thank you all for your support, i have gone on antidepressants and am looking to go to a rehabilitation program for 28 days, just to get away from everything, and when i tried to kill myself i was drunk both times. and i drank to self medicate, and it would just turn into me hating my cf and me raging out and going insane on everyone that was around me. i went on a family vacation to spain for 2 weeks, and i got back and feel a bit different, i realized that my family loves me more than anything and that they wouldn't know what to do with themselves without me. and ive realized that i was being selfish by wanting to leave them.. but i still have some big issues i need to work on. but from the last time i posed my views and mindset is changing every day. and again, thank you so much <3