Marriage issues

[juls]

I read here a lot, but don't usually post. However, a few responses on here are upsetting. I don't know the original poster's situation, but it is distressing that a few posters are jumping on her for having more than one child with CF. Her children are close in age and it is very possible the oldest was not diagnosed until after the younger ones were born.

That is what happened to us. Our older daughter was not diagnosed until she was 3. Our younger daughter was 2 months at the time and was subsequently diagnosed a few weeks later.

I would hate to think that people with more than one CF child are always assumed to have chosen that.

 

[juls]

I read here a lot, but don't usually post. However, a few responses on here are upsetting. I don't know the original poster's situation, but it is distressing that a few posters are jumping on her for having more than one child with CF. Her children are close in age and it is very possible the oldest was not diagnosed until after the younger ones were born.
<br />
<br />That is what happened to us. Our older daughter was not diagnosed until she was 3. Our younger daughter was 2 months at the time and was subsequently diagnosed a few weeks later.
<br />
<br />I would hate to think that people with more than one CF child are always assumed to have chosen that.

 

[granmathelma]

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> Hi Gina, I'm a granma from Australia. My grandson is 2 with c/f (deltaf508). His mummy is my most wonderful daughter-in-law, and her life too is difficult. She lives in a tin shed in the bush, with 2 children and my son, the sole financial provider. My son has to drive a long way to get to work every day in a very low paying job, so he's not all that understanding of the problems of dealing with c/f'ers. They often have rows. My role is to step in and help with my grandson, and this works for us. So you need help. We look on our little man as a gift, and we were to meant to have him. My heart goes out to you, and I wish I lived near so I could help. Look for a granma, they're great.

 

[granmathelma]

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> Hi Gina, I'm a granma from Australia. My grandson is 2 with c/f (deltaf508). His mummy is my most wonderful daughter-in-law, and her life too is difficult. She lives in a tin shed in the bush, with 2 children and my son, the sole financial provider. My son has to drive a long way to get to work every day in a very low paying job, so he's not all that understanding of the problems of dealing with c/f'ers. They often have rows. My role is to step in and help with my grandson, and this works for us. So you need help. We look on our little man as a gift, and we were to meant to have him. My heart goes out to you, and I wish I lived near so I could help. Look for a granma, they're great.

 

[granmathelma]

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> Hi Gina, I'm a granma from Australia. My grandson is 2 with c/f (deltaf508). His mummy is my most wonderful daughter-in-law, and her life too is difficult. She lives in a tin shed in the bush, with 2 children and my son, the sole financial provider. My son has to drive a long way to get to work every day in a very low paying job, so he's not all that understanding of the problems of dealing with c/f'ers. They often have rows. My role is to step in and help with my grandson, and this works for us. So you need help. We look on our little man as a gift, and we were to meant to have him. My heart goes out to you, and I wish I lived near so I could help. Look for a granma, they're great.

 

[SadiesMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>juls</b></i>

I read here a lot, but don't usually post. However, a few responses on here are upsetting. I don't know the original poster's situation, but it is distressing that a few posters are jumping on her for having more than one child with CF. Her children are close in age and it is very possible the oldest was not diagnosed until after the younger ones were born.



That is what happened to us. Our older daughter was not diagnosed until she was 3. Our younger daughter was 2 months at the time and was subsequently diagnosed a few weeks later.



I would hate to think that people with more than one CF child are always assumed to have chosen that.</end quote></div>

I couldn't agree more, and even if they did choose life, knowing the risks, it's not really anyone else's business but theirs anyways and not really what this post was about. Sometimes it's as simple as..."if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

 

[SadiesMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>juls</b></i>

I read here a lot, but don't usually post. However, a few responses on here are upsetting. I don't know the original poster's situation, but it is distressing that a few posters are jumping on her for having more than one child with CF. Her children are close in age and it is very possible the oldest was not diagnosed until after the younger ones were born.



That is what happened to us. Our older daughter was not diagnosed until she was 3. Our younger daughter was 2 months at the time and was subsequently diagnosed a few weeks later.



I would hate to think that people with more than one CF child are always assumed to have chosen that.</end quote>

I couldn't agree more, and even if they did choose life, knowing the risks, it's not really anyone else's business but theirs anyways and not really what this post was about. Sometimes it's as simple as..."if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

 

[SadiesMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>juls</b></i>
<br />
<br />I read here a lot, but don't usually post. However, a few responses on here are upsetting. I don't know the original poster's situation, but it is distressing that a few posters are jumping on her for having more than one child with CF. Her children are close in age and it is very possible the oldest was not diagnosed until after the younger ones were born.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />That is what happened to us. Our older daughter was not diagnosed until she was 3. Our younger daughter was 2 months at the time and was subsequently diagnosed a few weeks later.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />I would hate to think that people with more than one CF child are always assumed to have chosen that.</end quote>
<br />
<br />I couldn't agree more, and even if they did choose life, knowing the risks, it's not really anyone else's business but theirs anyways and not really what this post was about. Sometimes it's as simple as..."if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

 

[Cerulean]

I totally disagree with you. Silence only serves to entitle, and flirting with children's lives is NOT something to shut one's mouth about. It is morally wrong. Do you keep quiet when a parent abuses a child? Sexually molests them? Endangers their lives? If so, shame on you!

 

[Cerulean]

I totally disagree with you. Silence only serves to entitle, and flirting with children's lives is NOT something to shut one's mouth about. It is morally wrong. Do you keep quiet when a parent abuses a child? Sexually molests them? Endangers their lives? If so, shame on you!

 

[Cerulean]

I totally disagree with you. Silence only serves to entitle, and flirting with children's lives is NOT something to shut one's mouth about. It is morally wrong. Do you keep quiet when a parent abuses a child? Sexually molests them? Endangers their lives? If so, shame on you!

 

[CFkitty]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Cerulean</b></i>

I know what I am going to say is going to be controversial, but I have no respect nor can muster one iota of sympathy for someone who continues to have children after one child is born with CF.</end quote></div>

As far as I can tell, this is the chronology.

Baby #1 - born about 3 years ago.

Babies #2 & 3 were born about 17 months later (they are now about 19 months old.

Babies 2 & 3 were Dx with CF at age 6 weeks, at a time when neither parent knew they were carriers.

I'm guessing that before the twins were diagnosed, the first baby had not been diagnosed. So HOW is that irresponsible??

 

[CFkitty]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Cerulean</b></i>

I know what I am going to say is going to be controversial, but I have no respect nor can muster one iota of sympathy for someone who continues to have children after one child is born with CF.</end quote>

As far as I can tell, this is the chronology.

Baby #1 - born about 3 years ago.

Babies #2 & 3 were born about 17 months later (they are now about 19 months old.

Babies 2 & 3 were Dx with CF at age 6 weeks, at a time when neither parent knew they were carriers.

I'm guessing that before the twins were diagnosed, the first baby had not been diagnosed. So HOW is that irresponsible??

 

[CFkitty]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Cerulean</b></i>
<br />
<br />I know what I am going to say is going to be controversial, but I have no respect nor can muster one iota of sympathy for someone who continues to have children after one child is born with CF.</end quote>
<br />
<br />As far as I can tell, this is the chronology.
<br />
<br />Baby #1 - born about 3 years ago.
<br />
<br />Babies #2 & 3 were born about 17 months later (they are now about 19 months old.
<br />
<br />Babies 2 & 3 were Dx with CF at age 6 weeks, at a time when neither parent knew they were carriers.
<br />
<br />I'm guessing that before the twins were diagnosed, the first baby had not been diagnosed. So HOW is that irresponsible??

 

[ltlhook]

James - That is completely different. Sexual abuse and a genetic disease, really? That is rediculous to compare those 2. That is your opinion and you are the one with CF so you may think you wouldn't "do that" to anyone knowing it was a possiblity. I have CF also and I think that if someone wants to have a child knowing their genetic history and the possibilities then so be it. It is not us who have to live their life. I don't have and never have had a bad life because of CF. I am not "suffering from CF" I am living and happen to have CF. To think about limiting a child being born whether they have medical issues or not is silly. You are not doomed for a horrible life just because you have CF. Life is what you make it.

Gina - Since I am the person with CF I have a different view on marriage. My parents got divorced well after I was married myself. If you ask my parents now they should have divorced years before but didn't because of the kids. My mom was pretty much alone in the raising and care of me. My dad was an alcoholic and had the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. He has been sober for many years and regrets being that way and we are closer than ever. He knows he can't make up for lost time but we can start fresh and we did. My advice is the same as others, have your husband take over for you so he can know what you deal with and make sure you are voicing your heart and not expecting him to read your mind.

Shannon
31 w/cf
www.caringbridge.org/visit/65rosescf

 

[ltlhook]

James - That is completely different. Sexual abuse and a genetic disease, really? That is rediculous to compare those 2. That is your opinion and you are the one with CF so you may think you wouldn't "do that" to anyone knowing it was a possiblity. I have CF also and I think that if someone wants to have a child knowing their genetic history and the possibilities then so be it. It is not us who have to live their life. I don't have and never have had a bad life because of CF. I am not "suffering from CF" I am living and happen to have CF. To think about limiting a child being born whether they have medical issues or not is silly. You are not doomed for a horrible life just because you have CF. Life is what you make it.

Gina - Since I am the person with CF I have a different view on marriage. My parents got divorced well after I was married myself. If you ask my parents now they should have divorced years before but didn't because of the kids. My mom was pretty much alone in the raising and care of me. My dad was an alcoholic and had the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. He has been sober for many years and regrets being that way and we are closer than ever. He knows he can't make up for lost time but we can start fresh and we did. My advice is the same as others, have your husband take over for you so he can know what you deal with and make sure you are voicing your heart and not expecting him to read your mind.

Shannon
31 w/cf
www.caringbridge.org/visit/65rosescf

 

[ltlhook]

James - That is completely different. Sexual abuse and a genetic disease, really? That is rediculous to compare those 2. That is your opinion and you are the one with CF so you may think you wouldn't "do that" to anyone knowing it was a possiblity. I have CF also and I think that if someone wants to have a child knowing their genetic history and the possibilities then so be it. It is not us who have to live their life. I don't have and never have had a bad life because of CF. I am not "suffering from CF" I am living and happen to have CF. To think about limiting a child being born whether they have medical issues or not is silly. You are not doomed for a horrible life just because you have CF. Life is what you make it.
<br />
<br />Gina - Since I am the person with CF I have a different view on marriage. My parents got divorced well after I was married myself. If you ask my parents now they should have divorced years before but didn't because of the kids. My mom was pretty much alone in the raising and care of me. My dad was an alcoholic and had the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. He has been sober for many years and regrets being that way and we are closer than ever. He knows he can't make up for lost time but we can start fresh and we did. My advice is the same as others, have your husband take over for you so he can know what you deal with and make sure you are voicing your heart and not expecting him to read your mind.
<br />
<br />Shannon
<br />31 w/cf
<br />www.caringbridge.org/visit/65rosescf

 

[Cerulean]

Shannon. To bring a child into this world knowing full well of the consequenses is neglect and abuse. You know as well as I that life can be hell, physically, emotionally, and financially. And to doom a child to live with all this ***** is plain wrong. It is distasteful to me when those claim that everything is a bed of roses, and that "if given the chance to do it again, they'd take the CF". They are not living in reality. It is revolting.

 

[Cerulean]

Shannon. To bring a child into this world knowing full well of the consequenses is neglect and abuse. You know as well as I that life can be hell, physically, emotionally, and financially. And to doom a child to live with all this ***** is plain wrong. It is distasteful to me when those claim that everything is a bed of roses, and that "if given the chance to do it again, they'd take the CF". They are not living in reality. It is revolting.

 

[Cerulean]

Shannon. To bring a child into this world knowing full well of the consequenses is neglect and abuse. You know as well as I that life can be hell, physically, emotionally, and financially. And to doom a child to live with all this ***** is plain wrong. It is distasteful to me when those claim that everything is a bed of roses, and that "if given the chance to do it again, they'd take the CF". They are not living in reality. It is revolting.