WS here -
BTW - my name is Melody. I hope you don't mind me popping in here again. It seems that we have all put our claws away (myself included LOL).
There was a posting that indicated an interest in some of the experiences of a WS. Just a couple of things that I would like to share. Yes, as many of you mentioned the WS/IS thing in many ways does indicate an unequal relationship. I am lucky that my spouse still does what he can to support the family unit, but many do not. And it is simply frustrating and heartbreaking when a spouse actually does things to make a difficult situation worse. Smoking, drinking, overuse of pain meds, failure to to follow doctors orders, obesity, failure to exercise, severe financial irresponsibility, and taking out anger and frustration on everyone around - all of these are contributors to making a marriage much less than it should be. These things, much more than the actual illness, are what destroy hope and equality and marriages.
Certainly as individuals with CF you have to take an active role in your own health. Sadly, many people with other conditions give up or never bothered in the first place or even actively harm their own health. The pain of watching a loved one destroy themselves is almost unbearable. Hence, the detachment that many well spouses talk about.
And if you guys can stand it, here is another reason to stay married. Medical Insurance. Since in this society we tie insurance to jobs and very often sick or disabled people are unable to work, leaving a spouse would leave them in dire straights. Without my insurance, and also my income to pay for the wheelchair van, the medical supplies, the adaptations to the house, even the house itself, my spouse would be up a creek.
Melody
P.S. For the record, as per the definitions stated in this thread, I do not cheat. My IS and I worked things out in a way that is both comfortable and honest. I just don't judge those who do, and I feel deep empathy for those who are stuggling. In truth, most of what you witnessed on the intimacy board was the struggle. The very fact that we DO struggle is an indication of how very difficult it is for many, if not most well spouses.
If possible, I would rather not open up that can of worms again. Your words were heard loud and clear and have been noted.