Hi Dani,
I have struggled with the same question for years, and continue to struggle with it today. I have found no answers, but will share with you my thoughts on the subject. To all who may disagree with me, these are MY thoughts, and I'm not suggesting that they form anything close to a complete answer to Dani's question.
First, I like to broaden the question - instead of "why me", it should be "why anyone." If God loves everyone, why should anyone have this, or other diseases, ect.
Second, this is basically a discussion of "the problem of evil" and I think it is necessary to separate different types of "evil". For example, "man-made" evils such as warfare, poverty in a world of plenty, social injustices, etc. aren't God's fault, and it is up to humanity to right those wrongs. Other "unexplained evil" such as genetic diseases, natural catastrophe, etc, I would categorize as "God-made". Obviously there are fine lines, and it is not too hard to find some that are difficult to categorize.
So, the question really is: How can an all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowing God exist if there is so much unexplained evil in the world.
Here are some of my conclusions:
I disagree strongly with anyone who would suggest that God is playing some "cost-benefit analysis" with humankind... that the world is better off with some suffering, that suffering is necessary, and therefore it is ok that some suffer. I think this flies in the face of any idea of a benevolent, intercedent, personal God who loves/cares about each and every individual. This applies to lines of thought that begin with "God gave us CF because God knew we could handle it."
I also don't like the idea that the "unexplained evil" in the world was placed there by God as a test for humanity... I don't think God is playing a game, and considering that an all-knowing God theoretically knows how it ends anyway, I don't see the point. This applies to explanations starting with "God gave you CF to make you a better person" etc.
How I've reacted to God:
I continually sway between the following two conclusions:
1) I am not convinced that God exists. Many find it funny that my wife has an Master of Divinity, and is a youth minister...
2) I am deeply angry at God. I actually find this productive... I am not depending on God to make me better, the responsibility for the outcome of my life rests with me, and it motivates me to be compliant with my treatments. It also motivates me to dream big, and set high goals for myself. I often feel like I'm screaming at God "You're going to give me CF??? Screw you!! Watch this!" and then completing a half-ironman triathlon, or something (see my blog). My wife thinks that this isn't entirely bad, and that it may be Gods way of helping me... I remain skeptical...
How I continue to ask the question, and try to grow:
Part of the answer has to do with "what is your image of God". If you only see God as some father-figure, benevolent old man in the sky, I think you will end up being sorely disappointed. I continually try to find an image of God that better explains or justifies the evil in the world. Female images are attractive - the idea of God being a mother-figure caring for her sick child, but this is incomplete, as it lets God off the hook for creating a seemingly imperfect world.
Part of the answer has to do with your preception of Faith - If the only way I am going to believe in God is if I'm miraculously cured, then I am setting myself up for disappointment. Faith does not equal proof - faith is belief without proof. I honestly do want to believe that a personal relationship with a loving God is possible, and for now that desire is enough for me, and the cornerstone of my faith as it is...
I've learned a few things:
As I try to define my faith as a relationship with God, I try to remember that relationships are two way streets. I am trying get better at finding God in the world around me, but I also have to be patient and let God reveal God's self to me.
A lot of my personal issues with God center around acceptance of my personal circumstances, and the reality that I have to make the best with what I have. I think I have concluded that I can do that better with God in my life, but am not sure how. Again, sometimes my anger towards God gets in the way of this.
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So, there's a lot of rambling for you... just be sure you know you aren't the only one who feels like this. It is ok to question your faith in God, and it doesn't make you a bad person to feel unsure about your relationship with God. Some people don't stuggle with these issues - good for them, but their experience and their beliefs have no bearing on your personal relationship with the God you believe in.
Chris
27 m w/CF
