Need some marrital advice

[thefrogprincess]

Ok, DH and I have zero communication skills. He doesn't tell me ANYTHING! Big stuff, little stuff, doesn't matter. He is also much more focussed on what is going on with his family that is 3000 miles away than he is on us. I on the other hand try to talk to him and I might as well try talking to the wall. It has taken me 5 MONTHS of asking, pleading, crying, writting letters, threatening, and litterally screaming at him to get him to FINALLY agree to marriage councelling. I seriously stood in my kitchen the other day and screamed into the phone at him that I am totally sick of him ignoring everything that I think is important. I have even packed my clothes and stayed at a friends house. I have threatened to have our marriage annulled more times then I can remember. We haven't even been married a year yet.

This is where it gets a little...uh, "intimate", you have been warned.

In addition to not communicating, we also have no sex life. We have been averaging once every 2 months. He does not seem to comprehend that this makes me feel unattractive, unimportant, unwanted, and generally crappy. I asked him to see his doctor and get his testosterone level tested. He went to the doctor but the word testosterone was never mentioned. The doc gave him something for erectile disfunction. Which is not the problem, it works he just doesn't want to use it. That was about 3 months ago, and he has never gone back despite my pleading, threatening, and fits.

What I want to know is, am I crazy for putting up with all this for so long? I mean, yes he has finally agreed to go to councelling but that is no gaurentee that things will improve. Meedless to say baby plans are on hold with all this, not that I could really get pregnant considering the above mentioned problem.

 

[thefrogprincess]

Ok, DH and I have zero communication skills. He doesn't tell me ANYTHING! Big stuff, little stuff, doesn't matter. He is also much more focussed on what is going on with his family that is 3000 miles away than he is on us. I on the other hand try to talk to him and I might as well try talking to the wall. It has taken me 5 MONTHS of asking, pleading, crying, writting letters, threatening, and litterally screaming at him to get him to FINALLY agree to marriage councelling. I seriously stood in my kitchen the other day and screamed into the phone at him that I am totally sick of him ignoring everything that I think is important. I have even packed my clothes and stayed at a friends house. I have threatened to have our marriage annulled more times then I can remember. We haven't even been married a year yet.

This is where it gets a little...uh, "intimate", you have been warned.

In addition to not communicating, we also have no sex life. We have been averaging once every 2 months. He does not seem to comprehend that this makes me feel unattractive, unimportant, unwanted, and generally crappy. I asked him to see his doctor and get his testosterone level tested. He went to the doctor but the word testosterone was never mentioned. The doc gave him something for erectile disfunction. Which is not the problem, it works he just doesn't want to use it. That was about 3 months ago, and he has never gone back despite my pleading, threatening, and fits.

What I want to know is, am I crazy for putting up with all this for so long? I mean, yes he has finally agreed to go to councelling but that is no gaurentee that things will improve. Meedless to say baby plans are on hold with all this, not that I could really get pregnant considering the above mentioned problem.

 

[thefrogprincess]

Ok, DH and I have zero communication skills. He doesn't tell me ANYTHING! Big stuff, little stuff, doesn't matter. He is also much more focussed on what is going on with his family that is 3000 miles away than he is on us. I on the other hand try to talk to him and I might as well try talking to the wall. It has taken me 5 MONTHS of asking, pleading, crying, writting letters, threatening, and litterally screaming at him to get him to FINALLY agree to marriage councelling. I seriously stood in my kitchen the other day and screamed into the phone at him that I am totally sick of him ignoring everything that I think is important. I have even packed my clothes and stayed at a friends house. I have threatened to have our marriage annulled more times then I can remember. We haven't even been married a year yet.

This is where it gets a little...uh, "intimate", you have been warned.

In addition to not communicating, we also have no sex life. We have been averaging once every 2 months. He does not seem to comprehend that this makes me feel unattractive, unimportant, unwanted, and generally crappy. I asked him to see his doctor and get his testosterone level tested. He went to the doctor but the word testosterone was never mentioned. The doc gave him something for erectile disfunction. Which is not the problem, it works he just doesn't want to use it. That was about 3 months ago, and he has never gone back despite my pleading, threatening, and fits.

What I want to know is, am I crazy for putting up with all this for so long? I mean, yes he has finally agreed to go to councelling but that is no gaurentee that things will improve. Meedless to say baby plans are on hold with all this, not that I could really get pregnant considering the above mentioned problem.

 

[thefrogprincess]

Ok, DH and I have zero communication skills. He doesn't tell me ANYTHING! Big stuff, little stuff, doesn't matter. He is also much more focussed on what is going on with his family that is 3000 miles away than he is on us. I on the other hand try to talk to him and I might as well try talking to the wall. It has taken me 5 MONTHS of asking, pleading, crying, writting letters, threatening, and litterally screaming at him to get him to FINALLY agree to marriage councelling. I seriously stood in my kitchen the other day and screamed into the phone at him that I am totally sick of him ignoring everything that I think is important. I have even packed my clothes and stayed at a friends house. I have threatened to have our marriage annulled more times then I can remember. We haven't even been married a year yet.

This is where it gets a little...uh, "intimate", you have been warned.

In addition to not communicating, we also have no sex life. We have been averaging once every 2 months. He does not seem to comprehend that this makes me feel unattractive, unimportant, unwanted, and generally crappy. I asked him to see his doctor and get his testosterone level tested. He went to the doctor but the word testosterone was never mentioned. The doc gave him something for erectile disfunction. Which is not the problem, it works he just doesn't want to use it. That was about 3 months ago, and he has never gone back despite my pleading, threatening, and fits.

What I want to know is, am I crazy for putting up with all this for so long? I mean, yes he has finally agreed to go to councelling but that is no gaurentee that things will improve. Meedless to say baby plans are on hold with all this, not that I could really get pregnant considering the above mentioned problem.

 

[thefrogprincess]

Ok, DH and I have zero communication skills. He doesn't tell me ANYTHING! Big stuff, little stuff, doesn't matter. He is also much more focussed on what is going on with his family that is 3000 miles away than he is on us. I on the other hand try to talk to him and I might as well try talking to the wall. It has taken me 5 MONTHS of asking, pleading, crying, writting letters, threatening, and litterally screaming at him to get him to FINALLY agree to marriage councelling. I seriously stood in my kitchen the other day and screamed into the phone at him that I am totally sick of him ignoring everything that I think is important. I have even packed my clothes and stayed at a friends house. I have threatened to have our marriage annulled more times then I can remember. We haven't even been married a year yet.

This is where it gets a little...uh, "intimate", you have been warned.

In addition to not communicating, we also have no sex life. We have been averaging once every 2 months. He does not seem to comprehend that this makes me feel unattractive, unimportant, unwanted, and generally crappy. I asked him to see his doctor and get his testosterone level tested. He went to the doctor but the word testosterone was never mentioned. The doc gave him something for erectile disfunction. Which is not the problem, it works he just doesn't want to use it. That was about 3 months ago, and he has never gone back despite my pleading, threatening, and fits.

What I want to know is, am I crazy for putting up with all this for so long? I mean, yes he has finally agreed to go to councelling but that is no gaurentee that things will improve. Meedless to say baby plans are on hold with all this, not that I could really get pregnant considering the above mentioned problem.

 

[mom2lillian]

Jessi- Since you asked for advice please dont get angry with what I have to say.

The symptoms you are describing scream depression. He should be doing his own counseling and taking medication still from his suicide attempt. He definately is not over it no matter how hard you want or he wants to be. Suicide and the mental instability leading up to it are not something htat can just be 'fixed' it takes alot of hard work that it does nto sound like your husband is putting in. In addition you yourself have recently mentioned debilitating back pain and a major depressive episdode for which you should be seeking counseling and if appropriate medication.

All of these issues together are most likely causing exacerbating the severe conflicts in your marriage. The two of you also need to be doing joint counseling. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice that can fix what you are describing.

The biggest advice I have is to wait utnil you work these thigns out before having a child. I know you dont want to hear this and you even recently made a post about how when everyone was telling you this before you dind twant to hear it but now you have things worked out ... etc etc. Now I urge you to go back and read what you posted about yoru home life. Is this really the type of home that you want a baby being born into? Things definately are not smooth right now. Your husband is presumably in a major depressive episode, recovering from a suicide, you self reported in a previous post you are in a depressive episode, your reported you are having severe back problems. I never respond to your posts on the pregnancy section because I feel it is a terrible time for you to be trying to get pregnant and I urge you to reconsider. If you wait until the time is right you will enjoy it so much more as will your husband and you will ahve a happier healthier baby. Becoming pregnant is an emotional rollercoster in and of itself ----when everythign else is smooth and stable. I understand your desire to have a baby but it will not 'fix' anythign or fill the hole you are feeling in your marriage it WILL horribly complicate and intensify any and all problems regarding communication and intimacy you are having.

I would be happy to talk with your more and I urge you to try and understand I am not saying these things to be hurtful.

 

[mom2lillian]

Jessi- Since you asked for advice please dont get angry with what I have to say.

The symptoms you are describing scream depression. He should be doing his own counseling and taking medication still from his suicide attempt. He definately is not over it no matter how hard you want or he wants to be. Suicide and the mental instability leading up to it are not something htat can just be 'fixed' it takes alot of hard work that it does nto sound like your husband is putting in. In addition you yourself have recently mentioned debilitating back pain and a major depressive episdode for which you should be seeking counseling and if appropriate medication.

All of these issues together are most likely causing exacerbating the severe conflicts in your marriage. The two of you also need to be doing joint counseling. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice that can fix what you are describing.

The biggest advice I have is to wait utnil you work these thigns out before having a child. I know you dont want to hear this and you even recently made a post about how when everyone was telling you this before you dind twant to hear it but now you have things worked out ... etc etc. Now I urge you to go back and read what you posted about yoru home life. Is this really the type of home that you want a baby being born into? Things definately are not smooth right now. Your husband is presumably in a major depressive episode, recovering from a suicide, you self reported in a previous post you are in a depressive episode, your reported you are having severe back problems. I never respond to your posts on the pregnancy section because I feel it is a terrible time for you to be trying to get pregnant and I urge you to reconsider. If you wait until the time is right you will enjoy it so much more as will your husband and you will ahve a happier healthier baby. Becoming pregnant is an emotional rollercoster in and of itself ----when everythign else is smooth and stable. I understand your desire to have a baby but it will not 'fix' anythign or fill the hole you are feeling in your marriage it WILL horribly complicate and intensify any and all problems regarding communication and intimacy you are having.

I would be happy to talk with your more and I urge you to try and understand I am not saying these things to be hurtful.

 

[mom2lillian]

Jessi- Since you asked for advice please dont get angry with what I have to say.

The symptoms you are describing scream depression. He should be doing his own counseling and taking medication still from his suicide attempt. He definately is not over it no matter how hard you want or he wants to be. Suicide and the mental instability leading up to it are not something htat can just be 'fixed' it takes alot of hard work that it does nto sound like your husband is putting in. In addition you yourself have recently mentioned debilitating back pain and a major depressive episdode for which you should be seeking counseling and if appropriate medication.

All of these issues together are most likely causing exacerbating the severe conflicts in your marriage. The two of you also need to be doing joint counseling. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice that can fix what you are describing.

The biggest advice I have is to wait utnil you work these thigns out before having a child. I know you dont want to hear this and you even recently made a post about how when everyone was telling you this before you dind twant to hear it but now you have things worked out ... etc etc. Now I urge you to go back and read what you posted about yoru home life. Is this really the type of home that you want a baby being born into? Things definately are not smooth right now. Your husband is presumably in a major depressive episode, recovering from a suicide, you self reported in a previous post you are in a depressive episode, your reported you are having severe back problems. I never respond to your posts on the pregnancy section because I feel it is a terrible time for you to be trying to get pregnant and I urge you to reconsider. If you wait until the time is right you will enjoy it so much more as will your husband and you will ahve a happier healthier baby. Becoming pregnant is an emotional rollercoster in and of itself ----when everythign else is smooth and stable. I understand your desire to have a baby but it will not 'fix' anythign or fill the hole you are feeling in your marriage it WILL horribly complicate and intensify any and all problems regarding communication and intimacy you are having.

I would be happy to talk with your more and I urge you to try and understand I am not saying these things to be hurtful.

 

[mom2lillian]

Jessi- Since you asked for advice please dont get angry with what I have to say.

The symptoms you are describing scream depression. He should be doing his own counseling and taking medication still from his suicide attempt. He definately is not over it no matter how hard you want or he wants to be. Suicide and the mental instability leading up to it are not something htat can just be 'fixed' it takes alot of hard work that it does nto sound like your husband is putting in. In addition you yourself have recently mentioned debilitating back pain and a major depressive episdode for which you should be seeking counseling and if appropriate medication.

All of these issues together are most likely causing exacerbating the severe conflicts in your marriage. The two of you also need to be doing joint counseling. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice that can fix what you are describing.

The biggest advice I have is to wait utnil you work these thigns out before having a child. I know you dont want to hear this and you even recently made a post about how when everyone was telling you this before you dind twant to hear it but now you have things worked out ... etc etc. Now I urge you to go back and read what you posted about yoru home life. Is this really the type of home that you want a baby being born into? Things definately are not smooth right now. Your husband is presumably in a major depressive episode, recovering from a suicide, you self reported in a previous post you are in a depressive episode, your reported you are having severe back problems. I never respond to your posts on the pregnancy section because I feel it is a terrible time for you to be trying to get pregnant and I urge you to reconsider. If you wait until the time is right you will enjoy it so much more as will your husband and you will ahve a happier healthier baby. Becoming pregnant is an emotional rollercoster in and of itself ----when everythign else is smooth and stable. I understand your desire to have a baby but it will not 'fix' anythign or fill the hole you are feeling in your marriage it WILL horribly complicate and intensify any and all problems regarding communication and intimacy you are having.

I would be happy to talk with your more and I urge you to try and understand I am not saying these things to be hurtful.

 

[mom2lillian]

Jessi- Since you asked for advice please dont get angry with what I have to say.

The symptoms you are describing scream depression. He should be doing his own counseling and taking medication still from his suicide attempt. He definately is not over it no matter how hard you want or he wants to be. Suicide and the mental instability leading up to it are not something htat can just be 'fixed' it takes alot of hard work that it does nto sound like your husband is putting in. In addition you yourself have recently mentioned debilitating back pain and a major depressive episdode for which you should be seeking counseling and if appropriate medication.

All of these issues together are most likely causing exacerbating the severe conflicts in your marriage. The two of you also need to be doing joint counseling. Unfortunately, there is no simple advice that can fix what you are describing.

The biggest advice I have is to wait utnil you work these thigns out before having a child. I know you dont want to hear this and you even recently made a post about how when everyone was telling you this before you dind twant to hear it but now you have things worked out ... etc etc. Now I urge you to go back and read what you posted about yoru home life. Is this really the type of home that you want a baby being born into? Things definately are not smooth right now. Your husband is presumably in a major depressive episode, recovering from a suicide, you self reported in a previous post you are in a depressive episode, your reported you are having severe back problems. I never respond to your posts on the pregnancy section because I feel it is a terrible time for you to be trying to get pregnant and I urge you to reconsider. If you wait until the time is right you will enjoy it so much more as will your husband and you will ahve a happier healthier baby. Becoming pregnant is an emotional rollercoster in and of itself ----when everythign else is smooth and stable. I understand your desire to have a baby but it will not 'fix' anythign or fill the hole you are feeling in your marriage it WILL horribly complicate and intensify any and all problems regarding communication and intimacy you are having.

I would be happy to talk with your more and I urge you to try and understand I am not saying these things to be hurtful.

 

[AnD]

I remember your other posts about your dh and I have to say, I think he still needs more than just marriage counciling, but maybe it would open the door; and at the least, give you some direction in what you need to do for you.

I will be praying for you, to make the best decision.

 

[AnD]

I remember your other posts about your dh and I have to say, I think he still needs more than just marriage counciling, but maybe it would open the door; and at the least, give you some direction in what you need to do for you.

I will be praying for you, to make the best decision.

 

[AnD]

I remember your other posts about your dh and I have to say, I think he still needs more than just marriage counciling, but maybe it would open the door; and at the least, give you some direction in what you need to do for you.

I will be praying for you, to make the best decision.

 

[AnD]

I remember your other posts about your dh and I have to say, I think he still needs more than just marriage counciling, but maybe it would open the door; and at the least, give you some direction in what you need to do for you.

I will be praying for you, to make the best decision.

 

[AnD]

I remember your other posts about your dh and I have to say, I think he still needs more than just marriage counciling, but maybe it would open the door; and at the least, give you some direction in what you need to do for you.

I will be praying for you, to make the best decision.

 

[JazzysMom]

I honestly dont have a lot of words of wisdom for you. This problem is not new to your relationship.

As Joni said you also have your issues that you might need professional help on. Maybe once you get things for yourself & withing yourself under grip it will help with workings out things with your hubby. It obviously wont fix it all since he has his own inner demons to sort through & get help for.

When a person is in such a state, threats & screams only are a pinch in the arm for that moment. Its not a reality slap that will keep him on the path of communication. That cant be achived without the help you both need.

Sadly IF he isnt willing to do something about it I am not really sure what can be done. I havent experienced it so I have minimal info to give you. IF it was alcohol/drug related I could push the tough love scenario. I dont know if that works with mental health/depression issues.

I am sorry that you cant enjoy your relationship & reap the benefits of marriage like both of you deserve. I also agree to not even consider a child at this point. Its just not feasable or beneficial to anyone or in anyway. Even without CF in the picture its too unstable.

It breaks my heart & I wish I could fix it for you. I also wish I knew that its an easy solution, but its gone on for so long now that honestly a solution doesnt seem possible to me......at least as far as salvaging the marriage.

By now means do I think you should abandon ship because of my thoughts tho.

HUGS!

 

[JazzysMom]

I honestly dont have a lot of words of wisdom for you. This problem is not new to your relationship.

As Joni said you also have your issues that you might need professional help on. Maybe once you get things for yourself & withing yourself under grip it will help with workings out things with your hubby. It obviously wont fix it all since he has his own inner demons to sort through & get help for.

When a person is in such a state, threats & screams only are a pinch in the arm for that moment. Its not a reality slap that will keep him on the path of communication. That cant be achived without the help you both need.

Sadly IF he isnt willing to do something about it I am not really sure what can be done. I havent experienced it so I have minimal info to give you. IF it was alcohol/drug related I could push the tough love scenario. I dont know if that works with mental health/depression issues.

I am sorry that you cant enjoy your relationship & reap the benefits of marriage like both of you deserve. I also agree to not even consider a child at this point. Its just not feasable or beneficial to anyone or in anyway. Even without CF in the picture its too unstable.

It breaks my heart & I wish I could fix it for you. I also wish I knew that its an easy solution, but its gone on for so long now that honestly a solution doesnt seem possible to me......at least as far as salvaging the marriage.

By now means do I think you should abandon ship because of my thoughts tho.

HUGS!

 

[JazzysMom]

I honestly dont have a lot of words of wisdom for you. This problem is not new to your relationship.

As Joni said you also have your issues that you might need professional help on. Maybe once you get things for yourself & withing yourself under grip it will help with workings out things with your hubby. It obviously wont fix it all since he has his own inner demons to sort through & get help for.

When a person is in such a state, threats & screams only are a pinch in the arm for that moment. Its not a reality slap that will keep him on the path of communication. That cant be achived without the help you both need.

Sadly IF he isnt willing to do something about it I am not really sure what can be done. I havent experienced it so I have minimal info to give you. IF it was alcohol/drug related I could push the tough love scenario. I dont know if that works with mental health/depression issues.

I am sorry that you cant enjoy your relationship & reap the benefits of marriage like both of you deserve. I also agree to not even consider a child at this point. Its just not feasable or beneficial to anyone or in anyway. Even without CF in the picture its too unstable.

It breaks my heart & I wish I could fix it for you. I also wish I knew that its an easy solution, but its gone on for so long now that honestly a solution doesnt seem possible to me......at least as far as salvaging the marriage.

By now means do I think you should abandon ship because of my thoughts tho.

HUGS!

 

[JazzysMom]

I honestly dont have a lot of words of wisdom for you. This problem is not new to your relationship.

As Joni said you also have your issues that you might need professional help on. Maybe once you get things for yourself & withing yourself under grip it will help with workings out things with your hubby. It obviously wont fix it all since he has his own inner demons to sort through & get help for.

When a person is in such a state, threats & screams only are a pinch in the arm for that moment. Its not a reality slap that will keep him on the path of communication. That cant be achived without the help you both need.

Sadly IF he isnt willing to do something about it I am not really sure what can be done. I havent experienced it so I have minimal info to give you. IF it was alcohol/drug related I could push the tough love scenario. I dont know if that works with mental health/depression issues.

I am sorry that you cant enjoy your relationship & reap the benefits of marriage like both of you deserve. I also agree to not even consider a child at this point. Its just not feasable or beneficial to anyone or in anyway. Even without CF in the picture its too unstable.

It breaks my heart & I wish I could fix it for you. I also wish I knew that its an easy solution, but its gone on for so long now that honestly a solution doesnt seem possible to me......at least as far as salvaging the marriage.

By now means do I think you should abandon ship because of my thoughts tho.

HUGS!

 

[JazzysMom]

I honestly dont have a lot of words of wisdom for you. This problem is not new to your relationship.

As Joni said you also have your issues that you might need professional help on. Maybe once you get things for yourself & withing yourself under grip it will help with workings out things with your hubby. It obviously wont fix it all since he has his own inner demons to sort through & get help for.

When a person is in such a state, threats & screams only are a pinch in the arm for that moment. Its not a reality slap that will keep him on the path of communication. That cant be achived without the help you both need.

Sadly IF he isnt willing to do something about it I am not really sure what can be done. I havent experienced it so I have minimal info to give you. IF it was alcohol/drug related I could push the tough love scenario. I dont know if that works with mental health/depression issues.

I am sorry that you cant enjoy your relationship & reap the benefits of marriage like both of you deserve. I also agree to not even consider a child at this point. Its just not feasable or beneficial to anyone or in anyway. Even without CF in the picture its too unstable.

It breaks my heart & I wish I could fix it for you. I also wish I knew that its an easy solution, but its gone on for so long now that honestly a solution doesnt seem possible to me......at least as far as salvaging the marriage.

By now means do I think you should abandon ship because of my thoughts tho.

HUGS!