Help me am i making the right decision?

[Fruity]

I would like to say, that vampy is doing a great job here. And I don't think she is "Jeopardizing" her child in any way. She's fighting hard and is trying in everyway to make things -better- for her child. Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason at this specific time. In the future, yes, thats when you say something like that. Right now? She needs to be told we care and are here for her right this moment, because shes scared and she doesn't have many places to turn. Grow up yourself and recognize that what really needs to happen here, is us giving constructive ideas (which many have done, and good on ya) and being a group of people that can be turned to in times like this.






Vampy, I wish you the best of luck. I was really sorry to see this thread try to turn into a flame war. I should probably not have said the above, i'll get slammed for it i'm sure, but you know what? Go you and hang in there. Most would have crumbled under this stress. I'm here for you even though we don't know eachother well. Keep breathing, you'll make it through this. You're taking it one step at a time, and all your steps are for the best of you and lucas. I'm rooting for you.

Ceci

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>
Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>

Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.

And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>
Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>

Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.

And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>
Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>

Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.

And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.

 

[Fruity]

I've rephrased. What I typed is more what I meant. The timing isn't right to say something like that is my point.

Ceci

 

[Fruity]

I've rephrased. What I typed is more what I meant. The timing isn't right to say something like that is my point.

Ceci

 

[Fruity]

I've rephrased. What I typed is more what I meant. The timing isn't right to say something like that is my point.

Ceci

 

[Lilith]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>

Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>



Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.



And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.</end quote></div>

AMEN, EMILY!! I have a hard time giving support to someone who has put themselves into a position like this willingly. This kind of poor judgement should not be encouraged, and I don't care if anyone flames me for saying it. Its the truth, this whole mess could have been easily avoided!! And its the child (hopefully not <i>children</i>) who will suffer the consequences! That's the saddest part about this entire thing.

 

[Lilith]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>

Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>



Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.



And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.</end quote></div>

AMEN, EMILY!! I have a hard time giving support to someone who has put themselves into a position like this willingly. This kind of poor judgement should not be encouraged, and I don't care if anyone flames me for saying it. Its the truth, this whole mess could have been easily avoided!! And its the child (hopefully not <i>children</i>) who will suffer the consequences! That's the saddest part about this entire thing.

 

[Lilith]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Fruity</b></i>

Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>



Making continual mistakes is often the very basis for counseling.



And I might add... making "mistake after mistake" is all fine and dandy when it's just your own @ss on the line. But when you've got an infant (and I sure as hell hope not, another on the way), you have very little room for making such big mistakes. When you're in charge of another life, you have a lot less wiggle room in how much you d*ck around.</end quote></div>

AMEN, EMILY!! I have a hard time giving support to someone who has put themselves into a position like this willingly. This kind of poor judgement should not be encouraged, and I don't care if anyone flames me for saying it. Its the truth, this whole mess could have been easily avoided!! And its the child (hopefully not <i>children</i>) who will suffer the consequences! That's the saddest part about this entire thing.

 

[65rosessamurai]

Is it too late for an annulement?

Just asking because if you intend to leave him (sounds like a worthwhile thing to do if he's not going to be mature enough to support a family), then to avoid all the divorce/separation hassles, as I understand, an annulment isn't either of them.

As far as Amy's suggestion, I can understand where she was coming from, she was looking at another angle to the problem, and seemed willing to bring it up for the sake of the child's future. (But I don't agree with the idea)

Personally, I'm not sure about how children from single parenting has grown, but I've been seeing a lot of brats from double-income families because neither parent pays any attention to the kid(s).

If Vampy has family or relatives willing to help out, or some shelter, I'd agree that getting away from the husband would be wise...however anytime such thing happens, there are always consequences.

 

[65rosessamurai]

Is it too late for an annulement?

Just asking because if you intend to leave him (sounds like a worthwhile thing to do if he's not going to be mature enough to support a family), then to avoid all the divorce/separation hassles, as I understand, an annulment isn't either of them.

As far as Amy's suggestion, I can understand where she was coming from, she was looking at another angle to the problem, and seemed willing to bring it up for the sake of the child's future. (But I don't agree with the idea)

Personally, I'm not sure about how children from single parenting has grown, but I've been seeing a lot of brats from double-income families because neither parent pays any attention to the kid(s).

If Vampy has family or relatives willing to help out, or some shelter, I'd agree that getting away from the husband would be wise...however anytime such thing happens, there are always consequences.

 

[65rosessamurai]

Is it too late for an annulement?

Just asking because if you intend to leave him (sounds like a worthwhile thing to do if he's not going to be mature enough to support a family), then to avoid all the divorce/separation hassles, as I understand, an annulment isn't either of them.

As far as Amy's suggestion, I can understand where she was coming from, she was looking at another angle to the problem, and seemed willing to bring it up for the sake of the child's future. (But I don't agree with the idea)

Personally, I'm not sure about how children from single parenting has grown, but I've been seeing a lot of brats from double-income families because neither parent pays any attention to the kid(s).

If Vampy has family or relatives willing to help out, or some shelter, I'd agree that getting away from the husband would be wise...however anytime such thing happens, there are always consequences.

 

[EnergyGal]

Vampy

I am sure you will figure things out.
here is an article that I thought you would take a look at. You are seeking support and you are not always going to like what you hear from others. It is not easy coming to this website and spilling out your guts because you are always going to receive every angle available. I think it is good that others are trying to help you even if they choose the wrong wording, I am sure it is coming from a good place.

<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.babycenter.com/expert/pregnancy/pregnancysex/4348.html">http://www.babycenter.com/expe...pregnancysex/4348.html</a>

 

[EnergyGal]

Vampy

I am sure you will figure things out.
here is an article that I thought you would take a look at. You are seeking support and you are not always going to like what you hear from others. It is not easy coming to this website and spilling out your guts because you are always going to receive every angle available. I think it is good that others are trying to help you even if they choose the wrong wording, I am sure it is coming from a good place.

<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.babycenter.com/expert/pregnancy/pregnancysex/4348.html">http://www.babycenter.com/expe...pregnancysex/4348.html</a>

 

[EnergyGal]

Vampy

I am sure you will figure things out.
here is an article that I thought you would take a look at. You are seeking support and you are not always going to like what you hear from others. It is not easy coming to this website and spilling out your guts because you are always going to receive every angle available. I think it is good that others are trying to help you even if they choose the wrong wording, I am sure it is coming from a good place.

<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.babycenter.com/expert/pregnancy/pregnancysex/4348.html">http://www.babycenter.com/expe...pregnancysex/4348.html</a>

 

[kayleesgrandma]

Vampy, if people didn't care abut you here, they wouldn't bother to reply to your post. Some of the replys may have been brutally honest, and hard to digest, but really when it comes down to it, everyone really has your best interest in mind. We all want want is best for you and your child, and we have suggested counseling because it helps to have someone trained in counseling listening to your problems. They are the only ones best qualified to help you. But they will help you get your priorities sorted out and how best to approach the problem. Like someone said, maybe you can find someone in social services at your CF clinic that can help you. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

 

[kayleesgrandma]

Vampy, if people didn't care abut you here, they wouldn't bother to reply to your post. Some of the replys may have been brutally honest, and hard to digest, but really when it comes down to it, everyone really has your best interest in mind. We all want want is best for you and your child, and we have suggested counseling because it helps to have someone trained in counseling listening to your problems. They are the only ones best qualified to help you. But they will help you get your priorities sorted out and how best to approach the problem. Like someone said, maybe you can find someone in social services at your CF clinic that can help you. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

 

[kayleesgrandma]

Vampy, if people didn't care abut you here, they wouldn't bother to reply to your post. Some of the replys may have been brutally honest, and hard to digest, but really when it comes down to it, everyone really has your best interest in mind. We all want want is best for you and your child, and we have suggested counseling because it helps to have someone trained in counseling listening to your problems. They are the only ones best qualified to help you. But they will help you get your priorities sorted out and how best to approach the problem. Like someone said, maybe you can find someone in social services at your CF clinic that can help you. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Vampy]

<b>Okies yea so what i made a damn bad choice marrying someone. Well hell dont we all. and what did i make a bad choice of having my kid. ya said i keep makin bad choices. i asked for help not to be critisized damnit. I came on here to see if i can get some kind of advice. and thank you to the ppl who gave me some. Im not making bad choice after choice. Im trying to undo one bad thing that i did. i know my faults i dont need some stranger whom ive never seen on this site before to tell me when they have no idea who i am or what im like. Also same goes for the adoption lady. I was raised with one parent i came out perfectly fine. My mother made horrible choices but i still turned out fine. we all make bad choices and mistakes in our life.
My son is no mistake. My mistake is marrying someone bc i thought i was the right thing to do for my future baby. I made that choice out of what i thought to be the right thing to do and now im paying for it.

the pregnancy test came back negative...but they said it could be to early to tell. im gonna keep checking.

to cfhockeymom...i really wanna say is screw you lady. i am grown up im not jepordizing my child why do you f****** think i am asking for help and trying to get out of here so i dont jepordize him. Ive done more growing up then most ppl my age. Im very mature for my age. medications and treatments hospital visits all my life. I wanna say something very diffrent then screw you but i better not for better lack of judgement. you dont know me dont sit there and f****** tell me to grow up. dont judge me if you dont F****** know me. And i know you fricken made horrible decisions in your life. dont sit there and critisize me when all im trying to do is make right of what ive done wrong. and to protect my child.

to others im sorry i got a lil upset up there. i just dont like it when ppl judge me and tell me to grow up when they dont know me, i know a great deal of you have followed my posts and i thank you from the bottem of my heart. i came on this site to actually talk to ppl with cf and relatives spouses of those with cf. I came here bc i know you guys know what im going through in some cases.

if anyone has a problem with me and what im going through and you want to sit there and type something as horrible as "adoption" or "grow up" then dont. I would rather have my mother take care of lucas if it came down to that. I'd jump out of a plane for my son.

BTW all that up there. My mother is helping me with adc foodstamps and temp custody and helping me get a place of my own. im confident i can do this. Though iknow my husband loves me alot he tells me everyday, he has yet to grow up and has issues of his own to worry about. all im doing is trying to do right by my son. thinking of him and taking care of him is my job as a mother. and that i will do. He ultamately comes first, then i come second with my treatments. i want to be there for my son through out his life. So im taking care of me and him. I dont need to be taking care of a 20 year old man who thinks his wife should be like his mother.

yet again i thank you all who have followed my post. you dont know how much it means to me to know i can talk to people and get advice from some ppl that knows what im going through. i know noone with cf only those i meet in the hospital and yet never see again. i thank you. </b>