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Legally married versus ceremonial marriage
- Thread starter julie
- Start date
K
Keepercjr
Guest
schmj- My "husband" works and has good insurance for himself and our children. The problem is that to add me would cost around $500 per month (and it keeps going up every year - when he first got this job it was only $250). If we were married I would lose my social security income, medicare and my (better than his) private health insurance that I have *forever* from my mom's former employer (so no chance of losing health insurance if he lost his job or decided to go self employed or whatever). While it is possible we could get by on just his income in no way would we be able to do that minus that $500 + per month. I would *have* to work and I'm afraid of the toll that would have on my health. I do want to live as long as I can for my children. And not only that, I want to be able to maintain my current health for as long as I can and that takes a lot of money as everyone with a loved one with CF knows.
I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
K
Keepercjr
Guest
schmj- My "husband" works and has good insurance for himself and our children. The problem is that to add me would cost around $500 per month (and it keeps going up every year - when he first got this job it was only $250). If we were married I would lose my social security income, medicare and my (better than his) private health insurance that I have *forever* from my mom's former employer (so no chance of losing health insurance if he lost his job or decided to go self employed or whatever). While it is possible we could get by on just his income in no way would we be able to do that minus that $500 + per month. I would *have* to work and I'm afraid of the toll that would have on my health. I do want to live as long as I can for my children. And not only that, I want to be able to maintain my current health for as long as I can and that takes a lot of money as everyone with a loved one with CF knows.
I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
K
Keepercjr
Guest
schmj- My "husband" works and has good insurance for himself and our children. The problem is that to add me would cost around $500 per month (and it keeps going up every year - when he first got this job it was only $250). If we were married I would lose my social security income, medicare and my (better than his) private health insurance that I have *forever* from my mom's former employer (so no chance of losing health insurance if he lost his job or decided to go self employed or whatever). While it is possible we could get by on just his income in no way would we be able to do that minus that $500 + per month. I would *have* to work and I'm afraid of the toll that would have on my health. I do want to live as long as I can for my children. And not only that, I want to be able to maintain my current health for as long as I can and that takes a lot of money as everyone with a loved one with CF knows.
<br />
<br />I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
<br />
<br />I guess you could say we are manipulating the system but I don't really see another viable option to maintain my health and our ability to live comfortably. Are you trying to suggest that I should play it 100% legal and get married so I can struggle and have a shorter or less full life? I don't believe for 1 second that those of us choosing this lifestyle are immoral or have bad ethics. It is about trying to stay alive! Would you tell your child with CF that unless they can play by all the rules set by our government that he can't have a family?
blindhearted
New member
<P><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>musclemania70</b></i> This was mentioned in a different post which is a good point. For those that are not 'legally' married and not recognized by the state, you need to speak with an attorney. Especially when serious health matters occur, hospitals will not accept taking orders from anyone that is not a legal representative (legal spouse). In addition, money from your estate would go to parents and siblings before your 'live in spouse'. And that can get sticky even in the most loving, generous families. Especially if or when someone is on life-support.</end quote></div> </P>
<P> </P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorney to get living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file with the court house & make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes & decision. My "husband" & I did this. He also made sure I was appointed the benefactor in his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discuss my health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
<P> </P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorney to get living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file with the court house & make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes & decision. My "husband" & I did this. He also made sure I was appointed the benefactor in his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discuss my health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
blindhearted
New member
<P><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>musclemania70</b></i> This was mentioned in a different post which is a good point. For those that are not 'legally' married and not recognized by the state, you need to speak with an attorney. Especially when serious health matters occur, hospitals will not accept taking orders from anyone that is not a legal representative (legal spouse). In addition, money from your estate would go to parents and siblings before your 'live in spouse'. And that can get sticky even in the most loving, generous families. Especially if or when someone is on life-support.</end quote> </P>
<P></P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorneytoget living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file withthe court house& make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes &decision.My "husband"& I did this.He also made sure I was appointed the benefactorin his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discussmy health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
<P></P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorneytoget living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file withthe court house& make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes &decision.My "husband"& I did this.He also made sure I was appointed the benefactorin his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discussmy health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
blindhearted
New member
<P><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>musclemania70</b></i> This was mentioned in a different post which is a good point. For those that are not 'legally' married and not recognized by the state, you need to speak with an attorney. Especially when serious health matters occur, hospitals will not accept taking orders from anyone that is not a legal representative (legal spouse). In addition, money from your estate would go to parents and siblings before your 'live in spouse'. And that can get sticky even in the most loving, generous families. Especially if or when someone is on life-support.</end quote> </P>
<P></P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorneytoget living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file withthe court house& make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes &decision.My "husband"& I did this.He also made sure I was appointed the benefactorin his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discussmy health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
<P></P>
<P>That is why you go to an attorneytoget living wills, advance directives, health care power of attorney to file withthe court house& make sure all of your family is notified of your wishes &decision.My "husband"& I did this.He also made sure I was appointed the benefactorin his life insurance policies or I wouldnt get the money if something were to happen to him. We also made sure to say what would happen if we both passed at the same time (say a car wreck) so the families wouldnt fight over who's child owned what, everything is to be sold & the money to be split equally between the surviving parents. We also made each other authorized-users on each others billing accounts, like the cell phone is in my name but he is authorized-user who can change things or cancel if something happens to me. I also make sure in the hospital & doctor's offices they have permission to discussmy health care with him (and my mother), especially if something happens and I cannot.</P>
redheadedmommy
New member
LOL no . i was wondering about the power of attorney / living will thing.. sorry i should have said so ....
redheadedmommy
New member
LOL no . i was wondering about the power of attorney / living will thing.. sorry i should have said so ....
redheadedmommy
New member
LOL no . i was wondering about the power of attorney / living will thing.. sorry i should have said so ....
@ schmj4910, first off. MediCARE is "old peoples" insurance and your income level has NO bearing on your elgibility for it. Medicaid is for people with health problems and/or low income. So let's just get that straight...
I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
@ schmj4910, first off. MediCARE is "old peoples" insurance and your income level has NO bearing on your elgibility for it. Medicaid is for people with health problems and/or low income. So let's just get that straight...
I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
@ schmj4910, first off. MediCARE is "old peoples" insurance and your income level has NO bearing on your elgibility for it. Medicaid is for people with health problems and/or low income. So let's just get that straight...
<br />
<br />I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />I my opinion, and to kind of discuss the things you said in your post... our medical system, and support systems for those with medical issues SUCKS. Unfortunately, the only way for some people to SURVIVE is to manipulate our very non-working system. It's unfortunate, and I'm not one to condone manipulation across the board. But you should NOT have to choose between living with someone you love (who can also provide lots or medical care. That's not how our world is supposed to work. We should be able to have both.
<br />
<br />
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JennifersHope
New member
Julie, I am getting Medicare in February and by no means am I old, Medicare is not just for old people it is for disabled people as well. Medicaid is based on people with low income and diseases....you can't just get medicaid if you are poor, their has to be more to the story.
I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.
I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.
JennifersHope
New member
Julie, I am getting Medicare in February and by no means am I old, Medicare is not just for old people it is for disabled people as well. Medicaid is based on people with low income and diseases....you can't just get medicaid if you are poor, their has to be more to the story.
I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.
I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.
JennifersHope
New member
Julie, I am getting Medicare in February and by no means am I old, Medicare is not just for old people it is for disabled people as well. Medicaid is based on people with low income and diseases....you can't just get medicaid if you are poor, their has to be more to the story.
<br />
<br />I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.
<br />
<br />I am sure you know Medicare is not just an old person's insurance, at least I hope you know that.