HERE WE GO---UPDATED AND SAD :(

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julie

New member
It's still tricky though because,

#1, I HAVE NOT even checked into my command yet. The only reason why I spoke to my chief is because he called my cell phone to ask if I could check in early. I told him that was unlikely because there were some things going on. So technically, I am not even "checked onboard" or "attached" to the ship yet. So I am not sure who is in charge of me, I believe it is my detailers but I am not sure. So if I "disobey his orders" is that really what I am doing, since he isn't my chief yet-by a technicality??????

#2, nobody really has answers because this could be a woman's rights issue-the right to reproduce and infertility is a TREATABLE DISEASE so they have to let me seek treatment for it. Some argue I would have to do the appointments on my own time, some say the military can still tell me not to do it while on sea duty.

And Emily, I have thought about that, just going with the flow right now and then taking some time off, say I am going out of town or something and having the procedures done. But they have ways of spboneaing (spell?) that information and if I flat out lied, I could be in more trouble. My chief has told me that I can't pursue this IVF at ANY time while on sea duty, and that he will prevent me from doing so. I am not sure if that was said out of anger (possibly?) or if he will really try to do that, or if he even can do that. I would rather be completely honest, but I have thought about what you said. I am not a dishonest person either, but I have thought about it, I really have. I just think that might work out to be even worse.


Maria, I will try to email your brother tomorrow, please do tell him thank you for what he has said so far and if he gets any additional information from his military lawyer friend I welcome it. He can also email me at any time at division902@hotmail.com

Thank you so much everyone. I'll keep you posted and let you know what's going on.

I ALSO UPDATED MY WEBSITE <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.cysticfibrosismaleinfertility.com">www.cysticfibrosismaleinfertility.com</a> WITH THE STEP BY STEP OF WHAT HAPPENED THIS LAST WEEK, AND A SCHEDULE OF MY "TREATMENT" IF I DO GET TO GO THROUGH WITH THE IVF.

Thanks to everyone for the support, suggestions and understanding!!!
 
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anonymous

New member
How important is this job to you? I'm sure with the skills you've acquired over the years, you could find another full time job. Ok, it might take a bit longer to climb up the ladder and get back on the pay scale that you're on now but you're still young and can Mark work in the meantime? You're obviously a bright person with exceptional communication skills, so can go far in whatever you choose to do.
 
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JazzysMom

New member
If U leave the service, do you lose your longterm benefits? Do u get a honorable discharge where U would still be entitled to veterans mortgage, VA clinics etc? ANY of the GI benefits? OH I wish I could have easy answers for u?
 
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julie

New member
I need to be active duty for about another year, that's all. I have 2.5 years left in my contract. Mark will be "walking" for graduation this May, but will have just 1 more class to complete summer quarter before he officially has his degree. I could push for an early discharge, we don't need the VA loan and I am honestly not sure what would happen to my VA benefits like my GI BILL, the GI Bill is the only thing I really care about anyways. He really can't work in the meantime, it's either school or a full time job (maybe) but definately not both. And since we've invested this much time and money into his schooling, it would be stupid to stop now.

i'll be keeping you all posted, from what I find out tomorrow. Legal isn't open until Tuesday but I might get some insight tomorrow???????

I started the meds today so it's too late to turn back now!!

Thanks to everyone, keep the ideas/suggestions/questions coming!!!
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>julie</b></i><br>
I started the meds today so it's too late to turn back now!!<hr></blockquote>

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good girl. I'm proud. Hehehehe. I'm so glad you decided to take them anyway. So many people would've just backed off in the face of that threat. Good for you for doing what you want. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
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JazzysMom

New member
Its a big decision & I give U credit for starting the meds. Please let us know what happens. I addressed this with my hubby who was in the Navy years ago & he is so Administrative like (a/k/a cold hearted) or maybe just doesnt undertstand & agrees with your Commander....no ifs, ands or buts about it! Maybe if it was us or he was a woman it wouldnt be so black and white to him! Tho he is very much like that im life where I see a lot of things in the gray area!
 
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reillybug

New member
Good for you! I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Keep us updated. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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julie

New member
Melissa, I can honestly understand both sides of this argument/situation.

I always shook my head and rolled my eyes at these girls who came off the ship for getting pregnant, always, I just got so mad that they would do something like that and I was also jealous that they could just "get pregnant" without any interventions. Maybe the latter is what made me for mad, I'm not quite sure. But now that I am in this situation, it feels so different, I've stopped to think, "maybe these women were trying to get pregnant and didn't and then it just happened, maybe it really was an accident despite all precautions..."

It's like the saying goes, you never really know how it feels until it happens to you, SO TRUE here, so true. And there is truth in the fact that women are NOT to get pregnant while on the ship, we actually have to sign a Page 13 stating that we will not get pregnant while on the ship. But it happens ALL of the time and these girls, who have signed this page 13 (which is like a contract) don't get in trouble. I haven't signed this page 13 yet, and I haven't checked into my ship... I WILL take accountability for the decision(s) I have made and face my punishment(s), however difficult and unfair I might feel it to be.

I also think if I were in my chief's shoes I would look at the situation and ask myself, "is she just trying to do this to get out of deploying because she's on a ship" (in my case, no, I really wanted this deployent and I asked for this ship specifically, Mark was going to fly out and meet me in one of the ports later this summer), then I would ask myself, "has she/they been working on infertility treatments before or is this brand new", (in our case they could pull my medical record and see all of our attempts, see why we were't able to proceed with the treatments at the time.....) and then I would be HUMAN about my decision. It's not like they can't find someone to replace me, what if I could get pregnant naturally, they would have no choice.

I feel like I am beating a dead horse, I am sure I am boring you guys to death, but it is helping me to work it all out. It really wears down on me meantally after a while. the first attempt and then inability to proceed was difficult and heartbreaking but I survived and stayed strong. The second and third time, it got harder and harder, I cried for days, I kind of went into a depression.... and this time, I am just doing all I can to stay strong mentally because this really wears down on the soul, mind, and body. So thanks to all for listening, and suggesting and just being supportive!
 
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65rosessamurai

Guest
Hi Julie,

Didn't have time to read all, but scanned before (having to) send my opinion and comments.

It sounds so sad, yet also seems a bit like there wasn't enough clarification as to your move to Washington, does it? If they would have been specific as to your duty and time, you would have known not to continue with the treatment, right?

As a person who has had siblings in the military, I know how complicated things can get. If you haven't been able to contact a JAG yet, I hope you can. Also, making sure you have proof as to what was said by your current chief, may make a good argumentative statement. (along with finding out if he is your "attached" commander at the time!)

Apparently, some "anonymous" people don't know, you can't quit from the military, without it being dishonerable discharge, which can affect your future in any job.

Sounds like typical military "b.s."; hope you are able to find a solution, and try to keep your VA benefits ('cause they are excellent) and GI BILL, it may come in handy in the future!
-Fred
 
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anonymous

New member
I guess the only thing that seems weird is that you asked your family for money right before your ship leaves. Why not wait until the ship returns. Then you would not have all these problems to deal with. I know you want to be pregnant now, but if you waited, wouldn't that have made it easier career wise. Regardless, I hope you end up with the baby or babies you long for. They seem to be having knee jerk reactions without getting all the facts.

What you say about the other girls is true too. They may have had a story to tell as well that made it perfectly understandable why they got pregnant when they did.
 
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littledebbie

New member
This is all a little over my head, but I get that you want a baby and it's very complicated. That I do understand. So you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
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anonymous

New member
My husband was in the Navy years ago, I'll run this past him and see what his opinion is, just fyi - I doubt he'll know too much about it, but he might, so we'll see. I'm glad you decided to take your meds...I think in the long run your child will prove to be worth whatever havoc the whole thing is causing now. Hopefully your legal servies will help mediate this whole thing. If it wasn't IVF, but was just that you had gotten pregnant, would that change things? Good luck, Julie, I wish the best for you (baby and job intact!)

wanderlost
28 w/CF
 
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julie

New member
To answer that question: If I had just "gotten pregnant" naturally they would have taken me off the ship and put me on shore until the baby was born. Then I could stay on shore for 6 months post-partum and then they usually send people back to sea. BUT..... I would have less than 12 months left on my contract and they don't send people to sea, or onto new orders with 12 months or less. I would have to obligate another 1-2 years of service, which I would NOT do and then I could stay where I was.

And to answer the other question about why not wait until the ship comes back, The ship is suppose to deploy in April, now I've been told it might be late february. And my chief has made it clear that when we return he will continue to prohibit me from taking these meds and going to any infertility doctors appointments. So I figure, now or later, I'll have to go through the same thing. And since I've already got my neck out this far, why give up now, only to do it all over again in 9 months???
 
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nickandlivsmom

New member
Julie- I wish you only the best! I feel bad you have to go through a hard time when this should be a HAPPY and EXCITING time!Everything will work out! I'll say lots of prayers for you!
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
I agree. I don't know your boss, but screw him!!!

Be happy about the prospect of possibly getting pregnant, and celebrate it with Mark. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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JohnnaMarie

New member
Wow Julie:

I am so sorry the timing sucks and your Chief is so uncaring about all you two have gone through to even get to this point. I cannot even begin to know how unhappy this is making you. I hope you can find out if the Chief can tell you that you can't get pregnant. That sounds so wrong. If I was in your shoes I would not take the meds because my health is more important ....if I got stuck on that ship...and could not get the medical attention i needed and was in those meds i would be scared. I know it is a crazy huge....financial and personal loss not to be able to pursue this after all you had to do to get this chance......but your health is first.......I would want to know if i could get out of being on the ship first before i decided not to try.....but if you cant find out you should play it safe for your health and not start the meds......Julie...I so hope that ol Chief was outta line and they cant make you go on the ship and you can do your meds and have another try.......timing stinks sometimes....I wish you the best possible outcome for this.....<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
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julie

New member
Still in the same boat, not sure what is going on, not sure if I am going to be flown out to the ship or not. I thought things were taking a turn for the better this morning when I checked into the temporary unitand they told me my ship isn't having anybody sent to them, they will "collect" us when they return in February. Then I got a phone call, "you shouldn't have checked in at the temporary place, you should have checked into us, it is likely we will be flying you out to the ship..." so I have to go to this other location tomorrow.

I sent in this story to Komo News 4 and someone is interested in doing this story. I told them I was interested in going on as myself (not anonymous) but I also said I didn't hink I had my head about me right and needed to talk to my husband about it first. They said I could go on anonymous and I explained that might be wise because being in the military we are not allowed to talk to anyone in the media.... they were aware of that and had "run into this problem" before but are wanting to do a story on this. So, I am on the fence about that one, I will most definately be doing the story but I am not sure if I will go anon. or as myself. We'll see..... Just wanted to keep everyone updated!
 
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