Need some advice

[jenhum]

Hi everyone. I know I don't post here a ton, but I need some advice from people who really understand. Do you ever feel that at some point in your life, you stop deserving to be loved, b/c it would be too selfish to allow someone to fall in love with someone that is dying?

My story is a long one, but the basic version is that I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me and isn't sure if he wants to try and fix our marriage. Originally I very much wanted to fix it, but I'm disgusted and appalled by the person he seems to have become overnight. So now I'm not sure I want to be married to him either.

But I am SO scared of being a single mom. I SAH, I don't work and I have a feeling that if I have to work full time and raise my daughter that I will be on that lung transplant list in less than 5 years. I'm also really scared that this is my last chance to be loved/be in a marriage, b/c by the time I get over this relationship and meet someone new, wouldn't it be selfish of me to put someone through all that I will be going through in the next 10 or so years (if that)?

I guess I didn't feel guilty about it with my current husband b/c we got married young, I knew he'd have a substantial amount of time with me, and I was able to give him a child. I wouldn't be able to offer any of that to someone a couple of years from now.

Hopefully this makes some sense. I am such a mess of emotions right now, it is difficult to think clearly.

 

[jenhum]

Hi everyone. I know I don't post here a ton, but I need some advice from people who really understand. Do you ever feel that at some point in your life, you stop deserving to be loved, b/c it would be too selfish to allow someone to fall in love with someone that is dying?

My story is a long one, but the basic version is that I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me and isn't sure if he wants to try and fix our marriage. Originally I very much wanted to fix it, but I'm disgusted and appalled by the person he seems to have become overnight. So now I'm not sure I want to be married to him either.

But I am SO scared of being a single mom. I SAH, I don't work and I have a feeling that if I have to work full time and raise my daughter that I will be on that lung transplant list in less than 5 years. I'm also really scared that this is my last chance to be loved/be in a marriage, b/c by the time I get over this relationship and meet someone new, wouldn't it be selfish of me to put someone through all that I will be going through in the next 10 or so years (if that)?

I guess I didn't feel guilty about it with my current husband b/c we got married young, I knew he'd have a substantial amount of time with me, and I was able to give him a child. I wouldn't be able to offer any of that to someone a couple of years from now.

Hopefully this makes some sense. I am such a mess of emotions right now, it is difficult to think clearly.

 

[jenhum]

Hi everyone. I know I don't post here a ton, but I need some advice from people who really understand. Do you ever feel that at some point in your life, you stop deserving to be loved, b/c it would be too selfish to allow someone to fall in love with someone that is dying?
<br />
<br />My story is a long one, but the basic version is that I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me and isn't sure if he wants to try and fix our marriage. Originally I very much wanted to fix it, but I'm disgusted and appalled by the person he seems to have become overnight. So now I'm not sure I want to be married to him either.
<br />
<br />But I am SO scared of being a single mom. I SAH, I don't work and I have a feeling that if I have to work full time and raise my daughter that I will be on that lung transplant list in less than 5 years. I'm also really scared that this is my last chance to be loved/be in a marriage, b/c by the time I get over this relationship and meet someone new, wouldn't it be selfish of me to put someone through all that I will be going through in the next 10 or so years (if that)?
<br />
<br />I guess I didn't feel guilty about it with my current husband b/c we got married young, I knew he'd have a substantial amount of time with me, and I was able to give him a child. I wouldn't be able to offer any of that to someone a couple of years from now.
<br />
<br />Hopefully this makes some sense. I am such a mess of emotions right now, it is difficult to think clearly.

 

[tleigh]

Jenny I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It is not wrong to have the desire to be loved! Please know that I will be thinking of you and praying for all the stuff you are facing during this time.

 

[tleigh]

Jenny I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It is not wrong to have the desire to be loved! Please know that I will be thinking of you and praying for all the stuff you are facing during this time.

 

[tleigh]

Jenny I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It is not wrong to have the desire to be loved! Please know that I will be thinking of you and praying for all the stuff you are facing during this time.

 

[LouLou]

Jenny, You absolutely deserve to be loved. And you are loved greatly by your family. I've always enjoyed reading your posts and looking at the pictures of you and your little one on your blog. I get excited when I see your screenname. Please just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about too much into the future it just creates unhealthy worry. Things will work out for you. I definitely feel for you but you are too good for him. I think your head is on straight and don't doubt yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[LouLou]

Jenny, You absolutely deserve to be loved. And you are loved greatly by your family. I've always enjoyed reading your posts and looking at the pictures of you and your little one on your blog. I get excited when I see your screenname. Please just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about too much into the future it just creates unhealthy worry. Things will work out for you. I definitely feel for you but you are too good for him. I think your head is on straight and don't doubt yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[LouLou]

Jenny, You absolutely deserve to be loved. And you are loved greatly by your family. I've always enjoyed reading your posts and looking at the pictures of you and your little one on your blog. I get excited when I see your screenname. Please just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about too much into the future it just creates unhealthy worry. Things will work out for you. I definitely feel for you but you are too good for him. I think your head is on straight and don't doubt yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[rubyroselee]

Oh Jen! I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We were both going through our pregnancy at the same time...and I often wondered how things were going for you and your little one. It really disgusts me when spouses can do such horrible things to the person they love. But you know what, you absolutely deserve to be loved, no matter now healthy or how sick you are. It just stinks when you think you life is going just fine for you, and then *WHACK*, reality smacks you in the face.

Is there anyone else that can help you financially and/or to watch your daughter while you can work a little bit? Can you move in with someone else? I would definitely try to live and get support from people that are willing to help you through this.

Stay strong

 

[rubyroselee]

Oh Jen! I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We were both going through our pregnancy at the same time...and I often wondered how things were going for you and your little one. It really disgusts me when spouses can do such horrible things to the person they love. But you know what, you absolutely deserve to be loved, no matter now healthy or how sick you are. It just stinks when you think you life is going just fine for you, and then *WHACK*, reality smacks you in the face.

Is there anyone else that can help you financially and/or to watch your daughter while you can work a little bit? Can you move in with someone else? I would definitely try to live and get support from people that are willing to help you through this.

Stay strong

 

[rubyroselee]

Oh Jen! I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We were both going through our pregnancy at the same time...and I often wondered how things were going for you and your little one. It really disgusts me when spouses can do such horrible things to the person they love. But you know what, you absolutely deserve to be loved, no matter now healthy or how sick you are. It just stinks when you think you life is going just fine for you, and then *WHACK*, reality smacks you in the face.
<br />
<br />Is there anyone else that can help you financially and/or to watch your daughter while you can work a little bit? Can you move in with someone else? I would definitely try to live and get support from people that are willing to help you through this.
<br />
<br />Stay strong

 

[LouLou]

Jen, Are you on SSDI? I'm not sure how much you worked in the past but your work credits add up to give you a sizeable income (well sizeable when compare it to staying home and not making anything). Talk to Julie on this site and check out her site dafcf.org.

If you worked professionally before having your daughter you could probably get b/w $20-40K annually. And not that I'm endorsing working on the side but you could charge a decent amount as your photography skills are top notch. Also, you have a flair for style...not sure what biz that would be...personal shopper?

 

[LouLou]

Jen, Are you on SSDI? I'm not sure how much you worked in the past but your work credits add up to give you a sizeable income (well sizeable when compare it to staying home and not making anything). Talk to Julie on this site and check out her site dafcf.org.

If you worked professionally before having your daughter you could probably get b/w $20-40K annually. And not that I'm endorsing working on the side but you could charge a decent amount as your photography skills are top notch. Also, you have a flair for style...not sure what biz that would be...personal shopper?

 

[LouLou]

Jen, Are you on SSDI? I'm not sure how much you worked in the past but your work credits add up to give you a sizeable income (well sizeable when compare it to staying home and not making anything). Talk to Julie on this site and check out her site dafcf.org.
<br />
<br />If you worked professionally before having your daughter you could probably get b/w $20-40K annually. And not that I'm endorsing working on the side but you could charge a decent amount as your photography skills are top notch. Also, you have a flair for style...not sure what biz that would be...personal shopper?

 

[peter]

Hi Jen, I'm surprised no men have weighed in, but I'm in your corner with LouLou.How much you've worked and in what capacity may help with the short term assignment for planning finances, but you are a terrific photographer. Man, most parents would give you a bundle for a portfolio of kid's pictures like yours. The back drops and poses are priceless and totally engaging. You have the gift for it. Print up business cards, get a lawyer friend to set you up in what ever IRS business category is appropriate and plunge into your talent. I'm married for 41 years and 7 grand children and infidelity in my book is the end for that guy you married. He is way off base with you and, as they say, you never know what you have until you lose it, and I think you need to lose him while getting as much child support as you can get. Don't handle it on your own, let the lawyer handle it. You are truly a diamond and I totally know you are meant to archive other families' memories. You have a heap of friends on this site and don't hesitate coming back. Using PM's keeps it personal so you definitely want to PM Julie, as LouLou suggested. I will start praying for you and Madeline tomorrow. I know God is on your side and you will be a wonderful, successful business woman.
Peter

 

[peter]

Hi Jen, I'm surprised no men have weighed in, but I'm in your corner with LouLou.How much you've worked and in what capacity may help with the short term assignment for planning finances, but you are a terrific photographer. Man, most parents would give you a bundle for a portfolio of kid's pictures like yours. The back drops and poses are priceless and totally engaging. You have the gift for it. Print up business cards, get a lawyer friend to set you up in what ever IRS business category is appropriate and plunge into your talent. I'm married for 41 years and 7 grand children and infidelity in my book is the end for that guy you married. He is way off base with you and, as they say, you never know what you have until you lose it, and I think you need to lose him while getting as much child support as you can get. Don't handle it on your own, let the lawyer handle it. You are truly a diamond and I totally know you are meant to archive other families' memories. You have a heap of friends on this site and don't hesitate coming back. Using PM's keeps it personal so you definitely want to PM Julie, as LouLou suggested. I will start praying for you and Madeline tomorrow. I know God is on your side and you will be a wonderful, successful business woman.
Peter

 

[peter]

Hi Jen, I'm surprised no men have weighed in, but I'm in your corner with LouLou.How much you've worked and in what capacity may help with the short term assignment for planning finances, but you are a terrific photographer. Man, most parents would give you a bundle for a portfolio of kid's pictures like yours. The back drops and poses are priceless and totally engaging. You have the gift for it. Print up business cards, get a lawyer friend to set you up in what ever IRS business category is appropriate and plunge into your talent. I'm married for 41 years and 7 grand children and infidelity in my book is the end for that guy you married. He is way off base with you and, as they say, you never know what you have until you lose it, and I think you need to lose him while getting as much child support as you can get. Don't handle it on your own, let the lawyer handle it. You are truly a diamond and I totally know you are meant to archive other families' memories. You have a heap of friends on this site and don't hesitate coming back. Using PM's keeps it personal so you definitely want to PM Julie, as LouLou suggested. I will start praying for you and Madeline tomorrow. I know God is on your side and you will be a wonderful, successful business woman.
<br />Peter

 

[JORDYSMOM]

All of these responses are why I love this site. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Jenny, I couldn't give any better advice than you've been given. I know it's hard to find your direction when you're so overwhelmed. The hurt of an unfaithful spouse is tremendous. It is very important, though, that you do the things necessary to protect your interests.

I'll be praying for you.

Stacey

 

[JORDYSMOM]

All of these responses are why I love this site. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Jenny, I couldn't give any better advice than you've been given. I know it's hard to find your direction when you're so overwhelmed. The hurt of an unfaithful spouse is tremendous. It is very important, though, that you do the things necessary to protect your interests.

I'll be praying for you.

Stacey