Teacher 'outed' my daughter!

O

okok

New member
Hi

I just want to say that i absolutely understand how horrifying this must be for your daughter. I don't think that your daughter's desire to be able to discuss CF with the people she CHOOSES to has anything to do with you teaching her to feel ashamed or weird for having CF. I also don't think that because your daughter didn't want the entire class to know why she was hospitalized means that you or your family is ashamed of her disease. Everyone is different. Some people may willingly announce to the class that they have CF themselves while others may want to keep it private, both of which is OK.

I think it sounds as if you are doing a great job being respectful of your daughter's feelings. You can't change the way she feels right now so all you can do is give her compassion and love and help her get through this.

About the teacher... I agree that she should NOT have done that. Maybe if it is ok with your daughter you could discuss this with her so that in the future she knows not to do that to other students....? Also with future teachers you could emphasize that you would like them to keep the info private.

Good luck!
 
M

mneville

Guest
I'm sorry- I didn't mean who cares like that? I meant more for the adults who still have a hard time dealing with openness anout CF when there are so many other things out there.

If Aidan diddn't feel comfortable at some point sharing about his CF, then I would not want the teacher to share it with everyone even if she meant well. I guess I am just optimistic that because of our openness about it, he will realize that's it is nothing to feel embarrassed about. I hope your daughter feels better soon.

Megan
 
M

mneville

Guest
I'm sorry- I didn't mean who cares like that? I meant more for the adults who still have a hard time dealing with openness anout CF when there are so many other things out there.

If Aidan diddn't feel comfortable at some point sharing about his CF, then I would not want the teacher to share it with everyone even if she meant well. I guess I am just optimistic that because of our openness about it, he will realize that's it is nothing to feel embarrassed about. I hope your daughter feels better soon.

Megan
 
M

mneville

Guest
I'm sorry- I didn't mean who cares like that? I meant more for the adults who still have a hard time dealing with openness anout CF when there are so many other things out there.

If Aidan diddn't feel comfortable at some point sharing about his CF, then I would not want the teacher to share it with everyone even if she meant well. I guess I am just optimistic that because of our openness about it, he will realize that's it is nothing to feel embarrassed about. I hope your daughter feels better soon.

Megan
 
J

janddburke

New member
okay,
so not to switch topics or anything.
but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?
should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?
 
J

janddburke

New member
okay,
so not to switch topics or anything.
but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?
should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?
 
J

janddburke

New member
okay,
so not to switch topics or anything.
but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?
should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?
 
L

love4josh

New member
all through out my son's schooling it has been no secret that he has cf. he has gone to school w/pic lines, has to take his enzymes w/lunch, been hospitalized, on occassion unable to participate in gym, etc. when we moved and started in a new district he didn't want anyone to know. we discussed it and he explained that he just didn't want the attention, he just wanted to be "like all the other kids". he didn't want to answer all the usual questions (extremely insensitive questions at times) That was just over two years ago, he is more open about it now. I feel he has the right to his privacy, it is his choice who he shares his experience with and who he doesn't. Growing up and finding your way has its difficulties for all of us - some are still searching as aging adults. some are just private people and some aren't. i don't believe that there is a "right or wrong" either way. It's an individual right to choose.
My son has had many experiences w/others concerning cf. The most recent was when a teacher during a class discussion made the comment, "what if josh's mother chose not to have him?" I don't believe her intention was to be hurtfull, or even insensitive, i didn't go and talk to her but josh and i discussed it. it obviously bothered him at first. He started asking me questions about abortion and if i knew of his condition would i have still had him.
I have learned, especially this past year, to take these experiences and use it as discussion between myself and my son, i think it makes us closer, more open to one another, turns these experiences around to something more positive. flying of the handle, or confronting people in the past only embarrassed my son. now i just smile and nod, then we discuss what he thought, what i think, sometimes we even laugh about it.
i don't mean to ramble on, i just wanted to share my thoughts.
 
L

love4josh

New member
all through out my son's schooling it has been no secret that he has cf. he has gone to school w/pic lines, has to take his enzymes w/lunch, been hospitalized, on occassion unable to participate in gym, etc. when we moved and started in a new district he didn't want anyone to know. we discussed it and he explained that he just didn't want the attention, he just wanted to be "like all the other kids". he didn't want to answer all the usual questions (extremely insensitive questions at times) That was just over two years ago, he is more open about it now. I feel he has the right to his privacy, it is his choice who he shares his experience with and who he doesn't. Growing up and finding your way has its difficulties for all of us - some are still searching as aging adults. some are just private people and some aren't. i don't believe that there is a "right or wrong" either way. It's an individual right to choose.
My son has had many experiences w/others concerning cf. The most recent was when a teacher during a class discussion made the comment, "what if josh's mother chose not to have him?" I don't believe her intention was to be hurtfull, or even insensitive, i didn't go and talk to her but josh and i discussed it. it obviously bothered him at first. He started asking me questions about abortion and if i knew of his condition would i have still had him.
I have learned, especially this past year, to take these experiences and use it as discussion between myself and my son, i think it makes us closer, more open to one another, turns these experiences around to something more positive. flying of the handle, or confronting people in the past only embarrassed my son. now i just smile and nod, then we discuss what he thought, what i think, sometimes we even laugh about it.
i don't mean to ramble on, i just wanted to share my thoughts.
 
L

love4josh

New member
all through out my son's schooling it has been no secret that he has cf. he has gone to school w/pic lines, has to take his enzymes w/lunch, been hospitalized, on occassion unable to participate in gym, etc. when we moved and started in a new district he didn't want anyone to know. we discussed it and he explained that he just didn't want the attention, he just wanted to be "like all the other kids". he didn't want to answer all the usual questions (extremely insensitive questions at times) That was just over two years ago, he is more open about it now. I feel he has the right to his privacy, it is his choice who he shares his experience with and who he doesn't. Growing up and finding your way has its difficulties for all of us - some are still searching as aging adults. some are just private people and some aren't. i don't believe that there is a "right or wrong" either way. It's an individual right to choose.
My son has had many experiences w/others concerning cf. The most recent was when a teacher during a class discussion made the comment, "what if josh's mother chose not to have him?" I don't believe her intention was to be hurtfull, or even insensitive, i didn't go and talk to her but josh and i discussed it. it obviously bothered him at first. He started asking me questions about abortion and if i knew of his condition would i have still had him.
I have learned, especially this past year, to take these experiences and use it as discussion between myself and my son, i think it makes us closer, more open to one another, turns these experiences around to something more positive. flying of the handle, or confronting people in the past only embarrassed my son. now i just smile and nod, then we discuss what he thought, what i think, sometimes we even laugh about it.
i don't mean to ramble on, i just wanted to share my thoughts.
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

Should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?



just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>


Actually <b>I</b> would, but each person is different especially since much depends on the level of severity at the time. I had an incident that someone assumed I had AIDS and I was horrified. Not by the fact that someone thought I had AIDS in itself because I lost many good people to AIDS, but from the stigma that goes with it. That made it VERY important for me to educate people. I found that assumption can be much more damaging to me emotionally then them knowing the truth. Again that is ME!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

Should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?



just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>


Actually <b>I</b> would, but each person is different especially since much depends on the level of severity at the time. I had an incident that someone assumed I had AIDS and I was horrified. Not by the fact that someone thought I had AIDS in itself because I lost many good people to AIDS, but from the stigma that goes with it. That made it VERY important for me to educate people. I found that assumption can be much more damaging to me emotionally then them knowing the truth. Again that is ME!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

Should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?



just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>


Actually <b>I</b> would, but each person is different especially since much depends on the level of severity at the time. I had an incident that someone assumed I had AIDS and I was horrified. Not by the fact that someone thought I had AIDS in itself because I lost many good people to AIDS, but from the stigma that goes with it. That made it VERY important for me to educate people. I found that assumption can be much more damaging to me emotionally then them knowing the truth. Again that is ME!
 
O

OperaMama

New member
Me, too, me too! I agree with everyone! (a strange Libra trait on occsion) When I was that age, I would have done home school after a thing like that because I CHOSE what to be outre about-- and I was a big-mouthed kid. Yes, I would have been the one to tell everyone and educate them, but having a teacher do it, no matter how nicely intentioned, would not fly well. Now it's done, so "damage control" is your lot. But, Amy is very brassy (like me, I'm guessing <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ), so her operating methods are not the same as those of a shy person... YOU get to be enraged and so does your daughter if that's how you feel; when the sweat wears off, then how you deal with it sets your future on that topic. Know what I mean?
 
O

OperaMama

New member
Me, too, me too! I agree with everyone! (a strange Libra trait on occsion) When I was that age, I would have done home school after a thing like that because I CHOSE what to be outre about-- and I was a big-mouthed kid. Yes, I would have been the one to tell everyone and educate them, but having a teacher do it, no matter how nicely intentioned, would not fly well. Now it's done, so "damage control" is your lot. But, Amy is very brassy (like me, I'm guessing <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ), so her operating methods are not the same as those of a shy person... YOU get to be enraged and so does your daughter if that's how you feel; when the sweat wears off, then how you deal with it sets your future on that topic. Know what I mean?
 
O

OperaMama

New member
Me, too, me too! I agree with everyone! (a strange Libra trait on occsion) When I was that age, I would have done home school after a thing like that because I CHOSE what to be outre about-- and I was a big-mouthed kid. Yes, I would have been the one to tell everyone and educate them, but having a teacher do it, no matter how nicely intentioned, would not fly well. Now it's done, so "damage control" is your lot. But, Amy is very brassy (like me, I'm guessing <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ), so her operating methods are not the same as those of a shy person... YOU get to be enraged and so does your daughter if that's how you feel; when the sweat wears off, then how you deal with it sets your future on that topic. Know what I mean?
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

okay,

so not to switch topics or anything.

but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?

should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>

I don't keep pamphlets or wear a badge, but every boyfriend I've ever had knew before we dated, and I told my fiance 3 days before we started dating (that was almost 4 years ago). My friends have always known from day one, and my classmates find out pretty early too, generally speaking.

I don't expect everyone to be as open as me, but it's always worked for me VERY well.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

okay,

so not to switch topics or anything.

but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?

should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>

I don't keep pamphlets or wear a badge, but every boyfriend I've ever had knew before we dated, and I told my fiance 3 days before we started dating (that was almost 4 years ago). My friends have always known from day one, and my classmates find out pretty early too, generally speaking.

I don't expect everyone to be as open as me, but it's always worked for me VERY well.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>janddburke</b></i>

okay,

so not to switch topics or anything.

but if her CF is not something she should be embarrassed about (and she really isn't) then what about new friends or (God forbid) boyfriends?

should she wear a big badge on her chest telling the world she has CF? perhaps have pamphlets in her purse to save people the trouble of googling it?

just curious, when did people tell their partners? how about co-workers?</end quote></div>

I don't keep pamphlets or wear a badge, but every boyfriend I've ever had knew before we dated, and I told my fiance 3 days before we started dating (that was almost 4 years ago). My friends have always known from day one, and my classmates find out pretty early too, generally speaking.

I don't expect everyone to be as open as me, but it's always worked for me VERY well.
 
W

welshgirl

New member
this is our experience<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0"> joe was dx aged 6 yrs after contracting pnuemonia. i told his headmistress joe would be off school for a couple of weeks.
in assembly she told the whole school ( albeit a small school). some of joe's friends told their parents and the parents obviously looked up the illness somewhere in all its glory!!!!
when joe returned to school he was told " your gonna die".he was 6 yrs old<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
well! strangely after that he's not to keen to let people know. !!!!!!!!!!!!
thats his decision and we go along with it. IT IS OUR RIGHT AS HIS PARENTS.
we are very open as a family and joe knows ALL he needs to know.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top