I know this will probably be a little late reaching you guys, but I have no where else to post and want to get these feelings off my chest so I can stop thinking about this and sleep:
Ignore it if you wish I promise I will not mention it again after my post <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
WOW is really all I could think when I first started reading the posts on that site. Props to Emily for having the courage to say what bothered her and step into a situation that though you may not have thought would turn for the worse definitely had the ability too.
As I finished reading it I was angry, hurt and am feeling very frustrated. I wanted so badly to post a comment on their remarks about disabled spouses being abusive or not knowing what it is like to be them, but I personally don't have the energy to contend with some of those people the length of time it would require to get them to listen and realize that I am not belittling them. I would just be trying to get them to see that not every "IS" whatever just say spouse - I hate that Ill Spouse vs Well Spouse. I am sorry I know it is technically how it is but how crummy is that - I know I hate having this disease and all the other junk that comes with it do I really need to be labeled for it. Anyway that is beside the point. I just wish they could step back from defending themselves and realize that even though they may have a difficult path set for them in having to care day in and day out for their spouse and never really seeing a change imagine how difficult it would be to take care of themselves if they were their spouse. To get up everyday and know that okay today we are going to do what we are supposed to and hope that come nightfall we don't feel any worse than when we started this morning. Or to wake up everyday and know that no matter what meds you take to feel better you will never really get better. It is just back to base line which is always changing and normally lowering.
I don't think it is justified for anyone regardless of disability or health to be abusive(verbally or physically) and I know I wouldn't stay around for it and feel badly for those that are going through that, but I personally have no patience for that. I just hate that they are grouping a large part of "disabled" society in the category of abusive, unappreciative, and feel they are basically not as good as them base on their spouse alone. I guess that is what happens when a small part of society, regardless of (dis)ability (in this case abusive disabled spouses), has an effect on a group of people that all somehow find each other. I know I am a good person, but just as often as my fiance hurts my feelings I am sure I hurt his - things like that happen in a relationship - even healthy ones.
I don't like it being implied that I haven't had a hard life when I know I haven't had an easy one. I know it could always be worse, but honestly theirs could be alot worse too. I know I would have a hard time taking care of someone everyday - I have always been that way - I would rather be the one taking all the poking and prodding then have to watch a loved one go through that. In some cases the spouses on that site knew what they were getting into when they got married and in my opinion should have been prepared for difficulties down the road. Some didn't have a clue anything would go wrong and that they would be where they are - I hate that but at least they got to spend some time with a happy healthy spouse and had a "normal" life in that respect. Once they reach that point where it is unplanned they have choices they can make - leave before the going gets too rough or stick it out and try to make it work there are other choices to, but if I get into those I really could be here all night. They are most likely NOT forced to live in a situation. They do not have their spouse chained to them for life the way a disabled person has their disability attached to them and are never able to get away from it.
I don't know if I could handle having the love of my life sick for years on end, it would absolutely be a challenge. I do know that I can handle my illness I take it on day by day. I don't know if they could handle that - never really knowing when the struggle will finally be over for themselves not their spouses. My heart breaks at the thought of what my fiance will have to go through in regards to me down the road, but I don't think that having an illness like CF means that I shouldn't have a chance to love someone and have them love me back if even for a short time. There isn't enough love in the world as it is - I am just doing my part to add a little happiness to Earth (hehe).
Thank you for posting that link - it has made me appreciate myself - my life and my relationships (fiance, parents and friends) more than I already did if that is possible.
I will let it go now and thanks to any and all who stuck through my post.
I have a great respect for Emily, Allie and Michelle. You guys did more than many people would have in the situation on that site. From Emily taking a stand and speaking out against something she felt was wrong, to Allie and Michelle stepping in behind her to defend each other and what they felt was right. I hope you guys are feeling okay about the whole thing.
Have a great night.
Lindsey
