Amy I have to give you credit for opening up with this controversial opinion for us. I personally do appreciate you not hiding behind an anonymous sign on. I do understand what you are saying. I have seen the pain in the children of friends (CFers & others) when they lose their parent. I know my pain when I lost my Dad at 17 was unbelivable. I know the worry in my daughters face each time I go for a checkup (like today). Is it right that this burdened is placed on these kids? No I dont think so, but I am hoping that my love & time with my daughter will be a valuable lesson for her. To teach her how precious & short life can be & not to waste it. Granted it can back fire & she can hate me for eternity for leaving her, but I like to think on the positive side. I would have never had my daughter if her Dad wasnt on board 10000000% along with my fabulous family. I am very impressed how everyone who has responded didnt turn this into a real, nasty, blood bath debate & just gave their opinions!
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ok I don't want to start anything here...read if you like
- Thread starter Scarlett81
- Start date
I have found this thread to be super interesting reading all sides. A friend of mine who has CF had (6) of her own children. I think she is the only one in the world who has CF who had so many. She is still alive and well and most of her children are grown. This was her life's dream and she succeeded.
Everyone has meaning behind their passion and whatever is good for one person may not be good for another as we all know. I cannot fathom even having one child biologically or adopting.
I know of many women with CF who have had the disease and did well for a while when their children were alive. Sure it is sad to say goodbye to a parent but this person with cF who leaves earth is leaving behind a part of them. I think it is beautiful.
Every life making decision is so personal and nobody can tell you what path of life to take vs. another. You know what is right for you in your heart<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
Risa
Everyone has meaning behind their passion and whatever is good for one person may not be good for another as we all know. I cannot fathom even having one child biologically or adopting.
I know of many women with CF who have had the disease and did well for a while when their children were alive. Sure it is sad to say goodbye to a parent but this person with cF who leaves earth is leaving behind a part of them. I think it is beautiful.
Every life making decision is so personal and nobody can tell you what path of life to take vs. another. You know what is right for you in your heart<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
Risa
My opinion. It's not selfish to want a biological child.
If you have CF, it may not be the best choice for your own health or for the child who will most likely lose you earlier than most children lose their parent. However, that does not mean you are selfish. It just means that you really really really wanted that child.
If you have CF, it may not be the best choice for your own health or for the child who will most likely lose you earlier than most children lose their parent. However, that does not mean you are selfish. It just means that you really really really wanted that child.
Scarlett81
New member
I just keep thinking this, for the sake of argument-if some think that's it's selfish to have a biological child- then why would it not be selfish to adopt? If the argument is you won't be there for your child-what's the difference with adopting? To me there's no difference if it's a biological child or an adopted one. My priority now is making sure I'm fit to be a parent.
Interestingly, at our last appointment, my doctor said that ususally if she see's a problem with women having children, it's usually in the aftercare phase. If there's going to be a complication in pregnancy or birth, that's something entirely different. But in her experience the most common thing is the patient has the child, they're so focused on the child, they stop caring for themself the way they should. And that's when they go downhill.
So that being said, we don't know what we'll do yet. I have this feeling that we'll probably adopt. That was our first choice anyway. And if my doctor says she knows to a degree that the risk is high for me personally, (with the cepacia especially) -I don't want to take it. First and foremost I want to raise children. My first priority is not how I get them. But regardless of how we get them- in my opinion that's only half the battle. The second half is fighting to keep myself healthy to be there for my kids.
Interestingly, at our last appointment, my doctor said that ususally if she see's a problem with women having children, it's usually in the aftercare phase. If there's going to be a complication in pregnancy or birth, that's something entirely different. But in her experience the most common thing is the patient has the child, they're so focused on the child, they stop caring for themself the way they should. And that's when they go downhill.
So that being said, we don't know what we'll do yet. I have this feeling that we'll probably adopt. That was our first choice anyway. And if my doctor says she knows to a degree that the risk is high for me personally, (with the cepacia especially) -I don't want to take it. First and foremost I want to raise children. My first priority is not how I get them. But regardless of how we get them- in my opinion that's only half the battle. The second half is fighting to keep myself healthy to be there for my kids.
I'm thinking of adopting a fleet of children from overseas.
I will name them "Hand me the remote", "Grab me a beer", "Rub my feet", "Go walk the dogs", "Sweep the floor" (and his twin) "Mop the floor", then my favorite lil guy "Fix me something to eat".
I'm sure that might be a tad rough for you sensitive types, but i'm just kidding <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I will name them "Hand me the remote", "Grab me a beer", "Rub my feet", "Go walk the dogs", "Sweep the floor" (and his twin) "Mop the floor", then my favorite lil guy "Fix me something to eat".
I'm sure that might be a tad rough for you sensitive types, but i'm just kidding <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
lovingBenandCambree
New member
I just had to say Sean that you have a wicked sense of humor. Thanks for keeping us smiling!
Emilee
Emilee
lovingBenandCambree
New member
I also wanted to add for Sean D...
CARE BEAR STARE!!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
Emilee
CARE BEAR STARE!!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
Emilee
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>SeanDavis</b></i>
I'm thinking of adopting a fleet of children from overseas.
I will name them "Hand me the remote", "Grab me a beer", "Rub my feet", "Go walk the dogs", "Sweep the floor" (and his twin) "Mop the floor", then my favorite lil guy "Fix me something to eat".
I'm sure that might be a tad rough for you sensitive types, but i'm just kidding <img src=""></end quote></div>
Thanks, I needed a good laugh.
I'm thinking of adopting a fleet of children from overseas.
I will name them "Hand me the remote", "Grab me a beer", "Rub my feet", "Go walk the dogs", "Sweep the floor" (and his twin) "Mop the floor", then my favorite lil guy "Fix me something to eat".
I'm sure that might be a tad rough for you sensitive types, but i'm just kidding <img src=""></end quote></div>
Thanks, I needed a good laugh.
Scarlett81
New member
That was good, SD.
I think I'll name mine "mix my hypertonic saline for me", "poop scoop the yard", "clean the toilets", and "go do the grocery shopping". My least favorite chores.
I think I'll name mine "mix my hypertonic saline for me", "poop scoop the yard", "clean the toilets", and "go do the grocery shopping". My least favorite chores.
On the subject of having a biological child vs adopting I would like to say:
In adopting there is a child in this world without a family - and then they have a family and 2 parents that love them. If one dies they still have one parent, which is still a family, which is more than they started out with. Plus they have the memeory and knowledge of the other parents love for them. Adopting : a child with no family, gets a family, imperfect as it may be. I do not see how that is the same as bringing a new child into this world, risking your health only to leave them in short order. (I am not applying this to those who are healthy enough to have kids..please see my previous post in this thread).
Also, a thought I had in the shower this morning (where I do all my good thinking) which pertains to Christians last post. I've seen new moms that went from being stylish together ladies to creatures from the dark lagoon. No sleep, no shower, no makeup, in sweatpants..yikes!!!! I doubt they find time for 3 square meals let alone our diet and adding treatments etc.......I don't know. I think we should spare our selfs the 9 months strain and adopt at least then we're not trying to recover from the physical affects. we would need all our strength to deal with the schedule!
Also, a coment about whoever (Liz, i think), said diabetes wasn't terminal actually it is, I know diabetics typically live longer than us, but it is terminal and like our disease it varies in degrees and a lot of women are advised to not give birth and it takes quite a toll on their bodies if they do.
Debbie
26 wCF
littledebbie is not logged in because she is at work...he he he
In adopting there is a child in this world without a family - and then they have a family and 2 parents that love them. If one dies they still have one parent, which is still a family, which is more than they started out with. Plus they have the memeory and knowledge of the other parents love for them. Adopting : a child with no family, gets a family, imperfect as it may be. I do not see how that is the same as bringing a new child into this world, risking your health only to leave them in short order. (I am not applying this to those who are healthy enough to have kids..please see my previous post in this thread).
Also, a thought I had in the shower this morning (where I do all my good thinking) which pertains to Christians last post. I've seen new moms that went from being stylish together ladies to creatures from the dark lagoon. No sleep, no shower, no makeup, in sweatpants..yikes!!!! I doubt they find time for 3 square meals let alone our diet and adding treatments etc.......I don't know. I think we should spare our selfs the 9 months strain and adopt at least then we're not trying to recover from the physical affects. we would need all our strength to deal with the schedule!
Also, a coment about whoever (Liz, i think), said diabetes wasn't terminal actually it is, I know diabetics typically live longer than us, but it is terminal and like our disease it varies in degrees and a lot of women are advised to not give birth and it takes quite a toll on their bodies if they do.
Debbie
26 wCF
littledebbie is not logged in because she is at work...he he he
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>amy</b></i>
My FEV1's are 99% and I'm 24. Why? Cuz I do meds for 4 hours a day, exercise for another 1, and sleep 9 hours at LEAST at night to stay healthy. If anyone's going to live until 70, it's going to be me. And you know what? I don't think it's Ok for me to have kids.</end quote></div>
wanna know something weird? i have been doing the same regimen for years and my health had stayed relatively the same. Now in the past year i have fallen in love and become a father to a baby girl and my health has actually improved. even my doctor has said that my relationship has done more good for me than he has been able to do in 10 years. just something to think about...
My FEV1's are 99% and I'm 24. Why? Cuz I do meds for 4 hours a day, exercise for another 1, and sleep 9 hours at LEAST at night to stay healthy. If anyone's going to live until 70, it's going to be me. And you know what? I don't think it's Ok for me to have kids.</end quote></div>
wanna know something weird? i have been doing the same regimen for years and my health had stayed relatively the same. Now in the past year i have fallen in love and become a father to a baby girl and my health has actually improved. even my doctor has said that my relationship has done more good for me than he has been able to do in 10 years. just something to think about...
littledebbie
New member
I would just like to take a moment and point out that men don't have to carry the child and then wake up to breast feed.
I'm not discounting you S, I'm just saying it's very different for a CF female to want to have children naturally vs a CF male.
I'm not discounting you S, I'm just saying it's very different for a CF female to want to have children naturally vs a CF male.
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>littledebbie</b></i>
I would just like to take a moment and point out that men don't have to carry the child and then wake up to breast feed.
I'm not discounting you S, I'm just saying it's very different for a CF female to want to have children naturally vs a CF male.</end quote></div>
Yeah well what about Sea Horses? What if cool Sea Horses could breast feed? Have YOU ever had 8,000 children run into your mouth in fear for their lives? I THINK NOT! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
(btw, even though the above was in jest in general, yes the male sea horses do gestate the children, and hold them in their mouth, with their responsibility equallying thousands)
I would just like to take a moment and point out that men don't have to carry the child and then wake up to breast feed.
I'm not discounting you S, I'm just saying it's very different for a CF female to want to have children naturally vs a CF male.</end quote></div>
Yeah well what about Sea Horses? What if cool Sea Horses could breast feed? Have YOU ever had 8,000 children run into your mouth in fear for their lives? I THINK NOT! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
(btw, even though the above was in jest in general, yes the male sea horses do gestate the children, and hold them in their mouth, with their responsibility equallying thousands)
Like any baby...(adopted or biological) the raising of the baby is what really takes its toll. Yes the pregnancy itself can have an affect, but for people like me the pregnancy was the easy part. Fortunately my daughter was a great baby & still is a great kid. When I finally got too sick to work it wasnt because of her. It was because of work & my husband working far away so EVERYTHING was falling on me. Everyone is sooooooo different when it comes to being a parent. Some Moms come out of the delivery room looking like they been thru WWI, II & III....others look like they just won the Mrs. America pagent. Some let their looks (makeup, clothing e tc) slide & others still find the effort to at least try. This part is not much different in the non CF pregnancy world. Balancing things comes easier to some then to others!
Scarlett81
New member
HI Lynda,
I think that adoption, foster parenting are both wonderful gifts. I have a very close friend who is a foster mother and it's beautiful to watch.
However, I have been through alot in life. I was adopted myself. And been through many many other trials other than my CF. I have just started a new life with my husband, gotten the help I needed to overcome past damage. And I really want to start my own family. Whether that is biological or an adopted child. And I want a young child-as close to infant as possible.
To be honest-I don't have what it takes to be a foster parent to an older child (or a baby for that matter), and deal with the birth parents, the visitation, the always present fear that the mother's going to come and take them away, the emotional issues of an older child. I admire people strong enough to do that-but I can't.
I've been through enough-and I need to make the process of children as easy as possible.
Just an update to all-it's only been a week, but I've been sticking to my regimen. I'm so tired by the end of the day from my workouts and that extra therapy that I konk out and sleep like a baby all night! I know it's too soon to tell, but...I feel that all signs are pointing towards us adopting. I feel that God is pointing me in that direction. And literally I'll be thinking about pregnancy and something brings adoption to my attention. (an article, a comment, a book..) We'll see.
I think that adoption, foster parenting are both wonderful gifts. I have a very close friend who is a foster mother and it's beautiful to watch.
However, I have been through alot in life. I was adopted myself. And been through many many other trials other than my CF. I have just started a new life with my husband, gotten the help I needed to overcome past damage. And I really want to start my own family. Whether that is biological or an adopted child. And I want a young child-as close to infant as possible.
To be honest-I don't have what it takes to be a foster parent to an older child (or a baby for that matter), and deal with the birth parents, the visitation, the always present fear that the mother's going to come and take them away, the emotional issues of an older child. I admire people strong enough to do that-but I can't.
I've been through enough-and I need to make the process of children as easy as possible.
Just an update to all-it's only been a week, but I've been sticking to my regimen. I'm so tired by the end of the day from my workouts and that extra therapy that I konk out and sleep like a baby all night! I know it's too soon to tell, but...I feel that all signs are pointing towards us adopting. I feel that God is pointing me in that direction. And literally I'll be thinking about pregnancy and something brings adoption to my attention. (an article, a comment, a book..) We'll see.
Christian, your post was very intriguing..
I can certainly see both sides of the coin..whether to have a kid or not when you are a person with CF. I have two kids, but I had them prior to my diagnosis of CF as well as the neuro disease as well. If I had known that I had these diseases would I have had them? I don't know...that's a good question, but they are here and I love them with every fiber of my being. I certainly am grateful for having my wonderful children, they are my world and give me joy, even if they are hitting adolescence LOL! They complete me and make every day of my life interesting. Because of my illness, I believe that they are more sensitive to others who are ill...they see what I have to do on a daily basis to keep my lungs free, they understand my vent, and my miriad of medications, and they also understand that my lifespan is going to be shorter than most. What upsets me the most is when I am in the hospital, they are so scared that I may leave them and that tears my heart out. I have had some close calls, I know that fear is always in the back of their heads.
My mother is great, she helps raise my children...unfortunately, their father isn't in the picture much so these kids have had a double whammy placed on them. I just want to hug them all of the time, I know it bothers them tremendously.
The way I look at it, it is a personal decision whether to have a child or not...it is a wonderful gift, but it takes alot of serious soul searching. Adoption is wonderful...I know of a 50 year old who adopted a child from Russia, she was a fellow nurse and never had children of her own. I see her once in awhile and that child is so beautiful, I have never seen my friend so happy.
To make a long story short, I respect all opinions in this matter.
Hugs, Jenn <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I can certainly see both sides of the coin..whether to have a kid or not when you are a person with CF. I have two kids, but I had them prior to my diagnosis of CF as well as the neuro disease as well. If I had known that I had these diseases would I have had them? I don't know...that's a good question, but they are here and I love them with every fiber of my being. I certainly am grateful for having my wonderful children, they are my world and give me joy, even if they are hitting adolescence LOL! They complete me and make every day of my life interesting. Because of my illness, I believe that they are more sensitive to others who are ill...they see what I have to do on a daily basis to keep my lungs free, they understand my vent, and my miriad of medications, and they also understand that my lifespan is going to be shorter than most. What upsets me the most is when I am in the hospital, they are so scared that I may leave them and that tears my heart out. I have had some close calls, I know that fear is always in the back of their heads.
My mother is great, she helps raise my children...unfortunately, their father isn't in the picture much so these kids have had a double whammy placed on them. I just want to hug them all of the time, I know it bothers them tremendously.
The way I look at it, it is a personal decision whether to have a child or not...it is a wonderful gift, but it takes alot of serious soul searching. Adoption is wonderful...I know of a 50 year old who adopted a child from Russia, she was a fellow nurse and never had children of her own. I see her once in awhile and that child is so beautiful, I have never seen my friend so happy.
To make a long story short, I respect all opinions in this matter.
Hugs, Jenn <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Christian,
Fair enough. I don't think I could be a foster parent either for the reasons you listed. I also would get attached & it would tear my heart out knowing that those children may be going back into an environment where further abuse & neglect could be a factor if their parents had been "rehabilitated".
I just thought I would mention it, though since it wouldn't be so permanent--thus the child may not go through as much as an adopted or biological child would at the possible death of a parent. Of course a lot of factors may or may not make that statement true (i.e. length of time you've had child, their attachment to you, etc).
It's a tough decision to make. Adoption is a good choice too.
I do have a daughter and I just pray that I will be here for her at least through her H.S. years.
That's good that you're doing your exercise, etc--keep it up!
Fair enough. I don't think I could be a foster parent either for the reasons you listed. I also would get attached & it would tear my heart out knowing that those children may be going back into an environment where further abuse & neglect could be a factor if their parents had been "rehabilitated".
I just thought I would mention it, though since it wouldn't be so permanent--thus the child may not go through as much as an adopted or biological child would at the possible death of a parent. Of course a lot of factors may or may not make that statement true (i.e. length of time you've had child, their attachment to you, etc).
It's a tough decision to make. Adoption is a good choice too.
I do have a daughter and I just pray that I will be here for her at least through her H.S. years.
That's good that you're doing your exercise, etc--keep it up!