I have gone through and read both the things written on LJ, this thread, and the thread entitled "Hijacked!".... and my head is GUSHING with thoughts.
First off, there is a VAST difference between this forum, the community on LJ, and that particular forum- which would be that both CF communities offer support to not only the person who has CF, but people who are dealing with someone who has CF. Their forum does NOT offer support to a person with the illness. If someone were to post a topic about cheating on a spouse because say, they only have so long to live having CF, and should get to "experience more in life".... I'm fairly certain that the other people who read and keep tabs on the forum would disagree, and would be quite vocal about it. I have not found, at least on LJ that there is a lot of what I would reffer to as "blind support". If someone says something that I disagree with, I have a right to say "I disagree!" just like they had the right to say it in the first place. I'm not going to condone an action that I find repulsive just because someone has come to me looking for "support". From what I read, I don't think Emily said that everyone on that forum was like that. I don't even think that she was so much upset by the topic, as much as the insensitivity with which it was delt with. I definately got the impression she was offended by what CERTAIN PEOPLE ON THE SITE said, not the enire forum. And I think quite a few people on the WS Forum ganged up on her.
But you know what, I was offended by some of those comments too. If someone was like, "I cheated on my sick spouse, and I feel terrible.... but I wanted to feel some physical affection". You know what? That would not offend me.... I don't agree with the action, but I would understand this person was dealing with some very serious feelings. But for someone with an illness to read something like "I cheated on my spouse, Yay go me!" OF COURSE I was offended. As I said on LJ, if my fiance cheated on me, he better start sleeping with one eye opened.... I don't care HOW sick I am. And I would think that as a forum for people dealing with ill relatives, they'd accept some opinions of people who are actually ill so they could also understand both sides. Part of my joining a forum or community like this is to see what spouses of CF'rs are posting or asking, so I can better understand what Matt is going through with me.
And to imply that having an illness your entire life makes you lucky, because your spouse has the chance right up front to jump ship.... that's just ridiculous.
Time and time again, I've read posts regarding how guilty a CF'er feels because they're sick and putting burdon on their partner or loved ones. I myself have wrestled with this time and time again. I don't think any person with an illness goes into a relationship thinking their partner should take care of them. Nobody goes into it thinking it isn't going to be difficult for the other person. For all the times I sent someone I was dating to the CF site to better explain my illness.... (And then was totally embarassed when they laughed at the part where it talks about "foul smelling and bulky stools").
The point is, I don't think anyone on a CF forum would post something that might be construed as offensive to a spouse of someone with CF. Yet it was okay to for someone on the WS Forum to post something that offended a person with an illness.... and then get MAD at that person for being offended and stating that they were offended. Forums are a place for the exchange of thoughts and ideas. Not everyone is going to agree all the time. Everyone get's all up in arms if someone disagrees on these sites, and I think it's silly. Sometimes it's GOOD to debate. Because then you get to hear the opposite side of things.
And yeah, I kind of jumped around with this response, because my thoughts are a bit scattered and everywhere on this particular topic. Needless to say, I don't think Emily was wrong to post in the WS Forum that she was offended. Just like I wouldn't mind if someone from the WS Forum told me they found ME offensive. But I don't think I'm being offensive. And I think it's stupid to ban someone and erase everything they said just because they disagreed.
I think that's it.... but I bet as soon as I hit "reply to topic" I'll think of five other things I wanted to say.... but you get the idea.
