Non-vaccinated Step kids

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

I am finding myself in bit of a dilemma. I have 2 kids w/cf 3 and 14 months and a step daughter that just turned 10. She however, doesn't have any of the children's vaccinations and her mother will not even consider it. When my son was born 3 years ago we were told not to let her into his living environment as it will be way too dangerous for him. Especially since she had just started school and could potentionally carry all kinds of germs into our house.
I have kept Nikki away from her especially during the winter and cold seasons and if we did meet it was out in the open. When he turned 2, I loosened up a bit and made en effort to get the kids together even though the doc's are still saying I am crazy. Now my daughter is 14 months and the kids spent the summer together. I took care of her during the summer vacation, and then also when school started again, because their were no more state sponsored after school programs offered.

During this time both of my kids have gotten sick 3 times. Every time it came from something that my stepdaughter brought into the house and the failure of her mother telling me, that she was coming down with something. Her mom always seems to have an excuse like..." oh it's just allergies or she did not get enough sleep or it is our dog etc....)

Right before christmas when the school went on vacation and she was with us all day she came in with a cold, that both of my kids got immediately. This time it was so bad that I thought I was going to loose my little girl. (she just could't breathe and I was so scared and felt so helpless). It is now February and Nikki still has a "surface" cough, (thankfully it is not in the lungs) and he is still stuffed up all the time even though I do not think it is a persistent cold.

I did finally make up my mind and will not have her in the house, or around my children (for the time being, or at least until the cold and flu season is over)
But whenever we talk to my stepdaughter and I see how much Nicky misses her I feel horribly guitly for keeping them apart. But I feel that I cannot trust her mother not to bring her to us, or inform me when she comes down with something. Am I crazy and unreasonable for keeping the kids apart.
I really do want to protect them and until I had her around her siblings they were totally healthy. Since she has been with us they were sick 3 times and are now on Tobi cause they tested positiv for Pseudo. Am I just crazy or do I have a point... I could really use some advise in how to handle this situation and also my own guilt for keeping them apart.

Tanja (Mom of Nicky 3w/cf and Tessa 14 months w/cf)

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

I am finding myself in bit of a dilemma. I have 2 kids w/cf 3 and 14 months and a step daughter that just turned 10. She however, doesn't have any of the children's vaccinations and her mother will not even consider it. When my son was born 3 years ago we were told not to let her into his living environment as it will be way too dangerous for him. Especially since she had just started school and could potentionally carry all kinds of germs into our house.
I have kept Nikki away from her especially during the winter and cold seasons and if we did meet it was out in the open. When he turned 2, I loosened up a bit and made en effort to get the kids together even though the doc's are still saying I am crazy. Now my daughter is 14 months and the kids spent the summer together. I took care of her during the summer vacation, and then also when school started again, because their were no more state sponsored after school programs offered.

During this time both of my kids have gotten sick 3 times. Every time it came from something that my stepdaughter brought into the house and the failure of her mother telling me, that she was coming down with something. Her mom always seems to have an excuse like..." oh it's just allergies or she did not get enough sleep or it is our dog etc....)

Right before christmas when the school went on vacation and she was with us all day she came in with a cold, that both of my kids got immediately. This time it was so bad that I thought I was going to loose my little girl. (she just could't breathe and I was so scared and felt so helpless). It is now February and Nikki still has a "surface" cough, (thankfully it is not in the lungs) and he is still stuffed up all the time even though I do not think it is a persistent cold.

I did finally make up my mind and will not have her in the house, or around my children (for the time being, or at least until the cold and flu season is over)
But whenever we talk to my stepdaughter and I see how much Nicky misses her I feel horribly guitly for keeping them apart. But I feel that I cannot trust her mother not to bring her to us, or inform me when she comes down with something. Am I crazy and unreasonable for keeping the kids apart.
I really do want to protect them and until I had her around her siblings they were totally healthy. Since she has been with us they were sick 3 times and are now on Tobi cause they tested positiv for Pseudo. Am I just crazy or do I have a point... I could really use some advise in how to handle this situation and also my own guilt for keeping them apart.

Tanja (Mom of Nicky 3w/cf and Tessa 14 months w/cf)

littledebbie · Feb 3, 2006

I think you are being a little crazy. Unless you were planning on raising your kids in a bubble this doesn't make much sense. Kids get sick and catch colds etc. even CF kids. It is more dangerous for us, but there is no way around it. You are eventually going to have to put them in school etc. you can't take them out everytime a class mate has a cold and honeslty we're not THAT fragile. And other people can't really infect us with the really dangerous things (multi resistant pseudo) anymore than the things naturally in our environment (dirt). I think if you really stressed the normal things like hand washing not sharing cups, covering mouths when you cough or sneeze, that's about all you can do. Not every cold is the end for us, not every cold even needs to mean antibiodicts, with vitamins and diligent treatments a lot of colds run there course just like they would for everyone else. Now fevers...that's different, but I think you se my point.

littledebbie · Feb 3, 2006

I think you are being a little crazy. Unless you were planning on raising your kids in a bubble this doesn't make much sense. Kids get sick and catch colds etc. even CF kids. It is more dangerous for us, but there is no way around it. You are eventually going to have to put them in school etc. you can't take them out everytime a class mate has a cold and honeslty we're not THAT fragile. And other people can't really infect us with the really dangerous things (multi resistant pseudo) anymore than the things naturally in our environment (dirt). I think if you really stressed the normal things like hand washing not sharing cups, covering mouths when you cough or sneeze, that's about all you can do. Not every cold is the end for us, not every cold even needs to mean antibiodicts, with vitamins and diligent treatments a lot of colds run there course just like they would for everyone else. Now fevers...that's different, but I think you se my point.

littledebbie · Feb 3, 2006

Oh by crazy I meant over dilligent..not cuckoo around the bend crazy. When I re-read that I thought it could get taken wrong. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

littledebbie · Feb 3, 2006

Oh by crazy I meant over dilligent..not cuckoo around the bend crazy. When I re-read that I thought it could get taken wrong. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Emily65Roses · Feb 3, 2006

Just so you don't think Debbie's insane, I agree with her. Yes, colds are generally more of a pain in the butt for us, but she's right. There's no way around it. I really have to agree with her 100%. If the kid's got a flu, and you want to keep her away, that I understand. But colds and stuff, who cares? I've told other people this before... whenever my boyfriend comes over with a cold or anything like that, he insists on not kissing me. I just tell him to shut up and grab his face and lick it, or lay a big smooch on him to get it out of the way. Then I get what he has and I know I get it, and there's no "trying to avoid it" trouble.

Emily65Roses · Feb 3, 2006

Just so you don't think Debbie's insane, I agree with her. Yes, colds are generally more of a pain in the butt for us, but she's right. There's no way around it. I really have to agree with her 100%. If the kid's got a flu, and you want to keep her away, that I understand. But colds and stuff, who cares? I've told other people this before... whenever my boyfriend comes over with a cold or anything like that, he insists on not kissing me. I just tell him to shut up and grab his face and lick it, or lay a big smooch on him to get it out of the way. Then I get what he has and I know I get it, and there's no "trying to avoid it" trouble.

anonymous · Feb 3, 2006

Maybe because I'm a mom of a child of a 3 year old with CF, I don't think your concerns are crazy. I think it's just that because your step-daughter is not vaccinated you are concerned, am I correct? Unfortunately, some people choose not to vaccinate their children and they can still go to public school if thier parents sign a special form(not sure exactly what it's called). So, your children if they do go to public school may be exposed to these children as well. I know where we live, last winter there was an outbreak of pertussis(whooping cough). This for our family is a valid concern.. Regular colds and such are unavoidable but pertussis could be avoided with proper vaccination. Although even these immunizations wear off as adults. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense but as moms sometimes we tend to worry so much about our children(CF or not).

I'm not sure of a solution, Does your step-daughter 's mother understand what CFis? I'm not saying to over-protect your children I dont' know. I just understand your worrys.

Rebecca( mom to sammy no CF and MAggie3 with CF)

anonymous · Feb 3, 2006

Maybe because I'm a mom of a child of a 3 year old with CF, I don't think your concerns are crazy. I think it's just that because your step-daughter is not vaccinated you are concerned, am I correct? Unfortunately, some people choose not to vaccinate their children and they can still go to public school if thier parents sign a special form(not sure exactly what it's called). So, your children if they do go to public school may be exposed to these children as well. I know where we live, last winter there was an outbreak of pertussis(whooping cough). This for our family is a valid concern.. Regular colds and such are unavoidable but pertussis could be avoided with proper vaccination. Although even these immunizations wear off as adults. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense but as moms sometimes we tend to worry so much about our children(CF or not).

I'm not sure of a solution, Does your step-daughter 's mother understand what CFis? I'm not saying to over-protect your children I dont' know. I just understand your worrys.

Rebecca( mom to sammy no CF and MAggie3 with CF)

anonymous · Feb 3, 2006

I sympathize with your being annoyed at other's nonchalance at your health concerns. While it may be completely true that colds are unavoidable and possibly true that children with CF are better off in the long run if they get colds, those facts say nothing about the issue of simple courtesy and respect. You deserve to be treated fairly if you ask for something that's not unreasonable, such as being told if there is a cold brewing in one of your children's playmates. I feel this way with regard to my 2 year old and while I'm not particularly worried when he gets a cold I find it very irksome when a parent says one of his playmates is "fine" only to arrive for a play date an hour later with the kid dripping goo from his/her nose and hacking up a storm. It would make me annoyed even if my boy did not have CF. Sometimes it takes several attempts to make the other person understand your point of view, though, and it can be messy having to have it out with them but I really do feel like it's not too much to ask to be respected for how you want to raise your kids.

Meanwhile, I've been told by the CF doctors and read it in some article someplace that Pseudomonas is not going to be given to my son by any of his non-CF friends; unless a person has CF, they're just not going to grow the bugs to be able to pass them on....this allowed me to stop blaming myself or others for the couple of positives my son has had so far.

- Dad of 2y/o with CF

anonymous · Feb 3, 2006

I sympathize with your being annoyed at other's nonchalance at your health concerns. While it may be completely true that colds are unavoidable and possibly true that children with CF are better off in the long run if they get colds, those facts say nothing about the issue of simple courtesy and respect. You deserve to be treated fairly if you ask for something that's not unreasonable, such as being told if there is a cold brewing in one of your children's playmates. I feel this way with regard to my 2 year old and while I'm not particularly worried when he gets a cold I find it very irksome when a parent says one of his playmates is "fine" only to arrive for a play date an hour later with the kid dripping goo from his/her nose and hacking up a storm. It would make me annoyed even if my boy did not have CF. Sometimes it takes several attempts to make the other person understand your point of view, though, and it can be messy having to have it out with them but I really do feel like it's not too much to ask to be respected for how you want to raise your kids.

Meanwhile, I've been told by the CF doctors and read it in some article someplace that Pseudomonas is not going to be given to my son by any of his non-CF friends; unless a person has CF, they're just not going to grow the bugs to be able to pass them on....this allowed me to stop blaming myself or others for the couple of positives my son has had so far.

- Dad of 2y/o with CF

Emily65Roses · Feb 3, 2006

<blockquote>Quote <hr>Originally posted by: Anonymous 
Meanwhile, I've been told by the CF doctors and read it in some article someplace that Pseudomonas is not going to be given to my son by any of his non-CF friends; unless a person has CF, they're just not going to grow the bugs to be able to pass them on....this allowed me to stop blaming myself or others for the couple of positives my son has had so far.
- Dad of 2y/o with CF<hr></blockquote>

This is true, just FYI. You can really only get pseudo from another CFer, or from wherever pseudo grows (which you can't control anyway). So as far as really bad CF-specific bugs, your kids don't have a problem with your step-daughter. But after what the dad of the 2 year old said, I understand that at least. The mother should at the very least respect you enough to say so if the kid is sick when you ask her. Try talking to her about the whole respect issue.

Emily65Roses · Feb 3, 2006

<blockquote>Quote <hr>Originally posted by: Anonymous 
Meanwhile, I've been told by the CF doctors and read it in some article someplace that Pseudomonas is not going to be given to my son by any of his non-CF friends; unless a person has CF, they're just not going to grow the bugs to be able to pass them on....this allowed me to stop blaming myself or others for the couple of positives my son has had so far.
- Dad of 2y/o with CF<hr></blockquote>

This is true, just FYI. You can really only get pseudo from another CFer, or from wherever pseudo grows (which you can't control anyway). So as far as really bad CF-specific bugs, your kids don't have a problem with your step-daughter. But after what the dad of the 2 year old said, I understand that at least. The mother should at the very least respect you enough to say so if the kid is sick when you ask her. Try talking to her about the whole respect issue.

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

You are right it is the non vaccinations I am worried about and also the fact that she will not tell me when something it wrong. I understand that I cannot keep them in bubble and I am far from that, however if she brings her to me with STREP and will not say anything about it, and then refuse to treat her with antibiotics and a couple of days later my kids soike a fever too, that's when I freaked out. She knows about CF, we have tried to educate her etc.....she thinks I am nuts for giving the kids on all the meds they are on. And I should be looking to treat them alternativly only. I get the feeling that she does not care about any of it, if it means that she might have to make alternate arrangements for a few days if her child is sick.
But am I so unreasonable to ask to not bring a cold into the kids living environment. If I have the choice I would much rather not have them get sick on purpos, if I can posiibly avoid it.

I do however understand Debbie as well, but then Debbie you are old enough to make the desicion and when you get a cold you deal with it. But as a Mom when you have to listed to your baby struggle for breath it can be so frightening that for myself I would rather avoid it that to have to do it on a regular base...
Thank you though for showing me a different side and I will try to lighten up.....but it might take a while to feel comfortable enough....<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Tanja Mom of Nicky and Tessa both w/cf

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

You are right it is the non vaccinations I am worried about and also the fact that she will not tell me when something it wrong. I understand that I cannot keep them in bubble and I am far from that, however if she brings her to me with STREP and will not say anything about it, and then refuse to treat her with antibiotics and a couple of days later my kids soike a fever too, that's when I freaked out. She knows about CF, we have tried to educate her etc.....she thinks I am nuts for giving the kids on all the meds they are on. And I should be looking to treat them alternativly only. I get the feeling that she does not care about any of it, if it means that she might have to make alternate arrangements for a few days if her child is sick.
But am I so unreasonable to ask to not bring a cold into the kids living environment. If I have the choice I would much rather not have them get sick on purpos, if I can posiibly avoid it.

I do however understand Debbie as well, but then Debbie you are old enough to make the desicion and when you get a cold you deal with it. But as a Mom when you have to listed to your baby struggle for breath it can be so frightening that for myself I would rather avoid it that to have to do it on a regular base...
Thank you though for showing me a different side and I will try to lighten up.....but it might take a while to feel comfortable enough....<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Tanja Mom of Nicky and Tessa both w/cf

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

Yikes! so that means my son gave it to my daughter......is there anything out there that I should be aware off. My doctors said that chickenpocks could be deadly for them. Is that is fact true. Anybody with Cf out there that had chickenpocks. I had them as a child but I grew up in Europe and we all seemed to have gotten it.

Tanja

Tessalonikki · Feb 3, 2006

Yikes! so that means my son gave it to my daughter......is there anything out there that I should be aware off. My doctors said that chickenpocks could be deadly for them. Is that is fact true. Anybody with Cf out there that had chickenpocks. I had them as a child but I grew up in Europe and we all seemed to have gotten it.

Tanja

thelizardqueen · Feb 3, 2006

When your kids are old enough to go to school, they will catch colds and flus. Its inevitable. As for chickenpocks, I had them and I have CF. Mind you, I had a really bad case of them, but I was no where near dieing. Its better for your child to get chickenpocks at a young age then when they are older. Having your kids sick, means that they will build up a tolerance to a lot of things - i.e. colds, etc. Just de diligent in your therapy routines, etc.

thelizardqueen · Feb 3, 2006

When your kids are old enough to go to school, they will catch colds and flus. Its inevitable. As for chickenpocks, I had them and I have CF. Mind you, I had a really bad case of them, but I was no where near dieing. Its better for your child to get chickenpocks at a young age then when they are older. Having your kids sick, means that they will build up a tolerance to a lot of things - i.e. colds, etc. Just de diligent in your therapy routines, etc.

Non-vaccinated Step kids

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