Relationships - How to deal with CF in a new relationship

J

Jennie

New member
Hi Everyone,
I read the cf forums all the time and I've been a member for a long time too - But I rarely post.
I have a lot on my mind and I'm down in the dumps. I'm not feeling up to calling my girl friends. Sometimes I feel like I bring them down and they are sick of hearing me complain about the same things. Being New years day I'll pass on calling them for now.
So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were settled. We had a house together and we seemd like the perfect couple (on the outside). A part of the break up was because of the CF. He had trouble dealing with the CF and it caused him a lot of stress.
So fast forward to today. After months of being single and bored (and depressed too) I tried online dating. I always told the guy upfront "I have CF. If this isn't for you keep walking". And a lot of people walked, some ran. It sucked but I respected it. Then I met the most wonderful man. He was upset when I told him about the CF but he decided to take a chance on me because he knew I was a good catch (which I really am, haha).
We have been together now for almost 2 months. We have had a few normal relationship troubles in the last week which brought up the CF issue. He told he don't know if he can do it.... He don't think he can deal seeing me sick. He don't think he can deal with the financial troubles because I have to take time off work. He's worried I won't be able to help him raise his son (he has a 4 yr old son one week on, one week off). He told me every time I cough it reminds him of all of this. And we all know... we cough a lot!!
So what do I do??? I'm so lost. I'm so frustrated. I'll be 29 next month. I want to settle down. I want to be loved. I'm angry that this disease has so much control over my life when I tend to handle it quite well.
Any advice?
 
J

Jennie

New member
Hi Everyone,
I read the cf forums all the time and I've been a member for a long time too - But I rarely post.
I have a lot on my mind and I'm down in the dumps. I'm not feeling up to calling my girl friends. Sometimes I feel like I bring them down and they are sick of hearing me complain about the same things. Being New years day I'll pass on calling them for now.
So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were settled. We had a house together and we seemd like the perfect couple (on the outside). A part of the break up was because of the CF. He had trouble dealing with the CF and it caused him a lot of stress.
So fast forward to today. After months of being single and bored (and depressed too) I tried online dating. I always told the guy upfront "I have CF. If this isn't for you keep walking". And a lot of people walked, some ran. It sucked but I respected it. Then I met the most wonderful man. He was upset when I told him about the CF but he decided to take a chance on me because he knew I was a good catch (which I really am, haha).
We have been together now for almost 2 months. We have had a few normal relationship troubles in the last week which brought up the CF issue. He told he don't know if he can do it.... He don't think he can deal seeing me sick. He don't think he can deal with the financial troubles because I have to take time off work. He's worried I won't be able to help him raise his son (he has a 4 yr old son one week on, one week off). He told me every time I cough it reminds him of all of this. And we all know... we cough a lot!!
So what do I do??? I'm so lost. I'm so frustrated. I'll be 29 next month. I want to settle down. I want to be loved. I'm angry that this disease has so much control over my life when I tend to handle it quite well.
Any advice?
 
J

Jennie

New member
Hi Everyone,
I read the cf forums all the time and I've been a member for a long time too - But I rarely post.
I have a lot on my mind and I'm down in the dumps. I'm not feeling up to calling my girl friends. Sometimes I feel like I bring them down and they are sick of hearing me complain about the same things. Being New years day I'll pass on calling them for now.
So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were settled. We had a house together and we seemd like the perfect couple (on the outside). A part of the break up was because of the CF. He had trouble dealing with the CF and it caused him a lot of stress.
So fast forward to today. After months of being single and bored (and depressed too) I tried online dating. I always told the guy upfront "I have CF. If this isn't for you keep walking". And a lot of people walked, some ran. It sucked but I respected it. Then I met the most wonderful man. He was upset when I told him about the CF but he decided to take a chance on me because he knew I was a good catch (which I really am, haha).
We have been together now for almost 2 months. We have had a few normal relationship troubles in the last week which brought up the CF issue. He told he don't know if he can do it.... He don't think he can deal seeing me sick. He don't think he can deal with the financial troubles because I have to take time off work. He's worried I won't be able to help him raise his son (he has a 4 yr old son one week on, one week off). He told me every time I cough it reminds him of all of this. And we all know... we cough a lot!!
So what do I do??? I'm so lost. I'm so frustrated. I'll be 29 next month. I want to settle down. I want to be loved. I'm angry that this disease has so much control over my life when I tend to handle it quite well.
Any advice?
 
J

Jennie

New member
Hi Everyone,
I read the cf forums all the time and I've been a member for a long time too - But I rarely post.
I have a lot on my mind and I'm down in the dumps. I'm not feeling up to calling my girl friends. Sometimes I feel like I bring them down and they are sick of hearing me complain about the same things. Being New years day I'll pass on calling them for now.
So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were settled. We had a house together and we seemd like the perfect couple (on the outside). A part of the break up was because of the CF. He had trouble dealing with the CF and it caused him a lot of stress.
So fast forward to today. After months of being single and bored (and depressed too) I tried online dating. I always told the guy upfront "I have CF. If this isn't for you keep walking". And a lot of people walked, some ran. It sucked but I respected it. Then I met the most wonderful man. He was upset when I told him about the CF but he decided to take a chance on me because he knew I was a good catch (which I really am, haha).
We have been together now for almost 2 months. We have had a few normal relationship troubles in the last week which brought up the CF issue. He told he don't know if he can do it.... He don't think he can deal seeing me sick. He don't think he can deal with the financial troubles because I have to take time off work. He's worried I won't be able to help him raise his son (he has a 4 yr old son one week on, one week off). He told me every time I cough it reminds him of all of this. And we all know... we cough a lot!!
So what do I do??? I'm so lost. I'm so frustrated. I'll be 29 next month. I want to settle down. I want to be loved. I'm angry that this disease has so much control over my life when I tend to handle it quite well.
Any advice?
 
J

Jennie

New member
Hi Everyone,
<br />I read the cf forums all the time and I've been a member for a long time too - But I rarely post.
<br />I have a lot on my mind and I'm down in the dumps. I'm not feeling up to calling my girl friends. Sometimes I feel like I bring them down and they are sick of hearing me complain about the same things. Being New years day I'll pass on calling them for now.
<br />So my ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were settled. We had a house together and we seemd like the perfect couple (on the outside). A part of the break up was because of the CF. He had trouble dealing with the CF and it caused him a lot of stress.
<br />So fast forward to today. After months of being single and bored (and depressed too) I tried online dating. I always told the guy upfront "I have CF. If this isn't for you keep walking". And a lot of people walked, some ran. It sucked but I respected it. Then I met the most wonderful man. He was upset when I told him about the CF but he decided to take a chance on me because he knew I was a good catch (which I really am, haha).
<br />We have been together now for almost 2 months. We have had a few normal relationship troubles in the last week which brought up the CF issue. He told he don't know if he can do it.... He don't think he can deal seeing me sick. He don't think he can deal with the financial troubles because I have to take time off work. He's worried I won't be able to help him raise his son (he has a 4 yr old son one week on, one week off). He told me every time I cough it reminds him of all of this. And we all know... we cough a lot!!
<br />So what do I do??? I'm so lost. I'm so frustrated. I'll be 29 next month. I want to settle down. I want to be loved. I'm angry that this disease has so much control over my life when I tend to handle it quite well.
<br />Any advice?
 
J

Jeana

New member
I don't have any terrific advice for saving this relationship. What I can say is that dealing with someone possibly dying is difficult for anyone.

Everything was great in my relationship with my husband until I began getting "outwardly sick." Then, there came a point where my husband almost left me. One of the biggest reasons was because I was not doing everything I could to be compliant. I would constantly skip Vest and breathing treatments. This may not be your problem, but I was at a point, like you, where my relationship could have ended.

I also discovered that my husband did not want to talk about transplants or dying early or anything of that nature that I was concerned about. I still try to avoid those topics. Instead, I talk about hopeful things--how I can improve my lung function with exercise, the new treatments/drugs that are coming down the pipeline. I am very compliant and have become involved in two drug studies now. I think being proactive and putting CF in a more positive light has really helped my husband.

I hope that you get that love that you deserve. In the meantime, be proactive and stay positive. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
J

Jeana

New member
I don't have any terrific advice for saving this relationship. What I can say is that dealing with someone possibly dying is difficult for anyone.

Everything was great in my relationship with my husband until I began getting "outwardly sick." Then, there came a point where my husband almost left me. One of the biggest reasons was because I was not doing everything I could to be compliant. I would constantly skip Vest and breathing treatments. This may not be your problem, but I was at a point, like you, where my relationship could have ended.

I also discovered that my husband did not want to talk about transplants or dying early or anything of that nature that I was concerned about. I still try to avoid those topics. Instead, I talk about hopeful things--how I can improve my lung function with exercise, the new treatments/drugs that are coming down the pipeline. I am very compliant and have become involved in two drug studies now. I think being proactive and putting CF in a more positive light has really helped my husband.

I hope that you get that love that you deserve. In the meantime, be proactive and stay positive. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
J

Jeana

New member
I don't have any terrific advice for saving this relationship. What I can say is that dealing with someone possibly dying is difficult for anyone.

Everything was great in my relationship with my husband until I began getting "outwardly sick." Then, there came a point where my husband almost left me. One of the biggest reasons was because I was not doing everything I could to be compliant. I would constantly skip Vest and breathing treatments. This may not be your problem, but I was at a point, like you, where my relationship could have ended.

I also discovered that my husband did not want to talk about transplants or dying early or anything of that nature that I was concerned about. I still try to avoid those topics. Instead, I talk about hopeful things--how I can improve my lung function with exercise, the new treatments/drugs that are coming down the pipeline. I am very compliant and have become involved in two drug studies now. I think being proactive and putting CF in a more positive light has really helped my husband.

I hope that you get that love that you deserve. In the meantime, be proactive and stay positive. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
J

Jeana

New member
I don't have any terrific advice for saving this relationship. What I can say is that dealing with someone possibly dying is difficult for anyone.

Everything was great in my relationship with my husband until I began getting "outwardly sick." Then, there came a point where my husband almost left me. One of the biggest reasons was because I was not doing everything I could to be compliant. I would constantly skip Vest and breathing treatments. This may not be your problem, but I was at a point, like you, where my relationship could have ended.

I also discovered that my husband did not want to talk about transplants or dying early or anything of that nature that I was concerned about. I still try to avoid those topics. Instead, I talk about hopeful things--how I can improve my lung function with exercise, the new treatments/drugs that are coming down the pipeline. I am very compliant and have become involved in two drug studies now. I think being proactive and putting CF in a more positive light has really helped my husband.

I hope that you get that love that you deserve. In the meantime, be proactive and stay positive. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
J

Jeana

New member
I don't have any terrific advice for saving this relationship. What I can say is that dealing with someone possibly dying is difficult for anyone.
<br />
<br />Everything was great in my relationship with my husband until I began getting "outwardly sick." Then, there came a point where my husband almost left me. One of the biggest reasons was because I was not doing everything I could to be compliant. I would constantly skip Vest and breathing treatments. This may not be your problem, but I was at a point, like you, where my relationship could have ended.
<br />
<br />I also discovered that my husband did not want to talk about transplants or dying early or anything of that nature that I was concerned about. I still try to avoid those topics. Instead, I talk about hopeful things--how I can improve my lung function with exercise, the new treatments/drugs that are coming down the pipeline. I am very compliant and have become involved in two drug studies now. I think being proactive and putting CF in a more positive light has really helped my husband.
<br />
<br />I hope that you get that love that you deserve. In the meantime, be proactive and stay positive. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Hey Jennie,

sorry to hear you're feeling down. Here's how I see it:

CF is something that we have that is a non-negotiable, ie, we can't get rid of it. It is something that your future partner will have to accept, and support you in, otherwise the relationship won't work. Let me ask you this:

*Are you 100% compliant in your treatments and medical care?
*Are you honest and open with your boyfriend about CF?
*Do you have support from your friends and family with CF?
*Are you doing everything you possibly can to take care of yourself?

If you are handling CF in the best way possible and your partner still can't hang with it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. There are people in this world who have dealt with illness, losing a parent and/or loved one and are able to handle CF and all that it brings. Other people just can't cut it.

I would also give this more time and if he really loves you then he will be there for you no matter what. Good luck!
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Hey Jennie,

sorry to hear you're feeling down. Here's how I see it:

CF is something that we have that is a non-negotiable, ie, we can't get rid of it. It is something that your future partner will have to accept, and support you in, otherwise the relationship won't work. Let me ask you this:

*Are you 100% compliant in your treatments and medical care?
*Are you honest and open with your boyfriend about CF?
*Do you have support from your friends and family with CF?
*Are you doing everything you possibly can to take care of yourself?

If you are handling CF in the best way possible and your partner still can't hang with it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. There are people in this world who have dealt with illness, losing a parent and/or loved one and are able to handle CF and all that it brings. Other people just can't cut it.

I would also give this more time and if he really loves you then he will be there for you no matter what. Good luck!
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Hey Jennie,

sorry to hear you're feeling down. Here's how I see it:

CF is something that we have that is a non-negotiable, ie, we can't get rid of it. It is something that your future partner will have to accept, and support you in, otherwise the relationship won't work. Let me ask you this:

*Are you 100% compliant in your treatments and medical care?
*Are you honest and open with your boyfriend about CF?
*Do you have support from your friends and family with CF?
*Are you doing everything you possibly can to take care of yourself?

If you are handling CF in the best way possible and your partner still can't hang with it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. There are people in this world who have dealt with illness, losing a parent and/or loved one and are able to handle CF and all that it brings. Other people just can't cut it.

I would also give this more time and if he really loves you then he will be there for you no matter what. Good luck!
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Hey Jennie,

sorry to hear you're feeling down. Here's how I see it:

CF is something that we have that is a non-negotiable, ie, we can't get rid of it. It is something that your future partner will have to accept, and support you in, otherwise the relationship won't work. Let me ask you this:

*Are you 100% compliant in your treatments and medical care?
*Are you honest and open with your boyfriend about CF?
*Do you have support from your friends and family with CF?
*Are you doing everything you possibly can to take care of yourself?

If you are handling CF in the best way possible and your partner still can't hang with it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. There are people in this world who have dealt with illness, losing a parent and/or loved one and are able to handle CF and all that it brings. Other people just can't cut it.

I would also give this more time and if he really loves you then he will be there for you no matter what. Good luck!
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Hey Jennie,
<br />
<br />sorry to hear you're feeling down. Here's how I see it:
<br />
<br />CF is something that we have that is a non-negotiable, ie, we can't get rid of it. It is something that your future partner will have to accept, and support you in, otherwise the relationship won't work. Let me ask you this:
<br />
<br />*Are you 100% compliant in your treatments and medical care?
<br />*Are you honest and open with your boyfriend about CF?
<br />*Do you have support from your friends and family with CF?
<br />*Are you doing everything you possibly can to take care of yourself?
<br />
<br />If you are handling CF in the best way possible and your partner still can't hang with it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. There are people in this world who have dealt with illness, losing a parent and/or loved one and are able to handle CF and all that it brings. Other people just can't cut it.
<br />
<br />I would also give this more time and if he really loves you then he will be there for you no matter what. Good luck!
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Oh, I'd also like to add that in my experience it really helps to bring your boyf to your doctor appointments and/or give him updates on your health, ie, letting him know your PFT score. As we all know, CF affects everyone differently and I think it's really helpful to show him your progress as it relates to YOU and not some statistic. Also don't let him read scary stuff on the internet.(esp. stuff that is outdated). Could you get him on this site?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Oh, I'd also like to add that in my experience it really helps to bring your boyf to your doctor appointments and/or give him updates on your health, ie, letting him know your PFT score. As we all know, CF affects everyone differently and I think it's really helpful to show him your progress as it relates to YOU and not some statistic. Also don't let him read scary stuff on the internet.(esp. stuff that is outdated). Could you get him on this site?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Oh, I'd also like to add that in my experience it really helps to bring your boyf to your doctor appointments and/or give him updates on your health, ie, letting him know your PFT score. As we all know, CF affects everyone differently and I think it's really helpful to show him your progress as it relates to YOU and not some statistic. Also don't let him read scary stuff on the internet.(esp. stuff that is outdated). Could you get him on this site?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Oh, I'd also like to add that in my experience it really helps to bring your boyf to your doctor appointments and/or give him updates on your health, ie, letting him know your PFT score. As we all know, CF affects everyone differently and I think it's really helpful to show him your progress as it relates to YOU and not some statistic. Also don't let him read scary stuff on the internet.(esp. stuff that is outdated). Could you get him on this site?
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Oh, I'd also like to add that in my experience it really helps to bring your boyf to your doctor appointments and/or give him updates on your health, ie, letting him know your PFT score. As we all know, CF affects everyone differently and I think it's really helpful to show him your progress as it relates to YOU and not some statistic. Also don't let him read scary stuff on the internet.(esp. stuff that is outdated). Could you get him on this site?
 
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