Will I always feel resentment??

I

izemmom

New member
It's funny that you posted this today...I just had a conversation with a neighbor and pretty good friend who shared that she's trying to get pregnant, and my immediate inward reaction was that twinge of jealousy. It was quickly followed by "What the H@ll is she thinking?" as she has one son with SEVERE anxiety issues and another with autism, and in my opinion her hands are full enough...

But, yes, the twinge was there. It's not as strong as it was when Emily was a tiny baby, or even when she was at the age when I thought I'd have been having another. But its there. The "loss" of the family and son I always wanted will always be there.

I haven't shared this on here before, but, I, too, like Katie got pregnant unintentionally. We had CVS and found that the baby had CF, and also Trisomy 18. The chances of the baby surviving to birth were extremly low. and then the chance of making it to a month were less than 10% according to the doctors. While we were in the process of making the absolutely heart wrenching decision of wheter to terminate or not, I miscarried. This happened in September and I'm still grieving.

I share this only to say that I'm walking away from that experience able to finally beleive that I have the family I was meant to have. My hopes and dreams were that, MY hopes - not necessarily THE PLAN. I still have the twinges and the feeling of loss, but I'm starting to find some peace with it, and I think we all will get there, eventually.

I want you to know that you're not alone in that feeling. I think its the hardest part of CF for me so far. I think it's important that we share these things with each other, so thanks for posting this.
 
I

izemmom

New member
It's funny that you posted this today...I just had a conversation with a neighbor and pretty good friend who shared that she's trying to get pregnant, and my immediate inward reaction was that twinge of jealousy. It was quickly followed by "What the H@ll is she thinking?" as she has one son with SEVERE anxiety issues and another with autism, and in my opinion her hands are full enough...

But, yes, the twinge was there. It's not as strong as it was when Emily was a tiny baby, or even when she was at the age when I thought I'd have been having another. But its there. The "loss" of the family and son I always wanted will always be there.

I haven't shared this on here before, but, I, too, like Katie got pregnant unintentionally. We had CVS and found that the baby had CF, and also Trisomy 18. The chances of the baby surviving to birth were extremly low. and then the chance of making it to a month were less than 10% according to the doctors. While we were in the process of making the absolutely heart wrenching decision of wheter to terminate or not, I miscarried. This happened in September and I'm still grieving.

I share this only to say that I'm walking away from that experience able to finally beleive that I have the family I was meant to have. My hopes and dreams were that, MY hopes - not necessarily THE PLAN. I still have the twinges and the feeling of loss, but I'm starting to find some peace with it, and I think we all will get there, eventually.

I want you to know that you're not alone in that feeling. I think its the hardest part of CF for me so far. I think it's important that we share these things with each other, so thanks for posting this.
 
I

izemmom

New member
It's funny that you posted this today...I just had a conversation with a neighbor and pretty good friend who shared that she's trying to get pregnant, and my immediate inward reaction was that twinge of jealousy. It was quickly followed by "What the H@ll is she thinking?" as she has one son with SEVERE anxiety issues and another with autism, and in my opinion her hands are full enough...

But, yes, the twinge was there. It's not as strong as it was when Emily was a tiny baby, or even when she was at the age when I thought I'd have been having another. But its there. The "loss" of the family and son I always wanted will always be there.

I haven't shared this on here before, but, I, too, like Katie got pregnant unintentionally. We had CVS and found that the baby had CF, and also Trisomy 18. The chances of the baby surviving to birth were extremly low. and then the chance of making it to a month were less than 10% according to the doctors. While we were in the process of making the absolutely heart wrenching decision of wheter to terminate or not, I miscarried. This happened in September and I'm still grieving.

I share this only to say that I'm walking away from that experience able to finally beleive that I have the family I was meant to have. My hopes and dreams were that, MY hopes - not necessarily THE PLAN. I still have the twinges and the feeling of loss, but I'm starting to find some peace with it, and I think we all will get there, eventually.

I want you to know that you're not alone in that feeling. I think its the hardest part of CF for me so far. I think it's important that we share these things with each other, so thanks for posting this.
 
I

izemmom

New member
It's funny that you posted this today...I just had a conversation with a neighbor and pretty good friend who shared that she's trying to get pregnant, and my immediate inward reaction was that twinge of jealousy. It was quickly followed by "What the H@ll is she thinking?" as she has one son with SEVERE anxiety issues and another with autism, and in my opinion her hands are full enough...

But, yes, the twinge was there. It's not as strong as it was when Emily was a tiny baby, or even when she was at the age when I thought I'd have been having another. But its there. The "loss" of the family and son I always wanted will always be there.

I haven't shared this on here before, but, I, too, like Katie got pregnant unintentionally. We had CVS and found that the baby had CF, and also Trisomy 18. The chances of the baby surviving to birth were extremly low. and then the chance of making it to a month were less than 10% according to the doctors. While we were in the process of making the absolutely heart wrenching decision of wheter to terminate or not, I miscarried. This happened in September and I'm still grieving.

I share this only to say that I'm walking away from that experience able to finally beleive that I have the family I was meant to have. My hopes and dreams were that, MY hopes - not necessarily THE PLAN. I still have the twinges and the feeling of loss, but I'm starting to find some peace with it, and I think we all will get there, eventually.

I want you to know that you're not alone in that feeling. I think its the hardest part of CF for me so far. I think it's important that we share these things with each other, so thanks for posting this.
 
I

izemmom

New member
It's funny that you posted this today...I just had a conversation with a neighbor and pretty good friend who shared that she's trying to get pregnant, and my immediate inward reaction was that twinge of jealousy. It was quickly followed by "What the H@ll is she thinking?" as she has one son with SEVERE anxiety issues and another with autism, and in my opinion her hands are full enough...
<br />
<br />But, yes, the twinge was there. It's not as strong as it was when Emily was a tiny baby, or even when she was at the age when I thought I'd have been having another. But its there. The "loss" of the family and son I always wanted will always be there.
<br />
<br />I haven't shared this on here before, but, I, too, like Katie got pregnant unintentionally. We had CVS and found that the baby had CF, and also Trisomy 18. The chances of the baby surviving to birth were extremly low. and then the chance of making it to a month were less than 10% according to the doctors. While we were in the process of making the absolutely heart wrenching decision of wheter to terminate or not, I miscarried. This happened in September and I'm still grieving.
<br />
<br />I share this only to say that I'm walking away from that experience able to finally beleive that I have the family I was meant to have. My hopes and dreams were that, MY hopes - not necessarily THE PLAN. I still have the twinges and the feeling of loss, but I'm starting to find some peace with it, and I think we all will get there, eventually.
<br />
<br />I want you to know that you're not alone in that feeling. I think its the hardest part of CF for me so far. I think it's important that we share these things with each other, so thanks for posting this.
<br />
<br />
 
H

humphrey711

New member
Tami,
<br />I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I have been there too and just wanted to tell I am thinking of you.
<br />Karen
 
J

JennyCoulon

New member
I just remember that it could always be worse. You want to be happy for your friends for having a non CF child and in some ways I think every parent with a CF child is jealous. Why was I picked to have two children with CF, why not someone else? There will always be that question but just remember that there are some many advances in the treatment and screening of CF. I just think it could always have been cancer, autisum, or any other variety of things. I also try and think that probably every parent out there whose child has some disease is asking themselves the very same question. We are lucky that our children have a bright future when theirs may not. Just remember something my grandmother always said, "God only give you what he knows you can handle". It seems you are handling it just fine.
 
J

JennyCoulon

New member
I just remember that it could always be worse. You want to be happy for your friends for having a non CF child and in some ways I think every parent with a CF child is jealous. Why was I picked to have two children with CF, why not someone else? There will always be that question but just remember that there are some many advances in the treatment and screening of CF. I just think it could always have been cancer, autisum, or any other variety of things. I also try and think that probably every parent out there whose child has some disease is asking themselves the very same question. We are lucky that our children have a bright future when theirs may not. Just remember something my grandmother always said, "God only give you what he knows you can handle". It seems you are handling it just fine.
 
J

JennyCoulon

New member
I just remember that it could always be worse. You want to be happy for your friends for having a non CF child and in some ways I think every parent with a CF child is jealous. Why was I picked to have two children with CF, why not someone else? There will always be that question but just remember that there are some many advances in the treatment and screening of CF. I just think it could always have been cancer, autisum, or any other variety of things. I also try and think that probably every parent out there whose child has some disease is asking themselves the very same question. We are lucky that our children have a bright future when theirs may not. Just remember something my grandmother always said, "God only give you what he knows you can handle". It seems you are handling it just fine.
 
J

JennyCoulon

New member
I just remember that it could always be worse. You want to be happy for your friends for having a non CF child and in some ways I think every parent with a CF child is jealous. Why was I picked to have two children with CF, why not someone else? There will always be that question but just remember that there are some many advances in the treatment and screening of CF. I just think it could always have been cancer, autisum, or any other variety of things. I also try and think that probably every parent out there whose child has some disease is asking themselves the very same question. We are lucky that our children have a bright future when theirs may not. Just remember something my grandmother always said, "God only give you what he knows you can handle". It seems you are handling it just fine.
 
J

JennyCoulon

New member
I just remember that it could always be worse. You want to be happy for your friends for having a non CF child and in some ways I think every parent with a CF child is jealous. Why was I picked to have two children with CF, why not someone else? There will always be that question but just remember that there are some many advances in the treatment and screening of CF. I just think it could always have been cancer, autisum, or any other variety of things. I also try and think that probably every parent out there whose child has some disease is asking themselves the very same question. We are lucky that our children have a bright future when theirs may not. Just remember something my grandmother always said, "God only give you what he knows you can handle". It seems you are handling it just fine.
 
N

NancyLKF

New member
I am right there with you. My aunt and sister and two coworkers were pregnant the same time I was with Maggie. All were born within 5 months and all but Maggie were perfectly healthy. My aunt is already pregnant again (her 1st will be one next month). Its hard. really hard. I wanted a big family and I still do. Sometimes I think - 25% chance? that's nothing. and then I get mad at myself for even considering it. and then I think - well noone knows how long they have here and a perfectly healthy baby can get cancer at age 7 and die. It happens all the time and there is so much hope for CF right now. my emotions are always conflicted when it comes to this.

The one thing I try to remember is that maybe WE are the lucky ones. Maybe we value and cherish our children more. Maybe we don't take a single day for granted anymore. while all of them are running around having fun, putting their kids to bed without a second thought we wonder if we will outlive our child and we fight every second for them. And if you read the posts from adults with CF - they are some of the greatest, strongest, most compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving, intelligent people I have ever known. And what more could we really want our children to become?
 
N

NancyLKF

New member
I am right there with you. My aunt and sister and two coworkers were pregnant the same time I was with Maggie. All were born within 5 months and all but Maggie were perfectly healthy. My aunt is already pregnant again (her 1st will be one next month). Its hard. really hard. I wanted a big family and I still do. Sometimes I think - 25% chance? that's nothing. and then I get mad at myself for even considering it. and then I think - well noone knows how long they have here and a perfectly healthy baby can get cancer at age 7 and die. It happens all the time and there is so much hope for CF right now. my emotions are always conflicted when it comes to this.

The one thing I try to remember is that maybe WE are the lucky ones. Maybe we value and cherish our children more. Maybe we don't take a single day for granted anymore. while all of them are running around having fun, putting their kids to bed without a second thought we wonder if we will outlive our child and we fight every second for them. And if you read the posts from adults with CF - they are some of the greatest, strongest, most compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving, intelligent people I have ever known. And what more could we really want our children to become?
 
N

NancyLKF

New member
I am right there with you. My aunt and sister and two coworkers were pregnant the same time I was with Maggie. All were born within 5 months and all but Maggie were perfectly healthy. My aunt is already pregnant again (her 1st will be one next month). Its hard. really hard. I wanted a big family and I still do. Sometimes I think - 25% chance? that's nothing. and then I get mad at myself for even considering it. and then I think - well noone knows how long they have here and a perfectly healthy baby can get cancer at age 7 and die. It happens all the time and there is so much hope for CF right now. my emotions are always conflicted when it comes to this.

The one thing I try to remember is that maybe WE are the lucky ones. Maybe we value and cherish our children more. Maybe we don't take a single day for granted anymore. while all of them are running around having fun, putting their kids to bed without a second thought we wonder if we will outlive our child and we fight every second for them. And if you read the posts from adults with CF - they are some of the greatest, strongest, most compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving, intelligent people I have ever known. And what more could we really want our children to become?
 
N

NancyLKF

New member
I am right there with you. My aunt and sister and two coworkers were pregnant the same time I was with Maggie. All were born within 5 months and all but Maggie were perfectly healthy. My aunt is already pregnant again (her 1st will be one next month). Its hard. really hard. I wanted a big family and I still do. Sometimes I think - 25% chance? that's nothing. and then I get mad at myself for even considering it. and then I think - well noone knows how long they have here and a perfectly healthy baby can get cancer at age 7 and die. It happens all the time and there is so much hope for CF right now. my emotions are always conflicted when it comes to this.

The one thing I try to remember is that maybe WE are the lucky ones. Maybe we value and cherish our children more. Maybe we don't take a single day for granted anymore. while all of them are running around having fun, putting their kids to bed without a second thought we wonder if we will outlive our child and we fight every second for them. And if you read the posts from adults with CF - they are some of the greatest, strongest, most compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving, intelligent people I have ever known. And what more could we really want our children to become?
 
N

NancyLKF

New member
I am right there with you. My aunt and sister and two coworkers were pregnant the same time I was with Maggie. All were born within 5 months and all but Maggie were perfectly healthy. My aunt is already pregnant again (her 1st will be one next month). Its hard. really hard. I wanted a big family and I still do. Sometimes I think - 25% chance? that's nothing. and then I get mad at myself for even considering it. and then I think - well noone knows how long they have here and a perfectly healthy baby can get cancer at age 7 and die. It happens all the time and there is so much hope for CF right now. my emotions are always conflicted when it comes to this.
<br />
<br />The one thing I try to remember is that maybe WE are the lucky ones. Maybe we value and cherish our children more. Maybe we don't take a single day for granted anymore. while all of them are running around having fun, putting their kids to bed without a second thought we wonder if we will outlive our child and we fight every second for them. And if you read the posts from adults with CF - they are some of the greatest, strongest, most compassionate, understanding, supportive, loving, intelligent people I have ever known. And what more could we really want our children to become?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top