Second Child??

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mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anomie</b></i>Discarding a clump of embryonic cells with no name, personality and which you have no emotional attachment to is alot different than watching a child you've raised and loved their entire life slowly waste away from an illness that destroys vital organs.</end quote>


To the OP-I think before you make a decision this big, you need to discuss it with the Cf team. You should also discuss what life with Cf is with patients that have more advanced disease to get a balanced picture.
 
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mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anomie</b></i>Discarding a clump of embryonic cells with no name, personality and which you have no emotional attachment to is alot different than watching a child you've raised and loved their entire life slowly waste away from an illness that destroys vital organs.</end quote>



To the OP-I think before you make a decision this big, you need to discuss it with the Cf team. You should also discuss what life with Cf is with patients that have more advanced disease to get a balanced picture.
 
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JENNYC

New member
Anomie, I am truly sorry that you do not have faith, that makes me very sad for you. And how thankful I am that I am not your daughter. Think of how she would feel if she were to read this. It's a personal choice and I don't at all fault you for yours as you should not fault anyone else for theirs. I grew up in a very loving home as my 2 kids will. I do believe that God has a reason for giving me my wonderfully amazing family. My husband and I neither one had any idea that we carried the CF gene, it was a total shock to us. Would I do the same things over again if I had known? You bet ya! My daughter has not had it easy by any means. She has had 15 surgeries in a 2.5 year period! Her eyes actually fell back in her nasal cavity! Didn't slow her down one bit!! She is a very happy, extremely active little girl! We rely very heavily upon our faith and do absolutely believe that God has a plan for her, and that he will not put more on us then we can handle. She is a miracle and I thank God for her every day! All I am trying to say is you don't have to be so judgemental when putting your 2 cents in. Have a heart and consider that this mom was looking for opinions as she has clearly come to a hurdle. There is a way to get your point across with out being so mean. And to Kristen good luck with your decision. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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JENNYC

New member
Anomie, I am truly sorry that you do not have faith, that makes me very sad for you. And how thankful I am that I am not your daughter. Think of how she would feel if she were to read this. It's a personal choice and I don't at all fault you for yours as you should not fault anyone else for theirs. I grew up in a very loving home as my 2 kids will. I do believe that God has a reason for giving me my wonderfully amazing family. My husband and I neither one had any idea that we carried the CF gene, it was a total shock to us. Would I do the same things over again if I had known? You bet ya! My daughter has not had it easy by any means. She has had 15 surgeries in a 2.5 year period! Her eyes actually fell back in her nasal cavity! Didn't slow her down one bit!! She is a very happy, extremely active little girl! We rely very heavily upon our faith and do absolutely believe that God has a plan for her, and that he will not put more on us then we can handle. She is a miracle and I thank God for her every day! All I am trying to say is you don't have to be so judgemental when putting your 2 cents in. Have a heart and consider that this mom was looking for opinions as she has clearly come to a hurdle. There is a way to get your point across with out being so mean. And to Kristen good luck with your decision. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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kitomd21

New member
It's easy to get into the abortion debate when considering this topic...so, I'll repeat something I read recently in defense of the cluster of cells. "If scientists found a single living cell on another planet, they would exclaim that they had found life. Why is a single cell within the womb of a woman not considered life?"

Please don't take your decision to have another child lightly...but once created, responsibility must be taken to protect that life. Having a single child with CF is difficult...having two would be even moreso than I can appreciate. Consider what this would be like for YOUR family. I'll be thinking of you...
 
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kitomd21

New member
It's easy to get into the abortion debate when considering this topic...so, I'll repeat something I read recently in defense of the cluster of cells. "If scientists found a single living cell on another planet, they would exclaim that they had found life. Why is a single cell within the womb of a woman not considered life?"

Please don't take your decision to have another child lightly...but once created, responsibility must be taken to protect that life. Having a single child with CF is difficult...having two would be even moreso than I can appreciate. Consider what this would be like for YOUR family. I'll be thinking of you...
 
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imported_Momto2

New member
Anomie, I've seen the horrible degeneration happen to several of my friends. Never in a million years would I wish that on anyone, and especially not my child. Ignorance is bliss until it smacks you upside the face.

Swallowtail. I'm sorry about your situation. So much heartache to watch your kids go through that while you do too. Hugs to you.
 
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imported_Momto2

New member
Anomie, I've seen the horrible degeneration happen to several of my friends. Never in a million years would I wish that on anyone, and especially not my child. Ignorance is bliss until it smacks you upside the face.

Swallowtail. I'm sorry about your situation. So much heartache to watch your kids go through that while you do too. Hugs to you.
 
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Allansarmy

Guest
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><em>Originally posted by: <strong>Anomie</strong></em> My daughter who has cf really wants a brother or sister but I refuse to risk having another child born with cf. Even if we could make sure the second child was healthy then I would fear the resentment my daughter would feel towards it for having to be the sick one. At the same time I would worry about how the second child would turn out growing up in a home where the attention is always paid to the sick one. If you really want a second child that badly then test the fetus in utero and be prepared to terminate the pregnancy if they're positive. Choosing to bring a sick child into the world so they can suffer a horrible disease their entire life is just inhumane.</end quote>

Wow Anomie, you sure "worry" too much. Look, I have 3 kids. One with CF the other two do not. She is simply stating that she would love to have 2 kids. It is not selfish of her to think this way. Why in the hell would you even suggest to her that her motives are selfish. Your child could get hit crossing the street. Your child could get killed by a drunk driver. Nothing is for sure in this world. It is inhumane for you to suggest for her to kill her unborn baby IF they have CF. We knew our second child had CF. The OBGYN asked my wife if we wanted to do an amniocyntesis (spelling?). I asked her "why would we even consider that?", the doctor said "To see if the child has CF or not". My reply "So if he/she does, then so be it". Today it is not a death sentence to have CF anymore. As you can see on these boards there are elderly people that have CF. They are extremely close to finding an actual cure for CF.
I feel sorry for people like you Anomie. I feel sorry that you do not have any hope for your child or others on these boards. Most of all I feel sorry for your child, that has to grow up in a home that has a negative parent such as yourself. These children need hope and strength, they do not need a negative vibe from people like you.
 
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Allansarmy

Guest
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><em>Originally posted by: <strong>Anomie</strong></em> My daughter who has cf really wants a brother or sister but I refuse to risk having another child born with cf. Even if we could make sure the second child was healthy then I would fear the resentment my daughter would feel towards it for having to be the sick one. At the same time I would worry about how the second child would turn out growing up in a home where the attention is always paid to the sick one. If you really want a second child that badly then test the fetus in utero and be prepared to terminate the pregnancy if they're positive. Choosing to bring a sick child into the world so they can suffer a horrible disease their entire life is just inhumane.</end quote>

Wow Anomie, you sure "worry" too much. Look, I have 3 kids. One with CF the other two do not. She is simply stating that she would love to have 2 kids. It is not selfish of her to think this way. Why in the hell would you even suggest to her that her motives are selfish. Your child could get hit crossing the street. Your child could get killed by a drunk driver. Nothing is for sure in this world. It is inhumane for you to suggest for her to kill her unborn baby IF they have CF. We knew our second child had CF. The OBGYN asked my wife if we wanted to do an amniocyntesis (spelling?). I asked her "why would we even consider that?", the doctor said "To see if the child has CF or not". My reply "So if he/she does, then so be it". Today it is not a death sentence to have CF anymore. As you can see on these boards there are elderly people that have CF. They are extremely close to finding an actual cure for CF.
I feel sorry for people like you Anomie. I feel sorry that you do not have any hope for your child or others on these boards. Most of all I feel sorry for your child, that has to grow up in a home that has a negative parent such as yourself. These children need hope and strength, they do not need a negative vibe from people like you.
 
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jsjohnson77

New member
We are actually trying to have our second child. Derek is 6. We figure that this child has a 50/50 chance of having CF. If he/she does then we will know what to do. Derek looks and acts like a normal 6 year old boy. That is because of all his treatments and being as active as possible. I don't believe he suffers. It is more of an inconvenience for him.
 
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jsjohnson77

New member
We are actually trying to have our second child. Derek is 6. We figure that this child has a 50/50 chance of having CF. If he/she does then we will know what to do. Derek looks and acts like a normal 6 year old boy. That is because of all his treatments and being as active as possible. I don't believe he suffers. It is more of an inconvenience for him.
 
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musclemania70

New member
"like knowingly giving someone AIDS"??? Really???? That is so sad you think that way.........

I think there are people in the world who will look at acne and say their life is over for good and have no purpose. There will be people who will always be mad at the world and never again CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY regardless of their circumstances.
Having a child is a personal choice and only yours. NO ONE's life is easy on Earth. EVERYONE has problems. Whether you have seasonal allergies and are near-sighted VS having CF-- you will struggle. Its in everyone's cards that we struggle. Life is not peaches and cream for ANYONE as much as the world tells you it should be. I am tired of hearing about books, preachers and tv telling us that we all need to be perfect, look perfect, live a pain-free life, have a perfect house, and be happy in our jobs. a little off topic sorry.

A child with CF can still have a bright and happy future. Perfect-NO. Pain-free: NO. Without struggle:NO. If you prevent yourself from being pregnant because you fear watching your child struggle-that is your choice. But no matter what, we struggle. We have pain, we hurt, we struggle everyday and when you prevent yourself from having another child because of what CF brings, you are actually discounting the person in your life with CF and convincing yourself that your baby with CF is inferior, substandard, invaluable, and has a life that is not worth living.
You asked for an opinion so that is mine.
 
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musclemania70

New member
"like knowingly giving someone AIDS"??? Really???? That is so sad you think that way.........

I think there are people in the world who will look at acne and say their life is over for good and have no purpose. There will be people who will always be mad at the world and never again CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY regardless of their circumstances.
Having a child is a personal choice and only yours. NO ONE's life is easy on Earth. EVERYONE has problems. Whether you have seasonal allergies and are near-sighted VS having CF-- you will struggle. Its in everyone's cards that we struggle. Life is not peaches and cream for ANYONE as much as the world tells you it should be. I am tired of hearing about books, preachers and tv telling us that we all need to be perfect, look perfect, live a pain-free life, have a perfect house, and be happy in our jobs. a little off topic sorry.

A child with CF can still have a bright and happy future. Perfect-NO. Pain-free: NO. Without struggle:NO. If you prevent yourself from being pregnant because you fear watching your child struggle-that is your choice. But no matter what, we struggle. We have pain, we hurt, we struggle everyday and when you prevent yourself from having another child because of what CF brings, you are actually discounting the person in your life with CF and convincing yourself that your baby with CF is inferior, substandard, invaluable, and has a life that is not worth living.
You asked for an opinion so that is mine.
 
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mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>musclemania70</b></i>We have pain, we hurt, we struggle everyday and when you prevent yourself from having another child because of what CF brings, you are actually discounting the person in your life with CF and convincing yourself that your baby with CF is inferior, substandard, invaluable, and has a life that is not worth living. You asked for an opinion so that is mine.</end quote>

WOW.
Bravo, and Amen. You took the words right out of my heart.
 
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mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>musclemania70</b></i>We have pain, we hurt, we struggle everyday and when you prevent yourself from having another child because of what CF brings, you are actually discounting the person in your life with CF and convincing yourself that your baby with CF is inferior, substandard, invaluable, and has a life that is not worth living. You asked for an opinion so that is mine.</end quote>

WOW.
Bravo
 
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jessykt

Guest
I totally agree with musclemania70!

I had someone ask me once what I would have thought about if prenatal testing were available when my mom was pregnant with me...what? So she could abort me? No! I may suffer and I may throw myself a pity party every once in awhile, but my life is GOOD and FULL and I just can't imagine not living the 33 years that I have, knowing the people that I do, and ESPECIALLY having my own son.

When I got pregnant, I was first told to have an abortion, by a DOCTOR. He was worried about MY health, and when I refused, it then was a question of what I was doing to the baby. I was told to do an amnio (as one person mentioned). I REFUSED. Amnio's do carry the risk of miscarriage. And what would be the point? He was going to be born either with cf or not, and nothing could change that.

Like I said before, if you want to prevent a child, then do so. But once you've made a baby, cf or no cf, you ought to care for that person, as they bring great value to this world. I can't imagine not being here, and I'm sure most other cfers would say the same.
 
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jessykt

Guest
I totally agree with musclemania70!

I had someone ask me once what I would have thought about if prenatal testing were available when my mom was pregnant with me...what? So she could abort me? No! I may suffer and I may throw myself a pity party every once in awhile, but my life is GOOD and FULL and I just can't imagine not living the 33 years that I have, knowing the people that I do, and ESPECIALLY having my own son.

When I got pregnant, I was first told to have an abortion, by a DOCTOR. He was worried about MY health, and when I refused, it then was a question of what I was doing to the baby. I was told to do an amnio (as one person mentioned). I REFUSED. Amnio's do carry the risk of miscarriage. And what would be the point? He was going to be born either with cf or not, and nothing could change that.

Like I said before, if you want to prevent a child, then do so. But once you've made a baby, cf or no cf, you ought to care for that person, as they bring great value to this world. I can't imagine not being here, and I'm sure most other cfers would say the same.
 
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Anomie

New member
jsjohnson: How are you coming to this conclusion that your second child has a 50/50 chance of having cf? This would only be true if either you or your spouse already had cystic fibrosis and the other one was just a carrier. Then all of your children would have a 50% chance of getting cf. The disease status of their syblings does not at all effect the odds of them inheriting the disease. If you roll a single die once and get a three, the odds of you getting another three on your next roll is still 1 in 6. If a man and a woman are each carriers of a single cf gene and they already have a child with cf, their next child still has a 1 in 4 chance of having the disease.

Also, your son may look and act like a normal 6 year old boy but he's not. He has cystic fibrosis, a disease that will cause him a myriad of health issues over the course of his life. CF just seems like an "inconvenience" for him right now because he's only 6 and is probably still blowing good PFTs. Just wait until his lung capacity diminishes to the point where he constantly struggles to breathe even with the assistance of oxygen. Are you still going to brush it off as an inconvenience when your little end-stage CFer that you chose to bring into the world comes to you and says he no longer wishes to do his treatments since they will only prolong his suffering? Because that's a decision that some people with cf choose to make.

My bright, beautiful daughter also suffers this awful affliction and I too find myself not wanting to deal with the reality of her disease. Having hope is a wonderful thing for people who are currently suffering from cf or who have loved ones that are suffering. Just don't be so arrogant as to think that if you carelessly inflict this disease on another human being, a cure will be out in time to render it as harmless as asthma. When the cf gene was discovered in 1989, there was alot of hope that a cure was just around the corner then and alot of parents with alot of hope in their hearts watched their children suffer through end-stage cf with the technology to attack the major problem still alot of years off.

By the way, there is no "cure" for cf in the works right now. If the vertex drugs that are currently in clinical trials do ever come to fruition, they will slow the progression of the disease at best. We're probably looking at adding 10 quality years to your CFer's life. Someone on here said "what's the big deal, any day you could die in a car wreck". I'll take a quick death over a slow agonizing one any day and chances are that barring some unforseen accident, you're child will ultimately succumb to this life-long disease.

Is a lifetime of recurrent lung infections which eventually lead to an early death really the gift of life that you want to give to someone. Your unborn child doesn't have the ability to decide if they would want this life for themself. So please reconsider having more biological children if you and your spouse are carriers of the cystic fibrosis gene and instead choose to adopt a sick child who doesn't have loving parents to care for them. Help to ease suffering in the world as opposed to creating it.
 
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Anomie

New member
jsjohnson: How are you coming to this conclusion that your second child has a 50/50 chance of having cf? This would only be true if either you or your spouse already had cystic fibrosis and the other one was just a carrier. Then all of your children would have a 50% chance of getting cf. The disease status of their syblings does not at all effect the odds of them inheriting the disease. If you roll a single die once and get a three, the odds of you getting another three on your next roll is still 1 in 6. If a man and a woman are each carriers of a single cf gene and they already have a child with cf, their next child still has a 1 in 4 chance of having the disease.

Also, your son may look and act like a normal 6 year old boy but he's not. He has cystic fibrosis, a disease that will cause him a myriad of health issues over the course of his life. CF just seems like an "inconvenience" for him right now because he's only 6 and is probably still blowing good PFTs. Just wait until his lung capacity diminishes to the point where he constantly struggles to breathe even with the assistance of oxygen. Are you still going to brush it off as an inconvenience when your little end-stage CFer that you chose to bring into the world comes to you and says he no longer wishes to do his treatments since they will only prolong his suffering? Because that's a decision that some people with cf choose to make.

My bright, beautiful daughter also suffers this awful affliction and I too find myself not wanting to deal with the reality of her disease. Having hope is a wonderful thing for people who are currently suffering from cf or who have loved ones that are suffering. Just don't be so arrogant as to think that if you carelessly inflict this disease on another human being, a cure will be out in time to render it as harmless as asthma. When the cf gene was discovered in 1989, there was alot of hope that a cure was just around the corner then and alot of parents with alot of hope in their hearts watched their children suffer through end-stage cf with the technology to attack the major problem still alot of years off.

By the way, there is no "cure" for cf in the works right now. If the vertex drugs that are currently in clinical trials do ever come to fruition, they will slow the progression of the disease at best. We're probably looking at adding 10 quality years to your CFer's life. Someone on here said "what's the big deal, any day you could die in a car wreck". I'll take a quick death over a slow agonizing one any day and chances are that barring some unforseen accident, you're child will ultimately succumb to this life-long disease.

Is a lifetime of recurrent lung infections which eventually lead to an early death really the gift of life that you want to give to someone. Your unborn child doesn't have the ability to decide if they would want this life for themself. So please reconsider having more biological children if you and your spouse are carriers of the cystic fibrosis gene and instead choose to adopt a sick child who doesn't have loving parents to care for them. Help to ease suffering in the world as opposed to creating it.
 
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