My Husband Wants Another Child

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anonymous

New member
hi, well I have two cf children and one without cf. My middle child was diagnosed with cf on his first birthday and my oldiest at two weeks from being 5 a couple of days after my son. I decided to have another child after they were diagnosed and got mixed emotions from family and friends. I have always wanted a big family no matter what. I do not regret my decison of having another child she is now 2 and she does not have cf nor is she a carrier. I want another child but my husband and I are considering adoption in a couple of years. I have friends who have adopted and see what joy it brings. I did not find out when I was pregnant with my third child if she had cf or not. At five days old we took her for genetic testing at our cf center. I think this is a personal choice and everyone sees this different. I have always wanted to be a foster parent or adopt atleast one child. My grandmother had five children and raised 14 foster children and to this day at 80 years old still can tell you how much joy she got from being a foster parent.
Even adopting a child is a risk. I know of someone who could not have children and adopted a newborn and after several months after she brought her home found out the baby was blind. No matter what your decison is its what is in your heart and husbands heart. I beleive that God only gives you what you can handle. I thank God for all three of my children.
God Bless
Jeanine mom to Sydney 9 w/cf and mrsa, Trey 5 w/cf and mrsa and Abbey 2 w/out cf and not a carrier feel free to email me if you would like at
www.burkhalter_95@sbcglobal.net
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Risa</b></i>
For the parents who have more than one child with CF and who want more children cf or not, God bless You. You have more strength and love that I can ever imagine.
</end quote></div>

This is a little late, but I really hope you're not suggesting that those that stop having biological children due to the risk are LESS loving or strong.
 
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anonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>


Even adopting a child is a risk. I know of someone who could not have children and adopted a newborn and after several months after she brought her home found out the baby was blind. </end quote></div>

Those of us against "taking the chance" aren't looking for a perfect child. We are just against knowingly creating one that has a great chance a much suffering in their life. So adopting is not a risk...that child was already created. I think if you are considering taking the risk because you can handle another CF child, you should consider adopting a child with special needs and give them a loving home. If you can handle it, why not help someone who is already created?
 
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EnergyGal

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>





Even adopting a child is a risk. I know of someone who could not have children and adopted a newborn and after several months after she brought her home found out the baby was blind. </end quote></div>



Those of us against "taking the chance" aren't looking for a perfect child. We are just against knowingly creating one that has a great chance a much suffering in their life. So adopting is not a risk...that child was already created. I think if you are considering taking the risk because you can handle another CF child, you should consider adopting a child with special needs and give them a loving home. If you can handle it, why not help someone who is already created?</end quote></div>


That sounds beautiful to me. That is up to the parent and hopefully they will make the right decision for themselves.
 
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EnergyGal

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Risa</b></i>

For the parents who have more than one child with CF and who want more children cf or not, God bless You. You have more strength and love that I can ever imagine.

</end quote></div>



This is a little late, but I really hope you're not suggesting that those that stop having biological children due to the risk are LESS loving or strong.</end quote></div>

Emily, you are so way off on what you are saying. I guess you did not understand so I will clarify what I said. I meant that those who knowlingly carry the cf gene and for those people who want to take the risk of having more children with CF are more loving than I can imagine. I am not saying that those who do not want to have CF are less loving.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
Don't tell me I'm way off. I didn't SAY anything. I ASKED A QUESTION (question mark or not, it was asking the intention of what you said) so that you could do what you just did... clarify.
 
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ReneeP

New member
I'm curious about something for those of you who are against having a child once you know both parents carry the CF gene...

Is it just CF that you feel this way about? I mean, if you're over 35 and know there's a bigger risk of Down's Syndrome would you say it's wrong to get pregnant? Or what if you have a procedure to get pregnant rather than taking the risk and you end up with a multiple pregnancy? There's a risk to the babies because of them being multiples. There is a very large risk of premature birth which can cause all sorts of problems. Is that wrong too? Where do you draw the line? What if you are very healthy but you aren't financially stable and you have a child and struggle to feed them. Or they have to live in a very bad environment because you can't afford to have a decent place to live. Should those people not have kids either?

Unfortunately in this world today many people are having children for all the wrong reasons. And there are way too many children who are not taken care of. They live in poverty and filth with no one to care for them. They don't get enough to eat. They don't get medical care. They have no one to support them in any way. I see it every day. I see children who are totally unsupervised just walking up and down the streets...no one knows where they are and no one cares. It's heartbreaking. Who is really suffering here? The child with CF who has a loving family, gets all the food and medical care a child could ever have and as much support as is possible? Or the physically healthy child who never had a chance in life because of the situation they were born into? Personally, I think the CF child has the better life.

Since none of us are perfect I guess someone could find a reason for all of us to stop having children. But in the end, it's only ourselves who can make our own decisions. I, though not a particularly religious person, say "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"....and old Swedish Proverb, "Sweep first before your own door before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors"... and last but not least, a quote by Ian Percy, "We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions."
 
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Allie

New member
well, for down's the chance is about 1%. Still not good, but statistically more acceptable. Premature birth is not genetic. That take it off the table. And I have always felt peopel who can't afford kids, shouldn'y have them. Children are not an accessory or commodity, or a right. Nothing is ever perfect, for sure, but you have to try and do your best for them. Food, shelter, attention, and to me, personally, just my opinion, chancing them with a painful, fatal genetic illness, is not trying your best to help them.

And I feel the way about any genetic illness, not just CF.
 
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Lilith

New member
I was going to reply to this, but Allie took the words right out of
my mouth.  Just one thing I might add, though...<br>
<br>
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>ReneeP</b></i> Unfortunately in this
world today many people are having children for all the wrong
reasons.</end quote></div><br>
<br>
Yup.  Totally.  Couldn't agree more.  And in my
eyes, willingly passing on this disease, instead of adopting a
child that is already here and needs a home, just so they'll have
your eye color or hair color is a wrong reason.  Obviously my
opinion isn't the only one, but it is mine.  Just like no one
involved in this argument will ever change my mind, nor do I expect
to change anyone else's.  So isn't it about time this issue
died and we all moved on?  It isn't serving any other purpose
but to further belittle everyone else's ideas.
 
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ReneeP

New member
Just so that you understand, it's a little easier for you to say "Let this issue die down and move on to something else"... for you that is all this is. It's an issue on which you have an opinion. For me, however, it's a different story. I have two children with CF, therefore I am one of these "selfish, uncaring, cruel people who would knowingly bring a CF child into the world". I have now been labeled, therefore I feel the need to defend myself.

I am not the type of person to point out other people's problems and hurt them to make a point so I will not do that. But I am sure that EVERY ONE OF US, has done things which other people could say was selfish, uncaring, and/or cruel. I just feel that maybe we should focus on our own downfalls rather than someone elses.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
I've done selfish things, would never tell you otherwise. What you said, we all have. If anyone ever told me they were NEVER ONCE in their life selfish, I'd tell them to stop lying.

However, this thread was created to discuss the whole topic of having more than one CF child, so we're not trying to "focus on your downfalls," but simply discuss the idea. And to many of us, that is selfish. If you don't see it as such, that's your business. Many people do, many people don't. We're not purposely trying to call you out (at least I'm not). I'm just discussing the topic at hand, which I think is slighty less than responsible.

If you feel insecure about it, that's your own problem. We're not running around going "Renee, you suck, you're going to burn in hell!!!!" We're just saying what we feel about that one particular action. And I don't know about everyone else, but my point here is not to judge THE PERSON, so much as THE ACTION. You can do selfish things and not, as a whole, be a selfish person. Do I think having a second child when you know you're both carriers (today, with all the information available) is selfish? Eh. I don't know, but I would call it irresponsible, to say the least. Do I think, you, Renee, are selfish or irresponsible? I don't know you enough to say yes or no.
 
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ReneeP

New member
I tried to make a point and I was unsuccessful.

I stand corrected.

I failed to communicate effectively.

I will suck it up and just accept that many people see me as irresponsible and I will stop trying to change their opinions.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
Uhh, chill. I understood the point, and it was a sensible one. It's harder for you because you're one of those people. And the ones of us against it are not.

But if you reread it carefully, I never said anything about YOU. I stated that any judgements that come from me about this are about this action in and of itself, not of YOU.
 
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Allie

New member
I do want to clarify, I have a friend who chanced it. Do I think her choice was ill-advised? Yes. Do I disagree with her? Yes. Do I love her as a person? Absolutely.
 
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anonymous

New member
Renee--

I read your post and I think that my mother could have written it. So I feel compelled to respond.

I am one of 5 children and and the second child born with cf. I do not view my parents as selfish at all. They are the most unselfish people I know. They have worked hard their entire lives to provide a good stable life for their children. Sure it is difficult on them at times to see me and my older cf sibling struggle with this disease but those times are small in comparision to all the family joys we have shared over the years. If society views them as selfish...well, so be it. Then I am thankful (as is my cf sibling as well) for my selfish parents...because without them I would not be alive. My parents did not give me cf...they gave me life. CF was just part of the package, just like my hair color, skin color, and every other genetic marker I have.

Don't be concerned how the world views you and your family. You know best what is in your heart and you children will also. Please know there are those who admire the choice you made and I wish you and your family well.

Ellen / CF
 
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anonymous

New member
Of course we love all of our friends and family members whether or not they have 1 Ckid with a genetic illness or 2 or 3.

In my family there is one couple where the mother has a genetic illness (where they actually advise against pregnancy). She and her husband hav3 4 kids. (They wanted a girl and a boy.) Before the healthy boy was born they had 3 girls with genetic disorders including 2 with cf.

Do we love them less. Of course not. We love them all.

Do their choices cause them all (and us) to have a much harder life than they (and we) might have had if they did not have as many biological children without PGO. Yes. It's been harder from day 1 and it is getting harder ever day as the kids grow up and their lung function goes down.

And its not over yet. There is a lot more pain to come.
 
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ReneeP

New member
Thanks, Ellen, for you encouraging words. I really appreciate your thoughts. I hope my daughters feel the way you do when they are older too.

And just as a sidenote...not intended for you, Ellen. I think people are missing my point entirely. I am not advocating having sick children. I'm not saying, hey, let's see how many kids we can all have regardless of the risks. I'm saying lets let each person make their own decisions and not try to make them feel horrible for it. If someone asks you whether you think they should have a child knowing that risk is there, it's okay to say "no", or "I wouldn't if I were you"...but it is unecessary to go further and say that everyone who has more than one CF'er is selfish and irresponsible.
 
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Debra

New member
THANK YOU, ELLEN, for your encouraging and loving words!!

What confuses me on this forum is how peoples opinions change depending on
who is asking the question.

I have noted how thrilled everyone is for Julie and Mark, as am I. However, they have now brought 3 children in the world who are carriers of the CF gene. I have no problem with their decision as it was theirs. But, I am curious as to why every
one else in the forum who is against having more than one child with CF is okay with this.

Am I missing something here? Deb
 
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