Help me am i making the right decision?

[julie]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Don't tell her she's made bad choices, tell her you support her even with past mistakes. She doesn't need to be told to seek councelling because she's making mistake after mistake. I can see suggesting councelling, but not for that reason.</end quote></div>

She HAS made bad choices and many of us do NOT support those bad choices. Why are we to lie to her if we don't agree with what she's doing? She came here asking for help with a problem that has an array of resolutions, and long term consequences for her child.

Vampy, quit being so selfish. Nobody is saying you don't love your son. Just because someone gives their baby up for adoption does NOT mean they don't love them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've seen this coming for a long time and I'm not at all surprised by what has transpired. Nobody's picking on you here, and I know that's the victim roll that you are trying to play with us. You aired out your dirtly laundry and asked for help, wondering if you are making the right decision.

Your lack of eloquency and range of nouns in your writing helps illustrate to me just how IMMATURE you actually are. You can talk about your maturity level until you are blue in the face, but how you act on this site portrays a differnt story.

And I beg to differ with a few comments you've made:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>My mother made horrible choices but i still turned out fine. </end quote></div> Your life appears to be a mess to me. Doestn' seem that you "still turned out fine" from this side of the street.

 

[JennifersHope]

Vampy,

I feel sorry for your situation... I feel bad that you are in this mess. I am glad Katy offered to help you get names and numbers of people you should call.

I am sorry that you didn't want to hear what other ppl thought, but in all fairness to them you asked..and this is a very hot topic for a lot of ppl. Many people on here want children, myself included, very badly. but have chosen not to have kids because we didn't FEEL it was best for our child.

Anyway.... I don't agree with a lot of the things that were said to you or I should say in the way that it was said to you...but people can say whatever they want, especially in an open ended question such as what you posed.

You need a lot of help...a baby is not a doll .., he is a live person with real human feelings and needs....

It is a cycle that you are in...but it is a cycle that can be broken... I promise you you can break it.. I am glad that you are trying to do something to get some help for you and your son... That is admirable that you are not just laughing things off.

Not to many years ago, I was a high school drop out, no college education, I lived with an abusive guy and I was pregnant but the baby died before being born because I was abused so badly.. my parents were not bad parents when I was born either...so they would have gotten a "license to have kids"

I was able to get away from the abusive guy see my latest blog, I didn't have a child to consider at the time... and I worked my butt off.. I went back to school., got my GED.. then went to a local college... As you know, I just graduted Nusing school, one of the hardest programs in our state with a near 4.0 ( can't get higher then that) I graduated with honors. I won over 15 Honor awards at graduation. (of course not in spelling ha)....I just bought a brand new home. I am having it built to my specifications...I just got a great job making more money in a month then I would have made in six months and I broke the cycle... I like to think I bashed the cycle.

I did it by God's grace.. and the love that I got from the ppl I was just blogging about......all you need it one person to believe in you. to not judge you and see the potential in you... I want you to know I see the potential in you.

My point is, I see things from a different perspective because I have been where you are....If you chose to keep Lucas, then do right by him and make him proud to be your son... Get away from the abuse... Take care of yourself... and find a way to support yourself... leaning on other ppl is okay if it is only temporary.

Go back to school and at least get your GED if you don't have it.... Don't listen to the negative.... though some of what they said is things you could have considered...... I understand not wanting to give your child away, though adoption is not selfish it is the most wonderful thing a mom can do.. You already made your decision so I pray that you do the very best for your son and for you.

If I can be of any help please let me know... but really mostly these changes you need to make in your life have to come from you.


Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Vampy,

I feel sorry for your situation... I feel bad that you are in this mess. I am glad Katy offered to help you get names and numbers of people you should call.

I am sorry that you didn't want to hear what other ppl thought, but in all fairness to them you asked..and this is a very hot topic for a lot of ppl. Many people on here want children, myself included, very badly. but have chosen not to have kids because we didn't FEEL it was best for our child.

Anyway.... I don't agree with a lot of the things that were said to you or I should say in the way that it was said to you...but people can say whatever they want, especially in an open ended question such as what you posed.

You need a lot of help...a baby is not a doll .., he is a live person with real human feelings and needs....

It is a cycle that you are in...but it is a cycle that can be broken... I promise you you can break it.. I am glad that you are trying to do something to get some help for you and your son... That is admirable that you are not just laughing things off.

Not to many years ago, I was a high school drop out, no college education, I lived with an abusive guy and I was pregnant but the baby died before being born because I was abused so badly.. my parents were not bad parents when I was born either...so they would have gotten a "license to have kids"

I was able to get away from the abusive guy see my latest blog, I didn't have a child to consider at the time... and I worked my butt off.. I went back to school., got my GED.. then went to a local college... As you know, I just graduted Nusing school, one of the hardest programs in our state with a near 4.0 ( can't get higher then that) I graduated with honors. I won over 15 Honor awards at graduation. (of course not in spelling ha)....I just bought a brand new home. I am having it built to my specifications...I just got a great job making more money in a month then I would have made in six months and I broke the cycle... I like to think I bashed the cycle.

I did it by God's grace.. and the love that I got from the ppl I was just blogging about......all you need it one person to believe in you. to not judge you and see the potential in you... I want you to know I see the potential in you.

My point is, I see things from a different perspective because I have been where you are....If you chose to keep Lucas, then do right by him and make him proud to be your son... Get away from the abuse... Take care of yourself... and find a way to support yourself... leaning on other ppl is okay if it is only temporary.

Go back to school and at least get your GED if you don't have it.... Don't listen to the negative.... though some of what they said is things you could have considered...... I understand not wanting to give your child away, though adoption is not selfish it is the most wonderful thing a mom can do.. You already made your decision so I pray that you do the very best for your son and for you.

If I can be of any help please let me know... but really mostly these changes you need to make in your life have to come from you.


Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Vampy,

I feel sorry for your situation... I feel bad that you are in this mess. I am glad Katy offered to help you get names and numbers of people you should call.

I am sorry that you didn't want to hear what other ppl thought, but in all fairness to them you asked..and this is a very hot topic for a lot of ppl. Many people on here want children, myself included, very badly. but have chosen not to have kids because we didn't FEEL it was best for our child.

Anyway.... I don't agree with a lot of the things that were said to you or I should say in the way that it was said to you...but people can say whatever they want, especially in an open ended question such as what you posed.

You need a lot of help...a baby is not a doll .., he is a live person with real human feelings and needs....

It is a cycle that you are in...but it is a cycle that can be broken... I promise you you can break it.. I am glad that you are trying to do something to get some help for you and your son... That is admirable that you are not just laughing things off.

Not to many years ago, I was a high school drop out, no college education, I lived with an abusive guy and I was pregnant but the baby died before being born because I was abused so badly.. my parents were not bad parents when I was born either...so they would have gotten a "license to have kids"

I was able to get away from the abusive guy see my latest blog, I didn't have a child to consider at the time... and I worked my butt off.. I went back to school., got my GED.. then went to a local college... As you know, I just graduted Nusing school, one of the hardest programs in our state with a near 4.0 ( can't get higher then that) I graduated with honors. I won over 15 Honor awards at graduation. (of course not in spelling ha)....I just bought a brand new home. I am having it built to my specifications...I just got a great job making more money in a month then I would have made in six months and I broke the cycle... I like to think I bashed the cycle.

I did it by God's grace.. and the love that I got from the ppl I was just blogging about......all you need it one person to believe in you. to not judge you and see the potential in you... I want you to know I see the potential in you.

My point is, I see things from a different perspective because I have been where you are....If you chose to keep Lucas, then do right by him and make him proud to be your son... Get away from the abuse... Take care of yourself... and find a way to support yourself... leaning on other ppl is okay if it is only temporary.

Go back to school and at least get your GED if you don't have it.... Don't listen to the negative.... though some of what they said is things you could have considered...... I understand not wanting to give your child away, though adoption is not selfish it is the most wonderful thing a mom can do.. You already made your decision so I pray that you do the very best for your son and for you.

If I can be of any help please let me know... but really mostly these changes you need to make in your life have to come from you.


Jennifer

 

[EnergyGal]

When I think about it, I wish I had a forum such as this one when I was young. I know if I would ask a question, I would get all sorts of opinions. The answers that would bother me, might have served to open up my mind to think a different way. When going through a situation like you are in, hearing all sorts of responses will help you. You may not feel it now, but perhaps you will reflect in your future on the advice you received.

Sometimes when others say things that hurt us, it could sometimes be for our best interest. If some of the posts seem harsh, just look at it as there way of sending you TOUGH LOVE. There is no abuse here.

We all learn different ways of communicating. Some yell and scream, some take their time to hold your hand and others walk you through it. All of these folks want to help you.

I hope and pray that you will feel peace in your heart and come back and update us with some good news.

 

[EnergyGal]

When I think about it, I wish I had a forum such as this one when I was young. I know if I would ask a question, I would get all sorts of opinions. The answers that would bother me, might have served to open up my mind to think a different way. When going through a situation like you are in, hearing all sorts of responses will help you. You may not feel it now, but perhaps you will reflect in your future on the advice you received.

Sometimes when others say things that hurt us, it could sometimes be for our best interest. If some of the posts seem harsh, just look at it as there way of sending you TOUGH LOVE. There is no abuse here.

We all learn different ways of communicating. Some yell and scream, some take their time to hold your hand and others walk you through it. All of these folks want to help you.

I hope and pray that you will feel peace in your heart and come back and update us with some good news.

 

[EnergyGal]

When I think about it, I wish I had a forum such as this one when I was young. I know if I would ask a question, I would get all sorts of opinions. The answers that would bother me, might have served to open up my mind to think a different way. When going through a situation like you are in, hearing all sorts of responses will help you. You may not feel it now, but perhaps you will reflect in your future on the advice you received.

Sometimes when others say things that hurt us, it could sometimes be for our best interest. If some of the posts seem harsh, just look at it as there way of sending you TOUGH LOVE. There is no abuse here.

We all learn different ways of communicating. Some yell and scream, some take their time to hold your hand and others walk you through it. All of these folks want to help you.

I hope and pray that you will feel peace in your heart and come back and update us with some good news.

 

[JennifersHope]

Julie,

You know I have always considered you to be my friend, but I am in shock by what you wrote.. I can't believe you would say what you did.... I guess I don't know you at all..

How dare you call someone immature just because they do not have great english skills.... How freaken rude of you and how childish that makes you..I don't know what your level of education is.. but I do remember when I first came to this board you used to sign your name JULIE RN.... and you are not a Registered Nurse.. DId I ever before now chastise you... No....

Not everyone agreed with your choice to get yourself pregnant with three kids... and hey we can judge you, some did and it hurt your feelings deeply.... I certainly didn't judge you.. I was so excited for you

.. You are on welfare and food stamps...Some might see that as a way of you not being able to take care of your kids again, I don't but I am just saying . Seriously, I know you are a good mother..,but I am making a point. You judge yourself by your intentions but others by their actions....Give other ppl the same grace you give yourself.


I am sorry I should probably PMed you this but you are humilating someone on this forum.. AMy stated that women with high self esteem don't usually end up in this type of situation..and you know what she is right... so how is shaming someone... going to help.?????

Honestly... even the ppl who are normally very blunt in saying what they want don't shame ppl.. they just say it like it is..... which is entirely different.

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Julie,

You know I have always considered you to be my friend, but I am in shock by what you wrote.. I can't believe you would say what you did.... I guess I don't know you at all..

How dare you call someone immature just because they do not have great english skills.... How freaken rude of you and how childish that makes you..I don't know what your level of education is.. but I do remember when I first came to this board you used to sign your name JULIE RN.... and you are not a Registered Nurse.. DId I ever before now chastise you... No....

Not everyone agreed with your choice to get yourself pregnant with three kids... and hey we can judge you, some did and it hurt your feelings deeply.... I certainly didn't judge you.. I was so excited for you

.. You are on welfare and food stamps...Some might see that as a way of you not being able to take care of your kids again, I don't but I am just saying . Seriously, I know you are a good mother..,but I am making a point. You judge yourself by your intentions but others by their actions....Give other ppl the same grace you give yourself.


I am sorry I should probably PMed you this but you are humilating someone on this forum.. AMy stated that women with high self esteem don't usually end up in this type of situation..and you know what she is right... so how is shaming someone... going to help.?????

Honestly... even the ppl who are normally very blunt in saying what they want don't shame ppl.. they just say it like it is..... which is entirely different.

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Julie,

You know I have always considered you to be my friend, but I am in shock by what you wrote.. I can't believe you would say what you did.... I guess I don't know you at all..

How dare you call someone immature just because they do not have great english skills.... How freaken rude of you and how childish that makes you..I don't know what your level of education is.. but I do remember when I first came to this board you used to sign your name JULIE RN.... and you are not a Registered Nurse.. DId I ever before now chastise you... No....

Not everyone agreed with your choice to get yourself pregnant with three kids... and hey we can judge you, some did and it hurt your feelings deeply.... I certainly didn't judge you.. I was so excited for you

.. You are on welfare and food stamps...Some might see that as a way of you not being able to take care of your kids again, I don't but I am just saying . Seriously, I know you are a good mother..,but I am making a point. You judge yourself by your intentions but others by their actions....Give other ppl the same grace you give yourself.


I am sorry I should probably PMed you this but you are humilating someone on this forum.. AMy stated that women with high self esteem don't usually end up in this type of situation..and you know what she is right... so how is shaming someone... going to help.?????

Honestly... even the ppl who are normally very blunt in saying what they want don't shame ppl.. they just say it like it is..... which is entirely different.

Jennifer

 

[welshgirl]

vampy<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> at last some constructive advise !!!! jennifer has done you proud. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
with regards to the UNWANTED adoption advise , you should all quit that right now. You all appear to me like vultures waiting for the kill.
i'm sorry Julie but you should know better , you are a mother yourself!!!!!!!!! try to see things from vampys' point of view . she obviously loves her baby.
to all the mothers on this site .can you REALLY imagine abandoning your own flesh and blood 'cos a relationship is ending? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[welshgirl]

vampy<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> at last some constructive advise !!!! jennifer has done you proud. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
with regards to the UNWANTED adoption advise , you should all quit that right now. You all appear to me like vultures waiting for the kill.
i'm sorry Julie but you should know better , you are a mother yourself!!!!!!!!! try to see things from vampys' point of view . she obviously loves her baby.
to all the mothers on this site .can you REALLY imagine abandoning your own flesh and blood 'cos a relationship is ending? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[welshgirl]

vampy<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> at last some constructive advise !!!! jennifer has done you proud. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
with regards to the UNWANTED adoption advise , you should all quit that right now. You all appear to me like vultures waiting for the kill.
i'm sorry Julie but you should know better , you are a mother yourself!!!!!!!!! try to see things from vampys' point of view . she obviously loves her baby.
to all the mothers on this site .can you REALLY imagine abandoning your own flesh and blood 'cos a relationship is ending? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Vampy]

Well you know what, im not gonna get upset anymore about peoples ignorance. They shouldnt say hateful things if they dont know who i am. I am getting my own place..im going back to school and im getting assitance like adc and stuff. There is so many things i wish i could have done diffrent. But no one has made a time machine yet so we obviously cant go back into our past and fix them now can we. So what we need to do is sit there and try to fix whatever we did wrong and thats all i'm trying to do. So critisizd me i dont give a rats behind. You know what, no i didnt finish school! I wish i did. I've been trying to get my ged for the past two years and all i have to do is go take the test. Then im giong to go to college for culinary arts. I love cooking and i think cooking isnt just cooking its a forgotten art. we all make mistakes but i dont go critizing anyone about them. I try to be as nice as i can and to talk them through there problems and help them resolve things that need to be resolved. so what if im a 21 none-educated mother you know its better then being a 16 year old mother who had to quiet school. I did turn out fine because i know what i have to do. im not some psycho that attacks ppl or kills them. To me i am a mature young adult. Yea so what i have a attitude problem but i garentee you if someone was to critisize you and the way you are trying to help you and your baby out you be a bit upset too. so you wanna know my dirty laundry here goes
yea i dont like my body or anything. im not confident and i hate myself. i have low self esteem. i promised myself i would never be in a abusive relationship but untill you are in one dont sit there and tell me to grow up because you have no idea what its like. The abusive messes with your head making the abused think that you cant live without them. that you dont deserve no one better, that you are nothing without them. i know this and realize what i have to do. i need to get out of here but im so scared about the little things like money problems. and what im gonna say when my son asks me one day "wheres my daddy" and what can i say to him knowing what has all happened. My sister is in the same position as i am. cept her bf doesnt let her have any money, doesnt let ehr go anywhere. But i guess we are like this because we was raped and abused for 6 years, along with my mother who was raped and abused. And because of that we have self esteem issues. We are scared to get out there bc we are afraid of anything that might go wrong. My mother got out of there because of us. Though she had no idea that was happening to us untill after she divorced him then we took legal action. Like i said until you've been in a abusive relationship such as being clotheslined and being beaten over a peice of paper on his floor ((as my ex -step father did)) you will never truely know what it does to your mind body and soul. I have moved on away from those years and now im dealing with my own which clint has never hit me. hes just lazy and loves to put me down. thats the beginning of a abusive relationship...Belittleing, emotional then to the physical. I knowi know alot about abusive relationships. i like to read but reading about them and being in them are so much diffrent.

So to you who think im a horrible person who is making horrible mistakes and jepordizing my son whom i love with all my heart and soul. Dont sit there and critisize me untill you know fully of what im going through. please note that i am perfectly calm and not yelling or anything of the sort.

btw. i dont know if i have posted this yet and i prob have but im tired and i need to go clean my house yet again.
Im moving out
getting on adc and applying for temp custody of lucas
foodstamps and HUD( WIC i already have)
I know what im going to do, i just hope that it all works out the way i plan.

 

[Vampy]

Well you know what, im not gonna get upset anymore about peoples ignorance. They shouldnt say hateful things if they dont know who i am. I am getting my own place..im going back to school and im getting assitance like adc and stuff. There is so many things i wish i could have done diffrent. But no one has made a time machine yet so we obviously cant go back into our past and fix them now can we. So what we need to do is sit there and try to fix whatever we did wrong and thats all i'm trying to do. So critisizd me i dont give a rats behind. You know what, no i didnt finish school! I wish i did. I've been trying to get my ged for the past two years and all i have to do is go take the test. Then im giong to go to college for culinary arts. I love cooking and i think cooking isnt just cooking its a forgotten art. we all make mistakes but i dont go critizing anyone about them. I try to be as nice as i can and to talk them through there problems and help them resolve things that need to be resolved. so what if im a 21 none-educated mother you know its better then being a 16 year old mother who had to quiet school. I did turn out fine because i know what i have to do. im not some psycho that attacks ppl or kills them. To me i am a mature young adult. Yea so what i have a attitude problem but i garentee you if someone was to critisize you and the way you are trying to help you and your baby out you be a bit upset too. so you wanna know my dirty laundry here goes
yea i dont like my body or anything. im not confident and i hate myself. i have low self esteem. i promised myself i would never be in a abusive relationship but untill you are in one dont sit there and tell me to grow up because you have no idea what its like. The abusive messes with your head making the abused think that you cant live without them. that you dont deserve no one better, that you are nothing without them. i know this and realize what i have to do. i need to get out of here but im so scared about the little things like money problems. and what im gonna say when my son asks me one day "wheres my daddy" and what can i say to him knowing what has all happened. My sister is in the same position as i am. cept her bf doesnt let her have any money, doesnt let ehr go anywhere. But i guess we are like this because we was raped and abused for 6 years, along with my mother who was raped and abused. And because of that we have self esteem issues. We are scared to get out there bc we are afraid of anything that might go wrong. My mother got out of there because of us. Though she had no idea that was happening to us untill after she divorced him then we took legal action. Like i said until you've been in a abusive relationship such as being clotheslined and being beaten over a peice of paper on his floor ((as my ex -step father did)) you will never truely know what it does to your mind body and soul. I have moved on away from those years and now im dealing with my own which clint has never hit me. hes just lazy and loves to put me down. thats the beginning of a abusive relationship...Belittleing, emotional then to the physical. I knowi know alot about abusive relationships. i like to read but reading about them and being in them are so much diffrent.

So to you who think im a horrible person who is making horrible mistakes and jepordizing my son whom i love with all my heart and soul. Dont sit there and critisize me untill you know fully of what im going through. please note that i am perfectly calm and not yelling or anything of the sort.

btw. i dont know if i have posted this yet and i prob have but im tired and i need to go clean my house yet again.
Im moving out
getting on adc and applying for temp custody of lucas
foodstamps and HUD( WIC i already have)
I know what im going to do, i just hope that it all works out the way i plan.

 

[Vampy]

Well you know what, im not gonna get upset anymore about peoples ignorance. They shouldnt say hateful things if they dont know who i am. I am getting my own place..im going back to school and im getting assitance like adc and stuff. There is so many things i wish i could have done diffrent. But no one has made a time machine yet so we obviously cant go back into our past and fix them now can we. So what we need to do is sit there and try to fix whatever we did wrong and thats all i'm trying to do. So critisizd me i dont give a rats behind. You know what, no i didnt finish school! I wish i did. I've been trying to get my ged for the past two years and all i have to do is go take the test. Then im giong to go to college for culinary arts. I love cooking and i think cooking isnt just cooking its a forgotten art. we all make mistakes but i dont go critizing anyone about them. I try to be as nice as i can and to talk them through there problems and help them resolve things that need to be resolved. so what if im a 21 none-educated mother you know its better then being a 16 year old mother who had to quiet school. I did turn out fine because i know what i have to do. im not some psycho that attacks ppl or kills them. To me i am a mature young adult. Yea so what i have a attitude problem but i garentee you if someone was to critisize you and the way you are trying to help you and your baby out you be a bit upset too. so you wanna know my dirty laundry here goes
yea i dont like my body or anything. im not confident and i hate myself. i have low self esteem. i promised myself i would never be in a abusive relationship but untill you are in one dont sit there and tell me to grow up because you have no idea what its like. The abusive messes with your head making the abused think that you cant live without them. that you dont deserve no one better, that you are nothing without them. i know this and realize what i have to do. i need to get out of here but im so scared about the little things like money problems. and what im gonna say when my son asks me one day "wheres my daddy" and what can i say to him knowing what has all happened. My sister is in the same position as i am. cept her bf doesnt let her have any money, doesnt let ehr go anywhere. But i guess we are like this because we was raped and abused for 6 years, along with my mother who was raped and abused. And because of that we have self esteem issues. We are scared to get out there bc we are afraid of anything that might go wrong. My mother got out of there because of us. Though she had no idea that was happening to us untill after she divorced him then we took legal action. Like i said until you've been in a abusive relationship such as being clotheslined and being beaten over a peice of paper on his floor ((as my ex -step father did)) you will never truely know what it does to your mind body and soul. I have moved on away from those years and now im dealing with my own which clint has never hit me. hes just lazy and loves to put me down. thats the beginning of a abusive relationship...Belittleing, emotional then to the physical. I knowi know alot about abusive relationships. i like to read but reading about them and being in them are so much diffrent.

So to you who think im a horrible person who is making horrible mistakes and jepordizing my son whom i love with all my heart and soul. Dont sit there and critisize me untill you know fully of what im going through. please note that i am perfectly calm and not yelling or anything of the sort.

btw. i dont know if i have posted this yet and i prob have but im tired and i need to go clean my house yet again.
Im moving out
getting on adc and applying for temp custody of lucas
foodstamps and HUD( WIC i already have)
I know what im going to do, i just hope that it all works out the way i plan.

 

[kayleesgrandma]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>BTW all that up there. My mother is helping me with adc foodstamps and temp custody and helping me get a place of my own. im confident i can do this. Though iknow my husband loves me alot he tells me everyday, he has yet to grow up and has issues of his own to worry about. all im doing is trying to do right by my son. thinking of him and taking care of him is my job as a mother. and that i will do. He ultamately comes first, then i come second with my treatments. i want to be there for my son through out his life. So im taking care of me and him. I dont need to be taking care of a 20 year old man who thinks his wife should be like his mother. </b></end quote></div>

I'm glad you realize this Vampy, and are listening to your head and not your heart!

But on another note--it appears some people don't understand the difference between <i><b>criticising</b></i> and <i><b>insulting</b></i>! The so-called "advice" calling her uneducated, and immature is not helpful--even to criticising how she types! Some even questioned her mom's parenting skills! Speaking as one dumb b***** who stayed in a bad relationship, I know the fears Vampy has. It is not easy to just up and leave, so she was trying to get up the courage to do. She came here knowing what she had to do, but I think she wanted someone to help her out the door. Suggesting that she give the baby up--after she had held him to her heart for 2 months--while being a valid option--was like throwing ice-cold water on her. Those of you with a higher education should understand her "knee-jerk" reaction to that suggestion! This baby <u>will</u>, and <u>can</u> be the reason she turns her life around.

As for bitching about her getting pregnant, <i>I used protection and got pregnant </i>a second time! That was 8 yrs after my first-born. I thank God for her, she is my heart--both my children, and grandchildren mean the world to me. Sometimes those things just happen . . . she shouldn't be crucified for it. I wasn't happy to hear that she might be pregnant, but we certainly shouldn't be ready to stone her.

As for her education--sometimes people aren't ready to decide what to do after high school--though by now I hope Vampy will start to make the right decisions regarding continuing her education. Though my two girls finished high school--niether went on to college. My oldest owns her own pet grooming/boarding business--so she didn't turn out the worse for lack of a higher education. My youngest couldn't decide what she wanted to do, was a "waitress" (a damn good one, I might add--was making $300/night), became a manager there, and now works for an insurance company and is a rising star in her department.

Vampy, you know what you have to do, you have to harden your heart against your husband, as he will try to use your emotions to get you to change your mind. You need to set some goals (which it sounds like you have started to do), and stick to them. A person may change, but it's obvious your husband is not ready to. <i>If having a brand new baby, and a wife with a terminal disease does inspire him to change--nothing will.</i> You have to face that fact Vampy--write it on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you are feeling weak.

You can be strong enough to do this girl--you have a beautiful baby to raise, and you want the best for him. It sounds like you have a wonderful mother, who loves you very much. Empower yourself with your own place, maybe a job--if your health permits, and try taking some online classes, or courses at your community college--as Jennifer did. <b> YOU CAN DO THIS, VAMPY!</b> As LisaV said--this can be the start of a whole new life for you and Lucas . . . Walk bravely out that door, Vampy, and don't hesitate to come back for "support".

PS--why don't you get a blog, and that way you have a journal for your thoughts--and you can also edit replys if you don't like them. The only thing is, different opinions help you to look at things a different way, and sometimes getting angry helps you really understand yourself and what you want. (As in "adoption may be a valid option, but I am not willing to have someone else raise the child of my heart" , and "I may have appeared to be "immature", but I think living with the knowledge of a terminal disease, and fighting for my health, and having a healthy baby, should show that I have known how to be a responsible person".

Good luck--and don't look back as you walk out that door!

 

[kayleesgrandma]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>BTW all that up there. My mother is helping me with adc foodstamps and temp custody and helping me get a place of my own. im confident i can do this. Though iknow my husband loves me alot he tells me everyday, he has yet to grow up and has issues of his own to worry about. all im doing is trying to do right by my son. thinking of him and taking care of him is my job as a mother. and that i will do. He ultamately comes first, then i come second with my treatments. i want to be there for my son through out his life. So im taking care of me and him. I dont need to be taking care of a 20 year old man who thinks his wife should be like his mother. </b></end quote></div>

I'm glad you realize this Vampy, and are listening to your head and not your heart!

But on another note--it appears some people don't understand the difference between <i><b>criticising</b></i> and <i><b>insulting</b></i>! The so-called "advice" calling her uneducated, and immature is not helpful--even to criticising how she types! Some even questioned her mom's parenting skills! Speaking as one dumb b***** who stayed in a bad relationship, I know the fears Vampy has. It is not easy to just up and leave, so she was trying to get up the courage to do. She came here knowing what she had to do, but I think she wanted someone to help her out the door. Suggesting that she give the baby up--after she had held him to her heart for 2 months--while being a valid option--was like throwing ice-cold water on her. Those of you with a higher education should understand her "knee-jerk" reaction to that suggestion! This baby <u>will</u>, and <u>can</u> be the reason she turns her life around.

As for bitching about her getting pregnant, <i>I used protection and got pregnant </i>a second time! That was 8 yrs after my first-born. I thank God for her, she is my heart--both my children, and grandchildren mean the world to me. Sometimes those things just happen . . . she shouldn't be crucified for it. I wasn't happy to hear that she might be pregnant, but we certainly shouldn't be ready to stone her.

As for her education--sometimes people aren't ready to decide what to do after high school--though by now I hope Vampy will start to make the right decisions regarding continuing her education. Though my two girls finished high school--niether went on to college. My oldest owns her own pet grooming/boarding business--so she didn't turn out the worse for lack of a higher education. My youngest couldn't decide what she wanted to do, was a "waitress" (a damn good one, I might add--was making $300/night), became a manager there, and now works for an insurance company and is a rising star in her department.

Vampy, you know what you have to do, you have to harden your heart against your husband, as he will try to use your emotions to get you to change your mind. You need to set some goals (which it sounds like you have started to do), and stick to them. A person may change, but it's obvious your husband is not ready to. <i>If having a brand new baby, and a wife with a terminal disease does inspire him to change--nothing will.</i> You have to face that fact Vampy--write it on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you are feeling weak.

You can be strong enough to do this girl--you have a beautiful baby to raise, and you want the best for him. It sounds like you have a wonderful mother, who loves you very much. Empower yourself with your own place, maybe a job--if your health permits, and try taking some online classes, or courses at your community college--as Jennifer did. <b> YOU CAN DO THIS, VAMPY!</b> As LisaV said--this can be the start of a whole new life for you and Lucas . . . Walk bravely out that door, Vampy, and don't hesitate to come back for "support".

PS--why don't you get a blog, and that way you have a journal for your thoughts--and you can also edit replys if you don't like them. The only thing is, different opinions help you to look at things a different way, and sometimes getting angry helps you really understand yourself and what you want. (As in "adoption may be a valid option, but I am not willing to have someone else raise the child of my heart" , and "I may have appeared to be "immature", but I think living with the knowledge of a terminal disease, and fighting for my health, and having a healthy baby, should show that I have known how to be a responsible person".

Good luck--and don't look back as you walk out that door!

 

[kayleesgrandma]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>BTW all that up there. My mother is helping me with adc foodstamps and temp custody and helping me get a place of my own. im confident i can do this. Though iknow my husband loves me alot he tells me everyday, he has yet to grow up and has issues of his own to worry about. all im doing is trying to do right by my son. thinking of him and taking care of him is my job as a mother. and that i will do. He ultamately comes first, then i come second with my treatments. i want to be there for my son through out his life. So im taking care of me and him. I dont need to be taking care of a 20 year old man who thinks his wife should be like his mother. </b></end quote></div>

I'm glad you realize this Vampy, and are listening to your head and not your heart!

But on another note--it appears some people don't understand the difference between <i><b>criticising</b></i> and <i><b>insulting</b></i>! The so-called "advice" calling her uneducated, and immature is not helpful--even to criticising how she types! Some even questioned her mom's parenting skills! Speaking as one dumb b***** who stayed in a bad relationship, I know the fears Vampy has. It is not easy to just up and leave, so she was trying to get up the courage to do. She came here knowing what she had to do, but I think she wanted someone to help her out the door. Suggesting that she give the baby up--after she had held him to her heart for 2 months--while being a valid option--was like throwing ice-cold water on her. Those of you with a higher education should understand her "knee-jerk" reaction to that suggestion! This baby <u>will</u>, and <u>can</u> be the reason she turns her life around.

As for bitching about her getting pregnant, <i>I used protection and got pregnant </i>a second time! That was 8 yrs after my first-born. I thank God for her, she is my heart--both my children, and grandchildren mean the world to me. Sometimes those things just happen . . . she shouldn't be crucified for it. I wasn't happy to hear that she might be pregnant, but we certainly shouldn't be ready to stone her.

As for her education--sometimes people aren't ready to decide what to do after high school--though by now I hope Vampy will start to make the right decisions regarding continuing her education. Though my two girls finished high school--niether went on to college. My oldest owns her own pet grooming/boarding business--so she didn't turn out the worse for lack of a higher education. My youngest couldn't decide what she wanted to do, was a "waitress" (a damn good one, I might add--was making $300/night), became a manager there, and now works for an insurance company and is a rising star in her department.

Vampy, you know what you have to do, you have to harden your heart against your husband, as he will try to use your emotions to get you to change your mind. You need to set some goals (which it sounds like you have started to do), and stick to them. A person may change, but it's obvious your husband is not ready to. <i>If having a brand new baby, and a wife with a terminal disease does inspire him to change--nothing will.</i> You have to face that fact Vampy--write it on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you are feeling weak.

You can be strong enough to do this girl--you have a beautiful baby to raise, and you want the best for him. It sounds like you have a wonderful mother, who loves you very much. Empower yourself with your own place, maybe a job--if your health permits, and try taking some online classes, or courses at your community college--as Jennifer did. <b> YOU CAN DO THIS, VAMPY!</b> As LisaV said--this can be the start of a whole new life for you and Lucas . . . Walk bravely out that door, Vampy, and don't hesitate to come back for "support".

PS--why don't you get a blog, and that way you have a journal for your thoughts--and you can also edit replys if you don't like them. The only thing is, different opinions help you to look at things a different way, and sometimes getting angry helps you really understand yourself and what you want. (As in "adoption may be a valid option, but I am not willing to have someone else raise the child of my heart" , and "I may have appeared to be "immature", but I think living with the knowledge of a terminal disease, and fighting for my health, and having a healthy baby, should show that I have known how to be a responsible person".

Good luck--and don't look back as you walk out that door!

 

[kayleesgrandma]

Good for you Vampy--give 'em hell!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">