*sigh* okay, just to be the middle man for a minute: There is nothing wrong with children taking care of their parents when they are old. It's called loving your family. And I am sure that for the majority of parents, this is not their sole reason for having kids. But there is nothing wrong with expecting someone to take care of their aging parents (whether it be in the child's home or just making sure that they are treated well at the nursing home, etc.) when they are unable to take care of themselves, because with family (whether you asked to be born or not!) there should be love, respect and responsiblity.
And there must be something inherent in people (not just women, but the human race) that makes us want to have children- otherwise, dang, they are a lot of frustrating, difficult, exhausting and sometimes tedious work- (diarhea diapers, anyone?). If we didn't have the innate desire to want to love and teach someone how to live life, and an unexplainable deep love<i> for </i>them and desire to see them suceed in life, why in the world would the vast majority of people have kids?
And on the other hand, yes, if one more person had said to me "When are you going to have a baby? Why not?" I might have a prison record right now <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> . Now they ask me if we're going to have another one, and why not? *rolls eyes*. We (my dh and I) were our own little family before Ab, and, God willing, when she is grown, we will be again (at least on a day to day kind of basis). Yes, there is too much pressure to have kids. I think that if you have a good marriage and are an asset (as opposed to a detriment) to society, then that is the important thing.
So sure, having a child is selfish, and so is pretty much everything else we do in life. You can even argue that people who give their lives for another is selfish, if you think about it that way- they want the other person to live more than they want to live. Fullfilling your marriage vows is selfish, because you want a good marriage so you can be happy, too. And what is wrong with wanting to live your life right so it can be as happy for you and the people you love? It's selfish, of course!
That is basically the way we (and every other creature on earth) is wired- to repeat things we get a good reaction from. It's how we learn! To say everything we do (including having children- a very complicated decision) is purely selfish is just a circular argument, and is going no where here at this point.
No one can win that one. I think parenting should be based on what is practical, responsible and desired by both spouses, not on what generalities we come up with here.
And what is wrong with "just" being a mother? Perhaps that was what <i>I </i>was put here to be - a wife and mother, and an artist second. No hard feelings, I know where you are coming from, but please don't insult my primary vocation in life, either. I put a lot of time, energy and research into raising my child and running my household. Other people get paid a lot of money to do what I do, and I don't even get a childcare tax break! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Even if I didn't have cf, this is what I have always wanted to be. Please don't put down my choice as if I am only doing what the chavinists think I should be doing. Just as you have found that people don't think you are complete without a child, I get told about what a luxury it must be to stay home, all the time I must have, I'm "spoiled", implying that I don't "work" for a "living"- even though these same people pay someone to watch their kids, clean their houses, do their simplest home repairs, etc. so they can be devoted to their career.
Don't get me wrong, either; I know that there are people who want to stay home, but can't. I am not talking about them. I am talking about the people who have <i>made </i>that decision.
And now I am totally OT- sorry!
