I am 32. I've known that I have CF since I was a day old. I was never sick until I was a teen. In my twenties I had several serious relationships. Though I knew, realistically, that I could do better than the guys I was choosing, I kept getting involved with guys who had drinking or drug problems. It all went back to my self-esteem issues.
I felt that I was less than worthy because I was sick. So I felt that I had to settle. My last serious relationship ended 4 1/2 years ago. I haven't really seriously dated anyone since then. At first I wanted to avoid men all together. I was tired of being hurt.
Then in the last year, I realized I didn't want to be alone anymore. I am scared of not feeling in love ever again. I don't want to die alone. My health is not terrible. But I am at a place in my life where I don't know what the next chapter is supposed to hold.
I've struggled with depression for years. It's back now. All my girlfriends my age are married and have children. I went to college but have not been able to find that satisfaction in my career. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do now. I don't know where to go or what the point of continuing is sometimes. I think the only reason I do is because of my family. They would be devastated if I gave up at this point.
But to be honest, I feel like doing more than just giving up some days. I'm seeing a psychologist and she is aware of this. But I don't feel like anyone is ever going to want me. I feel like damaged goods. Partly because if the CF and partly because of the relationship mistakes I've made in the past. Now I feel like any relationship I would be involved in would just be settling. That is just sad to me. But I feel like I don't have a choice. At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone?
If anyone feels like or has felt like this please let me know how you get through your day to day? I don't know how long I can go on like this.
Thanks
I felt that I was less than worthy because I was sick. So I felt that I had to settle. My last serious relationship ended 4 1/2 years ago. I haven't really seriously dated anyone since then. At first I wanted to avoid men all together. I was tired of being hurt.
Then in the last year, I realized I didn't want to be alone anymore. I am scared of not feeling in love ever again. I don't want to die alone. My health is not terrible. But I am at a place in my life where I don't know what the next chapter is supposed to hold.
I've struggled with depression for years. It's back now. All my girlfriends my age are married and have children. I went to college but have not been able to find that satisfaction in my career. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do now. I don't know where to go or what the point of continuing is sometimes. I think the only reason I do is because of my family. They would be devastated if I gave up at this point.
But to be honest, I feel like doing more than just giving up some days. I'm seeing a psychologist and she is aware of this. But I don't feel like anyone is ever going to want me. I feel like damaged goods. Partly because if the CF and partly because of the relationship mistakes I've made in the past. Now I feel like any relationship I would be involved in would just be settling. That is just sad to me. But I feel like I don't have a choice. At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone?
If anyone feels like or has felt like this please let me know how you get through your day to day? I don't know how long I can go on like this.
Thanks