Relationships with CF Patients

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clairebells

New member
I commend Natalie for coming here and being honest about her concerns about the future. She's being smart to think this over carefully and get more info. And if her boyfriend is sick often now (I think she said he is, otherwise why couldn't they travel), realistically this is a progressive disease and it's only going to get worse. CF can be a consuming, exhausting disease to deal with, both for the person with it and the caregiver. How severely is her boyfriend affected (although of course that can change - someone can be a "healthy" CFer, then get cepacia and decline rapidly), I wonder?

I think to knowingly choose to marry someone with a debilitating disease like CF requires a special, deeper, more selfless love, and a really good personality match (ie. I can't imagine having serious temperament incompatibilities and having to cope with serious illness) - otherwise you're going to end up resenting the person as they start to get sicker and sicker (and here again the question of how sick this guy is comes into play - if he's doing okay, they could possibly have 5-10 great years before he starts to get very ill; if he's sick a lot now, it'll probably only get worse unfortunately).

Lizardqueen put it well when she said that one thing most CFers don't have a lot of is time, so if you have been with him a few years already and are having serious doubts about where the relationship is headed, let him go so he can find true love elsewhere (or at least take some time off from each other so you can find out what you both really want).

To Allie:

I've been wanting to say this for a while. Over and over again I am deeply touched and often moved to tears by the beautiful love you shared with your husband Ry. The grief you've described at losing him just breaks my heart. I wish so much you could have had many more happy years together, because yours is a rare and true love that many of us will never encounter in this lifetime. Thank you for coming here (and I know it can't be easy to be on a CF forum when CF took your husband's life such a terribly short time ago) and sharing your story, and for helping others deal with this disease. I believe in my heart that Ry is still with you, watching over you, somehow, and that you will be together again one day. God bless you.

Jenny (mom to Chrissy 4 w/CF and Claire 6 no CF)
 
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clairebells

New member
I commend Natalie for coming here and being honest about her concerns about the future. She's being smart to think this over carefully and get more info. And if her boyfriend is sick often now (I think she said he is, otherwise why couldn't they travel), realistically this is a progressive disease and it's only going to get worse. CF can be a consuming, exhausting disease to deal with, both for the person with it and the caregiver. How severely is her boyfriend affected (although of course that can change - someone can be a "healthy" CFer, then get cepacia and decline rapidly), I wonder?

I think to knowingly choose to marry someone with a debilitating disease like CF requires a special, deeper, more selfless love, and a really good personality match (ie. I can't imagine having serious temperament incompatibilities and having to cope with serious illness) - otherwise you're going to end up resenting the person as they start to get sicker and sicker (and here again the question of how sick this guy is comes into play - if he's doing okay, they could possibly have 5-10 great years before he starts to get very ill; if he's sick a lot now, it'll probably only get worse unfortunately).

Lizardqueen put it well when she said that one thing most CFers don't have a lot of is time, so if you have been with him a few years already and are having serious doubts about where the relationship is headed, let him go so he can find true love elsewhere (or at least take some time off from each other so you can find out what you both really want).

To Allie:

I've been wanting to say this for a while. Over and over again I am deeply touched and often moved to tears by the beautiful love you shared with your husband Ry. The grief you've described at losing him just breaks my heart. I wish so much you could have had many more happy years together, because yours is a rare and true love that many of us will never encounter in this lifetime. Thank you for coming here (and I know it can't be easy to be on a CF forum when CF took your husband's life such a terribly short time ago) and sharing your story, and for helping others deal with this disease. I believe in my heart that Ry is still with you, watching over you, somehow, and that you will be together again one day. God bless you.

Jenny (mom to Chrissy 4 w/CF and Claire 6 no CF)
 
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Pete

New member
Natalie.

My partner has CF and the thoughts, feelings and emotions you are feeling are completely natural....I have and have had them, but for me i am making the choice to be with her no matter what, but i'm 32 years old and have done the things i needed to do for ME alone.

The reality of the situation is that you not only HAVE to be completely honest with yourself but also with your partner, no-one can really answer the questions you have FOR you, it's something you have to decide for yourself .

To me it sounds like you are at the "crunch point" in your relationship. One thing life and observing others has taught me is that in the end no amount of travel, or money, or experiences can make up for the loss of true love.

Do NOT feel guilty for the feelings you have and don't let ANYONE else make you feel guilty, in the end all we have is ourselves and our path through life is ours to choose.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide

Kindest Regards

Pete
 
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Pete

New member
Natalie.

My partner has CF and the thoughts, feelings and emotions you are feeling are completely natural....I have and have had them, but for me i am making the choice to be with her no matter what, but i'm 32 years old and have done the things i needed to do for ME alone.

The reality of the situation is that you not only HAVE to be completely honest with yourself but also with your partner, no-one can really answer the questions you have FOR you, it's something you have to decide for yourself .

To me it sounds like you are at the "crunch point" in your relationship. One thing life and observing others has taught me is that in the end no amount of travel, or money, or experiences can make up for the loss of true love.

Do NOT feel guilty for the feelings you have and don't let ANYONE else make you feel guilty, in the end all we have is ourselves and our path through life is ours to choose.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide

Kindest Regards

Pete
 
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Vampy

New member
its not being selfish hun ur looking out for your own interests and doing what makes you happy but people offen forget to look at it from the other side as well. u also should look at this from his angle to,to realize that when u have cf u also give up ur dreams. Maybe he dreamt of being a marine biologist when he was little but couldnt because his lung functions weren't well enough or having a child with someone he loves and he cant because he might have been sterile. for ever my dreams was to go to italy and sea dive. Docs said it wouldnt work with my lungs. We also have to give up your dreams on doing things. I wish i could work but i cant. U need to make sure that u really want to marry him and love him before u make a decision. On one hand u dont want to marry and then regret giving up dreams later on in life, but if u love him and you dont marry him do the things in life u want to do and then u might end up regreting leaving him.In life everyone has to make sacrifices, even tough ones such as these. We all do it and we all put up with the consiquences in our own way to. Whatever you decide i hope it goes all well hun. ps if he does all his treatments and meds he should be able to go to trips, just take all the treatments and stuff with him. i did that when i went to virgina beach one year just make sure its ok with the doctors first. well g2g sweety
best wishes to you
Vampy
 
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Vampy

New member
its not being selfish hun ur looking out for your own interests and doing what makes you happy but people offen forget to look at it from the other side as well. u also should look at this from his angle to,to realize that when u have cf u also give up ur dreams. Maybe he dreamt of being a marine biologist when he was little but couldnt because his lung functions weren't well enough or having a child with someone he loves and he cant because he might have been sterile. for ever my dreams was to go to italy and sea dive. Docs said it wouldnt work with my lungs. We also have to give up your dreams on doing things. I wish i could work but i cant. U need to make sure that u really want to marry him and love him before u make a decision. On one hand u dont want to marry and then regret giving up dreams later on in life, but if u love him and you dont marry him do the things in life u want to do and then u might end up regreting leaving him.In life everyone has to make sacrifices, even tough ones such as these. We all do it and we all put up with the consiquences in our own way to. Whatever you decide i hope it goes all well hun. ps if he does all his treatments and meds he should be able to go to trips, just take all the treatments and stuff with him. i did that when i went to virgina beach one year just make sure its ok with the doctors first. well g2g sweety
best wishes to you
Vampy
 
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Allie

New member
Ah, the drama, so much maturity running in the family, eh? We appreciate all opinions, but you can bet if I called someone whon asked an honest quesion a stupid, selfish, princess, I'd get taken to task just as quickly. People get corrected all the time on here. Deal with it. I like how CF is put in parentheses, like it's alleged. lol. THis "CF" of which you speak...haha

Jenny, thank you for your kind words. I actually like being here, even if it's tough sometimes, because it's one of the few places I can talk about Ry and his Cf without people ignoring me or changing the subject. No one realy wants to talk about Ry being sick.
 
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Allie

New member
Ah, the drama, so much maturity running in the family, eh? We appreciate all opinions, but you can bet if I called someone whon asked an honest quesion a stupid, selfish, princess, I'd get taken to task just as quickly. People get corrected all the time on here. Deal with it. I like how CF is put in parentheses, like it's alleged. lol. THis "CF" of which you speak...haha

Jenny, thank you for your kind words. I actually like being here, even if it's tough sometimes, because it's one of the few places I can talk about Ry and his Cf without people ignoring me or changing the subject. No one realy wants to talk about Ry being sick.
 
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miesl

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilMeggies</b></i><br>Haha thanks so much "CF" forum for making my point to my sister even more true....I'm not actually Meghan I'm her sister Lindsay (her password for everything is the same she's so easy to spy on)...in the beginning I was just going to get her kicked off because this site is so stupid and she needs nothing more then her family for comfort but now I can show her that you don't value her opinions AND you don't know her well enough to know she wouldn't even make that opinion....ahaha this is perfect thanks and have a great life<hr></blockquote>

This is for nosy sister Lindsey:
Point A) She's made about 30 posts. Exactly how are we supposed to know her that well yet?
Point B) You're a b*tch.
Point C) You're really a b*tch.
Point D) Get your own life - let your sister live hers. You illustrate very nicely why Meghan looks for support in places OTHER than her family, because I wouldn't want support from you either.

This is for Meghan:
Change your passwords - you don't need this kind of disrespect. You are more than welcome to post here, your sister is not.

-Michelle
 
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miesl

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>lilMeggies</b></i><br>Haha thanks so much "CF" forum for making my point to my sister even more true....I'm not actually Meghan I'm her sister Lindsay (her password for everything is the same she's so easy to spy on)...in the beginning I was just going to get her kicked off because this site is so stupid and she needs nothing more then her family for comfort but now I can show her that you don't value her opinions AND you don't know her well enough to know she wouldn't even make that opinion....ahaha this is perfect thanks and have a great life<hr></blockquote>

This is for nosy sister Lindsey:
Point A) She's made about 30 posts. Exactly how are we supposed to know her that well yet?
Point B) You're a b*tch.
Point C) You're really a b*tch.
Point D) Get your own life - let your sister live hers. You illustrate very nicely why Meghan looks for support in places OTHER than her family, because I wouldn't want support from you either.

This is for Meghan:
Change your passwords - you don't need this kind of disrespect. You are more than welcome to post here, your sister is not.

-Michelle
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>miesl</b></i><br><blockquote>Quote
Point D) Get your own life - let your sister live hers. You illustrate very nicely why Meghan looks for support in places OTHER than her family, because I wouldn't want support from you either.
-Michelle<hr></blockquote>

*nods* Yup. Anyone with CF is going to want CF support as well as her own family, even if their family is loving and immensely supportive. And it's clear you're incredibly childish and probably useless as far as support goes, so I'm glad she can come here and talk to us.

Go find a playground to play on, little girl. You're not welcome among adults.
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>miesl</b></i><br><blockquote>Quote
Point D) Get your own life - let your sister live hers. You illustrate very nicely why Meghan looks for support in places OTHER than her family, because I wouldn't want support from you either.
-Michelle<hr></blockquote>

*nods* Yup. Anyone with CF is going to want CF support as well as her own family, even if their family is loving and immensely supportive. And it's clear you're incredibly childish and probably useless as far as support goes, so I'm glad she can come here and talk to us.

Go find a playground to play on, little girl. You're not welcome among adults.
 
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