ok I don't want to start anything here...read if you like

CowTown

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>LisaV</b></i>

You want to decide based on "the best interest of the child" not based on your own need alone.

But it's equally obvious that its in the best interest of the child to be born in the first place.

Tough individual choice.

</end quote></div>



I find myself thinking of Christopher Reed, his wife who just recently passed away and their 11 year old son. I can't believe all this happened to that family. It's aweful for the little boy! Cf wasn't an issue for them, but other illnesses/disabilities were. This is an example of anything being possible, at any given time for anyone. The only difference with the Reeds and us CFers having kids is that we are aware of our more limited time here, they were not. I wouldn't think that Christopher Reed and his wife would have rather not had their sone at all if they knew they were going to die when he turned 11. Ignorance is bliss I guess. I mean that in a very nice way, no disrespect to the Reeds.

But once a life is made and family life is nurturing, I doubt any one would have rather not been born just because of tragic circumstances like the death of 1 or 2 parents. I'm pro-choice by the way, just wanted to add that. So it's an intangeable thought, but even when Cfers pass away and a child is left without a parent, I don't believe that automatically means that having had that child was the worst choice ever made. This is the part that makes me think about the issue in circles b/c evnthough life would suck without a parent you love, you are also alive and will always have the love, the guidance (maybe limited but still), the connection to another who would have given their life for yours if at all possible. You can't really test this hypothesis out, which is too bad. We just have to go with our gut and what we believe deep down to be the best choice for each of us.

The world will never agree 100% on choices and it should never be that way anyways.....that would be bad bad! I think we just have to respect everyone's opinions on such a controversial topic and know that everyone (especially on this site!) wants to do the best they know how to do and be the best person they know how to be.

Reproducing can be looked at as selfish in and of itself, even for healthy people, b/c some could argue the world is a negative place to bring another person into, too much violence, drugs, evil people, abuse, manipulation, etc. The next person could argue that NOT having kids is selfish b/c you aren't allowing someone to experience this life. It's a tough one. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 

Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i>
Reproducing can be looked at as selfish in and of itself, even for healthy people, b/c some could argue the world is a negative place to bring another person into, too much violence, drugs, evil people, abuse, manipulation, etc. The next person could argue that NOT having kids is selfish b/c you aren't allowing someone to experience this life. </end quote></div>

Just wanted to say... very good point!
 

Lilith

New member
Sorry to all you wanna-be moms out there, but I side with Amy on this issue, as well. In my opinion, CFer's have enough to worry about without a kid gumming up the works. Of course, those could just be my anti-children, completely non-maternal instincts kicking in. Kids 'effing annoy me. Every time one comes around I'm ready to drop-kick it if it so much as makes a noise. I have zero patience for kids.

So, knowing my opinion of children in general, you can take it or leave it. But even if I did want a child (not in this lifetime, I guarentee you), I wouldn't do it. I had enough of an internal struggle just falling in love, worrying about leaving my husband/lover behind. But I would never leave both Rick AND a kid. And granted, yes, any mom can be hit by a car, die in a plane crash, etc... But CF women KNOW that they are going to die, and most likely roughly when and how. And having my child watch the entire process of my dying, having to visit mommy in the hospital all banged up and hooked up and not even able to breathe? That has to do something to a kid. Bad enough that ANY of my loved ones would have to watch that, let alone my own child.

Then there's the issue of time. Who with CF has time to raise a kid? I barely have enough time for myself within a 24-hour period, let alone find time to properly raise a child. And of couse, the dread of spreading this damned disease. I think I'd rather shoot myself than give this nasty SOB to another human being. I'd rather the damn thing died out completely in one generation, but of course, that will never happen...

So, you can flame me, yell at me, call me heartless, etc. Don't care. This is my opinion, and its never going to change, I don't care if this entire board jumps down my throat for this post. But Christian wanted opinions, so here's mine. And not to say that any mom with CF is evil, either, this is just my personal preference.

Okay, disclaimer over. Carry on.
 

Allie

New member
I also think adoption in general is a better idea for any and all concerned, but I know most people would be happy to jump on my butt for thinking that.
 

Faust

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lilith</b></i>
Every time one comes around I'm ready to drop-kick it if it so much as makes a noise.

/q]

(Kyle) "KICK THE BABY!"
(Ike) "DON'T KICK THE BABY!"

/punt
 

CowTown

New member
Just wanted to add....all who agree with adopting for CF "wanna-be parents", where does that leave the child who was given up once and then has to deal with a lost parent? Why is adopting a better solution or choice for someone with CF? I'm a little lost on this idea. Same situation applies as I see it. Although I completely respect the idea of adopting (I think it's an incerdible gift to those in need), it still leaves the child in the exact same position as a biological child. I don't see any straight out answers.
 

thelizardqueen

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>MyNewfy</b></i>

Just wanted to add....all who agree with adopting for CF "wanna-be parents", where does that leave the child who was given up once and then has to deal with a lost parent? Why is adopting a better solution or choice for someone with CF? I'm a little lost on this idea. Same situation applies as I see it. Although I completely respect the idea of adopting (I think it's an incerdible gift to those in need), it still leaves the child in the exact same position as a biological child. I don't see any straight out answers.</end quote></div>

Better to have family and one parent, then no family or parent at all. I would rather be a child with one parent, then a child living in the system with people who don't really care about me at all.
 

CowTown

New member
Lizard Queen....there's the other side. Thanks for the enlightenment. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 

Scarlett81

New member
Just want to say you Amy-

I had absolutly no intention of naming you, or 'bad mouthing' you. I would never have said it. I was honestly surprised to come across your opinion. Yes, it upset me, but you'll notice that in a few posts I noted that I'm sure you have valid reasons for thinking that.
You are entitled to your opinion, and there are no hard feelings here. That's what these forums are for-to hear different opinions and experiences. I hope that you feel the same way. We don't always agree, but it is still nice to know that we're all here to listen to each other.
And even though I don't agree-it is nice to hear someone who feels strongly about their convictions and isn't afraid to voice them.
I do agree with you that probably 90 percent of your success with CF is taking care of yourself. Sure there's some luck or some predisposed thing that makes it milder for some, but I definately think it's how hard you work. That being said-I need to go do my vest. Goodnight.
 

julie

New member
Christian, this is something that a few rude and out of line people SAID to Mark. (I think it's one thing to think it, it's another thing to say it)

Here's what we talked about when he came home upset about it"

1. Nobody on this earth knows when they are going to die, you could LONG outlive your husband or your husband could LONG outlive you. Or you could both tragically go... you never know, nor does anybody else.

2. Many parents leave their children everyday because of divorce. My husband once told me he would have much rather had an "absent" father because of death (I know this sounds screwed up but it kind of makes sense), than his dad who was absent because he choose to be. But again refer to #1, you may be around for a LONG Time. Knowing that "jesus took daddy" instead of "daddy left" would have made life a LOT easier on him. Sure, both parents are ideal, but one very loving caring parent can raise a child, a wonderful child.

3. I guarantee you that you are more "qualified" to be and will make a better parent than 99.9% of these people who make these comments and ask these questions to you.

4. Children who have a mom or dad with some sort of illness that requires therapies, medications and such, (moreso long term illnesses) as CF does, are most often some of the most compassionate, caring, underestanding, kind, loving and helpful children in this world. These children don't necessairly "grow up fast" because of a sick parent, but they learn that the world isn't lala land from an earlier age and they learn how to put others besides themselves first. This is a fundamental "growing block" in life.

You have every right to become a mother, CF or not. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let those who ask you these questions and make these comments stop you in your tracks. Keep going, pay no mind to them, refer back to this site when you feel it's getting to you. But don't ver let them deter you from your deram.

Get going working on that baby..................................... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


And props to those who have decided that children aren't right for them and they think a CFer shouldn't have a children for various reasons, I'm being sincere, but I keep re-reading it and it doesn't sound sincere-sorry. I'm glad that we all feel the ability to post our feeings on this site, I really am. And I see the points that everyone is making, either agreeing or disagreeing with Christians initial post and point of view. I just think it's one of those decisions that is, "to each his own" sort of thing. And unless the opinion is request (as it was on this post), it frustrates me that people go around volunteering their opinion on the matter-that's my real beef!!! Especially those who DON'T have CF or have CF in the family. I have to admit when growing up that I use to wonder why "sick mom and dads" would have babies, but now that I am in the situation.... my whole perspective changes. It's good that there is a variety of opinions on the matter though.
 

Debi

New member
I almost hesitate to post and sound like I'm raining on anyone's parade, but I do want to point out the rest of the story on what it's like for the children. Mine are 19 and 16. It is true that they have learned that life is not a fairytale. And they have learned about compassion. They are kind and helpful people. But they also live with constant fear and anxiety. We have discussed this very issue. I watch them watching me when I have a bad coughing spell, and they are practically holding their breath to see if I'm going to be able to inhale one more time. They tell me that they can hardly sleep at night when I have to go to the hospital, and they say it makes them so sad to see me with a PICC line when I need IV antibiotics, even though they know the drugs will help me. They worry incessantly about bringing home germs. The last time I got sick in December, my daughter was beside herself, sure that she had made me ill, even though she had had a cold three weeks earlier and couldn't have possibly been responsible. On the one hand, it's nice to know they think about me so often! But it's sad that their thoughts are so often from worry.

I didn't have a CF diagnosis when we adopted our kids. Everyone has to make the choice that feels right for them. I just think they need to make that choice with ALL of the information. Acknowledging that the kids will have concerns, fears, and probably even some resentments is okay, because then you can proactively reassure them and find ways to lessen the anxiety and pump up the fun factor.

Best wishes to all the families, whether you are a single, couple, or have kids or don't.

Debi
54 w/CF
 
I have to agree with Emily on the "luck" to some degree as she said. My brother who is 2 years older than me also has CF. For the past two years he has yet to do any type of treatment or antibiotics other than taking enzymes. His PFTS are in the 90's. I on the other hand have always been consistent with my treatments, exercise, and take excellent care of myself. PFTs 45 wow big difference, same genes but luck of the draw I guess. I know that if I didn't take care of myself I woudl be very much worse off so good thing that I do.

As for the topic of children. You never know what can happen with prenancy. Due to coughing and kicking I tore ligaments from my rib and it hurt so badly to breath that my lungs just continued to fill up with gunk because I couldn't breath deep enough to get it out. My lung functions dropped to 18% and I was knocking on deaths door. Thankfully, it didn't open. I think had I been more proactive in my pregnancy rather than reactive I could have avoided some of the complications, but never being pregnant before I didn't realize the circumstances at the time. Regardless, I would not change one thing about what has happened with me. It has been such a beautiful and wonderful experience being a mother. Selfish, maybe, some may think so, but my daughter is the most beautiful loving little thing I have ever encountered and she has such a great love her dad and I that I could not imagine not giving her the beautiful gift of life. I also believe that due to my illness I don't take things for granted and spend more quality time with her than I woudl have otherwise. Yes, she has had to learn patience to wait until mom is done with her medicine, but most of the time at least 3 out of 4 treatments are done while she is sleeping.

As for having other children... that is a quesiton that I still ponder and will decide upon how well my health gets. I know most would see that as selfish but I that is for me to decide thank heavens. Good luck on your decision and just know that the decision that you make for you is the right one. No one can make it for you.

Emilee
 

Faust

New member
@Cambree: Your brother might feel ok now skipping all his treatments and aresols, but it WILL catch up to him later on down the road 100% guaranteed. He SERIOUSLY needs to understand this, and take care of himself NOW so he won't come crashing down hard not too long from now. Even if you have very mild CF you should still take normal CF meds (not necessarily antibiotics, but albuterol, pulmozyme, etc) so your mild case stays mild instead of degrading quickly. You can fool yourself all you want to, but you can't fool your body for that long before it turns on you.
 
Oh believe me Sean D. We have told him time and time again. He is mostly at the point of denial at this time in his life and I really hope that he doesn't come crashing down but somethings are inevitable without being proactive. How to get that through his head is another topic. Believe me I am well aware of this as is everyone else in the fam. Thanks for the concern though. Hopefully one day it will click for him.

Emilee
 

Faust

New member
Yep. Sadly it usually takes a real bad scare for anyone to snap out of denial land, regardless what sickness we are talkin about. Like the guy who is a PRIME candidate for a heart attack (family history, chain smoker, eats like a garbage can, very overweight, etc etc), he thinks it wont happen to him...Untill the day it does indeed happen to him and he nearly dies, then realizes he REALLY likes to live, and makes radical changes to stay alive.


That happened to two different friends of mine. One it was stress related, the other it was smoking, overweight, etc. It's funny how the real scare of death gettin into your a*s has the ability to make you do all kinds of stuff. I think the biggest reason why I am as healthy as I am today is due to me always complying with my meds and treatments since day one.
 
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