Question for Spouses

A

anonymous

New member
Reading these messages has brought me to tears. I don't know what thread at the WS forum was being read and discussed, other than it was in the "Intimacy and Personal Issues" section, but I do know that it is not representative of the board as a whole. I am deeply offended and hurt to be talked about like this. To be labeled that all of us are selfish and whiners just is, wow, very hard to take.

I think that there is a lot of misunderstanding being perpetuated. Please don't jump to hasty conclusions based on one small section of the only board that I know of that is for the spouses of the ill/injured. There are a myriad of different views, illnesses, disabilities, and people on that board. If anyone takes the time to look at some of the other sections and topics that becomes apparent. I think that jumping to conclusions and judging others is not in any of our best interests.

And, in case this wasn't noticed, quite a few of us over there on the board no longer have the spouse that we married because of brain injuries, or cognitive impairment from MS, strokes or other conditions. Our spouses have changed dramatically. I wrote about it in the following thread if any would like to non-judgmentally read what I wrote. If you have anything negative to say -- there's no need to join WS and raise a fuss, just post your comments here. I actually am interested in your views, although none of you have suffered a brain injury, you will have a different take on what I've written than fellow wellspouses who've been there do.

<a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.wellspouse.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1549
">http://www.wellspouse.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1549
</a>
Trying to be a peacemaker and spread understanding,

Diana
 
A

anonymous

New member
Reading these messages has brought me to tears. I don't know what thread at the WS forum was being read and discussed, other than it was in the "Intimacy and Personal Issues" section, but I do know that it is not representative of the board as a whole. I am deeply offended and hurt to be talked about like this. To be labeled that all of us are selfish and whiners just is, wow, very hard to take.

I think that there is a lot of misunderstanding being perpetuated. Please don't jump to hasty conclusions based on one small section of the only board that I know of that is for the spouses of the ill/injured. There are a myriad of different views, illnesses, disabilities, and people on that board. If anyone takes the time to look at some of the other sections and topics that becomes apparent. I think that jumping to conclusions and judging others is not in any of our best interests.

And, in case this wasn't noticed, quite a few of us over there on the board no longer have the spouse that we married because of brain injuries, or cognitive impairment from MS, strokes or other conditions. Our spouses have changed dramatically. I wrote about it in the following thread if any would like to non-judgmentally read what I wrote. If you have anything negative to say -- there's no need to join WS and raise a fuss, just post your comments here. I actually am interested in your views, although none of you have suffered a brain injury, you will have a different take on what I've written than fellow wellspouses who've been there do.

<a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.wellspouse.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1549
">http://www.wellspouse.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1549
</a>
Trying to be a peacemaker and spread understanding,

Diana
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
I myself separated physical disabilities from mental when I discussed the subject matter on your forum. Though it's still not one's fault if one sustains a brain injury, I can understand wanting to leave in that situation because the person is no longer the same person you married. We may use general terms like "all" when discussing the people on your forum, but I myself at least (can't speak for anyone but myself) was only referring to "all" of the people who were abusing and/or cheating on their spouses. I didn't read a lot of it because it pissed me off and I don't need that. But I know of at least one person on that board who is a decent human being. Lisa something.

I know you're not all bad. I was referring to the ones who were. Because you're right, not all of you are bad, but the ones who are, are beyond bad. You've got either extreme over there: really selfless, good, kind, and loving people caring for their sick / disabled / dying loved ones... and really crappy people who should never have gotten married in the first place.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
I myself separated physical disabilities from mental when I discussed the subject matter on your forum. Though it's still not one's fault if one sustains a brain injury, I can understand wanting to leave in that situation because the person is no longer the same person you married. We may use general terms like "all" when discussing the people on your forum, but I myself at least (can't speak for anyone but myself) was only referring to "all" of the people who were abusing and/or cheating on their spouses. I didn't read a lot of it because it pissed me off and I don't need that. But I know of at least one person on that board who is a decent human being. Lisa something.

I know you're not all bad. I was referring to the ones who were. Because you're right, not all of you are bad, but the ones who are, are beyond bad. You've got either extreme over there: really selfless, good, kind, and loving people caring for their sick / disabled / dying loved ones... and really crappy people who should never have gotten married in the first place.
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
Hi Diane,

I am sorry that you have felt offended or hurt - I know how you feel because I felt that way after reading the posts in regards to "ill/injured" spouses on your site. I felt as if I was being grouped in with any persons spouse that was abusive or unappreciative or what have you. I did not post on your forum I simply read the post started by one our members, and was dumbfounded that a group of people could stand in total defiance of the idea that the "ill/injured" spouse has a life that can be difficult along with the caretakers being difficult. I have since read several posts in the personal/intimacy forum, in the specific disease/illness forum and in a few other forums on your site, I didn't look on the Former Spouse page because I assumed it would be discussing widow/widower issues and to be honest I did not want to upset myself I am sensitive when it comes to those issues. I feel badly for many people on that site and the situations they are in and I myself don't know what I would do if I was put in the same situation.

That being said I think that alot of what was needed in the situation was some understanding and for everyone to have the ability to step out of our own little box and imagine what it might be like in someone elses situation. It can be difficult no matter which you are - caregiver or the disabled. I don't think that anyone would/could say that either life would be easy, but I tried to rationalize people's decisions in my own head. My personal stance in regards to the topic that was initially discussed by our member on that site was ambivaliance - because I have friends that have had extra marital affairs and I still care for them and I try not to judge them, so why would I do the opposite to a stranger. My problems came with the responses to the post which I understand were defense of their friends, their site and themselves, but either way I had a problem with them. I thought they were downright mean and in some cases ridiculously unfounded, but enough talking about that

I am/will be receiving care from my soon to be husband. I have CF and CF related diabetes and am 23. As much as many comments that were made by our members here and on your site have/did/probably will/would offend or hurt the feelings of your members the comments made by many of your members in regards to people with disabilities offended me and hurt my feelings and I do believe the feelings of others on this site. I will not get into what comments or anything of that nature as not to rehash the whole thing. I am glad that you posted here - I myself wanted to post a question or two on your site but was afraid of the welcome I woud receive and didn't want to be scolded or attacked for posting after the ordeal that happened prior and everyone's reaction to it.

Feel free to email me if you want to talk about the situation or just anything in general.

My email is xiao07@hotmail.com
Lindsey
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
Hi Diane,

I am sorry that you have felt offended or hurt - I know how you feel because I felt that way after reading the posts in regards to "ill/injured" spouses on your site. I felt as if I was being grouped in with any persons spouse that was abusive or unappreciative or what have you. I did not post on your forum I simply read the post started by one our members, and was dumbfounded that a group of people could stand in total defiance of the idea that the "ill/injured" spouse has a life that can be difficult along with the caretakers being difficult. I have since read several posts in the personal/intimacy forum, in the specific disease/illness forum and in a few other forums on your site, I didn't look on the Former Spouse page because I assumed it would be discussing widow/widower issues and to be honest I did not want to upset myself I am sensitive when it comes to those issues. I feel badly for many people on that site and the situations they are in and I myself don't know what I would do if I was put in the same situation.

That being said I think that alot of what was needed in the situation was some understanding and for everyone to have the ability to step out of our own little box and imagine what it might be like in someone elses situation. It can be difficult no matter which you are - caregiver or the disabled. I don't think that anyone would/could say that either life would be easy, but I tried to rationalize people's decisions in my own head. My personal stance in regards to the topic that was initially discussed by our member on that site was ambivaliance - because I have friends that have had extra marital affairs and I still care for them and I try not to judge them, so why would I do the opposite to a stranger. My problems came with the responses to the post which I understand were defense of their friends, their site and themselves, but either way I had a problem with them. I thought they were downright mean and in some cases ridiculously unfounded, but enough talking about that

I am/will be receiving care from my soon to be husband. I have CF and CF related diabetes and am 23. As much as many comments that were made by our members here and on your site have/did/probably will/would offend or hurt the feelings of your members the comments made by many of your members in regards to people with disabilities offended me and hurt my feelings and I do believe the feelings of others on this site. I will not get into what comments or anything of that nature as not to rehash the whole thing. I am glad that you posted here - I myself wanted to post a question or two on your site but was afraid of the welcome I woud receive and didn't want to be scolded or attacked for posting after the ordeal that happened prior and everyone's reaction to it.

Feel free to email me if you want to talk about the situation or just anything in general.

My email is xiao07@hotmail.com
Lindsey
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I went back & read other parts of the site. I still dont agree with the topic in ???, but like I said before if we dont like whats they say then dont go there. If it works for them, great. In their defense tho I read many, many other things thruout the rest of the site that we could relate to & agree with.
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
I went back & read other parts of the site. I still dont agree with the topic in ???, but like I said before if we dont like whats they say then dont go there. If it works for them, great. In their defense tho I read many, many other things thruout the rest of the site that we could relate to & agree with.
 
A

anonymous

New member
From a WS -

We are ALL decent human beings trying to make it through difficult circumstances. Illness is horrible for both the individual with the illness and the people who love them. An interesting thing to note - the divorce rate goes to 85% when there is an illness. To judge those of us who are trying with everything in our heart and souls to care for our spouses isn't right.

Everday I help my spouse bathe, change bandages, intrepret medical data, make sure his wheelchair is charged, test his blood surgar, give him his insulin shots, get his meals, cut his meat into bite size pieces, clean the house, take care of our two children, the two dogs, do all the housework, and work full-time. Also, I was has his father's bedside when he passed away and I visit his mother once a week and take care of her needs as well. He hasn't so much as gotten me a glass of water in at least 5 years. Am I complaining, yes perhaps a bit. But this is a task that I take on because it is my duty and my promise.

We have not been physically intimate in almost 10 years. I have cried myself to sleep alone in my bed night after night after night. I got fat, I got dizzy spells, I became totally obsessed the the intimacy that I no longer had. There were times when all I wanted to do was to make love to my husband. I begged, I asked with tear-filled eyes, and he had absolutely no interest in satisfying my needs. Not in any way shape or form. He just didn't want to be bothered with it. I can appreaciate your discomfort with some of the topics discussed, but to deny that we are decent human beings with real human needs is just plain cruel.

I love him, he is a good man. And I am utterly and absolutely exhaused. This will not end well, it will only get worse until the day he dies. The people on the Well Spouse board have been my lifeline. I cannot complain to him, it would hurt him. I cannot keep swallowing all my feeling, they would destroy me. The Well Spouse board is a place to vent and be understood. A place to have a few moments of peace before heading back to the trenches.

Please do not judge us until you have walked a mile, or two, or ten years in our shoes. Once upon a time I judged those who had affairs very very harshly. Those times are past, now I understand.

I appreciate your pain and concern - please appreciate ours.
 
A

anonymous

New member
From a WS -

We are ALL decent human beings trying to make it through difficult circumstances. Illness is horrible for both the individual with the illness and the people who love them. An interesting thing to note - the divorce rate goes to 85% when there is an illness. To judge those of us who are trying with everything in our heart and souls to care for our spouses isn't right.

Everday I help my spouse bathe, change bandages, intrepret medical data, make sure his wheelchair is charged, test his blood surgar, give him his insulin shots, get his meals, cut his meat into bite size pieces, clean the house, take care of our two children, the two dogs, do all the housework, and work full-time. Also, I was has his father's bedside when he passed away and I visit his mother once a week and take care of her needs as well. He hasn't so much as gotten me a glass of water in at least 5 years. Am I complaining, yes perhaps a bit. But this is a task that I take on because it is my duty and my promise.

We have not been physically intimate in almost 10 years. I have cried myself to sleep alone in my bed night after night after night. I got fat, I got dizzy spells, I became totally obsessed the the intimacy that I no longer had. There were times when all I wanted to do was to make love to my husband. I begged, I asked with tear-filled eyes, and he had absolutely no interest in satisfying my needs. Not in any way shape or form. He just didn't want to be bothered with it. I can appreaciate your discomfort with some of the topics discussed, but to deny that we are decent human beings with real human needs is just plain cruel.

I love him, he is a good man. And I am utterly and absolutely exhaused. This will not end well, it will only get worse until the day he dies. The people on the Well Spouse board have been my lifeline. I cannot complain to him, it would hurt him. I cannot keep swallowing all my feeling, they would destroy me. The Well Spouse board is a place to vent and be understood. A place to have a few moments of peace before heading back to the trenches.

Please do not judge us until you have walked a mile, or two, or ten years in our shoes. Once upon a time I judged those who had affairs very very harshly. Those times are past, now I understand.

I appreciate your pain and concern - please appreciate ours.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i>

Please do not judge us until you have walked a mile, or two, or ten years in our shoes. <hr></blockquote>

And I would ask the same of everyone on your site. Like I said previously, I'm not going back. There's no need for it and all it did was piss me off. I most certainly do not need that. But while I was there I got a lot of comments about how I have no idea how hard it is to be you guys (which I acknowledged, said was true, and didn't undermine). In conjuction with those comments I got a lot of "it's a lot harder to be us la de da." So basically I accepted that I didn't know how it was to be a well spouse, but some of your people didn't want to accept that they couldn't judge how it is to be the ill spouse. I'm not going to stand for that double-standard crap.

That being said, if you want to come here and ask questions or discuss most topics, I imagine you'll be welcomed for the most part, as long as you remain respectful (as you were). I will warn you, however, if you discuss the idea of affairs behind the back of ill/disabled spouses, that is liable to be very rudely received. I myself know that I will not listen to any of that and just keep my mouth shut. And I imagine others might feel the same. So here's your outright warning. It's not to threaten or anything of the sort. I just know me well enough to know that I will be less than pleasant if people come in here specifically to discuss having affairs on ill spouses.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i>

Please do not judge us until you have walked a mile, or two, or ten years in our shoes. <hr></blockquote>

And I would ask the same of everyone on your site. Like I said previously, I'm not going back. There's no need for it and all it did was piss me off. I most certainly do not need that. But while I was there I got a lot of comments about how I have no idea how hard it is to be you guys (which I acknowledged, said was true, and didn't undermine). In conjuction with those comments I got a lot of "it's a lot harder to be us la de da." So basically I accepted that I didn't know how it was to be a well spouse, but some of your people didn't want to accept that they couldn't judge how it is to be the ill spouse. I'm not going to stand for that double-standard crap.

That being said, if you want to come here and ask questions or discuss most topics, I imagine you'll be welcomed for the most part, as long as you remain respectful (as you were). I will warn you, however, if you discuss the idea of affairs behind the back of ill/disabled spouses, that is liable to be very rudely received. I myself know that I will not listen to any of that and just keep my mouth shut. And I imagine others might feel the same. So here's your outright warning. It's not to threaten or anything of the sort. I just know me well enough to know that I will be less than pleasant if people come in here specifically to discuss having affairs on ill spouses.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>An interesting thing to note - the divorce rate goes to 85% when there is an illness.<hr></blockquote>

Oh and another interesting thing to note. I don't remember where I got the information from, so I can't link you to anything, but I've heard many times before that CFers specifically have a lower divorce rate than is average.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>An interesting thing to note - the divorce rate goes to 85% when there is an illness.<hr></blockquote>

Oh and another interesting thing to note. I don't remember where I got the information from, so I can't link you to anything, but I've heard many times before that CFers specifically have a lower divorce rate than is average.
 
A

anonymous

New member
Hi,
Well, here's an article that does have some statistics about divorce and disability <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/May1999/DivorceRateAmongDisabled.html">http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/May1999/DivorceRateAmongDisabled.html</a> .

But in a way, who cares? Each person is different. Each marriage is different. Each divorce is different.

I do think that chronic illness brings another stressor into a marriage though -- one a couple needs to be able to talk about openly. My husband and I found working with a couples' counselor who was familiar with the work of John S. Rolland very helpful. We found one chapter in his book "Families, Illness, and Disability : An Integrative Treatment Model" key (See <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465029159/qid=1138566672/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465029159/qid=1138566672/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155</a> ).

For us, the most important thing was to make sure that we focused on staying equal partners. Our marriage vows had the "love, honor, and cherish" and "in sickness and in health" phrases. We talked about that beforehand and agreed that that meant that I was going to promise him that I would "act in ways that caused him to feel loved, honored, and cherished whether I was sick or well" and that he would do the same. For us that meant that we would do our darndest to stay emotionally available and supportive of each other all of the time. I am fortunate that my husband was able to do that even during the worst of his exacerabations. We also agreed that the marriage vows did not say anything about whether or not I would actually do much handson caregiving. Good thing too, because with my fulltime job and all of the household things (inside and out), I didn't have much time or energy to do nursing things. But we found good personal care attendents to help him out, and that left our time together focused on the loving friendship acts.

The divorce statistics are scarey for anyone going into marriage. Heck the whole idea of marriage is scarey.My husband and I had been married and divorced twice before we met. We were scared stiff. But love gives you courage. Courage enough to risk it all even knowing you might well loose the person you love, so we went for it. But we went for it with our eyes wide open and with realistic views of marriage and ourselves and with the determination to get all of the help we could. Anyway, I'm glad we married, though I miss him terribly.

I also think these days that one shouldn't assume that the person with CF (or any chronic illness) is the person who is definately going to die first -- or even die young. Those tractor trailer trucks that I dodge every day almost took me out a couple of times. And my husband who had bronchiectasis forever because of Marfan Syndrome (not CF, though we do have family members with CF) was told when he was in the 7th grade that he would probably die before he had time to marry and have kids - certainly die before he was 35. But he didn't die "young". There was one medical discovery after another (none enormous) so he made it till 59 -- long enough to get married 3 times, have 3 kids, and 4 grandchildren. I think Harriet McBryde Johnson's book "Too Late to Die Young" ( see <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805075941/qid=1138567401/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805075941/qid=1138567401/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155</a> ) gives some real insight into outliving your prognosis. And the woman can write her head off so it's a darn good read too.

Keeping you all in my heart,
LisaV
 
A

anonymous

New member
Hi,
Well, here's an article that does have some statistics about divorce and disability <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/May1999/DivorceRateAmongDisabled.html">http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/May1999/DivorceRateAmongDisabled.html</a> .

But in a way, who cares? Each person is different. Each marriage is different. Each divorce is different.

I do think that chronic illness brings another stressor into a marriage though -- one a couple needs to be able to talk about openly. My husband and I found working with a couples' counselor who was familiar with the work of John S. Rolland very helpful. We found one chapter in his book "Families, Illness, and Disability : An Integrative Treatment Model" key (See <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465029159/qid=1138566672/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465029159/qid=1138566672/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155</a> ).

For us, the most important thing was to make sure that we focused on staying equal partners. Our marriage vows had the "love, honor, and cherish" and "in sickness and in health" phrases. We talked about that beforehand and agreed that that meant that I was going to promise him that I would "act in ways that caused him to feel loved, honored, and cherished whether I was sick or well" and that he would do the same. For us that meant that we would do our darndest to stay emotionally available and supportive of each other all of the time. I am fortunate that my husband was able to do that even during the worst of his exacerabations. We also agreed that the marriage vows did not say anything about whether or not I would actually do much handson caregiving. Good thing too, because with my fulltime job and all of the household things (inside and out), I didn't have much time or energy to do nursing things. But we found good personal care attendents to help him out, and that left our time together focused on the loving friendship acts.

The divorce statistics are scarey for anyone going into marriage. Heck the whole idea of marriage is scarey.My husband and I had been married and divorced twice before we met. We were scared stiff. But love gives you courage. Courage enough to risk it all even knowing you might well loose the person you love, so we went for it. But we went for it with our eyes wide open and with realistic views of marriage and ourselves and with the determination to get all of the help we could. Anyway, I'm glad we married, though I miss him terribly.

I also think these days that one shouldn't assume that the person with CF (or any chronic illness) is the person who is definately going to die first -- or even die young. Those tractor trailer trucks that I dodge every day almost took me out a couple of times. And my husband who had bronchiectasis forever because of Marfan Syndrome (not CF, though we do have family members with CF) was told when he was in the 7th grade that he would probably die before he had time to marry and have kids - certainly die before he was 35. But he didn't die "young". There was one medical discovery after another (none enormous) so he made it till 59 -- long enough to get married 3 times, have 3 kids, and 4 grandchildren. I think Harriet McBryde Johnson's book "Too Late to Die Young" ( see <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805075941/qid=1138567401/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805075941/qid=1138567401/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3136167-4044132?s=books&v=glance&n=283155</a> ) gives some real insight into outliving your prognosis. And the woman can write her head off so it's a darn good read too.

Keeping you all in my heart,
LisaV
 
A

anonymous

New member
WS again -

Here is one of several articles that I have read that give the 85% statistic. <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa041599.htm
">http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa041599.htm
</a>
Given that the odds are against us it certainly behooves each and everyone of us to be as considerate and understanding of the difficulties that we all face. Perhaps this does not apply for CF, but I certainly hope that you can appreciate the difficulties with other illnesses. That is why Well Spouse is so meaningful to us and why it hurts us so deeply when the one place where we feel safe and understood becomes a battleground.

I would appreciate additional reading material regarding the physical and emotional difficulties of dealing with illness. My grandmother founded the crisis line for the handicapped, so I have a pretty good understanding from growing up around people with various disabilities. Also, being a well spouse teaches a thing or two. However one can never learn too much.

If you wish to understand the difficulties that your significant others face I recommend the following books: Mainstay, Surviving your Spouses Chronic Illness, and Beyond Chaos: One Man's Journey Alongside His Chronically Ill Wife.

BTW - it really was unnecessary to warn me. I will always be respectful while in someone else's stomping grounds. I politely ask that you give us the same courtesy.
 
A

anonymous

New member
WS again -

Here is one of several articles that I have read that give the 85% statistic. <a target=new class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa041599.htm
">http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa041599.htm
</a>
Given that the odds are against us it certainly behooves each and everyone of us to be as considerate and understanding of the difficulties that we all face. Perhaps this does not apply for CF, but I certainly hope that you can appreciate the difficulties with other illnesses. That is why Well Spouse is so meaningful to us and why it hurts us so deeply when the one place where we feel safe and understood becomes a battleground.

I would appreciate additional reading material regarding the physical and emotional difficulties of dealing with illness. My grandmother founded the crisis line for the handicapped, so I have a pretty good understanding from growing up around people with various disabilities. Also, being a well spouse teaches a thing or two. However one can never learn too much.

If you wish to understand the difficulties that your significant others face I recommend the following books: Mainstay, Surviving your Spouses Chronic Illness, and Beyond Chaos: One Man's Journey Alongside His Chronically Ill Wife.

BTW - it really was unnecessary to warn me. I will always be respectful while in someone else's stomping grounds. I politely ask that you give us the same courtesy.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr>BTW - it really was unnecessary to warn me. I will always be respectful while in someone else's stomping grounds. I politely ask that you give us the same courtesy.<hr></blockquote>

You have no reason to worry about me. That's part of why I'm not going back. But whatever the reason, my not going back will certainly allow you to have your safe haven.

Oh and I know illness adds to divorce. My parents were told they'd have a higher likelihood of getting divorced because I was sick. But if you look at CFers specifically, I have heard we have a lower divorce rate. Maybe it's because both parties (almost 100% of the time) go in knowing about the illness already, maybe it's because we die before the marriage lasts too long to warrant a divorce. I have no idea. I just know I've heard that we tend to withstand more and stay together.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr>BTW - it really was unnecessary to warn me. I will always be respectful while in someone else's stomping grounds. I politely ask that you give us the same courtesy.<hr></blockquote>

You have no reason to worry about me. That's part of why I'm not going back. But whatever the reason, my not going back will certainly allow you to have your safe haven.

Oh and I know illness adds to divorce. My parents were told they'd have a higher likelihood of getting divorced because I was sick. But if you look at CFers specifically, I have heard we have a lower divorce rate. Maybe it's because both parties (almost 100% of the time) go in knowing about the illness already, maybe it's because we die before the marriage lasts too long to warrant a divorce. I have no idea. I just know I've heard that we tend to withstand more and stay together.
 
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