My Husband Wants Another Child

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anonymous

New member
ALLIE,

You have really got to get off of your high horse. How dare you or anyone else
call someone irresponsible. From my view the woman with the 6 kids is lucky that none of those other CF moms including Rys' mom have called her. I for one
would not want to be friends or even be associated with women like them. They are judgmental and unfeeling!!! Their goal should be to help all people with CF not people who have only been born one per family. It really is sick!!!

And, yes, this is one topic that NO ONE will ever agree on!!
 
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Allie

New member
They still raise money for the CFF, so they do still help everyone, they just don't associate with her socially. They have a right not to if they feel she's irresponsible, or their morals are different. *shrug* And Hannah is an amazing woman, tear at me all you want, you cowardly anonyMOUSE, but leave her out of it. I am pretty sure I know who you are, but please, stop with the rampant idiocy. I was just telling her some of the politics surrounding the decision. I have no part in what it is for that group, I just reported on it. Grow up.
 
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Lilith

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i> I for one would
not want to be friends or even be associated with women like them.
They are judgmental and unfeeling!!! Their goal should be to help
all people with CF not people who have only been born one per
family. It really is sick!!! And, yes, this is one topic that NO
ONE will ever agree on!!</end quote></div><br>
<br>
Oh, lookie, another anon looking to pick a fight.  How
surprising...haven't we done this already?  OMG, its such a
shocker that some feel its irresponsible to gamble with a child's
health (that was sarcasm, BTW)!  Good lord, take your own
advice about no one agreeing and let it go!!  
 
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ReneeP

New member
I have two daughters with CF. As far as your question as to how I made the decision, well, I really didn't. I did not intend to have any more children but I had a moment of ummm....well, you know... and got pregnant. My "cycle" had gotten all messed up and I went off the pill for one month to try to regulate my system and was going to go right back on them but ended up pregnant. I can honestly say I have never once regreted having Kacie though. Not even when I first found out I was pregnant. I was scared...but I didn't regret it. And to be perfectly honest, I never felt guilty about it until coming to this site. I never really thought that bringing Kacie into the world was something I should feel guilty for until hearing people here talk about how irresponsible and selfish it is to have more than one child with CF. Now I am ashamed to tell people I have two children with CF and that makes me sad. My girls are the most beautiful and smartest two girls I know of in the world (yeah, I know I'm a little partial). Will I feel differently if when they get older, they get really sick and are suffering? Well, I really don't know. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I can't do anything about it now.

As far as your situation, I wish you the best with whatever you decide. I am not of the belief that whatever happens happens for a reason (my husband does believe that and we argue over it all the time :)... but I definately respect your beliefs. I believe we all make choices and we live with the consequences. For that reason, I do suggest you put a lot of thought into it (which obviously you are doing) because you will have to live with your decision. Having two CFers is a lot more work...no doubt about it. But the fact that you are asking the question in the first place shows you are concerned and trying to make an informed decision. that in itself is to be respected.
Best of luck to you.
 
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ReneeP

New member
Oh, by the way.... unfortunately I feel the need to defend my family here.... I only "gambled" once. My oldest does not have CF...there was absolutely no family history of CF in either my ex husband or my family. Neither of us had ever even heard of it. My first daughter was diagnosed when she was 2 1/2. My other two boys are mine by marriage not by birth so I only had one child after knowing I carried the gene. Just had to throw that out there before people really think I'm a horrible person for having so many children with my genetics.
 
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Lilith

New member
Renee, just know that I only made that statement as an example of
the chaos that's already gone on around here on this same topic.
 I was simply making a point to the anon that this shouldn't
be started up again, and if they want conflict on this topic, to go
elsewhere because I think we're all sick of it.  That was my
only point.
 
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ReneeP

New member
I understand. And I know all too well about all the chaos that has gone on here regarding this subject. That is why I now feel ashamed to admit I have two children with CF. It makes me feel like such a horrible person. And I find it sad that I have to feel that way. But I am sure that some people think I deserve to feel that way, so I'm certainly not asking for pity. I am the one who takes care of my girls and I will be the one to answer them if they ever do ask me why I made the decisions I made. That will be my bridge to cross, and I will handle it the best way I can.

I am not angry about the situation. I'm sad. Everyone has a right to their opinions. I just wish some people would a little more tact when giving them out. But hey, that's just me.

BTW, I really butchered those pics when I shrunk them down so I am going to try to post them again. If they turn out huge this time, I apologize. I'm trying to find a happy medium. I'm also throwing in one of me since I'm the one who posts...it seems to make it a little more personal when you can see the person you are writing to...
 
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damiensmom

New member
Laughing..... Besides looks like they spell and puncuate sp?... I know thats wrong...alot better than me. I dont hold grudges anyway.
 
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anonymous

New member
well, you know, like the bumper sticker says "s&@# happens" so sometimes there are 2 cf kids in a family because folks don't know its an issue in their family until the 2nd one is dxed ,and sometimes birth control fails , and sometimes passion wins, etc.

But talking about consequences. I worry about emotional and psychological consequences.

I think the main concern I have with pepole having 2 cf kids is that even with the increased lifespan, if the parents are healthy, they will have the experinece of caring for both of these kids of caring for them during the last end stage year or two and then sitting with them as they die. And that won't happen for both kids at the same time so they'll also have to watch one of their kids watch the other one suffer and die.

Tho death is a part of life, most parents are not really emotionally prepared to survive their kids. (It's one thing to be caregiver for your parents during their final years; it's another to be caregiver for your kids.) So you need to think about wether you have the emotional resiliance to survive the death of one child and still be life-affirming and hopeful for the other. And then you have to survive the death of the second child.And you need to think about every one else in the family who loves your kids doing this as well. How will those deaths effect them? Can those people (whom you also love, I assume) have the resiliance to survive the deaths of 2 kids they love without suffering permanent emotional and psychological damage.
 
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charl72

New member
At the end of the day, everyone is going to have different opinions
and they are entitled to that.  We simply can't judge people
for their decisions.  It is their life and their choices
whatever the circumstances are.  I have two daughters, eldest
without CF and youngest with CF.  Me and my husband didn't
know we were carriers until our youngest daughter was diagnosed
with CF when she was six weeks old.  I feel, I don't have the
experience to really answer this question, but as I said, each
person is entitled to their own opinion.  I really don't think
it is worth arguing and being nasty to one another.  We are
never going to all agree, that's life.  I think it is very sad
when a person, who asks a question, is judged and criticized.
 CF scares me totally, but I love my daughters and am grateful
and blessed to have them, CF or not.  And, maybe it is corny,
and people will take the p*ss but I also believe things happen 'for
a reason'.  Believing this helps me get by day to day.  I
just live in hope and pray that one day someone will find a cure
for CF.  <br>
<br>
<br>
Thanks for listening, even if you don't agree, cos I don't expect
everyone to.<br>
<br>
Have a nice day and try and be nice to one another please.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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melleemac

Guest
I dont normally get involved in theses debates as I find it gets too heated for my liking, but here it goes anyway.
I have a healthy boy as well as two boys with cf, twins, so I didnt really have the decision to make.
Personally speaking, it is the hardest situation Ive ever had to deal with. I love my boys more than anything in the world and couldnt imagine what life would be like without them.
The twins have had a really hard time from the time of diagnosis, they were in hospital for 5 months, had many respitory arrests, cardiac arrests, have been on kidney dyalisis, diagnosed as hydrocortison depndant, polyps,have pseudomonas, and aspriigillus which they are allergic too. Basically what can go wrong goes wrong with the boys. From the age of 6 they have had less than half their lung function. They have been in hospital at least 10 times. When one gets sick so does the other, no matter how much I try to prevent it.
Every time they get sick it tears me up inside, I know that there is a good chance that I will outlive my boys and I have a really hard time dealing with that.
My worst fear is something happening to one and then having to turn around and face his identicle twin. The thought breaks my heart.

Personally, Im not strong enough to go through it all again. Its a choice that only you and your husband can make.
Just my opinion!
Mel
 
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EnergyGal

New member
I read through all of these posts- I have CF/transplant and never was a mother, so I do not see life through your eyes.

I admire all CF parents who take good care of their children. If parents know that they can love and take care of another child with CF it is their choice. Everyone has a different capacity to live life each day.

For the parents who have more than one child with CF and who want more children cf or not, God bless You. You have more strength and love that I can ever imagine.

With love
Risa
 
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Jem

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Risa</b></i> I read through all of
these posts- I have CF/transplant and never was a mother, so I do
not see life through your eyes. I admire all CF parents who take
good care of their children. If parents know that they can love and
take care of another child with CF it is their choice. Everyone has
a different capacity to live life each day. For the parents who
have more than one child with CF and who want more children cf or
not, God bless You. You have more strength and love that I can ever
imagine. With love Risa</end quote></div><br>
<br>
Well said Risa! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
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anonymous

New member
I would like to suggest adoption as an option too. This doesn't mean I don't think you should have another biological child. I am just an adoption advocate. I only have one cf child. But, I CHOSE HER. You see... she was adopted at age 2yrs. We had a "family" meeting with our other two children before we made our decision.
 
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my65roses4me

New member
<span style=" font-size: x-small;">I have found out about a
procedure called PGD. They take the sperm and the eggs and develop
them into embryos. They can tell which ones are diseased and which
ones aren't. They only use the ones that are not diseased and
implant them into the uterus. That way you wont have a sick baby. I
know this kind of procedure is controversial but at least you be
bringing another sick baby into this world. Her is a link that
explains it.<br>
http://www.givf.com/pgd/pgd.cfm. Hope this helps<br>
Khristina 31 yr old cfer
 
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anonymous

New member
I am posting as a anon so what I have to say will not hurt anyone in my family if this happens to be read by them.
My mom had two children when she was very young. My brother was born and diagnosed imediately because he was very sick. I have been told she was pregnant with another baby (unplanned) but decided to terminate the pregnancy because she could not imagine having another sick baby. When she got pregnant with me (unplanned) she decide to have me because she didn't believe that terminating pregnancies should be used as birth control. She had me and I was diagnosed immediately because my brother had cf. My dad was very young too and very irresponsible. They had a very hard time with us being sick. Only to lose my brother at the age of 13. I watched my dad go down hill. He became addicted to drugs and alcohol. He is still drunk to this day.
So my point is that having more than one sick baby isn't easy. Its something not to take lightly. Also just know that your decision not only affects your life it affects everyone around your family. Also its the cfers that suffer the most. If the parents that had the decision not to have another sick baby just looked into their heart and realized what it feels like not to be able to breath, to have to take pills and treatments for the rest of their life, I think that the choice would be very clear.
Dont make another baby suffer as I have! And no its not your fault that you have the cf gene and you should not be made to feel guilty!!! But to know and then make the choice to have another then that would be yours and your husbands fault. You are not the only one that is sad. Your new child will possibly suffer for all of his/her life. Just think about that.
 
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anonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Your new child will possibly suffer for all of his/her life. Just think about that. </end quote></div>

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">I think you're way off with that one. I'm not sure, but I'm betting most people here agree with me.
 
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