Legally married versus ceremonial marriage

Blessed4Times

New member
@ Caroline - No, I am not bothered or offended at all by your choices. And my comment about staying home with children wasn't directed at you at all. I was only comparing it in the sense of what other "single" moms do to scam the system. I was not trying to offend you in any way, so I apologize if you felt like I was attacking you. That is what works for YOUR family so by all means you should keep doing what works in your very personal situation. Eventhough I don't believe in it, I would consider not marrying if it meant losing necessary, life-sustaining medication and access to medical care. Perhaps if my fiance and I were in that situation we wouldn't get legally married, but forunately we aren't.

You have two children to take care of. I have 4 and I know how much work it is to take care of them plus yourself. I am glad that you don't have to work for the sake of your children. I wish that my fiance who has CF didn't have to work, but he does until I can support all 6 of us. I hope and pray that the exchange for that isn't his health because it has surely declined in the last 3 years that he's worked full time. I want him to rest when he's sick and not stress about work and paying our bills like he does now. Hopefully that will become a reality within the next 2 years and he can "retire." At the end of the day, the goal for every CFer is to live as long as possible and as healthy as possible for your family and children.

I agree that there are very few CFers in this situation. Just like you, I am extremely bothered that there are many people out there, not specifically CFers that have learned how to scam the system and live off the system simply because they can like the "single" mom I mentioned in the earlier post. This is why our system is broke. I have an aunt that has always made sure her income was even $1 less than the maximum allowed to collect medicare and food stamps for her family. She found every loop whole possible to qualify for every benefit under the sun. Rather than educate herself and look for better employment (which she is fully capable of doing) she has continued to live like that. It's the mindset that A LOT of people have that the government should pick up the tab when they fall short that's frustrating, not your situation.
 

Blessed4Times

New member
@ Caroline - No, I am not bothered or offended at all by your choices. And my comment about staying home with children wasn't directed at you at all. I was only comparing it in the sense of what other "single" moms do to scam the system. I was not trying to offend you in any way, so I apologize if you felt like I was attacking you. That is what works for YOUR family so by all means you should keep doing what works in your very personal situation. Eventhough I don't believe in it, I would consider not marrying if it meant losing necessary, life-sustaining medication and access to medical care. Perhaps if my fiance and I were in that situation we wouldn't get legally married, but forunately we aren't.

You have two children to take care of. I have 4 and I know how much work it is to take care of them plus yourself. I am glad that you don't have to work for the sake of your children. I wish that my fiance who has CF didn't have to work, but he does until I can support all 6 of us. I hope and pray that the exchange for that isn't his health because it has surely declined in the last 3 years that he's worked full time. I want him to rest when he's sick and not stress about work and paying our bills like he does now. Hopefully that will become a reality within the next 2 years and he can "retire." At the end of the day, the goal for every CFer is to live as long as possible and as healthy as possible for your family and children.

I agree that there are very few CFers in this situation. Just like you, I am extremely bothered that there are many people out there, not specifically CFers that have learned how to scam the system and live off the system simply because they can like the "single" mom I mentioned in the earlier post. This is why our system is broke. I have an aunt that has always made sure her income was even $1 less than the maximum allowed to collect medicare and food stamps for her family. She found every loop whole possible to qualify for every benefit under the sun. Rather than educate herself and look for better employment (which she is fully capable of doing) she has continued to live like that. It's the mindset that A LOT of people have that the government should pick up the tab when they fall short that's frustrating, not your situation.
 

Blessed4Times

New member
@ Caroline - No, I am not bothered or offended at all by your choices. And my comment about staying home with children wasn't directed at you at all. I was only comparing it in the sense of what other "single" moms do to scam the system. I was not trying to offend you in any way, so I apologize if you felt like I was attacking you. That is what works for YOUR family so by all means you should keep doing what works in your very personal situation. Eventhough I don't believe in it, I would consider not marrying if it meant losing necessary, life-sustaining medication and access to medical care. Perhaps if my fiance and I were in that situation we wouldn't get legally married, but forunately we aren't.
<br />
<br />You have two children to take care of. I have 4 and I know how much work it is to take care of them plus yourself. I am glad that you don't have to work for the sake of your children. I wish that my fiance who has CF didn't have to work, but he does until I can support all 6 of us. I hope and pray that the exchange for that isn't his health because it has surely declined in the last 3 years that he's worked full time. I want him to rest when he's sick and not stress about work and paying our bills like he does now. Hopefully that will become a reality within the next 2 years and he can "retire." At the end of the day, the goal for every CFer is to live as long as possible and as healthy as possible for your family and children.
<br />
<br />I agree that there are very few CFers in this situation. Just like you, I am extremely bothered that there are many people out there, not specifically CFers that have learned how to scam the system and live off the system simply because they can like the "single" mom I mentioned in the earlier post. This is why our system is broke. I have an aunt that has always made sure her income was even $1 less than the maximum allowed to collect medicare and food stamps for her family. She found every loop whole possible to qualify for every benefit under the sun. Rather than educate herself and look for better employment (which she is fully capable of doing) she has continued to live like that. It's the mindset that A LOT of people have that the government should pick up the tab when they fall short that's frustrating, not your situation.
 

AnnieT

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Keepercjr</b></i>

I thought I had no more to say but couldn't help respond since it was clear Blessed was talking about me here since I am the only one who mentioned staying home with my kids... And a disclaimer that what I mention pertains to my situation only.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Blessed4Times</b></i>

A CFer claiming to be single to obtain SSI and stay home with their children isn't really any different than a "single" mom who stays home and lives with their child's father but doesn't claim their partner's income in order to collect food stamps, housing, etc. On paper that mom is "single" but in reality that is not the case. They are essentially collecting benefits that they aren't entitled to. </end quote></div>

I can tell by the language you use (scam, fraud, do the right thing, etc) that you are clearly bothered by my choices in life even though you claim to understand.  Me "claiming to be single" (even though I technically AM single) to keep my benefits so I can YES stay home (ie not weaken myself by working) with my kids (and FWIW I would most likely not be working outside the home either if we didn't have kids)  is NO WHERE NEAR a healthy able-bodied person living with his/her partner and collecting benefits just to not have to work because they are too lazy.  I have to say I am a little offended.  I am doing it so I can stay healthy, not so I can have lots of date nights and go on fancy vacations. I have a family member defrauding the system like you described because he learned how to play it in prison - and it infuriates me.   But I'm not trading my (very modest) Social Security income and lifelong 100% secure forever health insurance for DH's "fine" health insurance and the possibility of losing it should he ever lose employment just to make people like you feel better.  It would cost us almost $2000 per month to compensate for the actual $ and other benefits I'd lose (and $ we would need to pay) if we got married.  I don't know where you live but for him to make another $2000 per month anytime soon is out of the question and he has a good job, a college degree and many years of experience!  I don't collect food stamps even though I qualify - I don't take WIC even though I qualify - I don't collect welfare (no idea if I qualify or not). 

Remember that we are talking about a rather unique situation here.  This isn't a problem that affects most Americans - just a select few.  So it isn't like there are millions of us with CF out there "scamming" left and right.  With the way our system is set up now there is no other good choice for people in *my* shoes.  I'm sorry but there just isn't.  Wishing there was, or saying there must be is not the same as there actually being one.  Trust me - I know.

In the end, when we reflect back on our lives, what is really going to matter?  Are my family and friends really going to care that I remained "single" so that I could live as long and healthy a life as I could?  They are going to remember that I was an honest, loving, caring person who did the best I could with what life threw at me. </end quote></div>

 don't let them rile you up. It's not worth it and honestly who is it anyone's business  what you do or how much you make and what you do with your time? Breathe in and breathe out :)
 

AnnieT

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Keepercjr</b></i>

I thought I had no more to say but couldn't help respond since it was clear Blessed was talking about me here since I am the only one who mentioned staying home with my kids... And a disclaimer that what I mention pertains to my situation only.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Blessed4Times</b></i>

A CFer claiming to be single to obtain SSI and stay home with their children isn't really any different than a "single" mom who stays home and lives with their child's father but doesn't claim their partner's income in order to collect food stamps, housing, etc. On paper that mom is "single" but in reality that is not the case. They are essentially collecting benefits that they aren't entitled to. </end quote>

I can tell by the language you use (scam, fraud, do the right thing, etc) that you are clearly bothered by my choices in life even though you claim to understand. Me "claiming to be single" (even though I technically AM single) to keep my benefits so I can YES stay home (ie not weaken myself by working) with my kids (and FWIW I would most likely not be working outside the home either if we didn't have kids) is NO WHERE NEAR a healthy able-bodied person living with his/her partner and collecting benefits just to not have to work because they are too lazy. I have to say I am a little offended. I am doing it so I can stay healthy, not so I can have lots of date nights and go on fancy vacations. I have a family member defrauding the system like you described because he learned how to play it in prison - and it infuriates me. But I'm not trading my (very modest) Social Security income and lifelong 100% secure forever health insurance for DH's "fine" health insurance and the possibility of losing it should he ever lose employment just to make people like you feel better. It would cost us almost $2000 per month to compensate for the actual $ and other benefits I'd lose (and $ we would need to pay) if we got married. I don't know where you live but for him to make another $2000 per month anytime soon is out of the question and he has a good job, a college degree and many years of experience! I don't collect food stamps even though I qualify - I don't take WIC even though I qualify - I don't collect welfare (no idea if I qualify or not).

Remember that we are talking about a rather unique situation here. This isn't a problem that affects most Americans - just a select few. So it isn't like there are millions of us with CF out there "scamming" left and right. With the way our system is set up now there is no other good choice for people in *my* shoes. I'm sorry but there just isn't. Wishing there was, or saying there must be is not the same as there actually being one. Trust me - I know.

In the end, when we reflect back on our lives, what is really going to matter? Are my family and friends really going to care that I remained "single" so that I could live as long and healthy a life as I could? They are going to remember that I was an honest, loving, caring person who did the best I could with what life threw at me.</end quote>

don't let themrile you up. It's not worth it and honestly who is it anyone's business what you do or how much you make and what you do with your time? Breathe in and breathe out :)
 

AnnieT

New member
<p><div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Keepercjr</b></i>

I thought I had no more to say but couldn't help respond since it was clear Blessed was talking about me here since I am the only one who mentioned staying home with my kids... And a disclaimer that what I mention pertains to my situation only.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Blessed4Times</b></i>

A CFer claiming to be single to obtain SSI and stay home with their children isn't really any different than a "single" mom who stays home and lives with their child's father but doesn't claim their partner's income in order to collect food stamps, housing, etc. On paper that mom is "single" but in reality that is not the case. They are essentially collecting benefits that they aren't entitled to. </end quote>

I can tell by the language you use (scam, fraud, do the right thing, etc) that you are clearly bothered by my choices in life even though you claim to understand. Me "claiming to be single" (even though I technically AM single) to keep my benefits so I can YES stay home (ie not weaken myself by working) with my kids (and FWIW I would most likely not be working outside the home either if we didn't have kids) is NO WHERE NEAR a healthy able-bodied person living with his/her partner and collecting benefits just to not have to work because they are too lazy. I have to say I am a little offended. I am doing it so I can stay healthy, not so I can have lots of date nights and go on fancy vacations. I have a family member defrauding the system like you described because he learned how to play it in prison - and it infuriates me. But I'm not trading my (very modest) Social Security income and lifelong 100% secure forever health insurance for DH's "fine" health insurance and the possibility of losing it should he ever lose employment just to make people like you feel better. It would cost us almost $2000 per month to compensate for the actual $ and other benefits I'd lose (and $ we would need to pay) if we got married. I don't know where you live but for him to make another $2000 per month anytime soon is out of the question and he has a good job, a college degree and many years of experience! I don't collect food stamps even though I qualify - I don't take WIC even though I qualify - I don't collect welfare (no idea if I qualify or not).

Remember that we are talking about a rather unique situation here. This isn't a problem that affects most Americans - just a select few. So it isn't like there are millions of us with CF out there "scamming" left and right. With the way our system is set up now there is no other good choice for people in *my* shoes. I'm sorry but there just isn't. Wishing there was, or saying there must be is not the same as there actually being one. Trust me - I know.

In the end, when we reflect back on our lives, what is really going to matter? Are my family and friends really going to care that I remained "single" so that I could live as long and healthy a life as I could? They are going to remember that I was an honest, loving, caring person who did the best I could with what life threw at me.</end quote>

<p><p>don't let themrile you up. It's not worth it and honestly who is it anyone's business what you do or how much you make and what you do with your time? Breathe in and breathe out :)
 

Landy

New member
ignore my post above. I see it has been addressed.
I don't come here that often and saw the quick reply on page 2 & posted, then noticed there was a page 3&4. It won't let me edit my post above to delete it. Can you edit anymore???
 

Landy

New member
ignore my post above. I see it has been addressed.
I don't come here that often and saw the quick reply on page 2 & posted, then noticed there was a page 3&4. It won't let me edit my post above to delete it. Can you edit anymore???
 

Landy

New member
ignore my post above. I see it has been addressed.
<br /> I don't come here that often and saw the quick reply on page 2 & posted, then noticed there was a page 3&4. It won't let me edit my post above to delete it. Can you edit anymore???
 

julie

New member
AnnieT, thank you. That's exactly what I meant. I'm well aware of the differences, but was illustrating the difference (and maybe should have explained them in their entiretly instead of trying to summarize).

@schmj1940... that is the point of this entire topic, I think you and I are on the same page, but missing points. I totally understand what you are talking about and trying to get people to take a look at. Maybe this will help clarify- If you are NOT legally married, you are only required to report individual income, and NOT household income. But once you are legally married, you are required to report household income. Therefore, if someone is not legally married, they are NOT committing any sort of fraud by ONLY reporting their income. It's a loophole, and unfortunately for someone with a chroinc and expensive disease, it's one that needs to be utilized. I appreciate you taking the time to share your concern, however, I'm not angry, and not battling anything. I'm beyond irritated with one person in particular on this thread who I keep bumping heads with lately, that is all. And I'm frustrated with the fact that people post "absolutes" that aren't, and they have very little education or experience and then other people get all wound up over their incorrect information.

@musclemania, you couldn't be more incorrect about your tax info and filing separately/with a spouse. You can still get SSDI, and still get medicare if you file joint. There is no need to file separately unless it is advantageous regarding the taxes you owe. This is what I"m talking about... research, do the research people. I just had to because I got 8 emails about that one post...

Good lord people, don't you think that if peoples spouses could "go out and get better jobs with better medical coverage" they would freaking do it??? I've got your back Caroline... you are doing what you need to do to keep YOU healthy, and you are ok with your living situation, and there is NO fraud going on. I know you aren't even sweating, it, but just a kind reminder not too. This is the kind of closed minded thinking that got our damn government into the situation we're in now...

Let's clarify someting here everyone, in a MAJORITY of the states, the state codes define what is considered a household. MOST states say that if people are not legally or common law married (if recognized), then they are NOT considered a household for program/benefit/INCOME REPORTING intents and purposes. The laws further define what programs require reporting of all persons living in a household, and then breaks down the reporting status/requirments if they are single, married... blah blah blah. So, as long as you are aware of the laws in your state (for example in WA check out the Revised Code of Washington -RCW or Washington Administrative Code -WAC) and you are within the scope of what is legal. For example, for food stamps, you are ceremonially married. Man has CF, woman does not. Man does not work, woman does. Man applies for food stamps and medical coverage using his NON income, and applying for HIMSELF only. Man gets food stamps and medical for himself only. If the 2nd person in the household isn't reporting their income, then they cannot be "counted" for increased benefit amount.
 

julie

New member
AnnieT, thank you. That's exactly what I meant. I'm well aware of the differences, but was illustrating the difference (and maybe should have explained them in their entiretly instead of trying to summarize).

@schmj1940... that is the point of this entire topic, I think you and I are on the same page, but missing points. I totally understand what you are talking about and trying to get people to take a look at. Maybe this will help clarify- If you are NOT legally married, you are only required to report individual income, and NOT household income. But once you are legally married, you are required to report household income. Therefore, if someone is not legally married, they are NOT committing any sort of fraud by ONLY reporting their income. It's a loophole, and unfortunately for someone with a chroinc and expensive disease, it's one that needs to be utilized. I appreciate you taking the time to share your concern, however, I'm not angry, and not battling anything. I'm beyond irritated with one person in particular on this thread who I keep bumping heads with lately, that is all. And I'm frustrated with the fact that people post "absolutes" that aren't, and they have very little education or experience and then other people get all wound up over their incorrect information.

@musclemania, you couldn't be more incorrect about your tax info and filing separately/with a spouse. You can still get SSDI, and still get medicare if you file joint. There is no need to file separately unless it is advantageous regarding the taxes you owe. This is what I"m talking about... research, do the research people. I just had to because I got 8 emails about that one post...

Good lord people, don't you think that if peoples spouses could "go out and get better jobs with better medical coverage" they would freaking do it??? I've got your back Caroline... you are doing what you need to do to keep YOU healthy, and you are ok with your living situation, and there is NO fraud going on. I know you aren't even sweating, it, but just a kind reminder not too. This is the kind of closed minded thinking that got our damn government into the situation we're in now...

Let's clarify someting here everyone, in a MAJORITY of the states, the state codes define what is considered a household. MOST states say that if people are not legally or common law married (if recognized), then they are NOT considered a household for program/benefit/INCOME REPORTING intents and purposes. The laws further define what programs require reporting of all persons living in a household, and then breaks down the reporting status/requirments if they are single, married... blah blah blah. So, as long as you are aware of the laws in your state (for example in WA check out the Revised Code of Washington -RCW or Washington Administrative Code -WAC) and you are within the scope of what is legal. For example, for food stamps, you are ceremonially married. Man has CF, woman does not. Man does not work, woman does. Man applies for food stamps and medical coverage using his NON income, and applying for HIMSELF only. Man gets food stamps and medical for himself only. If the 2nd person in the household isn't reporting their income, then they cannot be "counted" for increased benefit amount.
 

julie

New member
AnnieT, thank you. That's exactly what I meant. I'm well aware of the differences, but was illustrating the difference (and maybe should have explained them in their entiretly instead of trying to summarize).
<br />
<br />@schmj1940... that is the point of this entire topic, I think you and I are on the same page, but missing points. I totally understand what you are talking about and trying to get people to take a look at. Maybe this will help clarify- If you are NOT legally married, you are only required to report individual income, and NOT household income. But once you are legally married, you are required to report household income. Therefore, if someone is not legally married, they are NOT committing any sort of fraud by ONLY reporting their income. It's a loophole, and unfortunately for someone with a chroinc and expensive disease, it's one that needs to be utilized. I appreciate you taking the time to share your concern, however, I'm not angry, and not battling anything. I'm beyond irritated with one person in particular on this thread who I keep bumping heads with lately, that is all. And I'm frustrated with the fact that people post "absolutes" that aren't, and they have very little education or experience and then other people get all wound up over their incorrect information.
<br />
<br />@musclemania, you couldn't be more incorrect about your tax info and filing separately/with a spouse. You can still get SSDI, and still get medicare if you file joint. There is no need to file separately unless it is advantageous regarding the taxes you owe. This is what I"m talking about... research, do the research people. I just had to because I got 8 emails about that one post...
<br />
<br />Good lord people, don't you think that if peoples spouses could "go out and get better jobs with better medical coverage" they would freaking do it??? I've got your back Caroline... you are doing what you need to do to keep YOU healthy, and you are ok with your living situation, and there is NO fraud going on. I know you aren't even sweating, it, but just a kind reminder not too. This is the kind of closed minded thinking that got our damn government into the situation we're in now...
<br />
<br />Let's clarify someting here everyone, in a MAJORITY of the states, the state codes define what is considered a household. MOST states say that if people are not legally or common law married (if recognized), then they are NOT considered a household for program/benefit/INCOME REPORTING intents and purposes. The laws further define what programs require reporting of all persons living in a household, and then breaks down the reporting status/requirments if they are single, married... blah blah blah. So, as long as you are aware of the laws in your state (for example in WA check out the Revised Code of Washington -RCW or Washington Administrative Code -WAC) and you are within the scope of what is legal. For example, for food stamps, you are ceremonially married. Man has CF, woman does not. Man does not work, woman does. Man applies for food stamps and medical coverage using his NON income, and applying for HIMSELF only. Man gets food stamps and medical for himself only. If the 2nd person in the household isn't reporting their income, then they cannot be "counted" for increased benefit amount.
 
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