Loving and and being a Caregiver to a CFer

[Grendel]

Hello,

Grendel (Lance) here. I am in love with Talia, and we were talking about getting engaged, and well it didn't quite go as planned. Talia has personal concerns she must address first, but beyond her own obstacles Talia loves me very much but is concerned about my CF -she says she is scared and is not sure if she is up to the challenge. Her mother and father have great doubts and concerns about her marrying me mostly because of the challenges, and suffering a surviving spouse and caregiver inevitably endures in a CF marriage. They worry for her becoming a widow, and whether if she can endure it. I am afraid that have encouraged her fears rather than encourage her strenghths and the blessing that can be shared in loving and caring for a CFer. I think that the consierations in play are one sided and not balanced. With CF it teaches one to dig deep, deep into your faith, your strength, and in doing so you learn so much about yourself, your faith, love, and God in ways that other challenges just cant equate. I also think her parents don't want to let go of their little girl. They are a close-nit family. Though I believe her parents are doing what each of their parents did to them which was to dimish their childs confidence by accentuating the challenge. That seemed to be their tactic when they first spoke to her. I am not sure how much emotional autonomy she has from them, but it is clear to me that they have a great influence over her.

For their benefit and those who read this thread, how do you, the community of CFers, Spouses, and Caregivers feel about this? I am asking you to address your thoughts and response to the questions to her and her father, who will be reading this thread at some point. Do you regret the harship that CF poses? Would you do it over again if given the choice? Did the process teach you about love and life and fortify your strength in the power in your faith and in God?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

Hello,

Grendel (Lance) here. I am in love with Talia, and we were talking about getting engaged, and well it didn't quite go as planned. Talia has personal concerns she must address first, but beyond her own obstacles Talia loves me very much but is concerned about my CF -she says she is scared and is not sure if she is up to the challenge. Her mother and father have great doubts and concerns about her marrying me mostly because of the challenges, and suffering a surviving spouse and caregiver inevitably endures in a CF marriage. They worry for her becoming a widow, and whether if she can endure it. I am afraid that have encouraged her fears rather than encourage her strenghths and the blessing that can be shared in loving and caring for a CFer. I think that the consierations in play are one sided and not balanced. With CF it teaches one to dig deep, deep into your faith, your strength, and in doing so you learn so much about yourself, your faith, love, and God in ways that other challenges just cant equate. I also think her parents don't want to let go of their little girl. They are a close-nit family. Though I believe her parents are doing what each of their parents did to them which was to dimish their childs confidence by accentuating the challenge. That seemed to be their tactic when they first spoke to her. I am not sure how much emotional autonomy she has from them, but it is clear to me that they have a great influence over her.

For their benefit and those who read this thread, how do you, the community of CFers, Spouses, and Caregivers feel about this? I am asking you to address your thoughts and response to the questions to her and her father, who will be reading this thread at some point. Do you regret the harship that CF poses? Would you do it over again if given the choice? Did the process teach you about love and life and fortify your strength in the power in your faith and in God?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

Hello,

Grendel (Lance) here. I am in love with Talia, and we were talking about getting engaged, and well it didn't quite go as planned. Talia has personal concerns she must address first, but beyond her own obstacles Talia loves me very much but is concerned about my CF -she says she is scared and is not sure if she is up to the challenge. Her mother and father have great doubts and concerns about her marrying me mostly because of the challenges, and suffering a surviving spouse and caregiver inevitably endures in a CF marriage. They worry for her becoming a widow, and whether if she can endure it. I am afraid that have encouraged her fears rather than encourage her strenghths and the blessing that can be shared in loving and caring for a CFer. I think that the consierations in play are one sided and not balanced. With CF it teaches one to dig deep, deep into your faith, your strength, and in doing so you learn so much about yourself, your faith, love, and God in ways that other challenges just cant equate. I also think her parents don't want to let go of their little girl. They are a close-nit family. Though I believe her parents are doing what each of their parents did to them which was to dimish their childs confidence by accentuating the challenge. That seemed to be their tactic when they first spoke to her. I am not sure how much emotional autonomy she has from them, but it is clear to me that they have a great influence over her.

For their benefit and those who read this thread, how do you, the community of CFers, Spouses, and Caregivers feel about this? I am asking you to address your thoughts and response to the questions to her and her father, who will be reading this thread at some point. Do you regret the harship that CF poses? Would you do it over again if given the choice? Did the process teach you about love and life and fortify your strength in the power in your faith and in God?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

Hello,

Grendel (Lance) here. I am in love with Talia, and we were talking about getting engaged, and well it didn't quite go as planned. Talia has personal concerns she must address first, but beyond her own obstacles Talia loves me very much but is concerned about my CF -she says she is scared and is not sure if she is up to the challenge. Her mother and father have great doubts and concerns about her marrying me mostly because of the challenges, and suffering a surviving spouse and caregiver inevitably endures in a CF marriage. They worry for her becoming a widow, and whether if she can endure it. I am afraid that have encouraged her fears rather than encourage her strenghths and the blessing that can be shared in loving and caring for a CFer. I think that the consierations in play are one sided and not balanced. With CF it teaches one to dig deep, deep into your faith, your strength, and in doing so you learn so much about yourself, your faith, love, and God in ways that other challenges just cant equate. I also think her parents don't want to let go of their little girl. They are a close-nit family. Though I believe her parents are doing what each of their parents did to them which was to dimish their childs confidence by accentuating the challenge. That seemed to be their tactic when they first spoke to her. I am not sure how much emotional autonomy she has from them, but it is clear to me that they have a great influence over her.

For their benefit and those who read this thread, how do you, the community of CFers, Spouses, and Caregivers feel about this? I am asking you to address your thoughts and response to the questions to her and her father, who will be reading this thread at some point. Do you regret the harship that CF poses? Would you do it over again if given the choice? Did the process teach you about love and life and fortify your strength in the power in your faith and in God?

Thanks,
Grendel

 

[Grendel]

Hello,
<br />
<br />Grendel (Lance) here. I am in love with Talia, and we were talking about getting engaged, and well it didn't quite go as planned. Talia has personal concerns she must address first, but beyond her own obstacles Talia loves me very much but is concerned about my CF -she says she is scared and is not sure if she is up to the challenge. Her mother and father have great doubts and concerns about her marrying me mostly because of the challenges, and suffering a surviving spouse and caregiver inevitably endures in a CF marriage. They worry for her becoming a widow, and whether if she can endure it. I am afraid that have encouraged her fears rather than encourage her strenghths and the blessing that can be shared in loving and caring for a CFer. I think that the consierations in play are one sided and not balanced. With CF it teaches one to dig deep, deep into your faith, your strength, and in doing so you learn so much about yourself, your faith, love, and God in ways that other challenges just cant equate. I also think her parents don't want to let go of their little girl. They are a close-nit family. Though I believe her parents are doing what each of their parents did to them which was to dimish their childs confidence by accentuating the challenge. That seemed to be their tactic when they first spoke to her. I am not sure how much emotional autonomy she has from them, but it is clear to me that they have a great influence over her.
<br />
<br />For their benefit and those who read this thread, how do you, the community of CFers, Spouses, and Caregivers feel about this? I am asking you to address your thoughts and response to the questions to her and her father, who will be reading this thread at some point. Do you regret the harship that CF poses? Would you do it over again if given the choice? Did the process teach you about love and life and fortify your strength in the power in your faith and in God?
<br />
<br />Thanks,
<br />Grendel
<br />

 

[Kori]

WOW what a question. Ok let's see...

Before I ever moved to Alabama to be with Richard and to ultimately become his wife.I researched everything I possibly could about CF. And there were many, many times I had my doubts wether or not I wanted to take on this adventure. But I did. When it's real love none of that matters. It becomes about the two of you as a couple in a relationship and CF just takes a back seat. It's there and yes there is nothing we can do about it. But I would rather have this great and awesome opportunity to experience this kind of love with him than to let it pass me by. We are not guarentedd the next breath we take. people die everyday husbands, wives, children from numerous things. But it's a chance we take. And now that I know that my husband is dying not just from CF but from Cancer as well. I still would not trade it for anything in this world.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your life together.

 

[Kori]

WOW what a question. Ok let's see...

Before I ever moved to Alabama to be with Richard and to ultimately become his wife.I researched everything I possibly could about CF. And there were many, many times I had my doubts wether or not I wanted to take on this adventure. But I did. When it's real love none of that matters. It becomes about the two of you as a couple in a relationship and CF just takes a back seat. It's there and yes there is nothing we can do about it. But I would rather have this great and awesome opportunity to experience this kind of love with him than to let it pass me by. We are not guarentedd the next breath we take. people die everyday husbands, wives, children from numerous things. But it's a chance we take. And now that I know that my husband is dying not just from CF but from Cancer as well. I still would not trade it for anything in this world.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your life together.

 

[Kori]

WOW what a question. Ok let's see...

Before I ever moved to Alabama to be with Richard and to ultimately become his wife.I researched everything I possibly could about CF. And there were many, many times I had my doubts wether or not I wanted to take on this adventure. But I did. When it's real love none of that matters. It becomes about the two of you as a couple in a relationship and CF just takes a back seat. It's there and yes there is nothing we can do about it. But I would rather have this great and awesome opportunity to experience this kind of love with him than to let it pass me by. We are not guarentedd the next breath we take. people die everyday husbands, wives, children from numerous things. But it's a chance we take. And now that I know that my husband is dying not just from CF but from Cancer as well. I still would not trade it for anything in this world.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your life together.

 

[Kori]

WOW what a question. Ok let's see...

Before I ever moved to Alabama to be with Richard and to ultimately become his wife.I researched everything I possibly could about CF. And there were many, many times I had my doubts wether or not I wanted to take on this adventure. But I did. When it's real love none of that matters. It becomes about the two of you as a couple in a relationship and CF just takes a back seat. It's there and yes there is nothing we can do about it. But I would rather have this great and awesome opportunity to experience this kind of love with him than to let it pass me by. We are not guarentedd the next breath we take. people die everyday husbands, wives, children from numerous things. But it's a chance we take. And now that I know that my husband is dying not just from CF but from Cancer as well. I still would not trade it for anything in this world.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your life together.

 

[Kori]

WOW what a question. Ok let's see...
<br />
<br />Before I ever moved to Alabama to be with Richard and to ultimately become his wife.I researched everything I possibly could about CF. And there were many, many times I had my doubts wether or not I wanted to take on this adventure. But I did. When it's real love none of that matters. It becomes about the two of you as a couple in a relationship and CF just takes a back seat. It's there and yes there is nothing we can do about it. But I would rather have this great and awesome opportunity to experience this kind of love with him than to let it pass me by. We are not guarentedd the next breath we take. people die everyday husbands, wives, children from numerous things. But it's a chance we take. And now that I know that my husband is dying not just from CF but from Cancer as well. I still would not trade it for anything in this world.
<br />
<br />I wish you the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your life together.
<br />

 

[katyf13]

I cannot imagine my life without Mike having been in it. On our first date, I knew he had CF. I figured either I wouldn't like him and cf wouldn't matter, or I would fall in love with him, and again, cf wouldn't matter. I fell in love with him instantly. CF was a big part of our life, but never our main focus. We lived every day, appreciated every day, and were extremely close. Everyone who knew us remarked on what an amazing couple we were and some people have told me our relationship inspired them to keep looking for true love.
The hospital was just part of our life. You adapt to your circumstances. Many of my great memories just happen to have the backdrop of a hospital room. I got used to everything, oxygen, bi-pap, giving chest PT. We went through the process of getting listed for a transplant and eventually he received two new lungs. He had five amazing months of breathing, laughing, hiking, biking, living. Then he was killed in a car accident. CF didn't even kill him, in the end.
I knew from the begining that I would be a widow someday. I thought I would have more years with him, but I always told him that no matter how much time I got with him, one month, one year, ten years, it would be worth it. Mike was the most amazing, compassionate, loving, inspiring person I ever met. My parents LOVED him and miss him very much. They knew he wouldn't live forever but they saw how incredibly happy he made me. Despite what some people consider hardships, we had a life together packed with love and fun.
Would I do it all over again knowing I would have less than 3 years with him? YES. As far as does your daughter have the strength to be a widow? yes she does. I know now what it is to LIVE. To appreciate every day, my family, my friends, my health. I am a better person for loving Mike. I am a better person for having Mike love me. Just writing this post fills me with pride.
Your daughter is a lucky woman. I am sure she knows that, so believe her.
It is not easy going through the grief process but we ALL have to go through it someday, be it now or in 40 years. Life is not about quantity, but quality. I loved my life with Mike and our love tells me it is okay to keep going.
I hope this helps!

 

[katyf13]

I cannot imagine my life without Mike having been in it. On our first date, I knew he had CF. I figured either I wouldn't like him and cf wouldn't matter, or I would fall in love with him, and again, cf wouldn't matter. I fell in love with him instantly. CF was a big part of our life, but never our main focus. We lived every day, appreciated every day, and were extremely close. Everyone who knew us remarked on what an amazing couple we were and some people have told me our relationship inspired them to keep looking for true love.
The hospital was just part of our life. You adapt to your circumstances. Many of my great memories just happen to have the backdrop of a hospital room. I got used to everything, oxygen, bi-pap, giving chest PT. We went through the process of getting listed for a transplant and eventually he received two new lungs. He had five amazing months of breathing, laughing, hiking, biking, living. Then he was killed in a car accident. CF didn't even kill him, in the end.
I knew from the begining that I would be a widow someday. I thought I would have more years with him, but I always told him that no matter how much time I got with him, one month, one year, ten years, it would be worth it. Mike was the most amazing, compassionate, loving, inspiring person I ever met. My parents LOVED him and miss him very much. They knew he wouldn't live forever but they saw how incredibly happy he made me. Despite what some people consider hardships, we had a life together packed with love and fun.
Would I do it all over again knowing I would have less than 3 years with him? YES. As far as does your daughter have the strength to be a widow? yes she does. I know now what it is to LIVE. To appreciate every day, my family, my friends, my health. I am a better person for loving Mike. I am a better person for having Mike love me. Just writing this post fills me with pride.
Your daughter is a lucky woman. I am sure she knows that, so believe her.
It is not easy going through the grief process but we ALL have to go through it someday, be it now or in 40 years. Life is not about quantity, but quality. I loved my life with Mike and our love tells me it is okay to keep going.
I hope this helps!

 

[katyf13]

I cannot imagine my life without Mike having been in it. On our first date, I knew he had CF. I figured either I wouldn't like him and cf wouldn't matter, or I would fall in love with him, and again, cf wouldn't matter. I fell in love with him instantly. CF was a big part of our life, but never our main focus. We lived every day, appreciated every day, and were extremely close. Everyone who knew us remarked on what an amazing couple we were and some people have told me our relationship inspired them to keep looking for true love.
The hospital was just part of our life. You adapt to your circumstances. Many of my great memories just happen to have the backdrop of a hospital room. I got used to everything, oxygen, bi-pap, giving chest PT. We went through the process of getting listed for a transplant and eventually he received two new lungs. He had five amazing months of breathing, laughing, hiking, biking, living. Then he was killed in a car accident. CF didn't even kill him, in the end.
I knew from the begining that I would be a widow someday. I thought I would have more years with him, but I always told him that no matter how much time I got with him, one month, one year, ten years, it would be worth it. Mike was the most amazing, compassionate, loving, inspiring person I ever met. My parents LOVED him and miss him very much. They knew he wouldn't live forever but they saw how incredibly happy he made me. Despite what some people consider hardships, we had a life together packed with love and fun.
Would I do it all over again knowing I would have less than 3 years with him? YES. As far as does your daughter have the strength to be a widow? yes she does. I know now what it is to LIVE. To appreciate every day, my family, my friends, my health. I am a better person for loving Mike. I am a better person for having Mike love me. Just writing this post fills me with pride.
Your daughter is a lucky woman. I am sure she knows that, so believe her.
It is not easy going through the grief process but we ALL have to go through it someday, be it now or in 40 years. Life is not about quantity, but quality. I loved my life with Mike and our love tells me it is okay to keep going.
I hope this helps!

 

[katyf13]

I cannot imagine my life without Mike having been in it. On our first date, I knew he had CF. I figured either I wouldn't like him and cf wouldn't matter, or I would fall in love with him, and again, cf wouldn't matter. I fell in love with him instantly. CF was a big part of our life, but never our main focus. We lived every day, appreciated every day, and were extremely close. Everyone who knew us remarked on what an amazing couple we were and some people have told me our relationship inspired them to keep looking for true love.
The hospital was just part of our life. You adapt to your circumstances. Many of my great memories just happen to have the backdrop of a hospital room. I got used to everything, oxygen, bi-pap, giving chest PT. We went through the process of getting listed for a transplant and eventually he received two new lungs. He had five amazing months of breathing, laughing, hiking, biking, living. Then he was killed in a car accident. CF didn't even kill him, in the end.
I knew from the begining that I would be a widow someday. I thought I would have more years with him, but I always told him that no matter how much time I got with him, one month, one year, ten years, it would be worth it. Mike was the most amazing, compassionate, loving, inspiring person I ever met. My parents LOVED him and miss him very much. They knew he wouldn't live forever but they saw how incredibly happy he made me. Despite what some people consider hardships, we had a life together packed with love and fun.
Would I do it all over again knowing I would have less than 3 years with him? YES. As far as does your daughter have the strength to be a widow? yes she does. I know now what it is to LIVE. To appreciate every day, my family, my friends, my health. I am a better person for loving Mike. I am a better person for having Mike love me. Just writing this post fills me with pride.
Your daughter is a lucky woman. I am sure she knows that, so believe her.
It is not easy going through the grief process but we ALL have to go through it someday, be it now or in 40 years. Life is not about quantity, but quality. I loved my life with Mike and our love tells me it is okay to keep going.
I hope this helps!

 

[katyf13]

I cannot imagine my life without Mike having been in it. On our first date, I knew he had CF. I figured either I wouldn't like him and cf wouldn't matter, or I would fall in love with him, and again, cf wouldn't matter. I fell in love with him instantly. CF was a big part of our life, but never our main focus. We lived every day, appreciated every day, and were extremely close. Everyone who knew us remarked on what an amazing couple we were and some people have told me our relationship inspired them to keep looking for true love.
<br />The hospital was just part of our life. You adapt to your circumstances. Many of my great memories just happen to have the backdrop of a hospital room. I got used to everything, oxygen, bi-pap, giving chest PT. We went through the process of getting listed for a transplant and eventually he received two new lungs. He had five amazing months of breathing, laughing, hiking, biking, living. Then he was killed in a car accident. CF didn't even kill him, in the end.
<br />I knew from the begining that I would be a widow someday. I thought I would have more years with him, but I always told him that no matter how much time I got with him, one month, one year, ten years, it would be worth it. Mike was the most amazing, compassionate, loving, inspiring person I ever met. My parents LOVED him and miss him very much. They knew he wouldn't live forever but they saw how incredibly happy he made me. Despite what some people consider hardships, we had a life together packed with love and fun.
<br />Would I do it all over again knowing I would have less than 3 years with him? YES. As far as does your daughter have the strength to be a widow? yes she does. I know now what it is to LIVE. To appreciate every day, my family, my friends, my health. I am a better person for loving Mike. I am a better person for having Mike love me. Just writing this post fills me with pride.
<br />Your daughter is a lucky woman. I am sure she knows that, so believe her.
<br />It is not easy going through the grief process but we ALL have to go through it someday, be it now or in 40 years. Life is not about quantity, but quality. I loved my life with Mike and our love tells me it is okay to keep going.
<br />I hope this helps!

 

[kayleesgrandma]

True love is so hard to find, I lost my true love to a motorcycle accident--but I would not give up one moment of knowing him. None of us know what hand life will deal us--your daughter could marry a perfectly "healthy" man and find out later he has incurable cancer, or he could be in a accident and be paralized...

Going into this relationship, I am sure that Talia has already imagined what can happen. None of us know how this disease will affect the cfr, but to be able to love them for the time that they have, is a miracle, <b>and a priviledge. </b>

It will also be hard for you, as her parents, but don't ever regret letting your daughter have the time of her life, with the love of her life. Let her make memories--and help us fight the good fight against this disease...

<b>Don't be afraid--embrace life--that is what cfrs do here--that is the most amazing thing. Cfrs live life with more gusto than "healthy" people. They are heros, and I am proud to know them all.</b>

 

[kayleesgrandma]

True love is so hard to find, I lost my true love to a motorcycle accident--but I would not give up one moment of knowing him. None of us know what hand life will deal us--your daughter could marry a perfectly "healthy" man and find out later he has incurable cancer, or he could be in a accident and be paralized...

Going into this relationship, I am sure that Talia has already imagined what can happen. None of us know how this disease will affect the cfr, but to be able to love them for the time that they have, is a miracle, <b>and a priviledge. </b>

It will also be hard for you, as her parents, but don't ever regret letting your daughter have the time of her life, with the love of her life. Let her make memories--and help us fight the good fight against this disease...

<b>Don't be afraid--embrace life--that is what cfrs do here--that is the most amazing thing. Cfrs live life with more gusto than "healthy" people. They are heros, and I am proud to know them all.</b>

 

[kayleesgrandma]

True love is so hard to find, I lost my true love to a motorcycle accident--but I would not give up one moment of knowing him. None of us know what hand life will deal us--your daughter could marry a perfectly "healthy" man and find out later he has incurable cancer, or he could be in a accident and be paralized...

Going into this relationship, I am sure that Talia has already imagined what can happen. None of us know how this disease will affect the cfr, but to be able to love them for the time that they have, is a miracle, <b>and a priviledge. </b>

It will also be hard for you, as her parents, but don't ever regret letting your daughter have the time of her life, with the love of her life. Let her make memories--and help us fight the good fight against this disease...

<b>Don't be afraid--embrace life--that is what cfrs do here--that is the most amazing thing. Cfrs live life with more gusto than "healthy" people. They are heros, and I am proud to know them all.</b>

 

[kayleesgrandma]

True love is so hard to find, I lost my true love to a motorcycle accident--but I would not give up one moment of knowing him. None of us know what hand life will deal us--your daughter could marry a perfectly "healthy" man and find out later he has incurable cancer, or he could be in a accident and be paralized...

Going into this relationship, I am sure that Talia has already imagined what can happen. None of us know how this disease will affect the cfr, but to be able to love them for the time that they have, is a miracle, <b>and a priviledge. </b>

It will also be hard for you, as her parents, but don't ever regret letting your daughter have the time of her life, with the love of her life. Let her make memories--and help us fight the good fight against this disease...

<b>Don't be afraid--embrace life--that is what cfrs do here--that is the most amazing thing. Cfrs live life with more gusto than "healthy" people. They are heros, and I am proud to know them all.</b>

 

[kayleesgrandma]

True love is so hard to find, I lost my true love to a motorcycle accident--but I would not give up one moment of knowing him. None of us know what hand life will deal us--your daughter could marry a perfectly "healthy" man and find out later he has incurable cancer, or he could be in a accident and be paralized...
<br />
<br />Going into this relationship, I am sure that Talia has already imagined what can happen. None of us know how this disease will affect the cfr, but to be able to love them for the time that they have, is a miracle, <b>and a priviledge. </b>
<br />
<br />It will also be hard for you, as her parents, but don't ever regret letting your daughter have the time of her life, with the love of her life. Let her make memories--and help us fight the good fight against this disease...
<br />
<br /><b>Don't be afraid--embrace life--that is what cfrs do here--that is the most amazing thing. Cfrs live life with more gusto than "healthy" people. They are heros, and I am proud to know them all.</b>