Help me am i making the right decision?

[Shoshanna]

Hi Vampy,
I don't know you very well, but I can't imagine what you are going through. I have CF (it's pretty severe) and a toddler and could never manage without my husband, a full-time nanny, tons of family/friends, and financial security. That being said, single moms survive and make a life for their children all the time. My mother raised 3 children on her own, 2 with CF, started her own business (which is now worth millions) and watched her 3 kids become successful adults.
I think you need to reach out to your family (whatever ones you have) or call any local community resources and sit down with a counselor who can advise you. You are so young and you need help to make the right decisions, whatever they may be.

 

[Shoshanna]

Hi Vampy,
I don't know you very well, but I can't imagine what you are going through. I have CF (it's pretty severe) and a toddler and could never manage without my husband, a full-time nanny, tons of family/friends, and financial security. That being said, single moms survive and make a life for their children all the time. My mother raised 3 children on her own, 2 with CF, started her own business (which is now worth millions) and watched her 3 kids become successful adults.
I think you need to reach out to your family (whatever ones you have) or call any local community resources and sit down with a counselor who can advise you. You are so young and you need help to make the right decisions, whatever they may be.

 

[CaliSally]

Many years ago I was married to a horrible person. Belittling, demanding, spiritually abusive, and even some physical abuse. I was taking all the blame that he wanted to place on me - everything was my fault, I was an idiot, I was vain, I couldn't make it in life without him, all his anger is my fault etc. I made our marriage solely my responsibility - I went to counseling, not him - he said he didn't need it.

It took me 6 years, but I finally grew a spine and realized that how this person was treating me was WRONG. I finally made the choice to leave him. I had no idea how I was going to take care of myself, but I left it up to God, knowing I was doing the best thing for me. God certainly took care of me, BUT, I had to take the steps myself to get to that place, it didn't fall in my lap. I had to make the choice and start taking action (looking for another place to live, getting a job).

It's been 10 years since I divorced that miserable bast*ard and it was the next best thing I've ever done. The first best thing was finding a man that loves me and respects me just as I am.

Take action, take charge. Don't let him ruin another precious second between you and your son.

All my best <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Don't believe the negative stuff he may be telling you - believe in yourself

 

[CaliSally]

Many years ago I was married to a horrible person. Belittling, demanding, spiritually abusive, and even some physical abuse. I was taking all the blame that he wanted to place on me - everything was my fault, I was an idiot, I was vain, I couldn't make it in life without him, all his anger is my fault etc. I made our marriage solely my responsibility - I went to counseling, not him - he said he didn't need it.

It took me 6 years, but I finally grew a spine and realized that how this person was treating me was WRONG. I finally made the choice to leave him. I had no idea how I was going to take care of myself, but I left it up to God, knowing I was doing the best thing for me. God certainly took care of me, BUT, I had to take the steps myself to get to that place, it didn't fall in my lap. I had to make the choice and start taking action (looking for another place to live, getting a job).

It's been 10 years since I divorced that miserable bast*ard and it was the next best thing I've ever done. The first best thing was finding a man that loves me and respects me just as I am.

Take action, take charge. Don't let him ruin another precious second between you and your son.

All my best <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Don't believe the negative stuff he may be telling you - believe in yourself

 

[CaliSally]

Many years ago I was married to a horrible person. Belittling, demanding, spiritually abusive, and even some physical abuse. I was taking all the blame that he wanted to place on me - everything was my fault, I was an idiot, I was vain, I couldn't make it in life without him, all his anger is my fault etc. I made our marriage solely my responsibility - I went to counseling, not him - he said he didn't need it.

It took me 6 years, but I finally grew a spine and realized that how this person was treating me was WRONG. I finally made the choice to leave him. I had no idea how I was going to take care of myself, but I left it up to God, knowing I was doing the best thing for me. God certainly took care of me, BUT, I had to take the steps myself to get to that place, it didn't fall in my lap. I had to make the choice and start taking action (looking for another place to live, getting a job).

It's been 10 years since I divorced that miserable bast*ard and it was the next best thing I've ever done. The first best thing was finding a man that loves me and respects me just as I am.

Take action, take charge. Don't let him ruin another precious second between you and your son.

All my best <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Don't believe the negative stuff he may be telling you - believe in yourself

 

[EnergyGal]

I do not know your story too well Vampy so whatever I might say may not be any help to you.

You married the man because you loved him right? I would try not to fight and talk to him nicely. In the meantime, go about your business by looking into another place but do not sign a lease until you know for sure. Let him know you are serious and if he starts to make a change, then give him a chance. He is the father of the baby. He deserves a chance. Maybe he is depressed and needs help? Tell him he needs to do something for himself to make a difference in the relationship.

Tell him what you need in a calm voice. You can write down your feelings if you cannot speak to him calmly. yelling never helps and will only make your marriage worse.

Every couple fights once in a while. It is up to each individual to step back and surrender and say ok, he does not want me to pierce my tongue. Does this really need an argument? Learn to let things go. Perhaps in the future he will change his mind about many things. Right now he is having a hard time with getting up in the morning. That is telling me he needs professional help. Give him a chance before you leave.

If you are not telling the entire story and he is abusive to you verbably or physically then get out asap!! You received wonderful advice from everyone here so make a decision when you are not angry.

You once mentioned that he has a Grandmother or his Mother was very kind to you. Do you trust her to care for your baby so you can take better care of yourself? You need to reach out for support from those you trust.

I would not threaten divorce unless he does not change. Give him a chance if you still love him and you think he has potential.

I hope he will mature quickly!

 

[EnergyGal]

I do not know your story too well Vampy so whatever I might say may not be any help to you.

You married the man because you loved him right? I would try not to fight and talk to him nicely. In the meantime, go about your business by looking into another place but do not sign a lease until you know for sure. Let him know you are serious and if he starts to make a change, then give him a chance. He is the father of the baby. He deserves a chance. Maybe he is depressed and needs help? Tell him he needs to do something for himself to make a difference in the relationship.

Tell him what you need in a calm voice. You can write down your feelings if you cannot speak to him calmly. yelling never helps and will only make your marriage worse.

Every couple fights once in a while. It is up to each individual to step back and surrender and say ok, he does not want me to pierce my tongue. Does this really need an argument? Learn to let things go. Perhaps in the future he will change his mind about many things. Right now he is having a hard time with getting up in the morning. That is telling me he needs professional help. Give him a chance before you leave.

If you are not telling the entire story and he is abusive to you verbably or physically then get out asap!! You received wonderful advice from everyone here so make a decision when you are not angry.

You once mentioned that he has a Grandmother or his Mother was very kind to you. Do you trust her to care for your baby so you can take better care of yourself? You need to reach out for support from those you trust.

I would not threaten divorce unless he does not change. Give him a chance if you still love him and you think he has potential.

I hope he will mature quickly!

 

[EnergyGal]

I do not know your story too well Vampy so whatever I might say may not be any help to you.

You married the man because you loved him right? I would try not to fight and talk to him nicely. In the meantime, go about your business by looking into another place but do not sign a lease until you know for sure. Let him know you are serious and if he starts to make a change, then give him a chance. He is the father of the baby. He deserves a chance. Maybe he is depressed and needs help? Tell him he needs to do something for himself to make a difference in the relationship.

Tell him what you need in a calm voice. You can write down your feelings if you cannot speak to him calmly. yelling never helps and will only make your marriage worse.

Every couple fights once in a while. It is up to each individual to step back and surrender and say ok, he does not want me to pierce my tongue. Does this really need an argument? Learn to let things go. Perhaps in the future he will change his mind about many things. Right now he is having a hard time with getting up in the morning. That is telling me he needs professional help. Give him a chance before you leave.

If you are not telling the entire story and he is abusive to you verbably or physically then get out asap!! You received wonderful advice from everyone here so make a decision when you are not angry.

You once mentioned that he has a Grandmother or his Mother was very kind to you. Do you trust her to care for your baby so you can take better care of yourself? You need to reach out for support from those you trust.

I would not threaten divorce unless he does not change. Give him a chance if you still love him and you think he has potential.

I hope he will mature quickly!

 

[beleache]

Hi Vampy, I just would like to say, there are so many options for a young mother and her child... Please dont stay with him if you know you shouldnt ... Your first resposiibilty now is to Lucas and second is you....can your family help? if not there are other ways of working it out for you and Lucas....Dont stay in a controling/abusive relationship... There is help out there... let us know .. God Bless you and Lucas... Joni 55 y/o f w c/f also can pm me if you want

 

[beleache]

Hi Vampy, I just would like to say, there are so many options for a young mother and her child... Please dont stay with him if you know you shouldnt ... Your first resposiibilty now is to Lucas and second is you....can your family help? if not there are other ways of working it out for you and Lucas....Dont stay in a controling/abusive relationship... There is help out there... let us know .. God Bless you and Lucas... Joni 55 y/o f w c/f also can pm me if you want

 

[beleache]

Hi Vampy, I just would like to say, there are so many options for a young mother and her child... Please dont stay with him if you know you shouldnt ... Your first resposiibilty now is to Lucas and second is you....can your family help? if not there are other ways of working it out for you and Lucas....Dont stay in a controling/abusive relationship... There is help out there... let us know .. God Bless you and Lucas... Joni 55 y/o f w c/f also can pm me if you want

 

[Shoshanna]

Forgot to mention a great diaper rash treatment. It's called "Triple Paste" and you can get it at most drug stores. It's stronger and works faster than Balmex

 

[Shoshanna]

Forgot to mention a great diaper rash treatment. It's called "Triple Paste" and you can get it at most drug stores. It's stronger and works faster than Balmex

 

[Shoshanna]

Forgot to mention a great diaper rash treatment. It's called "Triple Paste" and you can get it at most drug stores. It's stronger and works faster than Balmex

 

[Vampy]

sakasuka

Posts: 3957
Joined: 02/20/2005

What about giving the baby up for adoption to a two parent family?

I'm sure this sounds horrifying, but if you truely love the little guy you'll want what's best for him - to have the best chance at a great life. A two parent family with a stable household would be an ideal situation.

Give it some thought.

WAIT A MINUTE FOR ONE
im not giving my son up for adoption!!! ill go through divorce and ***** first before i ever do that. i didnt stay in a hospital for three straight months just to give up. that made me sick at my stomach to even read such a thing! Drs told me i couldnt have kids hes my miracle baby and i would never do such a thing. even if iw as to end up on the streetsi would allow my mother to take voer till i got on my feet!

to everyone else thank you for the suggestions.
I found a place for 325 thats all utilities paid but its a effeanciy so no bedrooms or privacy. I want out of here andm y mother is gettinga huge check some of around 18 thousand which she has said she will help me out the best she can to get out of this relationship. I am checkin into HUD, and other options.


btw i didnt marry him bc of love i married him bc i got pregnant by him and i thoguht it was best for lucas. which now im paying horribly for it also this is the 4th time i gave him a chance. i dont want to work it out no more im tired of talking. i wanna be able to get settled into my own place with my own money before i make that final blow. so i know i have something soft to land on.

 

[Vampy]

sakasuka

Posts: 3957
Joined: 02/20/2005

What about giving the baby up for adoption to a two parent family?

I'm sure this sounds horrifying, but if you truely love the little guy you'll want what's best for him - to have the best chance at a great life. A two parent family with a stable household would be an ideal situation.

Give it some thought.

WAIT A MINUTE FOR ONE
im not giving my son up for adoption!!! ill go through divorce and ***** first before i ever do that. i didnt stay in a hospital for three straight months just to give up. that made me sick at my stomach to even read such a thing! Drs told me i couldnt have kids hes my miracle baby and i would never do such a thing. even if iw as to end up on the streetsi would allow my mother to take voer till i got on my feet!

to everyone else thank you for the suggestions.
I found a place for 325 thats all utilities paid but its a effeanciy so no bedrooms or privacy. I want out of here andm y mother is gettinga huge check some of around 18 thousand which she has said she will help me out the best she can to get out of this relationship. I am checkin into HUD, and other options.


btw i didnt marry him bc of love i married him bc i got pregnant by him and i thoguht it was best for lucas. which now im paying horribly for it also this is the 4th time i gave him a chance. i dont want to work it out no more im tired of talking. i wanna be able to get settled into my own place with my own money before i make that final blow. so i know i have something soft to land on.

 

[Vampy]

sakasuka

Posts: 3957
Joined: 02/20/2005

What about giving the baby up for adoption to a two parent family?

I'm sure this sounds horrifying, but if you truely love the little guy you'll want what's best for him - to have the best chance at a great life. A two parent family with a stable household would be an ideal situation.

Give it some thought.

WAIT A MINUTE FOR ONE
im not giving my son up for adoption!!! ill go through divorce and ***** first before i ever do that. i didnt stay in a hospital for three straight months just to give up. that made me sick at my stomach to even read such a thing! Drs told me i couldnt have kids hes my miracle baby and i would never do such a thing. even if iw as to end up on the streetsi would allow my mother to take voer till i got on my feet!

to everyone else thank you for the suggestions.
I found a place for 325 thats all utilities paid but its a effeanciy so no bedrooms or privacy. I want out of here andm y mother is gettinga huge check some of around 18 thousand which she has said she will help me out the best she can to get out of this relationship. I am checkin into HUD, and other options.


btw i didnt marry him bc of love i married him bc i got pregnant by him and i thoguht it was best for lucas. which now im paying horribly for it also this is the 4th time i gave him a chance. i dont want to work it out no more im tired of talking. i wanna be able to get settled into my own place with my own money before i make that final blow. so i know i have something soft to land on.

 

[rotandroll]

Vampy, hang in there and I hope that you continue to be strong enough to leave.

File for divorce as soon as you straighten things out, as well, because it will become much easier to qualify for SSI/Medicaid after his income will not count against you. SSI/Medicaid should cover you as well as your baby.

Your concern now should be the physical and emotional safety of you as well as Lucas'. It sounds like you already know this. I hope you find a safe haven soon, at which point you can start to sort everything out. Best of luck to you.

 

[rotandroll]

Vampy, hang in there and I hope that you continue to be strong enough to leave.

File for divorce as soon as you straighten things out, as well, because it will become much easier to qualify for SSI/Medicaid after his income will not count against you. SSI/Medicaid should cover you as well as your baby.

Your concern now should be the physical and emotional safety of you as well as Lucas'. It sounds like you already know this. I hope you find a safe haven soon, at which point you can start to sort everything out. Best of luck to you.

 

[rotandroll]

Vampy, hang in there and I hope that you continue to be strong enough to leave.

File for divorce as soon as you straighten things out, as well, because it will become much easier to qualify for SSI/Medicaid after his income will not count against you. SSI/Medicaid should cover you as well as your baby.

Your concern now should be the physical and emotional safety of you as well as Lucas'. It sounds like you already know this. I hope you find a safe haven soon, at which point you can start to sort everything out. Best of luck to you.