Marriage and Cf

amoo74

Member
I am 32. I've known that I have CF since I was a day old. I was never sick until I was a teen. In my twenties I had several serious relationships. Though I knew, realistically, that I could do better than the guys I was choosing, I kept getting involved with guys who had drinking or drug problems. It all went back to my self-esteem issues.
I felt that I was less than worthy because I was sick. So I felt that I had to settle. My last serious relationship ended 4 1/2 years ago. I haven't really seriously dated anyone since then. At first I wanted to avoid men all together. I was tired of being hurt.
Then in the last year, I realized I didn't want to be alone anymore. I am scared of not feeling in love ever again. I don't want to die alone. My health is not terrible. But I am at a place in my life where I don't know what the next chapter is supposed to hold.
I've struggled with depression for years. It's back now. All my girlfriends my age are married and have children. I went to college but have not been able to find that satisfaction in my career. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do now. I don't know where to go or what the point of continuing is sometimes. I think the only reason I do is because of my family. They would be devastated if I gave up at this point.
But to be honest, I feel like doing more than just giving up some days. I'm seeing a psychologist and she is aware of this. But I don't feel like anyone is ever going to want me. I feel like damaged goods. Partly because if the CF and partly because of the relationship mistakes I've made in the past. Now I feel like any relationship I would be involved in would just be settling. That is just sad to me. But I feel like I don't have a choice. At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone?
If anyone feels like or has felt like this please let me know how you get through your day to day? I don't know how long I can go on like this.

Thanks
 

amoo74

Member
I am 32. I've known that I have CF since I was a day old. I was never sick until I was a teen. In my twenties I had several serious relationships. Though I knew, realistically, that I could do better than the guys I was choosing, I kept getting involved with guys who had drinking or drug problems. It all went back to my self-esteem issues.
I felt that I was less than worthy because I was sick. So I felt that I had to settle. My last serious relationship ended 4 1/2 years ago. I haven't really seriously dated anyone since then. At first I wanted to avoid men all together. I was tired of being hurt.
Then in the last year, I realized I didn't want to be alone anymore. I am scared of not feeling in love ever again. I don't want to die alone. My health is not terrible. But I am at a place in my life where I don't know what the next chapter is supposed to hold.
I've struggled with depression for years. It's back now. All my girlfriends my age are married and have children. I went to college but have not been able to find that satisfaction in my career. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do now. I don't know where to go or what the point of continuing is sometimes. I think the only reason I do is because of my family. They would be devastated if I gave up at this point.
But to be honest, I feel like doing more than just giving up some days. I'm seeing a psychologist and she is aware of this. But I don't feel like anyone is ever going to want me. I feel like damaged goods. Partly because if the CF and partly because of the relationship mistakes I've made in the past. Now I feel like any relationship I would be involved in would just be settling. That is just sad to me. But I feel like I don't have a choice. At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone?
If anyone feels like or has felt like this please let me know how you get through your day to day? I don't know how long I can go on like this.

Thanks
 
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone? </end quote></div>

i feel the same way. i wish i had an answer for you <i>And</i> me but i don't so all i can say is just hang in there. there will be a reward for this life we live.
 
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone? </end quote></div>

i feel the same way. i wish i had an answer for you <i>And</i> me but i don't so all i can say is just hang in there. there will be a reward for this life we live.
 
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>At least when I was younger, I was able to be more active and could breathe. Now I don't even have that. How is that attractive to anyone? </end quote></div>

i feel the same way. i wish i had an answer for you <i>And</i> me but i don't so all i can say is just hang in there. there will be a reward for this life we live.
 

Debi

New member
Oh Amy and Tom, my heart just goes out to you. I don't want you to feel like damaged goods. I don't have any magic words. I am glad you are talking to professionals, and I hope their expertise will help you see that you are as valuable to our world as anyone else. Amy, the mistakes are in the past, and it sounds like you learned from them. Leave them behind and try to just move forward from where you are today. Other peoples' lives may look perfect to you, but I promise you, almost everyone is struggling with one or more demons.

I think there is something in the atmosphere right now that is making so many of us feel sad! It seems that everywhere I turn people are feeling useless and hopeless. Lots of the regulars on the forum are feeling sick, myself included. I will add you to my thoughts for brighter days ahead. The only way I know to do this cf life is one day, one moment at a time.
 

Debi

New member
Oh Amy and Tom, my heart just goes out to you. I don't want you to feel like damaged goods. I don't have any magic words. I am glad you are talking to professionals, and I hope their expertise will help you see that you are as valuable to our world as anyone else. Amy, the mistakes are in the past, and it sounds like you learned from them. Leave them behind and try to just move forward from where you are today. Other peoples' lives may look perfect to you, but I promise you, almost everyone is struggling with one or more demons.

I think there is something in the atmosphere right now that is making so many of us feel sad! It seems that everywhere I turn people are feeling useless and hopeless. Lots of the regulars on the forum are feeling sick, myself included. I will add you to my thoughts for brighter days ahead. The only way I know to do this cf life is one day, one moment at a time.
 

Debi

New member
Oh Amy and Tom, my heart just goes out to you. I don't want you to feel like damaged goods. I don't have any magic words. I am glad you are talking to professionals, and I hope their expertise will help you see that you are as valuable to our world as anyone else. Amy, the mistakes are in the past, and it sounds like you learned from them. Leave them behind and try to just move forward from where you are today. Other peoples' lives may look perfect to you, but I promise you, almost everyone is struggling with one or more demons.

I think there is something in the atmosphere right now that is making so many of us feel sad! It seems that everywhere I turn people are feeling useless and hopeless. Lots of the regulars on the forum are feeling sick, myself included. I will add you to my thoughts for brighter days ahead. The only way I know to do this cf life is one day, one moment at a time.
 

sue35

New member
I totally understand Amy and Tom and agree. I hate that all I do is watch myself get worse and realize that the worse I get the more the chance of a happy life with someone slips away. Who would start to love someone who is sick all the time?
 

sue35

New member
I totally understand Amy and Tom and agree. I hate that all I do is watch myself get worse and realize that the worse I get the more the chance of a happy life with someone slips away. Who would start to love someone who is sick all the time?
 

sue35

New member
I totally understand Amy and Tom and agree. I hate that all I do is watch myself get worse and realize that the worse I get the more the chance of a happy life with someone slips away. Who would start to love someone who is sick all the time?
 

LisaV

New member
You underestimate yourselves and us supposedly well folks.
I can only speak for myself, but I considered myself unbelievably lucky to have met and married my late husband.
Keep working with your therapists or whatever it takes to get you to that attitude of being valuable to others and to have a lust for life - that attitude will attract all kinds of folks.
At least I sure find/found it attractive.
I am attracted to survivors. Lots of us ABs are.
You ARE the surviviors - in spades.
 

LisaV

New member
You underestimate yourselves and us supposedly well folks.
I can only speak for myself, but I considered myself unbelievably lucky to have met and married my late husband.
Keep working with your therapists or whatever it takes to get you to that attitude of being valuable to others and to have a lust for life - that attitude will attract all kinds of folks.
At least I sure find/found it attractive.
I am attracted to survivors. Lots of us ABs are.
You ARE the surviviors - in spades.
 

LisaV

New member
You underestimate yourselves and us supposedly well folks.
I can only speak for myself, but I considered myself unbelievably lucky to have met and married my late husband.
Keep working with your therapists or whatever it takes to get you to that attitude of being valuable to others and to have a lust for life - that attitude will attract all kinds of folks.
At least I sure find/found it attractive.
I am attracted to survivors. Lots of us ABs are.
You ARE the surviviors - in spades.
 

Allie

New member
I knew Ry had CF before we even started dating. I even knew what that meant, before we even started dating. Love, true love, doesn't care about such things. Yah, Ry had CF, but he was funny, kind, intelligent, and loving too. His good qualities made the difficulty of dealing with his CF all worth it. And if there are still halfway decent people in this world, which I must believe there are, you will find someone who values all of your wonderful qualities. You know me well enough to know I don't sugarcoat. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't believe it. There is still hope of you finding a wonderful person to love you, I truly believe that. Keep your chin up *hug*
 

Allie

New member
I knew Ry had CF before we even started dating. I even knew what that meant, before we even started dating. Love, true love, doesn't care about such things. Yah, Ry had CF, but he was funny, kind, intelligent, and loving too. His good qualities made the difficulty of dealing with his CF all worth it. And if there are still halfway decent people in this world, which I must believe there are, you will find someone who values all of your wonderful qualities. You know me well enough to know I don't sugarcoat. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't believe it. There is still hope of you finding a wonderful person to love you, I truly believe that. Keep your chin up *hug*
 

Allie

New member
I knew Ry had CF before we even started dating. I even knew what that meant, before we even started dating. Love, true love, doesn't care about such things. Yah, Ry had CF, but he was funny, kind, intelligent, and loving too. His good qualities made the difficulty of dealing with his CF all worth it. And if there are still halfway decent people in this world, which I must believe there are, you will find someone who values all of your wonderful qualities. You know me well enough to know I don't sugarcoat. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't believe it. There is still hope of you finding a wonderful person to love you, I truly believe that. Keep your chin up *hug*
 

Emily65Roses

New member
If it helps any... more than one guy that has fallen for me knew about CF (and that it was going to kill me) before they got involved at all. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

Emily65Roses

New member
If it helps any... more than one guy that has fallen for me knew about CF (and that it was going to kill me) before they got involved at all. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

Emily65Roses

New member
If it helps any... more than one guy that has fallen for me knew about CF (and that it was going to kill me) before they got involved at all. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
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