TheInkDoll
New member
Oh boy, The Real World... i haven't done this in awhile... not that i don't want to, it's just been awhile.
Alright, here we go... Yes, it's me. i was on The Real World San Diego, on MTV three years ago. i was irresponsible and disappointed in some of my actions. Not all, just some.
When it was filming, i knew how sorry i was to my boyfriend, Dave, for getting drunk and making really dumb decisions. (Which, yes, we are still together. We live in different states, so we have somewhat of an open relationship, but we love each other very much). Anyway, i never realized how sorry i would be to the CF communityfor misrepresenting our disease.
See, CF was never really a big part of my life. i was diagnosed at 3. My mom took me in because she thought my diapers smelled different and i was really sensitive to sunlight. She thought i had Seliac Spru (?), but it turned out i had CF. Through school and growing up, i took enzymes and when i was very little, my mom would "thump" me, but that was it. My breathing function was always in the 90's and i had never been sick. My senior year of highschool, i got pnuemonia and hospitalized for the first time. At that time i had a doctor that i,again, did not get along with. She acted like i knew nothing and did not know how to talk to me in a way that made me want to take care of myself. (Remember, at this point, you're teaching an old dog new tricks). So, when i got out of the hospital, i continued to live life like i always had. Which was fine. i got sick once a year and that was it. All other times i felt fine. So when i went to San Diego to film, this is where i was at. CF was not, at that time, a big part of my day to day life. Because of that, i figured it wasn't a big deal to everyone else. i was really naive to the fact that they would focus on that later in production. The first week i was in the house, i informed my roommates because of the fact that i would cough at night and i just thought they should know why. Naturally, they had questions. So i tried to answer them the best i knew how, and wanted to stress how healthy i had always been. Honestly, i think we talked about it three times all together, but they edited the tapes to make it seem as though i brought it up a lot.
i started smoking in high school. But i didn't "smoke". Seriously, i would have a ciggarette every month or two, and even then i didn't smoke the whole thing. I swear, it was like that all the way until i got to San Diego. All of my roommates smoked, and it was just an easy way to try to connect with them. Also, that whole situation was beyond stressful, so i ended up looking like a pack a day fool. i quit completely when i got home. NO ONE in my family had any idea, and the way it hurt them, i just couldn't handle that. So, i have quit smoking.
When we started our job, our boss was such an *****. FYI, JIC, we worked on an America's Cup sailboat. Seriously, grinding up those sails was one of the hardest things i have ever done. It ran me out of breath so fast. Not to mention the fact that having me on them was totally pointless. Have you ever tried to move a piece of furniture with other people, and once you all lift it up, you realize that you aren't supporting one ounce of the weight of this object? It was like that. The guys could do it so fast, that haing my hands on the controls was like decoration, but it still took the wind out of me. Then it started to get chilly, at least on the water. My roommates and i would wear jackets, or long pants (instead of our beautifully fashionable khaki shorts and navy polo uniform) and our boss would yell at us because we didn't all look the same. He would make us take our warm layers off. Then he promised to order us all matching windbreakers, because everyone complained, not just me, and he never did. Everyone hated that job. And Cameron and Robin complained ten times more than i did. Cameron and Brad even skipped one day to stay home together and make out. They just made me seem like the big baby of the group.
Now i will admit, i have my baby moments. Most of them being about my relationships, but i do cry about CF occasionally. Mostly because, as most of you, i'm sure, i hate looking weak. i absolutely cannot stand it when someone looks at me with sympathy. After a little while there, i realized how weak i would look not being able to do our work. That broke me. That's when i ended up crying.
So, that's basically the story...
As for me now, i've gotten quite a bit worse. i guess it all catches up to you sometime. When i got home i almost immediately went to the hospital. i got B Cepacia from the KC Hospital, and developed a pneumonia i couldn't kick for about a year. It was a miserable year. i had so much PR stuff to do and i felt awful. Finally, last December, i got so sick, my doctor took my parents aside and cried to them that i would be gone by the end of the month. When i saw my doctor actually cry, and then how sad my family was, and how crazy my mom was going, i said, "Screw this!" And i beat the hell out of it. My lung function went higher than it had been in months. i've been to the hospital once since then, two months ago. i didn't feel as bad, and i don't think i was, but i sure was on antibiotics for awhile. i do my treatments regularly now. Or as regularly as my life allows. i still live every minute to the fullest and do whatever the hell i want. i just realized that if i want to have fun, i have to start doing some extra ***** to get the most out of life.
Thank you all for your kind words and your concern. i hope no one hates me too much. i am really sorry i was so naive and misleading. i never meant for that to happen.
By the way, if you're wondering, yes, i am still afraid of big boats and i have stopped my self injury. It was hard, but i now have a tattoo to commemorate it's end. To anyone else who is a self injurer, it's hard i know, but be strong, and if you ever need to talk i am more than happy to try and help.
i am working on my ink pictures. My camera is on the fritz and i haven't found any good ones yet.
Much love and best wishes to all - f
Alright, here we go... Yes, it's me. i was on The Real World San Diego, on MTV three years ago. i was irresponsible and disappointed in some of my actions. Not all, just some.
When it was filming, i knew how sorry i was to my boyfriend, Dave, for getting drunk and making really dumb decisions. (Which, yes, we are still together. We live in different states, so we have somewhat of an open relationship, but we love each other very much). Anyway, i never realized how sorry i would be to the CF communityfor misrepresenting our disease.
See, CF was never really a big part of my life. i was diagnosed at 3. My mom took me in because she thought my diapers smelled different and i was really sensitive to sunlight. She thought i had Seliac Spru (?), but it turned out i had CF. Through school and growing up, i took enzymes and when i was very little, my mom would "thump" me, but that was it. My breathing function was always in the 90's and i had never been sick. My senior year of highschool, i got pnuemonia and hospitalized for the first time. At that time i had a doctor that i,again, did not get along with. She acted like i knew nothing and did not know how to talk to me in a way that made me want to take care of myself. (Remember, at this point, you're teaching an old dog new tricks). So, when i got out of the hospital, i continued to live life like i always had. Which was fine. i got sick once a year and that was it. All other times i felt fine. So when i went to San Diego to film, this is where i was at. CF was not, at that time, a big part of my day to day life. Because of that, i figured it wasn't a big deal to everyone else. i was really naive to the fact that they would focus on that later in production. The first week i was in the house, i informed my roommates because of the fact that i would cough at night and i just thought they should know why. Naturally, they had questions. So i tried to answer them the best i knew how, and wanted to stress how healthy i had always been. Honestly, i think we talked about it three times all together, but they edited the tapes to make it seem as though i brought it up a lot.
i started smoking in high school. But i didn't "smoke". Seriously, i would have a ciggarette every month or two, and even then i didn't smoke the whole thing. I swear, it was like that all the way until i got to San Diego. All of my roommates smoked, and it was just an easy way to try to connect with them. Also, that whole situation was beyond stressful, so i ended up looking like a pack a day fool. i quit completely when i got home. NO ONE in my family had any idea, and the way it hurt them, i just couldn't handle that. So, i have quit smoking.
When we started our job, our boss was such an *****. FYI, JIC, we worked on an America's Cup sailboat. Seriously, grinding up those sails was one of the hardest things i have ever done. It ran me out of breath so fast. Not to mention the fact that having me on them was totally pointless. Have you ever tried to move a piece of furniture with other people, and once you all lift it up, you realize that you aren't supporting one ounce of the weight of this object? It was like that. The guys could do it so fast, that haing my hands on the controls was like decoration, but it still took the wind out of me. Then it started to get chilly, at least on the water. My roommates and i would wear jackets, or long pants (instead of our beautifully fashionable khaki shorts and navy polo uniform) and our boss would yell at us because we didn't all look the same. He would make us take our warm layers off. Then he promised to order us all matching windbreakers, because everyone complained, not just me, and he never did. Everyone hated that job. And Cameron and Robin complained ten times more than i did. Cameron and Brad even skipped one day to stay home together and make out. They just made me seem like the big baby of the group.
Now i will admit, i have my baby moments. Most of them being about my relationships, but i do cry about CF occasionally. Mostly because, as most of you, i'm sure, i hate looking weak. i absolutely cannot stand it when someone looks at me with sympathy. After a little while there, i realized how weak i would look not being able to do our work. That broke me. That's when i ended up crying.
So, that's basically the story...
As for me now, i've gotten quite a bit worse. i guess it all catches up to you sometime. When i got home i almost immediately went to the hospital. i got B Cepacia from the KC Hospital, and developed a pneumonia i couldn't kick for about a year. It was a miserable year. i had so much PR stuff to do and i felt awful. Finally, last December, i got so sick, my doctor took my parents aside and cried to them that i would be gone by the end of the month. When i saw my doctor actually cry, and then how sad my family was, and how crazy my mom was going, i said, "Screw this!" And i beat the hell out of it. My lung function went higher than it had been in months. i've been to the hospital once since then, two months ago. i didn't feel as bad, and i don't think i was, but i sure was on antibiotics for awhile. i do my treatments regularly now. Or as regularly as my life allows. i still live every minute to the fullest and do whatever the hell i want. i just realized that if i want to have fun, i have to start doing some extra ***** to get the most out of life.
Thank you all for your kind words and your concern. i hope no one hates me too much. i am really sorry i was so naive and misleading. i never meant for that to happen.
By the way, if you're wondering, yes, i am still afraid of big boats and i have stopped my self injury. It was hard, but i now have a tattoo to commemorate it's end. To anyone else who is a self injurer, it's hard i know, but be strong, and if you ever need to talk i am more than happy to try and help.
i am working on my ink pictures. My camera is on the fritz and i haven't found any good ones yet.
Much love and best wishes to all - f