Okay I Can't Stand This.

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[kswitch]

it's an interesting diemma, and i think a lot comes down to trust. do you trust that your loved ones are acting out in your best interests, even when you disagree? are loved ones just supposed to sit around and not take an active role in your life?

perhaps they want to be sure the decsion you're making is a rational one. often it's not enough to just ask, people need more intangible proof of your decisions, and this can come in a form that feels like coersion. cf'er's loved ones have feelings, too, and they need to do what they feel they have to to protect themselves.

i also think that people should be able to express themselves freely, and some of the expressions may also come accross coercively. i'm not an advocate of prior restraint; for example, if one genuinely feels that a loved one is giving up, they should be allowed to express it.

but the decision does ultimately lay with the life in question, and once a rational decsion to rest eternally is discussed, it should be the end of it. the best way is to begin talking about this stuff before it is upon you. and since we have no idea when that time will be upon us, there's no better time than now to talk about with your loved ones. oh, and periodic updates may be necessary!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[summer732]

I totally agree Em. Great post. I think that as much as we as people who have been through so much, or anyone for that matter, can die on their own terms, we should do that.

I will try to shed some light on the religion thing. I'm an extrememly religious person, but I was simply not ready for the next life. so as much as I believe in heaven, and God, and believe in the fact that it doesn't just "go to black" (a slight nod to the season finale of the Soprano's for all of you fans out there), and that I will see my family who have passed away again in heaven, I simply was not ready to go. I felt that I had too much more to experience, too much more to accomplish, too many dreams to fulfill for that to happen. Not that I had much of a say in the matter. I did get to the point before my transplant where I was sick of living in a "gray" area. My life was no longer black or white. I was waiting to live or die. I couldn't do the things I loved anymore so a part of me had died anyway. At that stage of my life I welcomed it to go either way...either end it, or give me a transplant and some semblance of normalcy.

But i do agree, if someone is ready to go, everyone around that person should make that decision easier by saying ok. Because I'm sure that decision was hard enough to make as it is....

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[Jade]

Wish I knew what sparked this one, but I miss a lot of stuff lately.
As a few of you'll know this is a subject I can easily talk about. Emily, I totally agree with your post. If it's not up to the person dying whether they wish to keep fighting, then I think we all would soon become guinea pigs to overzealous med students who have something to prove. After all if we can't make our own medical decisions then guess who's next in line.....docs' and courts.
When the docs start bringing up options that sound like they might buy you a few months at best, I would probably just thank'em for all they did and never go back. After all, if it's a surgery then most of that time would be spent recovering.....if you ever did. I would rather have that time for tieing up loose ends rather than running up a massive hospital bill.
As far as someone being called chicken or told we'ev given up is something I've thought a lot about before. I've heard people being called cowards and taking the easy way out when they just want relief. There's nothing depressed, negative about wanting to pass-on. Quite opposite actually, because those that want us to stay don't realize it hurts us to leave everyone behind.
Everyone has already said it though. It has to be up to the individual and no-one else. Honestly though it wouldn't matter whether my docs or family tried to coax me into fighting harder. Until the day I see my end coming closer I'll fight. But when my time is up I won't run from death. I'll give it a big fat hug and ask what took it so long<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">. I won't fight when the fight is futile. I just wish the laws on assisted suicide (<i>and it's retarded stigma</i>) would start to change.
I'd rather french kiss the barrel of a 44. rather than let others decide for me, or make me feel guilty when all I would want is peace.

 

[karismom]

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> Hi Emily,

I just wanted to tell you that I AGREE WITH YOU 110%! alot of people thought that Kari was CRAZY for having TWO tx's but that was her choice! she even tried to get a THIRD!!! she wanted to stay with her daughter for as long as she could. and she and i talk ALL the time of death and her wishes......................... and she wants to actually pass in the hospital the one where she has spent over half of her life with the nurses that know and LOVE her like she was their own. so she can have pain meds etc. also she doesn't want to go at home because she says then it would be too hard for her dad and sister and daughter to be there after that. at first i didn't like the hospital thing but thats what SHE wants. also we have a special "understanding" in a way............when my daughter passes, then SHE was DONE. i would not want her to stay here for one second longer for ANYONE but HERSELF. and when she does pass, YES i will MISS HER terribly but i hope that i will be able to look at it as she is free now. i just wish that EVERYONE could not feel the need to judge others lives. dream on....right?!


peace.


lisa <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[karismom]

<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> Hi Emily,

I just wanted to tell you that I AGREE WITH YOU 110%! alot of people thought that Kari was CRAZY for having TWO tx's but that was her choice! she even tried to get a THIRD!!! she wanted to stay with her daughter for as long as she could. and she and i talk ALL the time of death and her wishes......................... and she wants to actually pass in the hospital the one where she has spent over half of her life with the nurses that know and LOVE her like she was their own. so she can have pain meds etc. also she doesn't want to go at home because she says then it would be too hard for her dad and sister and daughter to be there after that. at first i didn't like the hospital thing but thats what SHE wants. also we have a special "understanding" in a way............when my daughter passes, then SHE was DONE. i would not want her to stay here for one second longer for ANYONE but HERSELF. and when she does pass, YES i will MISS HER terribly but i hope that i will be able to look at it as she is free now. i just wish that EVERYONE could not feel the need to judge others lives. dream on....right?!


peace.


lisa <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">