Natalie,
I am sorry that there is some rudeness in reaction to your questions, please do choose to ignore those comments and those posters for that matter!
I don't think you are complaining at all in your post, but rather asking some very difficult yet heartfelt questions. I think it is VERY smart of you to be considering all of these things before you get too far into the relationship, no need to string someone along when there is even an ounce of dobut in there, even when stringing along isn't your intention.
Here's my take on things. I am married to a CFer, he is 25 and I am 22. We've been together since I was 16, he was 19 and married since I was 19 and he was 21. I've posted this before, but there was a time when I had to sit and consider all the pros and cons of the relationship. My issue was really the fears of him dying and leaving me alone, not so much like yours of wanting to fulfill personal dreams-which is VERY Reasonable. I concluded that in the end, I would be happiest with him, whatever time I could get. Even if I had to be the sole provider, even if we never had kids together (we just did IVF and will know on the 21st if we are pg), even if I had to give up some dreams (really my only dream was to become a parent, I didn't really ever dream to travel or anything) or anything else that I might have to do just to be with him...
It sounds like to me that you have had this "sit" with yourself but your results differ from mine, and THAT IS OK. There is no need to feel bad about facing the facts that you aren't cut out to be in a relationship like this. There is nothing wrong with you, I don't think you are being at all selfish. There are people who can handle a relationship with someone who is or will become chronically ill, and there are those who can't. To each his own and SHAME ON anyone who judges you because of it!
I just think you really need to be honest with yourself and with him about this. If you have dobuts, then don't keep standing in the grey area. Make a decision. And honestly, either way you may regret your decision (whether you leave him or stay) but you have to think and pray (if you do) to choose the one you will regret the least.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me (little paddlock looking thing in the upper Right corner of every post) or email me at <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="mailto:division902@hotmail.com">division902@hotmail.com</a>
I am sorry that there is some rudeness in reaction to your questions, please do choose to ignore those comments and those posters for that matter!
I don't think you are complaining at all in your post, but rather asking some very difficult yet heartfelt questions. I think it is VERY smart of you to be considering all of these things before you get too far into the relationship, no need to string someone along when there is even an ounce of dobut in there, even when stringing along isn't your intention.
Here's my take on things. I am married to a CFer, he is 25 and I am 22. We've been together since I was 16, he was 19 and married since I was 19 and he was 21. I've posted this before, but there was a time when I had to sit and consider all the pros and cons of the relationship. My issue was really the fears of him dying and leaving me alone, not so much like yours of wanting to fulfill personal dreams-which is VERY Reasonable. I concluded that in the end, I would be happiest with him, whatever time I could get. Even if I had to be the sole provider, even if we never had kids together (we just did IVF and will know on the 21st if we are pg), even if I had to give up some dreams (really my only dream was to become a parent, I didn't really ever dream to travel or anything) or anything else that I might have to do just to be with him...
It sounds like to me that you have had this "sit" with yourself but your results differ from mine, and THAT IS OK. There is no need to feel bad about facing the facts that you aren't cut out to be in a relationship like this. There is nothing wrong with you, I don't think you are being at all selfish. There are people who can handle a relationship with someone who is or will become chronically ill, and there are those who can't. To each his own and SHAME ON anyone who judges you because of it!
I just think you really need to be honest with yourself and with him about this. If you have dobuts, then don't keep standing in the grey area. Make a decision. And honestly, either way you may regret your decision (whether you leave him or stay) but you have to think and pray (if you do) to choose the one you will regret the least.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me (little paddlock looking thing in the upper Right corner of every post) or email me at <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="mailto:division902@hotmail.com">division902@hotmail.com</a>