my doctor said I had to come to terms that I may not ever have another child and begin to accept it.
<br />I went through the stages of grief, denial, anger, depression. And I began to slowly accept that it would not ever happen.
<br />But, like cf so often does-my health changed. It improved, I got stronger, I worked hard and I got back to my pre-pregnancy level of health.
<br />My only regret-even if I still hadn't been able to have another baby-is that I wasted alot of time being extremely bitter and angry. Even if I was only to have my daughter and never any more-I wasted several years wallowing in sadness and especially in hopelessness.
<br />My point is that you make your happiness. That may be no children for some people, that may be one child, or several for someone else. You have to make the BEST out of your circumstances. And #1-things change. You may not be or not be feeling healthy enough to have a family right now. But that can change. Your level of health can change, a new drug could come out to help you, your economic status could change.
<br />I feel for you bc I know how real the desire to have kids is. Its not a fake emotional whim, its very real.
<br />Whatever happens-I wish you the best.
<br />Feel free to pm me anytime. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

Hello Mary
You are absalutely not alone. I'm only 23 but my desire to be a child has always been very strong. Until a 18 months or so ago I had always been relatively healthy so had never considered the idea of not having children in my life, I have much younger sibblings and had always had little people around. Then I had a series of things happen healthwise and suffered drastic lung function loss. I have totally changed my life to try and get it back but in the past few months I have had to come to terms with the fact it will prob be something that isn't to be for me

Where do you go from that? I'm so lost and hurt. I dread when my closest friends start having bubs. I dread the comments people make about starting a family and I dread the explainations I will have to give. The other day my partner and I were out walking and this little boy jumped at us pretending to be a dinosaur, his mum apologised and laughed saying
this was something we had to look forward to. Ouch! Silly little things like that hurt so bad. I hate it. The other thing that cuts deep is seeing other cf mums at clinic... Arhhhhh I hate these feelings. It just really bites hey?

So after my rambling I can offer no comfort. I have nothing to help you out, but you aren't alone. Please please feel free to pm me.

Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

Hello Mary
You are absalutely not alone. I'm only 23 but my desire to be a child has always been very strong. Until a 18 months or so ago I had always been relatively healthy so had never considered the idea of not having children in my life, I have much younger sibblings and had always had little people around. Then I had a series of things happen healthwise and suffered drastic lung function loss. I have totally changed my life to try and get it back but in the past few months I have had to come to terms with the fact it will prob be something that isn't to be for me

Where do you go from that? I'm so lost and hurt. I dread when my closest friends start having bubs. I dread the comments people make about starting a family and I dread the explainations I will have to give. The other day my partner and I were out walking and this little boy jumped at us pretending to be a dinosaur, his mum apologised and laughed saying
this was something we had to look forward to. Ouch! Silly little things like that hurt so bad. I hate it. The other thing that cuts deep is seeing other cf mums at clinic... Arhhhhh I hate these feelings. It just really bites hey?

So after my rambling I can offer no comfort. I have nothing to help you out, but you aren't alone. Please please feel free to pm me.

Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

Hello Mary
<br />You are absalutely not alone. I'm only 23 but my desire to be a child has always been very strong. Until a 18 months or so ago I had always been relatively healthy so had never considered the idea of not having children in my life, I have much younger sibblings and had always had little people around. Then I had a series of things happen healthwise and suffered drastic lung function loss. I have totally changed my life to try and get it back but in the past few months I have had to come to terms with the fact it will prob be something that isn't to be for me
<br />
<br />Where do you go from that? I'm so lost and hurt. I dread when my closest friends start having bubs. I dread the comments people make about starting a family and I dread the explainations I will have to give. The other day my partner and I were out walking and this little boy jumped at us pretending to be a dinosaur, his mum apologised and laughed saying
<br /> this was something we had to look forward to. Ouch! Silly little things like that hurt so bad. I hate it. The other thing that cuts deep is seeing other cf mums at clinic... Arhhhhh I hate these feelings. It just really bites hey?
<br />
<br />So after my rambling I can offer no comfort. I have nothing to help you out, but you aren't alone. Please please feel free to pm me.
<br />
<br />Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

I just read your post too christian<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> i know they weren't for me but they help<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> it's just really really tough being young and not having any kind of certainty.

Thanks though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

I just read your post too christian<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> i know they weren't for me but they help<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> it's just really really tough being young and not having any kind of certainty.

Thanks though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kirstynkoffs]

I just read your post too christian<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> i know they weren't for me but they help<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> it's just really really tough being young and not having any kind of certainty.
<br />
<br />Thanks though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[sunshine5637]

Hi, Mary.

I wanted you to know you are not alone...and if you dig through the forum under the "Pregnancy" part, you'll find my post about having children.

I have all the same thoughts as you...and every time I become "okay" with the possibility of not having children eventually, a friend of mine pops up pregnant and then I have to go through all those emotions again.

But I'll tell you this: I met a lady some time ago who was in her 50s and had never had children, she just didn't want any. She was telling me how wonderful her life had been and how she had been able to enjoy her life without having to worry with children. When she wanted to babysit a weekend, she called up her friends/siblings and offered to babysit. I know that God sent her my way that day...and that made me feel so much better. I still want the whole pregnancy thing, but sometimes I remember that lady and think maybe it's okay.

More than anything, I think, is the uncertainty.

Feel free to PM me anytime. Also, I'm on Facebook.

Later!
Melissa<img src="i/expressions/hugging.gif" border="0">

 

[sunshine5637]

Hi, Mary.

I wanted you to know you are not alone...and if you dig through the forum under the "Pregnancy" part, you'll find my post about having children.

I have all the same thoughts as you...and every time I become "okay" with the possibility of not having children eventually, a friend of mine pops up pregnant and then I have to go through all those emotions again.

But I'll tell you this: I met a lady some time ago who was in her 50s and had never had children, she just didn't want any. She was telling me how wonderful her life had been and how she had been able to enjoy her life without having to worry with children. When she wanted to babysit a weekend, she called up her friends/siblings and offered to babysit. I know that God sent her my way that day...and that made me feel so much better. I still want the whole pregnancy thing, but sometimes I remember that lady and think maybe it's okay.

More than anything, I think, is the uncertainty.

Feel free to PM me anytime. Also, I'm on Facebook.

Later!
Melissa<img src="i/expressions/hugging.gif" border="0">