They just don't get it...

Daddy2Noah · Jun 25, 2008

"Am I such a horrible person?"

Not even remotely!
You daughter is only 7 months old, correct?
Those first 6 months, as you know, are so crucial to keeping them well and letting them gain strength.

What I've learned over the past 2 years (and I'm sure I'll continue to learn forever) is that some folks will "get it" and some folks just won't.

I do find family togetherness to be very important, but those first 6 months are so important for a newborn to stay healthy, let alone a newborn with CF.

I'm going to bet that your Grandmother would understand better than your cousin...

As to her "we're all to busy" reply, I'd ask her how much she really understands about CF. It's not about being busy... I mean, there's a lot to do but it becomes our new "normal" fairly quickly... it's more about being proactive with your daughter's health. Taking a CF newborn around an elderly person that is nursing a cold or flu is just not smart.

have you spoken at all to your Grandmother about this? What's her take on it?

Daddy2Noah · Jun 25, 2008

"Am I such a horrible person?"

Not even remotely!
You daughter is only 7 months old, correct?
Those first 6 months, as you know, are so crucial to keeping them well and letting them gain strength.

What I've learned over the past 2 years (and I'm sure I'll continue to learn forever) is that some folks will "get it" and some folks just won't.

I do find family togetherness to be very important, but those first 6 months are so important for a newborn to stay healthy, let alone a newborn with CF.

I'm going to bet that your Grandmother would understand better than your cousin...

As to her "we're all to busy" reply, I'd ask her how much she really understands about CF. It's not about being busy... I mean, there's a lot to do but it becomes our new "normal" fairly quickly... it's more about being proactive with your daughter's health. Taking a CF newborn around an elderly person that is nursing a cold or flu is just not smart.

have you spoken at all to your Grandmother about this? What's her take on it?

Daddy2Noah · Jun 25, 2008

"Am I such a horrible person?"

Not even remotely!
You daughter is only 7 months old, correct?
Those first 6 months, as you know, are so crucial to keeping them well and letting them gain strength.

What I've learned over the past 2 years (and I'm sure I'll continue to learn forever) is that some folks will "get it" and some folks just won't.

I do find family togetherness to be very important, but those first 6 months are so important for a newborn to stay healthy, let alone a newborn with CF.

I'm going to bet that your Grandmother would understand better than your cousin...

As to her "we're all to busy" reply, I'd ask her how much she really understands about CF. It's not about being busy... I mean, there's a lot to do but it becomes our new "normal" fairly quickly... it's more about being proactive with your daughter's health. Taking a CF newborn around an elderly person that is nursing a cold or flu is just not smart.

have you spoken at all to your Grandmother about this? What's her take on it?

Daddy2Noah · Jun 25, 2008

"Am I such a horrible person?"

Not even remotely!
You daughter is only 7 months old, correct?
Those first 6 months, as you know, are so crucial to keeping them well and letting them gain strength.

What I've learned over the past 2 years (and I'm sure I'll continue to learn forever) is that some folks will "get it" and some folks just won't.

I do find family togetherness to be very important, but those first 6 months are so important for a newborn to stay healthy, let alone a newborn with CF.

I'm going to bet that your Grandmother would understand better than your cousin...

As to her "we're all to busy" reply, I'd ask her how much she really understands about CF. It's not about being busy... I mean, there's a lot to do but it becomes our new "normal" fairly quickly... it's more about being proactive with your daughter's health. Taking a CF newborn around an elderly person that is nursing a cold or flu is just not smart.

have you spoken at all to your Grandmother about this? What's her take on it?

Daddy2Noah · Jun 25, 2008

"Am I such a horrible person?"
 
 Not even remotely!
 You daughter is only 7 months old, correct?
 Those first 6 months, as you know, are so crucial to keeping them well and letting them gain strength.
 
 What I've learned over the past 2 years (and I'm sure I'll continue to learn forever) is that some folks will "get it" and some folks just won't.
 
 I do find family togetherness to be very important, but those first 6 months are so important for a newborn to stay healthy, let alone a newborn with CF.
 
 I'm going to bet that your Grandmother would understand better than your cousin...
 
 As to her "we're all to busy" reply, I'd ask her how much she really understands about CF. It's not about being busy... I mean, there's a lot to do but it becomes our new "normal" fairly quickly... it's more about being proactive with your daughter's health. Taking a CF newborn around an elderly person that is nursing a cold or flu is just not smart.
 
 have you spoken at all to your Grandmother about this? What's her take on it?

BabyBeauty · Jun 25, 2008

I would email her back again and ask her what keeps her busy? Is it the dr appts she goes to? The treatments she does for her child? The meds she goes to the pharmacy for? The phone calls to the insurance company? The phone calls to the doctors offices? What keeps her busy???

If it keeps up I would paint over the darn mural and send her a picture of a blank wall and let her know your agreement/present is null and void so get off your back!

Sorry, I am a little blunt!

BabyBeauty · Jun 25, 2008

I would email her back again and ask her what keeps her busy? Is it the dr appts she goes to? The treatments she does for her child? The meds she goes to the pharmacy for? The phone calls to the insurance company? The phone calls to the doctors offices? What keeps her busy???

If it keeps up I would paint over the darn mural and send her a picture of a blank wall and let her know your agreement/present is null and void so get off your back!

Sorry, I am a little blunt!

BabyBeauty · Jun 25, 2008

I would email her back again and ask her what keeps her busy? Is it the dr appts she goes to? The treatments she does for her child? The meds she goes to the pharmacy for? The phone calls to the insurance company? The phone calls to the doctors offices? What keeps her busy???

If it keeps up I would paint over the darn mural and send her a picture of a blank wall and let her know your agreement/present is null and void so get off your back!

Sorry, I am a little blunt!

BabyBeauty · Jun 25, 2008

I would email her back again and ask her what keeps her busy? Is it the dr appts she goes to? The treatments she does for her child? The meds she goes to the pharmacy for? The phone calls to the insurance company? The phone calls to the doctors offices? What keeps her busy???

If it keeps up I would paint over the darn mural and send her a picture of a blank wall and let her know your agreement/present is null and void so get off your back!

Sorry, I am a little blunt!

BabyBeauty · Jun 25, 2008

I would email her back again and ask her what keeps her busy? Is it the dr appts she goes to? The treatments she does for her child? The meds she goes to the pharmacy for? The phone calls to the insurance company? The phone calls to the doctors offices? What keeps her busy???
 
 If it keeps up I would paint over the darn mural and send her a picture of a blank wall and let her know your agreement/present is null and void so get off your back!
 
 Sorry, I am a little blunt!

Mockingbird · Jun 25, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: chrissyd
I think you should reply to her email and bluntly tell her what you are going through. How else are people going to know your struggle?</end quote></div>
I sent her an email back explaining thigs and got one back from her today. She said "We are all busy. I am busy and I still find the time to go".</end quote></div>

Even if you explain everything to her right now, she's not going to be able to listen because she's too upset. Just let it go and apologize for now, and then you can explain your situation to her after she's had a chance to cool off.

I know that you don't have anything to apologize for, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize anyway, just to get the other person to calm down.

I know it is difficult when someone is hurting you so much, but this really is the best solution. You want to be heard, and you want your cousin to understand what you are going through, but any response you give her right now is only going to drag the situation out and the attacks and hurting is going to last that much longer.

Look at it this way, she needs a chance to heal her wounds before she is going to be able to see your pain. Even though her pain is much less than yours, it is still a huge stumbling block to her and she isn't going to be able to get over it on her own. Stoop down to help her heal her wounds for a moment, then afterward you can show her how selfish she is being.

Mockingbird · Jun 25, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: chrissyd
I think you should reply to her email and bluntly tell her what you are going through. How else are people going to know your struggle?</end quote></div>
I sent her an email back explaining thigs and got one back from her today. She said "We are all busy. I am busy and I still find the time to go".</end quote></div>

Even if you explain everything to her right now, she's not going to be able to listen because she's too upset. Just let it go and apologize for now, and then you can explain your situation to her after she's had a chance to cool off.

I know that you don't have anything to apologize for, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize anyway, just to get the other person to calm down.

I know it is difficult when someone is hurting you so much, but this really is the best solution. You want to be heard, and you want your cousin to understand what you are going through, but any response you give her right now is only going to drag the situation out and the attacks and hurting is going to last that much longer.

Look at it this way, she needs a chance to heal her wounds before she is going to be able to see your pain. Even though her pain is much less than yours, it is still a huge stumbling block to her and she isn't going to be able to get over it on her own. Stoop down to help her heal her wounds for a moment, then afterward you can show her how selfish she is being.

Mockingbird · Jun 25, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: chrissyd
I think you should reply to her email and bluntly tell her what you are going through. How else are people going to know your struggle?</end quote></div>
I sent her an email back explaining thigs and got one back from her today. She said "We are all busy. I am busy and I still find the time to go".</end quote></div>

Even if you explain everything to her right now, she's not going to be able to listen because she's too upset. Just let it go and apologize for now, and then you can explain your situation to her after she's had a chance to cool off.

I know that you don't have anything to apologize for, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize anyway, just to get the other person to calm down.

I know it is difficult when someone is hurting you so much, but this really is the best solution. You want to be heard, and you want your cousin to understand what you are going through, but any response you give her right now is only going to drag the situation out and the attacks and hurting is going to last that much longer.

Look at it this way, she needs a chance to heal her wounds before she is going to be able to see your pain. Even though her pain is much less than yours, it is still a huge stumbling block to her and she isn't going to be able to get over it on her own. Stoop down to help her heal her wounds for a moment, then afterward you can show her how selfish she is being.

Mockingbird · Jun 25, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: chrissyd
I think you should reply to her email and bluntly tell her what you are going through. How else are people going to know your struggle?</end quote>
I sent her an email back explaining thigs and got one back from her today. She said "We are all busy. I am busy and I still find the time to go".</end quote>

Even if you explain everything to her right now, she's not going to be able to listen because she's too upset. Just let it go and apologize for now, and then you can explain your situation to her after she's had a chance to cool off.

I know that you don't have anything to apologize for, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize anyway, just to get the other person to calm down.

I know it is difficult when someone is hurting you so much, but this really is the best solution. You want to be heard, and you want your cousin to understand what you are going through, but any response you give her right now is only going to drag the situation out and the attacks and hurting is going to last that much longer.

Look at it this way, she needs a chance to heal her wounds before she is going to be able to see your pain. Even though her pain is much less than yours, it is still a huge stumbling block to her and she isn't going to be able to get over it on her own. Stoop down to help her heal her wounds for a moment, then afterward you can show her how selfish she is being.

Mockingbird · Jun 25, 2008

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: MargaritaChic
 
 <div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: chrissyd
 I think you should reply to her email and bluntly tell her what you are going through. How else are people going to know your struggle?</end quote>
 I sent her an email back explaining thigs and got one back from her today. She said "We are all busy. I am busy and I still find the time to go".</end quote>
 
 Even if you explain everything to her right now, she's not going to be able to listen because she's too upset. Just let it go and apologize for now, and then you can explain your situation to her after she's had a chance to cool off.
 
 I know that you don't have anything to apologize for, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize anyway, just to get the other person to calm down.
 
 I know it is difficult when someone is hurting you so much, but this really is the best solution. You want to be heard, and you want your cousin to understand what you are going through, but any response you give her right now is only going to drag the situation out and the attacks and hurting is going to last that much longer.
 
 Look at it this way, she needs a chance to heal her wounds before she is going to be able to see your pain. Even though her pain is much less than yours, it is still a huge stumbling block to her and she isn't going to be able to get over it on her own. Stoop down to help her heal her wounds for a moment, then afterward you can show her how selfish she is being.

MargaritaChic · Jun 25, 2008

Thank you all for your replys. I was so upset last night, but today is another day.

I probably should have provided a little more backround on this situation. There was a falling out in this family about 10 years ago after the death of my grandfather. The family does not get together anymore. Certain members no longer speak to one another. Unfortunately my grandmother chose sides with one sibling over the others. Because of this (and many, many other hurtful things that were said and done) most of her children have very limited contact with her, including my father.

In the begining I continued to see my Grandma regularly, but it caused issues with my father. I tried to talk to my Grandmother and explain my dad's side, but unfortunately it blew up in my face. I stopped seeing my Grandmother. I kept in touch through cards for a while, most of the time she did not respond so gradually I stopped sending them.

Fast forward a few years, I get married and Grandma won't come to the wedding. I get pregnant and grandma won't come to the baby shower.

My cousin wants to 'heal our family' so she makes me promise to go see our Grandmother once the baby is born. Baby is born, baby has CF, life changes.

So this is where I am at today. Do I want a relationship with my Granmother? Yes. Do I want my daughter to know her Great-Grandmother? Yes.

I also do not want to spend the limited amount of time I have with negative people. No one in this family calls to see how my child is or if we are ok. My Grandmother never calls me. I am the one who has to make all of the effort and right at this point in my life I don't have any effort left to give. Would it be sad if my Grandmother died and my child did not get to know her? Yes. But I am doing the best job I can right now.

My cousin says she finds the time to see my Grandmother weekly even though she is busy. I am glad she can do this, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. She works for herself and has no children. Does that mean she isn't busy? No. I know she is. But she has made the choice to spend time with our Grandmother whether she wants to or not. I am not willing to make that choice and that choice should not be forced on me.

I do plan on seeing my Grandmother soon, but it will be because I want to... not because someone else thinks I need to.

Thank you for letting me vent.

MargaritaChic · Jun 25, 2008

Thank you all for your replys. I was so upset last night, but today is another day.

I probably should have provided a little more backround on this situation. There was a falling out in this family about 10 years ago after the death of my grandfather. The family does not get together anymore. Certain members no longer speak to one another. Unfortunately my grandmother chose sides with one sibling over the others. Because of this (and many, many other hurtful things that were said and done) most of her children have very limited contact with her, including my father.

In the begining I continued to see my Grandma regularly, but it caused issues with my father. I tried to talk to my Grandmother and explain my dad's side, but unfortunately it blew up in my face. I stopped seeing my Grandmother. I kept in touch through cards for a while, most of the time she did not respond so gradually I stopped sending them.

Fast forward a few years, I get married and Grandma won't come to the wedding. I get pregnant and grandma won't come to the baby shower.

My cousin wants to 'heal our family' so she makes me promise to go see our Grandmother once the baby is born. Baby is born, baby has CF, life changes.

So this is where I am at today. Do I want a relationship with my Granmother? Yes. Do I want my daughter to know her Great-Grandmother? Yes.

I also do not want to spend the limited amount of time I have with negative people. No one in this family calls to see how my child is or if we are ok. My Grandmother never calls me. I am the one who has to make all of the effort and right at this point in my life I don't have any effort left to give. Would it be sad if my Grandmother died and my child did not get to know her? Yes. But I am doing the best job I can right now.

My cousin says she finds the time to see my Grandmother weekly even though she is busy. I am glad she can do this, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. She works for herself and has no children. Does that mean she isn't busy? No. I know she is. But she has made the choice to spend time with our Grandmother whether she wants to or not. I am not willing to make that choice and that choice should not be forced on me.

I do plan on seeing my Grandmother soon, but it will be because I want to... not because someone else thinks I need to.

Thank you for letting me vent.

MargaritaChic · Jun 25, 2008

Thank you all for your replys. I was so upset last night, but today is another day.

I probably should have provided a little more backround on this situation. There was a falling out in this family about 10 years ago after the death of my grandfather. The family does not get together anymore. Certain members no longer speak to one another. Unfortunately my grandmother chose sides with one sibling over the others. Because of this (and many, many other hurtful things that were said and done) most of her children have very limited contact with her, including my father.

In the begining I continued to see my Grandma regularly, but it caused issues with my father. I tried to talk to my Grandmother and explain my dad's side, but unfortunately it blew up in my face. I stopped seeing my Grandmother. I kept in touch through cards for a while, most of the time she did not respond so gradually I stopped sending them.

Fast forward a few years, I get married and Grandma won't come to the wedding. I get pregnant and grandma won't come to the baby shower.

My cousin wants to 'heal our family' so she makes me promise to go see our Grandmother once the baby is born. Baby is born, baby has CF, life changes.

So this is where I am at today. Do I want a relationship with my Granmother? Yes. Do I want my daughter to know her Great-Grandmother? Yes.

I also do not want to spend the limited amount of time I have with negative people. No one in this family calls to see how my child is or if we are ok. My Grandmother never calls me. I am the one who has to make all of the effort and right at this point in my life I don't have any effort left to give. Would it be sad if my Grandmother died and my child did not get to know her? Yes. But I am doing the best job I can right now.

My cousin says she finds the time to see my Grandmother weekly even though she is busy. I am glad she can do this, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. She works for herself and has no children. Does that mean she isn't busy? No. I know she is. But she has made the choice to spend time with our Grandmother whether she wants to or not. I am not willing to make that choice and that choice should not be forced on me.

I do plan on seeing my Grandmother soon, but it will be because I want to... not because someone else thinks I need to.

Thank you for letting me vent.

MargaritaChic · Jun 25, 2008

Thank you all for your replys. I was so upset last night, but today is another day.

I probably should have provided a little more backround on this situation. There was a falling out in this family about 10 years ago after the death of my grandfather. The family does not get together anymore. Certain members no longer speak to one another. Unfortunately my grandmother chose sides with one sibling over the others. Because of this (and many, many other hurtful things that were said and done) most of her children have very limited contact with her, including my father.

In the begining I continued to see my Grandma regularly, but it caused issues with my father. I tried to talk to my Grandmother and explain my dad's side, but unfortunately it blew up in my face. I stopped seeing my Grandmother. I kept in touch through cards for a while, most of the time she did not respond so gradually I stopped sending them.

Fast forward a few years, I get married and Grandma won't come to the wedding. I get pregnant and grandma won't come to the baby shower.

My cousin wants to 'heal our family' so she makes me promise to go see our Grandmother once the baby is born. Baby is born, baby has CF, life changes.

So this is where I am at today. Do I want a relationship with my Granmother? Yes. Do I want my daughter to know her Great-Grandmother? Yes.

I also do not want to spend the limited amount of time I have with negative people. No one in this family calls to see how my child is or if we are ok. My Grandmother never calls me. I am the one who has to make all of the effort and right at this point in my life I don't have any effort left to give. Would it be sad if my Grandmother died and my child did not get to know her? Yes. But I am doing the best job I can right now.

My cousin says she finds the time to see my Grandmother weekly even though she is busy. I am glad she can do this, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. She works for herself and has no children. Does that mean she isn't busy? No. I know she is. But she has made the choice to spend time with our Grandmother whether she wants to or not. I am not willing to make that choice and that choice should not be forced on me.

I do plan on seeing my Grandmother soon, but it will be because I want to... not because someone else thinks I need to.

Thank you for letting me vent.

MargaritaChic · Jun 25, 2008

Thank you all for your replys. I was so upset last night, but today is another day.
 
 I probably should have provided a little more backround on this situation. There was a falling out in this family about 10 years ago after the death of my grandfather. The family does not get together anymore. Certain members no longer speak to one another. Unfortunately my grandmother chose sides with one sibling over the others. Because of this (and many, many other hurtful things that were said and done) most of her children have very limited contact with her, including my father.
 
 In the begining I continued to see my Grandma regularly, but it caused issues with my father. I tried to talk to my Grandmother and explain my dad's side, but unfortunately it blew up in my face. I stopped seeing my Grandmother. I kept in touch through cards for a while, most of the time she did not respond so gradually I stopped sending them.
 
 Fast forward a few years, I get married and Grandma won't come to the wedding. I get pregnant and grandma won't come to the baby shower.
 
 My cousin wants to 'heal our family' so she makes me promise to go see our Grandmother once the baby is born. Baby is born, baby has CF, life changes.
 
 So this is where I am at today. Do I want a relationship with my Granmother? Yes. Do I want my daughter to know her Great-Grandmother? Yes.
 
 I also do not want to spend the limited amount of time I have with negative people. No one in this family calls to see how my child is or if we are ok. My Grandmother never calls me. I am the one who has to make all of the effort and right at this point in my life I don't have any effort left to give. Would it be sad if my Grandmother died and my child did not get to know her? Yes. But I am doing the best job I can right now.
 
 My cousin says she finds the time to see my Grandmother weekly even though she is busy. I am glad she can do this, but she has a different lifestyle than I do. She works for herself and has no children. Does that mean she isn't busy? No. I know she is. But she has made the choice to spend time with our Grandmother whether she wants to or not. I am not willing to make that choice and that choice should not be forced on me.
 
 I do plan on seeing my Grandmother soon, but it will be because I want to... not because someone else thinks I need to.
 
 Thank you for letting me vent.

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