CF and Divorce

[Grendel]

I am 35 w/CF and recently divorced. I never saw it coming, but my wife cheated on me with her rich married boss (with children), and decided to stay with the rich guy. Her claim was that she couldn't take the stress of my CF, the financial challenges it poses, and the overwhelming idea that she will be alone when I eventually die.

So here I am, completely broken hearted, having a tough time getting through the emotional loss, and dealing with my CF. More than anything, I find it impossibly challenging to find purpose in dealing with the everyday challenges. Not to say I am suicidal, but after living and loving another for whom you fight ever so hard to live with greater purpose, when that person is gone, that purpose I had for 8 years is gone. And there is a vacuum and a void there where she was, and the purpose for which I fought to live every day. It seems impossible to transition back to living for myself. Besides all that, living and fighting CF with the support of a spouse is so much easier than doing it all alone.

Anyone have any encouraging thoughts to share?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

I am 35 w/CF and recently divorced. I never saw it coming, but my wife cheated on me with her rich married boss (with children), and decided to stay with the rich guy. Her claim was that she couldn't take the stress of my CF, the financial challenges it poses, and the overwhelming idea that she will be alone when I eventually die.

So here I am, completely broken hearted, having a tough time getting through the emotional loss, and dealing with my CF. More than anything, I find it impossibly challenging to find purpose in dealing with the everyday challenges. Not to say I am suicidal, but after living and loving another for whom you fight ever so hard to live with greater purpose, when that person is gone, that purpose I had for 8 years is gone. And there is a vacuum and a void there where she was, and the purpose for which I fought to live every day. It seems impossible to transition back to living for myself. Besides all that, living and fighting CF with the support of a spouse is so much easier than doing it all alone.

Anyone have any encouraging thoughts to share?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

I am 35 w/CF and recently divorced. I never saw it coming, but my wife cheated on me with her rich married boss (with children), and decided to stay with the rich guy. Her claim was that she couldn't take the stress of my CF, the financial challenges it poses, and the overwhelming idea that she will be alone when I eventually die.

So here I am, completely broken hearted, having a tough time getting through the emotional loss, and dealing with my CF. More than anything, I find it impossibly challenging to find purpose in dealing with the everyday challenges. Not to say I am suicidal, but after living and loving another for whom you fight ever so hard to live with greater purpose, when that person is gone, that purpose I had for 8 years is gone. And there is a vacuum and a void there where she was, and the purpose for which I fought to live every day. It seems impossible to transition back to living for myself. Besides all that, living and fighting CF with the support of a spouse is so much easier than doing it all alone.

Anyone have any encouraging thoughts to share?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

I am 35 w/CF and recently divorced. I never saw it coming, but my wife cheated on me with her rich married boss (with children), and decided to stay with the rich guy. Her claim was that she couldn't take the stress of my CF, the financial challenges it poses, and the overwhelming idea that she will be alone when I eventually die.

So here I am, completely broken hearted, having a tough time getting through the emotional loss, and dealing with my CF. More than anything, I find it impossibly challenging to find purpose in dealing with the everyday challenges. Not to say I am suicidal, but after living and loving another for whom you fight ever so hard to live with greater purpose, when that person is gone, that purpose I had for 8 years is gone. And there is a vacuum and a void there where she was, and the purpose for which I fought to live every day. It seems impossible to transition back to living for myself. Besides all that, living and fighting CF with the support of a spouse is so much easier than doing it all alone.

Anyone have any encouraging thoughts to share?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

I am 35 w/CF and recently divorced. I never saw it coming, but my wife cheated on me with her rich married boss (with children), and decided to stay with the rich guy. Her claim was that she couldn't take the stress of my CF, the financial challenges it poses, and the overwhelming idea that she will be alone when I eventually die.

So here I am, completely broken hearted, having a tough time getting through the emotional loss, and dealing with my CF. More than anything, I find it impossibly challenging to find purpose in dealing with the everyday challenges. Not to say I am suicidal, but after living and loving another for whom you fight ever so hard to live with greater purpose, when that person is gone, that purpose I had for 8 years is gone. And there is a vacuum and a void there where she was, and the purpose for which I fought to live every day. It seems impossible to transition back to living for myself. Besides all that, living and fighting CF with the support of a spouse is so much easier than doing it all alone.

Anyone have any encouraging thoughts to share?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't have really anything useful to say. I just wanted to say that really sucks and I'm sorry.

I know it's not the same, but when I was a teenager and the first guy I loved left me, I felt similar (though obviously not the same, as it's never the same given the age differences). I tried to off myself shortly after that. I lived (obviously, hah). I found other things to keep going for. Again, very much not the same. I had only been with that guy for 3 years. And I was only 17. But I got past it (it sucked, it took quite a while). I found things I liked, I took up a hobby or two. I learned American Sign Language, among other things. And I made a routine for myself to follow on my own.

I really don't have anything useful to tell you. I'm with another guy now, we're engaged, we're getting married in 2 years. And I have to tell you, if that fell apart now (or years from now), I'm sure I'd feel the same that you do. I understand it being very hard to find motivation. I just don't have any good answers.

I wanted to at least answer, though. Let you know I care, and I'm listening. Do you have a journal of some kind to rant this stuff out? Whether it's private or not, it's probably a good idea. I know, sounds kind of fluffy. But it can help.

I'm sorry I can't be any help. I know I ranted. It's the best I could offer. Heh.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't have really anything useful to say. I just wanted to say that really sucks and I'm sorry.

I know it's not the same, but when I was a teenager and the first guy I loved left me, I felt similar (though obviously not the same, as it's never the same given the age differences). I tried to off myself shortly after that. I lived (obviously, hah). I found other things to keep going for. Again, very much not the same. I had only been with that guy for 3 years. And I was only 17. But I got past it (it sucked, it took quite a while). I found things I liked, I took up a hobby or two. I learned American Sign Language, among other things. And I made a routine for myself to follow on my own.

I really don't have anything useful to tell you. I'm with another guy now, we're engaged, we're getting married in 2 years. And I have to tell you, if that fell apart now (or years from now), I'm sure I'd feel the same that you do. I understand it being very hard to find motivation. I just don't have any good answers.

I wanted to at least answer, though. Let you know I care, and I'm listening. Do you have a journal of some kind to rant this stuff out? Whether it's private or not, it's probably a good idea. I know, sounds kind of fluffy. But it can help.

I'm sorry I can't be any help. I know I ranted. It's the best I could offer. Heh.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't have really anything useful to say. I just wanted to say that really sucks and I'm sorry.

I know it's not the same, but when I was a teenager and the first guy I loved left me, I felt similar (though obviously not the same, as it's never the same given the age differences). I tried to off myself shortly after that. I lived (obviously, hah). I found other things to keep going for. Again, very much not the same. I had only been with that guy for 3 years. And I was only 17. But I got past it (it sucked, it took quite a while). I found things I liked, I took up a hobby or two. I learned American Sign Language, among other things. And I made a routine for myself to follow on my own.

I really don't have anything useful to tell you. I'm with another guy now, we're engaged, we're getting married in 2 years. And I have to tell you, if that fell apart now (or years from now), I'm sure I'd feel the same that you do. I understand it being very hard to find motivation. I just don't have any good answers.

I wanted to at least answer, though. Let you know I care, and I'm listening. Do you have a journal of some kind to rant this stuff out? Whether it's private or not, it's probably a good idea. I know, sounds kind of fluffy. But it can help.

I'm sorry I can't be any help. I know I ranted. It's the best I could offer. Heh.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't have really anything useful to say. I just wanted to say that really sucks and I'm sorry.

I know it's not the same, but when I was a teenager and the first guy I loved left me, I felt similar (though obviously not the same, as it's never the same given the age differences). I tried to off myself shortly after that. I lived (obviously, hah). I found other things to keep going for. Again, very much not the same. I had only been with that guy for 3 years. And I was only 17. But I got past it (it sucked, it took quite a while). I found things I liked, I took up a hobby or two. I learned American Sign Language, among other things. And I made a routine for myself to follow on my own.

I really don't have anything useful to tell you. I'm with another guy now, we're engaged, we're getting married in 2 years. And I have to tell you, if that fell apart now (or years from now), I'm sure I'd feel the same that you do. I understand it being very hard to find motivation. I just don't have any good answers.

I wanted to at least answer, though. Let you know I care, and I'm listening. Do you have a journal of some kind to rant this stuff out? Whether it's private or not, it's probably a good idea. I know, sounds kind of fluffy. But it can help.

I'm sorry I can't be any help. I know I ranted. It's the best I could offer. Heh.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't have really anything useful to say. I just wanted to say that really sucks and I'm sorry.

I know it's not the same, but when I was a teenager and the first guy I loved left me, I felt similar (though obviously not the same, as it's never the same given the age differences). I tried to off myself shortly after that. I lived (obviously, hah). I found other things to keep going for. Again, very much not the same. I had only been with that guy for 3 years. And I was only 17. But I got past it (it sucked, it took quite a while). I found things I liked, I took up a hobby or two. I learned American Sign Language, among other things. And I made a routine for myself to follow on my own.

I really don't have anything useful to tell you. I'm with another guy now, we're engaged, we're getting married in 2 years. And I have to tell you, if that fell apart now (or years from now), I'm sure I'd feel the same that you do. I understand it being very hard to find motivation. I just don't have any good answers.

I wanted to at least answer, though. Let you know I care, and I'm listening. Do you have a journal of some kind to rant this stuff out? Whether it's private or not, it's probably a good idea. I know, sounds kind of fluffy. But it can help.

I'm sorry I can't be any help. I know I ranted. It's the best I could offer. Heh.

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[65rosessamurai]

Aparantly, you need some encouraging thoughts.
I can relate, man! My ex-wife didn't leave me, though there were a lot of "discrepencies" in her living style that could have concluded she was cheating on me. I put a lot of thought into our marriage, and then told her I wanted a divorce!
I guess the two differences is that you didn't seem to sense it coming, but I knew it was inevitable.
Therefore, I had gone through my "mourning" in the situation, before moving on to the real thing, which was going through the procedure for divorce.
One encouraging thing I can say, is to stay focused on your own health. I was able to re-marry sooner than expected. But, even though I believe us "good ones" get a second chance, you will have a harder time if you allow your health to fall, and your spirits to drop. You'll be more attractive to women by having some strong confidence behind you that you are not all that bad.
Another thing, my ex was also one that was threatening to leave me if my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized...so, in your case, perhaps it was good because a wife who doesn't support her husband, is not someone worth having around.
Marriage is a partnership, but if your partner puts you below all her other priorities, it's not a marriage anymore. My ex had put me somewhere between the neighboors kids, and their dog, I think!
And, yes, thinking about the possibility she was cheating on me is equally painfull to think about, but what I try to do when I think about it is have a "brain fart"!
"Brain Fart"- an unwanted thought in the mind that is just expelled into the air. Sometimes they can generate and come back, but they are gone equally as fast.
BTW, my divorce was when I was 40, so you are still young!
I don't know what else to say at this time, but if you feel you want to PM, me, go ahead, I'll try to reply to the best of my ability.
Oh, one more thing, I usually wish that whatever hard-times I'm having, hers is worst! And lots of sarcasm helps, too! Good Luck!

 

[65rosessamurai]

Aparantly, you need some encouraging thoughts.
I can relate, man! My ex-wife didn't leave me, though there were a lot of "discrepencies" in her living style that could have concluded she was cheating on me. I put a lot of thought into our marriage, and then told her I wanted a divorce!
I guess the two differences is that you didn't seem to sense it coming, but I knew it was inevitable.
Therefore, I had gone through my "mourning" in the situation, before moving on to the real thing, which was going through the procedure for divorce.
One encouraging thing I can say, is to stay focused on your own health. I was able to re-marry sooner than expected. But, even though I believe us "good ones" get a second chance, you will have a harder time if you allow your health to fall, and your spirits to drop. You'll be more attractive to women by having some strong confidence behind you that you are not all that bad.
Another thing, my ex was also one that was threatening to leave me if my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized...so, in your case, perhaps it was good because a wife who doesn't support her husband, is not someone worth having around.
Marriage is a partnership, but if your partner puts you below all her other priorities, it's not a marriage anymore. My ex had put me somewhere between the neighboors kids, and their dog, I think!
And, yes, thinking about the possibility she was cheating on me is equally painfull to think about, but what I try to do when I think about it is have a "brain fart"!
"Brain Fart"- an unwanted thought in the mind that is just expelled into the air. Sometimes they can generate and come back, but they are gone equally as fast.
BTW, my divorce was when I was 40, so you are still young!
I don't know what else to say at this time, but if you feel you want to PM, me, go ahead, I'll try to reply to the best of my ability.
Oh, one more thing, I usually wish that whatever hard-times I'm having, hers is worst! And lots of sarcasm helps, too! Good Luck!

 

[65rosessamurai]

Aparantly, you need some encouraging thoughts.
I can relate, man! My ex-wife didn't leave me, though there were a lot of "discrepencies" in her living style that could have concluded she was cheating on me. I put a lot of thought into our marriage, and then told her I wanted a divorce!
I guess the two differences is that you didn't seem to sense it coming, but I knew it was inevitable.
Therefore, I had gone through my "mourning" in the situation, before moving on to the real thing, which was going through the procedure for divorce.
One encouraging thing I can say, is to stay focused on your own health. I was able to re-marry sooner than expected. But, even though I believe us "good ones" get a second chance, you will have a harder time if you allow your health to fall, and your spirits to drop. You'll be more attractive to women by having some strong confidence behind you that you are not all that bad.
Another thing, my ex was also one that was threatening to leave me if my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized...so, in your case, perhaps it was good because a wife who doesn't support her husband, is not someone worth having around.
Marriage is a partnership, but if your partner puts you below all her other priorities, it's not a marriage anymore. My ex had put me somewhere between the neighboors kids, and their dog, I think!
And, yes, thinking about the possibility she was cheating on me is equally painfull to think about, but what I try to do when I think about it is have a "brain fart"!
"Brain Fart"- an unwanted thought in the mind that is just expelled into the air. Sometimes they can generate and come back, but they are gone equally as fast.
BTW, my divorce was when I was 40, so you are still young!
I don't know what else to say at this time, but if you feel you want to PM, me, go ahead, I'll try to reply to the best of my ability.
Oh, one more thing, I usually wish that whatever hard-times I'm having, hers is worst! And lots of sarcasm helps, too! Good Luck!

 

[65rosessamurai]

Aparantly, you need some encouraging thoughts.
I can relate, man! My ex-wife didn't leave me, though there were a lot of "discrepencies" in her living style that could have concluded she was cheating on me. I put a lot of thought into our marriage, and then told her I wanted a divorce!
I guess the two differences is that you didn't seem to sense it coming, but I knew it was inevitable.
Therefore, I had gone through my "mourning" in the situation, before moving on to the real thing, which was going through the procedure for divorce.
One encouraging thing I can say, is to stay focused on your own health. I was able to re-marry sooner than expected. But, even though I believe us "good ones" get a second chance, you will have a harder time if you allow your health to fall, and your spirits to drop. You'll be more attractive to women by having some strong confidence behind you that you are not all that bad.
Another thing, my ex was also one that was threatening to leave me if my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized...so, in your case, perhaps it was good because a wife who doesn't support her husband, is not someone worth having around.
Marriage is a partnership, but if your partner puts you below all her other priorities, it's not a marriage anymore. My ex had put me somewhere between the neighboors kids, and their dog, I think!
And, yes, thinking about the possibility she was cheating on me is equally painfull to think about, but what I try to do when I think about it is have a "brain fart"!
"Brain Fart"- an unwanted thought in the mind that is just expelled into the air. Sometimes they can generate and come back, but they are gone equally as fast.
BTW, my divorce was when I was 40, so you are still young!
I don't know what else to say at this time, but if you feel you want to PM, me, go ahead, I'll try to reply to the best of my ability.
Oh, one more thing, I usually wish that whatever hard-times I'm having, hers is worst! And lots of sarcasm helps, too! Good Luck!

 

[65rosessamurai]

Aparantly, you need some encouraging thoughts.
I can relate, man! My ex-wife didn't leave me, though there were a lot of "discrepencies" in her living style that could have concluded she was cheating on me. I put a lot of thought into our marriage, and then told her I wanted a divorce!
I guess the two differences is that you didn't seem to sense it coming, but I knew it was inevitable.
Therefore, I had gone through my "mourning" in the situation, before moving on to the real thing, which was going through the procedure for divorce.
One encouraging thing I can say, is to stay focused on your own health. I was able to re-marry sooner than expected. But, even though I believe us "good ones" get a second chance, you will have a harder time if you allow your health to fall, and your spirits to drop. You'll be more attractive to women by having some strong confidence behind you that you are not all that bad.
Another thing, my ex was also one that was threatening to leave me if my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized...so, in your case, perhaps it was good because a wife who doesn't support her husband, is not someone worth having around.
Marriage is a partnership, but if your partner puts you below all her other priorities, it's not a marriage anymore. My ex had put me somewhere between the neighboors kids, and their dog, I think!
And, yes, thinking about the possibility she was cheating on me is equally painfull to think about, but what I try to do when I think about it is have a "brain fart"!
"Brain Fart"- an unwanted thought in the mind that is just expelled into the air. Sometimes they can generate and come back, but they are gone equally as fast.
BTW, my divorce was when I was 40, so you are still young!
I don't know what else to say at this time, but if you feel you want to PM, me, go ahead, I'll try to reply to the best of my ability.
Oh, one more thing, I usually wish that whatever hard-times I'm having, hers is worst! And lots of sarcasm helps, too! Good Luck!

 

[cjandrobbie]

Hi. I have to agree with samurai, you will be better off without her in the long run. If your wife wasn't willing to be with you through the bad times, then she really wasn't living up to the promise she made when she married you. Remember, "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"...? It takes a very special person to be able to cope with a spouse who has a chronic illness like CF. Few people are really up to the task, but when you find one who is you won't know what hit you!

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason...even (and especially) when something seems totally terrible. You will get through this and be happier without trying to appease someone who seems to be so selfish. Good luck!

Christina

 

[cjandrobbie]

Hi. I have to agree with samurai, you will be better off without her in the long run. If your wife wasn't willing to be with you through the bad times, then she really wasn't living up to the promise she made when she married you. Remember, "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"...? It takes a very special person to be able to cope with a spouse who has a chronic illness like CF. Few people are really up to the task, but when you find one who is you won't know what hit you!

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason...even (and especially) when something seems totally terrible. You will get through this and be happier without trying to appease someone who seems to be so selfish. Good luck!

Christina

 

[cjandrobbie]

Hi. I have to agree with samurai, you will be better off without her in the long run. If your wife wasn't willing to be with you through the bad times, then she really wasn't living up to the promise she made when she married you. Remember, "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"...? It takes a very special person to be able to cope with a spouse who has a chronic illness like CF. Few people are really up to the task, but when you find one who is you won't know what hit you!

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason...even (and especially) when something seems totally terrible. You will get through this and be happier without trying to appease someone who seems to be so selfish. Good luck!

Christina

 

[cjandrobbie]

Hi. I have to agree with samurai, you will be better off without her in the long run. If your wife wasn't willing to be with you through the bad times, then she really wasn't living up to the promise she made when she married you. Remember, "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"...? It takes a very special person to be able to cope with a spouse who has a chronic illness like CF. Few people are really up to the task, but when you find one who is you won't know what hit you!

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason...even (and especially) when something seems totally terrible. You will get through this and be happier without trying to appease someone who seems to be so selfish. Good luck!

Christina

 

[cjandrobbie]

Hi. I have to agree with samurai, you will be better off without her in the long run. If your wife wasn't willing to be with you through the bad times, then she really wasn't living up to the promise she made when she married you. Remember, "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"...? It takes a very special person to be able to cope with a spouse who has a chronic illness like CF. Few people are really up to the task, but when you find one who is you won't know what hit you!

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason...even (and especially) when something seems totally terrible. You will get through this and be happier without trying to appease someone who seems to be so selfish. Good luck!

Christina