Need some marrital advice

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mom2lillian

New member
Jessi-I feel a marriage is usually always salvagable. Start counseling and see where it leads you, if you both are in a stable spot and talking and counseling still not working then and only then do you start talking counseling annulment etc--it should never be a threat or a first resort IMO.
 
M

mom2lillian

New member
Jessi-I feel a marriage is usually always salvagable. Start counseling and see where it leads you, if you both are in a stable spot and talking and counseling still not working then and only then do you start talking counseling annulment etc--it should never be a threat or a first resort IMO.
 
M

mom2lillian

New member
Jessi-I feel a marriage is usually always salvagable. Start counseling and see where it leads you, if you both are in a stable spot and talking and counseling still not working then and only then do you start talking counseling annulment etc--it should never be a threat or a first resort IMO.
 
M

mom2lillian

New member
Jessi-I feel a marriage is usually always salvagable. Start counseling and see where it leads you, if you both are in a stable spot and talking and counseling still not working then and only then do you start talking counseling annulment etc--it should never be a threat or a first resort IMO.
 
M

mom2lillian

New member
Jessi-I feel a marriage is usually always salvagable. Start counseling and see where it leads you, if you both are in a stable spot and talking and counseling still not working then and only then do you start talking counseling annulment etc--it should never be a threat or a first resort IMO.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I'm not mad or hurt by anything you mentioned Nicole. I realize even without reading it that it is all true. He isn't doing what he should for his own mental health but no matter what I do or say he refuses to go back on meds or back to therapy. He admits to me that he IS the source of all the problems, which I hope is a step in the right direction. And we have an appointment with a marriage councellor.

I'm not sure but it sounds like you missed the part about me putting baby plans on hold. I have still posted some questions in the pregnancy forum for future reference for myself. Besides which I am still having issues with my cycle not being right which IS a genuine medical problem with or without trying to get pregnant. That is just the best forum to post those questions.

I am not currently on any antidepressants because I can't tolerate the side effects. I am taking some suppliments that seem to help some and am also going to accupuncture for that and my back. And my back problem is not severe, I'm not sure where you got that from. Its more annoying than anything. The thing with it is that its taken six months to find something that helps it.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I'm not mad or hurt by anything you mentioned Nicole. I realize even without reading it that it is all true. He isn't doing what he should for his own mental health but no matter what I do or say he refuses to go back on meds or back to therapy. He admits to me that he IS the source of all the problems, which I hope is a step in the right direction. And we have an appointment with a marriage councellor.

I'm not sure but it sounds like you missed the part about me putting baby plans on hold. I have still posted some questions in the pregnancy forum for future reference for myself. Besides which I am still having issues with my cycle not being right which IS a genuine medical problem with or without trying to get pregnant. That is just the best forum to post those questions.

I am not currently on any antidepressants because I can't tolerate the side effects. I am taking some suppliments that seem to help some and am also going to accupuncture for that and my back. And my back problem is not severe, I'm not sure where you got that from. Its more annoying than anything. The thing with it is that its taken six months to find something that helps it.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I'm not mad or hurt by anything you mentioned Nicole. I realize even without reading it that it is all true. He isn't doing what he should for his own mental health but no matter what I do or say he refuses to go back on meds or back to therapy. He admits to me that he IS the source of all the problems, which I hope is a step in the right direction. And we have an appointment with a marriage councellor.

I'm not sure but it sounds like you missed the part about me putting baby plans on hold. I have still posted some questions in the pregnancy forum for future reference for myself. Besides which I am still having issues with my cycle not being right which IS a genuine medical problem with or without trying to get pregnant. That is just the best forum to post those questions.

I am not currently on any antidepressants because I can't tolerate the side effects. I am taking some suppliments that seem to help some and am also going to accupuncture for that and my back. And my back problem is not severe, I'm not sure where you got that from. Its more annoying than anything. The thing with it is that its taken six months to find something that helps it.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I'm not mad or hurt by anything you mentioned Nicole. I realize even without reading it that it is all true. He isn't doing what he should for his own mental health but no matter what I do or say he refuses to go back on meds or back to therapy. He admits to me that he IS the source of all the problems, which I hope is a step in the right direction. And we have an appointment with a marriage councellor.

I'm not sure but it sounds like you missed the part about me putting baby plans on hold. I have still posted some questions in the pregnancy forum for future reference for myself. Besides which I am still having issues with my cycle not being right which IS a genuine medical problem with or without trying to get pregnant. That is just the best forum to post those questions.

I am not currently on any antidepressants because I can't tolerate the side effects. I am taking some suppliments that seem to help some and am also going to accupuncture for that and my back. And my back problem is not severe, I'm not sure where you got that from. Its more annoying than anything. The thing with it is that its taken six months to find something that helps it.
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I'm not mad or hurt by anything you mentioned Nicole. I realize even without reading it that it is all true. He isn't doing what he should for his own mental health but no matter what I do or say he refuses to go back on meds or back to therapy. He admits to me that he IS the source of all the problems, which I hope is a step in the right direction. And we have an appointment with a marriage councellor.

I'm not sure but it sounds like you missed the part about me putting baby plans on hold. I have still posted some questions in the pregnancy forum for future reference for myself. Besides which I am still having issues with my cycle not being right which IS a genuine medical problem with or without trying to get pregnant. That is just the best forum to post those questions.

I am not currently on any antidepressants because I can't tolerate the side effects. I am taking some suppliments that seem to help some and am also going to accupuncture for that and my back. And my back problem is not severe, I'm not sure where you got that from. Its more annoying than anything. The thing with it is that its taken six months to find something that helps it.
 
C

chrissyd

New member
I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you have a good chance at saving the marriage. I think things people have already mentioned are good (don't want to beat a dead horse!)
but I just wanted to give you some encouragement....at least I hope they are...

Depression issues have played big roles in my early years of marriage. I had just recieved my CF diagnosis and we were just starting out. Things were stressful, in addition his year old daughter from his first marriage was living with us (That was a bonus for me!)

We did alright, things got rough and then he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, it took us both to get it back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you guys love each other...there isn't anything that should stand in the way. At least nothing you two can't knock down together.

I hope the counciling helps; I think that if you both want it to, and put all your effort into it...there is a good chance that it will. (Both of you need to give 100% effort not that 50/50 stuff people talk about. And both of you need to want to save it...)

Best Wishes

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
C

chrissyd

New member
I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you have a good chance at saving the marriage. I think things people have already mentioned are good (don't want to beat a dead horse!)
but I just wanted to give you some encouragement....at least I hope they are...

Depression issues have played big roles in my early years of marriage. I had just recieved my CF diagnosis and we were just starting out. Things were stressful, in addition his year old daughter from his first marriage was living with us (That was a bonus for me!)

We did alright, things got rough and then he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, it took us both to get it back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you guys love each other...there isn't anything that should stand in the way. At least nothing you two can't knock down together.

I hope the counciling helps; I think that if you both want it to, and put all your effort into it...there is a good chance that it will. (Both of you need to give 100% effort not that 50/50 stuff people talk about. And both of you need to want to save it...)

Best Wishes

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
C

chrissyd

New member
I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you have a good chance at saving the marriage. I think things people have already mentioned are good (don't want to beat a dead horse!)
but I just wanted to give you some encouragement....at least I hope they are...

Depression issues have played big roles in my early years of marriage. I had just recieved my CF diagnosis and we were just starting out. Things were stressful, in addition his year old daughter from his first marriage was living with us (That was a bonus for me!)

We did alright, things got rough and then he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, it took us both to get it back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you guys love each other...there isn't anything that should stand in the way. At least nothing you two can't knock down together.

I hope the counciling helps; I think that if you both want it to, and put all your effort into it...there is a good chance that it will. (Both of you need to give 100% effort not that 50/50 stuff people talk about. And both of you need to want to save it...)

Best Wishes

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
C

chrissyd

New member
I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you have a good chance at saving the marriage. I think things people have already mentioned are good (don't want to beat a dead horse!)
but I just wanted to give you some encouragement....at least I hope they are...

Depression issues have played big roles in my early years of marriage. I had just recieved my CF diagnosis and we were just starting out. Things were stressful, in addition his year old daughter from his first marriage was living with us (That was a bonus for me!)

We did alright, things got rough and then he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, it took us both to get it back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you guys love each other...there isn't anything that should stand in the way. At least nothing you two can't knock down together.

I hope the counciling helps; I think that if you both want it to, and put all your effort into it...there is a good chance that it will. (Both of you need to give 100% effort not that 50/50 stuff people talk about. And both of you need to want to save it...)

Best Wishes

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
C

chrissyd

New member
I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you have a good chance at saving the marriage. I think things people have already mentioned are good (don't want to beat a dead horse!)
but I just wanted to give you some encouragement....at least I hope they are...

Depression issues have played big roles in my early years of marriage. I had just recieved my CF diagnosis and we were just starting out. Things were stressful, in addition his year old daughter from his first marriage was living with us (That was a bonus for me!)

We did alright, things got rough and then he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, it took us both to get it back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you guys love each other...there isn't anything that should stand in the way. At least nothing you two can't knock down together.

I hope the counciling helps; I think that if you both want it to, and put all your effort into it...there is a good chance that it will. (Both of you need to give 100% effort not that 50/50 stuff people talk about. And both of you need to want to save it...)

Best Wishes

<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Jess, you have had such a rough year you both have really... You both need to be very kind and gently to yourselves and to each other.

You are both fragile, both been through the ringer... I would encourage both of you to go to seperate and joint therapy.... You both need to work on yourselves, and then on your marraige.

It is so easy to point out what the other person is doing wrong and everything right that you are doing because we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.,

Screaming, yelling and empty threats are not going to get you far especially since the threats are empty and especially because they are being screamed at a person who just recently tried to kill themself.

I would try to focus on the good things you see in each other, the love that made you decide to get married, not the fact that your husband after kidney cancer isn't able to have sex or doesn't want to.. but on good things.

I would leave all the heavy duty discussions for therapy, where somone can help you both communicate in a way that isn't going to rip each other to shreds. At home write lists to each other of why you loved that person, no strings atttached...

I pray for healing and wholeness in your marraige

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Jess, you have had such a rough year you both have really... You both need to be very kind and gently to yourselves and to each other.

You are both fragile, both been through the ringer... I would encourage both of you to go to seperate and joint therapy.... You both need to work on yourselves, and then on your marraige.

It is so easy to point out what the other person is doing wrong and everything right that you are doing because we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.,

Screaming, yelling and empty threats are not going to get you far especially since the threats are empty and especially because they are being screamed at a person who just recently tried to kill themself.

I would try to focus on the good things you see in each other, the love that made you decide to get married, not the fact that your husband after kidney cancer isn't able to have sex or doesn't want to.. but on good things.

I would leave all the heavy duty discussions for therapy, where somone can help you both communicate in a way that isn't going to rip each other to shreds. At home write lists to each other of why you loved that person, no strings atttached...

I pray for healing and wholeness in your marraige

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Jess, you have had such a rough year you both have really... You both need to be very kind and gently to yourselves and to each other.

You are both fragile, both been through the ringer... I would encourage both of you to go to seperate and joint therapy.... You both need to work on yourselves, and then on your marraige.

It is so easy to point out what the other person is doing wrong and everything right that you are doing because we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.,

Screaming, yelling and empty threats are not going to get you far especially since the threats are empty and especially because they are being screamed at a person who just recently tried to kill themself.

I would try to focus on the good things you see in each other, the love that made you decide to get married, not the fact that your husband after kidney cancer isn't able to have sex or doesn't want to.. but on good things.

I would leave all the heavy duty discussions for therapy, where somone can help you both communicate in a way that isn't going to rip each other to shreds. At home write lists to each other of why you loved that person, no strings atttached...

I pray for healing and wholeness in your marraige

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Jess, you have had such a rough year you both have really... You both need to be very kind and gently to yourselves and to each other.

You are both fragile, both been through the ringer... I would encourage both of you to go to seperate and joint therapy.... You both need to work on yourselves, and then on your marraige.

It is so easy to point out what the other person is doing wrong and everything right that you are doing because we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.,

Screaming, yelling and empty threats are not going to get you far especially since the threats are empty and especially because they are being screamed at a person who just recently tried to kill themself.

I would try to focus on the good things you see in each other, the love that made you decide to get married, not the fact that your husband after kidney cancer isn't able to have sex or doesn't want to.. but on good things.

I would leave all the heavy duty discussions for therapy, where somone can help you both communicate in a way that isn't going to rip each other to shreds. At home write lists to each other of why you loved that person, no strings atttached...

I pray for healing and wholeness in your marraige

Jennifer
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Jess, you have had such a rough year you both have really... You both need to be very kind and gently to yourselves and to each other.

You are both fragile, both been through the ringer... I would encourage both of you to go to seperate and joint therapy.... You both need to work on yourselves, and then on your marraige.

It is so easy to point out what the other person is doing wrong and everything right that you are doing because we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.,

Screaming, yelling and empty threats are not going to get you far especially since the threats are empty and especially because they are being screamed at a person who just recently tried to kill themself.

I would try to focus on the good things you see in each other, the love that made you decide to get married, not the fact that your husband after kidney cancer isn't able to have sex or doesn't want to.. but on good things.

I would leave all the heavy duty discussions for therapy, where somone can help you both communicate in a way that isn't going to rip each other to shreds. At home write lists to each other of why you loved that person, no strings atttached...

I pray for healing and wholeness in your marraige

Jennifer
 
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