Stats on People with CF and Carriers having Children with CF?

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Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>chantelfox</b></i>
but I think a part of me would never really
feel like he/she was totally mine.</end quote></div>

This I totally understand. I worry about that as well. But I'd be willing to bet that that's more a problem for the parent than it is the child. In other words, it's in your head. Your child will love you as much as a birth child would. Any "less yours" you feel would be something you felt due to whatever in your head, and have nothing to do with the child itself.
 
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NoExcuses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i>



Anyone can throw sperm and eggs together. It takes no talent. It doesn't make that child your own. My mother and father did, and I don't consider them anything but my annoying breeding stock. Hannah is my mother. Michael is my father.

</end quote></div>


perfectly put. this is 100% true.

sperm + egg does not = parent

actions = parents
 
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Lilith

New member
I will second that.  And allow me to be harsh here for a
moment.  If there was even a 5% chance that my kid would have
CF, I would never have a child.  I would not want to be
responsible for passing on this disgusting disease.  Granted,
most parents (especially back when I was conceived) didn't think
about genetic testing to such an in-depth degree, and therefore had
no idea of the risks.  Today, there is no excuse.  Not
with the technology we have.  And I personally find it
agitating when people ignore the risks just because they want to
'pass on the genes'.  That, to me, is a lame excuse.  As
Allie said, there is no reason why adoption isn't as good as having
your own child.  So you may have blue eyes and your kid has
brown.  Big deal.  There are more kids that need foster
families than ever.  To me, having a child and knowing the
dangers (not only to the child, but to yourself) is irresponsible.
 Especially since you said you wouldn't be able to handle a
kid with CF.  Do yourself a favor and drop that idea.<br>
<br>
Sorry for the rant, don't mean to judge anyone, but that is my
opinion as someone with this disease.  I just hope I'm not the
only one...
 
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NoExcuses

New member
when you were conveived, Lisa, the CF gene wasn't even discovered. so your parents couldn't have gone a genetic test even if they wanted to <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
Haha me too. They didn't find the CF gene until I was 5 years old. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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Lilith

New member
Bah...you're right...well, that just furthers my point! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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chantelfox

New member
I meant that I don't think I could handle having a child with CF
because I think about all the time and energy went into having me
and I wonder if I could physically handle it.<br>
<br>
Doesn't it make any  of you who say people with CF should not
want to risk having children and passing on the genes, make you
feel cheated? We have given up so much already. We spend so much of
our lives doing things that other people without CF don't have to
do. I just get angered that this is one more "thing" that
CF gets to take away from me..the right to give birth to my own
child. I know that "that's life" and I shouldn't want to
pass it on to my child, but it doesnt change the fact that I get
pissed about how much I have already missed out on in life because
of this disease.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
That I understand as well. But risking the health of your child is not worth it just because you're being "gypped." Trust me, I get that. And it does suck. F*cking big time, I might add.

But weigh the options, being gypped is less of a big deal than risking the health of the child.
 
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Allie

New member
I get pissed when I'm drunk and can't drive myself home. I have to call a cab. It sucks. But that doesn't mean I drive.
 
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Lilith

New member
I hear you there, Chantel, and I totally know how you feel.
 I've thought about that myself.  But when it came down
to it, I decided I would rather cry a few nights about not having a
kid and still have Rick there to lean on, than to have a child and
hate myself every day for the rest of my life if that child ends up
with CF.  Yes, CF takes away a lot of things, but to me, its
just one more thing to deal with, and with adoption as an option,
it really isn't that bad.<br>
<br>
Adoption as an option...hey, I rhymed! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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chantelfox

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i> I get pissed when I'm
drunk and can't drive myself home. I have to call a cab. It sucks.
But that doesn't mean I drive.</end quote></div><br>
<br>
<br>
I kinda see your point, but none of us chose to have CF....it
wasn't something I went into a bar and bought..getting drunk is a
choice you make....If you get drunk, you choose to lose the right
to drive home. I didn't choose to have CF and lose the right to
live a "normal" life.<br>
<br>
<br>
I get what you meant though...
 
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thelizardqueen

New member
At this point - the only advice I can give you, is to do what you think is best for you, and only you. We can give you opinions, and the other side of the coin - but the decision is enivitably up to you. Adoption is a great option yes, and I would consider it (my little bro is adopted), but at the same time - its a 50/50 chance. Its not 100% that you will have a child with CF. Do what feels right for you.
 
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anonymous

New member
I agree with Chantel in the fact that it really does suck that this is something else we have to give up (possibly). I don't think that she is saying that she is going to risk it anyway, just saying that it isn't fair and it is upsetting, which is true.

Overall, it just is another horrible thing about the disease that is hard to deal with.

P.S. Hope school is going well Chantel (if you started already). I started yesterday and am already tired. These kids have energy!

Sue 24w/CF
 
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mtmonroe

New member
Hi chantel
i have stated this before in other topics. My hausband is a carrier for CF. I have CF and we have a five year old daughter. She does nit have CF. We wew very licky.
 
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debs2girls

New member
I too have adopted children. Do I feel connected to them...YES. Do they look like me....NO....now ask me if I care.
I have biological children too and I am just as connected, if not more so to my adopted children as I am to my birth children.
My name is on all of their birth certificates, so it is the same...they are all my children. Are they perfect? No, none of them are. Do I still love them unconditionally? Yes, always and forever.
My youngest adopted daughter was diagnosed with c/f last November at the age of 5. I wish she didnt have it, but I still love her and am very glad she is my daughter.
There has never been a moment when I wish we had known about the c/f earlier, that I wished it so we wouldnt have adopted her. She is our child, c/f or not.
I really hope you grow up before you have any child in any fashion.
 
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chantelfox

New member
Sue....yes I am soo exhausted..I am on week 2 now... and that's
exactly what I meant Sue.<br>
<br>
It just another injustice created at the hands of CF and it sucks
to have to give up so much. There is so much that
"normal" people take for granted and we don't get to
experience things the way they do. We were handed a crappy deck of
cards and I would never want to pass those cards on to my child,
hence the reason I said that I <i>hope</i> my BF isn't a carrier.
IF he is...then that is something I will have to deal with at that
time....years from now. I never said that adoption was out of the
question, I just stated that I have worried that maybe the bond
wouldn't be as strong and it might be disappointing to not be able
to give birth to my own child. It's happened before that people who
have not adopted wonder if the bond is the same. So I need to
"grow up" because I wonder something that many others
wonder?<br>
<br>
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
I know I never said to grow up, but I just wanted to say... I see a lot of your points. Not the ones about "passing on DNA" and things like that. Those are on the surface, and not important.

I do 100% understand not being able to get pregnant and missing that. Not being able to get pregnant and feeling like CF took ONE MORE G*DD*MN THING AWAY FROM YOU... I feel very much that way. I also wonder if the bond is the same, and feel like I would never be that child's only mother. But like I said, I think that's far more my problem than it would be of the child I adopted (if I did). It's really no different to the child (from what I understand), just to the parent. So if you can get over that, then problem solved. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> As for not knowing if the bond is the same if you've never been there... I said that exact thing to Allie not long ago. I believe her when she says it's the same. But you can't really know or feel it until it happens to you.

Wondering is fine. If you didn't wonder, you wouldn't be human. Everyone wonders. I think the one thing that gave me pause was when you said outright "I don't think my boyfriend would adopt." That kind of made me go ehhhhh. If you don't adopt, that's your business. If you do, that's your business. I just think it's worth thinking about and looking into, before you write it off completely. I'm glad you wouldn't ignore it if your boyfriend is a carrier. I would however, suggest considering it even if he isn't. For two reasons. One, he could still be a carrier of a very rare mutation, and you wouldn't know until you had a child with CF. Two, pregnancy still puts quite a strain on a CFer, and it's worth adopting just for the risks you'd be avoiding for yourself.
 
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